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Class of November 2015 Part 7

Old 12-29-2015, 04:09 AM
  # 421 (permalink)  
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Morning all, enjoying that first cup of coffee this morning and feeling grateful! We are in a transitioning part of our lives right now and the stress has been so unsettling lately, but somehow we've managed to come through it without being drunk every weekend, this in itself is a miracle! My wife is in the military, but is being med-board out so we'll be moving in the next few months and starting a new journey. I told my boss yesterday and we mutually decided that this would be my last month coaching so they could bring in someone new. This frees up my time tremendously and will take a lot of stress away, but will also add a bit of a financial burden, at least I'll be saving money by staying sober. Anyway, have a great day everybody!
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Old 12-29-2015, 06:56 AM
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Hey class! Happy to see so many of you are doing well.

I spent christmas at a country cottage with my family. Don't really have a connection there so I've been a bit out of touch.

And what should I say? I have not binged, no disasters have happened. But yes I have been drinking a beer to christmas dinner, a glass of red to go with the cheese. I have been drinking like a normal person would do, but I know I am not a normal drinker still...

I sticked to one beer to dinner just like everybody else, but heck did I want to drink more! I didn't - but the urge was so strong.

So much for not counting days anymore...I guess I should start over for real after new years. I am not planning to drink much at new years eve, it will once again be with my family and most settle with a drink or two - nothing much. It's just like I gave up the total sobriety over this christmas time. I don't feel regret, but I am not happy about it. It is what it is, I need to level up

Maybe I should check in with the class of january too and try to re-commit. Whatever happens I want to say that since november I have had many more sober days than drunk ones, and that is all thanks to you guys! I have made a progress even though I did not reach the total sobriety that I long for.

I will read old posts to catch up with the group. Hope you are all doing well
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by ultradad View Post
Morning all, enjoying that first cup of coffee this morning and feeling grateful! We are in a transitioning part of our lives right now and the stress has been so unsettling lately, but somehow we've managed to come through it without being drunk every weekend, this in itself is a miracle! My wife is in the military, but is being med-board out so we'll be moving in the next few months and starting a new journey. I told my boss yesterday and we mutually decided that this would be my last month coaching so they could bring in someone new. This frees up my time tremendously and will take a lot of stress away, but will also add a bit of a financial burden, at least I'll be saving money by staying sober. Anyway, have a great day everybody!
UD...you gotta love that morning coffee with a fresh head on your shoulders! I find myself drinking a lot more coffee than I used to as a drinker, and now it tastes even better!!
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:50 AM
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Hi Dallow, I'm glad you are back and ready to recommit to your sobriety. Think about New Years drinks... What will you really get out of it? Will having one drink actually make you feel good? I think we've all had times when we've drank like normal people, but those times didn't last and we've done really hurtful things to ourselves and/or others. Alcohol hurts alcoholics...I guess I'm suggesting you rethink drinking anything because I'm afraid it might do you more harm than good. That comes from my experience!
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:04 AM
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I have an issue wish going out for suppers, anywhere were people are drinking in front of me really. It turns into a full distraction for me I can't think of anything else but having a drink and one isn't too bad etc. Now I know I can't just stop my like and going to family events but hopefully I can use something to cope with being around that stuff easier
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
I am laughing so hard.. just what I need. My pseudo Fabat50 is meant to communicate that I am going to be Fabulous at 50 (now in my 49th year) Fabulous in terms of sober, slimmer, healthier and happier. You two last posters have me down as "Fatbat". We have an expression here about " old bats" which means miserable old women. And then you refer to me as "Fat at" Which is exactly what I don't want. Don't worry... you are not the first posters to change my name. But you have made me laugh hard this morning on waking up so THANK YOU! Lots of love from "The Fat old Bat" xx
Lol
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:31 AM
  # 427 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
Hi Dallow, I'm glad you are back and ready to recommit to your sobriety. Think about New Years drinks... What will you really get out of it? Will having one drink actually make you feel good? I think we've all had times when we've drank like normal people, but those times didn't last and we've done really hurtful things to ourselves and/or others. Alcohol hurts alcoholics...I guess I'm suggesting you rethink drinking anything because I'm afraid it might do you more harm than good. That comes from my experience!
I guess you are right SwimKim, thank you for you reply. I guess some part of me is still hoping I could drink normally - even though I know how hard I had to work to keep it at one or two drinks these past days. Honestly, I think the only thing that kept me from drinking more was that I couldn't get my hands on it and I shared rooms with my sister. I think that's it. When I think about it, there was even a time when I was alone in the house and I searched the house - trying to find that box of wine that I knew was there somewhere. It's just pure luck I didn't find it. I was planning to have "one or two glasses", just to stop myself from crying. I didn't want to feel like that when all were happy and we were together for christmas.

It's sad to face it, but yes you are right - we can be "normal drinkers" for some time. Never for long.

I know it. I just couldn't get in that mood everyone else seemed to be in. I didn't feel that peace and tranquility I wanted. I felt stressed. I felt I needed alcohol to be in the same mood as them.

I am just not recovered. I have not realised what it takes. A long time sober.
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:36 AM
  # 428 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
Hey class! Happy to see so many of you are doing well. I spent christmas at a country cottage with my family. Don't really have a connection there so I've been a bit out of touch. And what should I say? I have not binged, no disasters have happened. But yes I have been drinking a beer to christmas dinner, a glass of red to go with the cheese. I have been drinking like a normal person would do, but I know I am not a normal drinker still... I sticked to one beer to dinner just like everybody else, but heck did I want to drink more! I didn't - but the urge was so strong. So much for not counting days anymore...I guess I should start over for real after new years. I am not planning to drink much at new years eve, it will once again be with my family and most settle with a drink or two - nothing much. It's just like I gave up the total sobriety over this christmas time. I don't feel regret, but I am not happy about it. It is what it is, I need to level up Maybe I should check in with the class of january too and try to re-commit. Whatever happens I want to say that since november I have had many more sober days than drunk ones, and that is all thanks to you guys! I have made a progress even though I did not reach the total sobriety that I long for. I will read old posts to catch up with the group. Hope you are all doing well
Welcome back Dallow! I was worried about you. Be careful trying to moderate. It will catch up with you and eventually kill you if you are a real alcoholic.

It's black or white...either someone has the disease of alcoholissm or they don't. There is no "in between". If someone DOES have the disease there are only 3 ways out:
1. Jail
2. Death
3. Sobriety

I remember a few years ago my husbands aunt started "moderating" during the holidays after a period of sobriety. A few months later she began drinking my 24/7. Sadly her liver failed a short time later and she passed away at age 45.

I'm not trying to lecture you. I promise. I just saw A LOT of red flags in your post this morning. I care about you! I really do & am so sick of seeing people die of alcoholism. We recently lost 2 women in our neighborhood to alcoholism...age 28 & age 46.

Your AV is TOTALLY messing with you right now & im trying to shut it up! It's trying to get you in its grips and kill you. Grrrr.

I will pray for you!!!
--—------------------------
This was your first post on 11/2/14 (about 14 months ago). I don't want you to go back there. I am calling your AV OUT!!! I hate this disease!!!

"Hi everyone, I need support on this journey so I'm new

Have done it all. Drinking in the morning, before work, on work, on the way home from work. Puked on an airplaine, fell asleep at the airport almost missing my transfer. Been so drunk I couldn't walk, fell and almost broke my neck. Black outs. Sex with strangers, cheating and lying. Lonely days on the sofa drinking for days. Wasted money, people and oppertunities.

All of this for one thing. I can't put down the bottle when I pick it up.

I've been reading here for a year, and now I must join to confess and make a promise, like I did to my new boyfriend. He finally found out I have a problem and forced me to show my hiding places in the house. Of all the idiotic things above nothing could compare to the shame I felt that moment I showed him. Shame, but I guess also releif. This could be a new chance.

He sais he stills loves me, but that I had to stop. And I promised him, and I promise you. Now is day 3"
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:47 AM
  # 429 (permalink)  
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Hey Kiki! Thanks for caring

And thank you for reminding me! I have way past the limit for normal drinking, so how can I once again think I can go back? I know it's the disease, the AV, the Mr. Hyde talking...and how can I let it get me again??? And I think "I am 32, many alcoholics live longer". But yeah...also many die younger...and what life can I expect if I continue? Even if I live til 90?

I have the same struggle as all of you and I think maybe I have not enough support, or maybe not came to peace with who I am...or I don't know.

Logging in here has already made me feel different. It's so easy to choose to "forget" where I come from when I've done "good" for some months. But what I wrote in that first post was true.

Maybe I need counseling. Maybe AA. I don't know. Trying to do this by myself is probably not enough. You guys are great support, but maybe I need more. I don't want another year of this. In any case you are a great inspiration to me. I am happy I logged in again. This is clearly where I belong.
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Old 12-29-2015, 09:39 AM
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I think you belong here too, Dallow. this is a good place for us with lots of support! But even more support definitely won't hurt.

It really struck a chord when you said you drank at dinner to try and be happy and normal like everyone else. Wishing just one or two drinks gave you the same effect it gave others. I've had that feeling too many times to count and it's definitely the AV talking (Kiki is right!). I do believe that with sobriety we can find a happiness and peace that we can't even fathom while in the clutch of alcohol. Otherwise those with longtime sobriety would never stay sober. I think recovery ultimately involves taking a leap of faith that there is happiness out there that you haven't experienced yet but that you know will come if you stay sober.
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Old 12-29-2015, 09:56 AM
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Dallow, maybe you should try counseling or face to face meetings. Anything to help you get through this. People like us can't become normal drinkers. I forget who said this, but someone in our group said that we don't actually want to be normal drinkers, we want to be able to drink like we have been drinking, but without the consequences. That's so true!

One or two drinks to me is not satisfying at all. If anything, it just makes me annoyed that I'm not having more. Even in my earliest days of drinking, I didn't understand why people just had one or two. Why drink if you're not getting drunk?

I think a major step in our recovery is surrendering to the fact that we cannot be normal drinkers. I was stuck in that cycle for much too long. I'd drink too much, make a fool of myself, then quit for awhile, and then go back to trying to drink normally. It didn't work.

When someone offers my dad, who has been sober for about 27 years, something with alcohol in it, he always says ,"I don't think you have nearly enough for what I'd need."

I think once you surrender and do everything you can to protect your sobriety, you can truly start to recover. At this point, with 65 days under my belt, I would not want to ruin that to have 1 or 2 glasses. That wouldn't satisfy me, and I know it! You will always want more and need more.

Anyway, thanks for coming back here. You're among people who understand. We're here for you!
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Old 12-29-2015, 10:23 AM
  # 432 (permalink)  
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Thank you all again. Kiki, SwimKim and Learntofly! You really encouraged me I belong with you.

@ Learntofly - I agree with you -why drink if not to get drunk? Your dad's answer was great And yes - what could we possibly expect to gain from those drinks? Nothing at all. You seem to have accepted your situation in an admirable way. I need to do that too...I was once at around the same day as you That's something to strive for

@Swimkim, thank you for sharing you experience. It's really astondishing how we all seem to live the same story over and over. Like we're all alone in this and our sense of isolation just legitimize the drinking and vice versa. I am happy you are doing so well It's hard to face it with relatives also. My dad drinks to much but that's "legit". I have many years to get to that point. I hope I never will...
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Old 12-29-2015, 10:40 AM
  # 433 (permalink)  
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I am still feeling like I will be ashamed to go to AA. But who knows where I will end up without it. Death will probably be easier. And I do realise people in AA have same issues as me. Just like you. I would like to have someone here, because I feel so much alone. (I feel all of this guilt, like I'm a bad person who might as well die, I am someone who should not be trusted....it just goes on). It continues, even though I know in my heart I am not a bad person.
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Old 12-29-2015, 11:16 AM
  # 434 (permalink)  
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Glad to see you back around dallow!
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:18 PM
  # 435 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
I am laughing so hard.. just what I need. My pseudo Fabat50 is meant to communicate that I am going to be Fabulous at 50 (now in my 49th year) Fabulous in terms of sober, slimmer, healthier and happier.
You two last posters have me down as "Fatbat". We have an expression here about " old bats" which means miserable old women. And then you refer to me as "Fat at" Which is exactly what I don't want. Don't worry... you are not the first posters to change my name. But you have made me laugh hard this morning on waking up so THANK YOU! Lots of love from "The Fat old Bat" xx
Your name was actually a auto correct on my iPad Fabat!!!! I'm glad you got a laugh out of my typo, and you will be Fab at 50!
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:30 PM
  # 436 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
Hi KIR, I think that the 60-90 day window catches people who don't have a plan off guard. You are here and are dedicated to your sobriety. You know the AV may pipe up at a moment's notice, which is what you need to be prepared for. You know how to ride the craving through. We've had the discussion about PAWS, and the 60-90 day period is when that can start to occur. But remember, it may only be a day or two at a time. NOTHING compared to the 24/7 hell that drinking was. Just stay close to us and you will make it through!
Kim- thanks for the support!
Dee-I understand and I'm glad you did mention the window so we can all be aware of it since several of us are nearing that timeframe.

Ok, so I'm a little freaking out here today. My hubby and son just left town for a few days, which generally means party central at KIR's house!
In October (my first try at sobriety) I went to a couple of meetings and was doing really well. I had 11 days sober, but then hubby went out of town. It was a Friday. I didn't call my sponsor or anything. Somehow I went from being strong with no cravings to stopping at the market and buying several bottles of wine (because Ultra--I didn't want to run out and I had no intention of leaving the house for 2-3 days)
Long story short. I had my "3 day last harahhhh" I only hurt myself, not my hubby because he didn't know. On Monday the 9th of November I called my sponsor and told her what I did.
Here I am again, except I just left the market with no wine. I'm going to lean on you guys the next few days!!!! I don't want to blow it everytime my hubby is away. I originally quit for him and my son, but now it's for me.
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:48 PM
  # 437 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JoshUrsan View Post
I have an issue wish going out for suppers, anywhere were people are drinking in front of me really. It turns into a full distraction for me I can't think of anything else but having a drink and one isn't too bad etc. Now I know I can't just stop my like and going to family events but hopefully I can use something to cope with being around that stuff easier
Josh- that's always been an issue for me because I liked to have a nice glass of wine or two with dinner, but I also know that if I start there then next I'll make it ok to drink if I have company over, and then if I'm with the girls out, etc.... It's hard not to drink like normal people can, but we can't. I order sparkling water and once I get it and start drinking I'm good. There is a sense of accomplishment and I feel good by the time dinner is over. It's not what I really want, but it's my reality and it's bothering me less and less as time goes by! So it's on to the next hurdle!
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:51 PM
  # 438 (permalink)  
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Death will probably be easier.
No, that's one of the biggest lies our inner addict tries to pull.

I had this rosy alcoholic vision of just...slipping away...but it's not like that at all.

It was grimy, sordid, pathetic...and utterly terrifying and I fought like a tiger to stay alive.

don't let the AV call the shots, Dallow. Fight for your life - you can do this

D
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:55 PM
  # 439 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JoshUrsan View Post
I have an issue wish going out for suppers, anywhere were people are drinking in front of me really. It turns into a full distraction for me I can't think of anything else but having a drink and one isn't too bad etc. Now I know I can't just stop my like and going to family events but hopefully I can use something to cope with being around that stuff easier
It won't always be like that Josh. I rarely register other people drinking now unless they're being obnoxious.

I stayed away from things like that for a while.

I built up some 'sober muscles' and went out socially to places I knew alcohol would not be a factror...I got used to be sociable sober.

Eventually I decided I wanted to be sober no matter what, and that conviction worked for me against the site of other people drinking.

I can remember where drinking took me - why would I want to go there again?

No interest. Zilch. Nada. Zip. You'll get there too

D
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:56 PM
  # 440 (permalink)  
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Stay with us KIR - you can do this

D
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