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Class of November 2015 Part 7

Old 12-23-2015, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by ultradad View Post
WOW, so more stress arguing with the wife and get this, I actually tried to talk myself into drinking!!! Funny thing is, I couldn't...every thought I tried to process about the 'reasons' to drink my mind fought back with way better reasons not to! Scary that I even tried though...

Glad I didn't in the end, made it home and did a workout and feel much better knowing I'll wake up sober and that I didn't allow the AV to derail me!

This disease is a scary illness!
Great job Ultra- this disease is scary! It not only causes a lot of arguing with our spouses, but then wants us to drink to get through it!
I'm glad the meditation worked! It's tough to sit that long. I'll PM you about the book. I had a CD years ago on guided meditation, but I'm sure I tossed it. I think I received it from a doctor friend of mine who is really into a holistic approach. I'll contact him , and if my memory is correct (50-50) and I did get it from him, I'll ask him about copies for anybody who might be interested.
Kiki-ahhhh you reminded me.... I totally forgot a meeting today. Rats!

Patricia- I'm glad you're feeling much better!

Enfin-how are you today?
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Old 12-23-2015, 06:07 PM
  # 242 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by rah555 View Post
Checking in day 5...doing okay. I've not been feeling well, Saturday and Sunday I was busting a hangover from my slip on Friday night. I felt awful Monday, Tuesday. I abruptly stopped taking my antidepressant and felt awful...like a hangover. I started taking it again so I hope I feel better. Going into a stressful few days. My daughters and granddaughter are making a surprise visit from CT. Here's the twist, my ex-husband is coming too. His girlfriend has family that lives in the state next to ours. My parents think my ex is staying with them/us for the holiday instead of going with his girlfriend to see her family. My husband is upset! Hope things go okay. I've bee catching up on all the posts. The stories shared are reminders of the dark side of drinking. They are motivating. Thanks for sharing.
Rah-That sounds like a stressful situation.
Be careful stopping your antidepressants all at once!!!!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 06:11 PM
  # 243 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Supertired View Post
Hey guys
Checking in on day 28 , Christmas Day will be 30 days which will be me hitting my goal. Next is 90 days. It can be really hard, but it's so clear to me that this is the life I was meant to live. I won't go back.
All this being said, the past week my "pink cloud" definitly left town.
Been feeling really depressed.. as the dust settles and I can, with a clearer mind, reflect on the last 10 years, it's just really sad.
I can't believe I let myself become so utterly compromised.
My antisocial behaviour over that time pushed a lot of people away, and robbed me of my self respect..
I won't dwell on the past forever, but right now it's my shadow
Lots of healing to be done I spose.
Thanks for listening, and I wish you all the very best
Super-30 days on Xmas! Awesome.
In time I think you'll be able to reclaim many friendships, and most importantly, you're self respect!

Red- I think making sober friendships is going to be important to you and many of us. I know it has me a bit worried, but right now focusing on our sobriety is our number one job!!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 09:45 PM
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Having trouble sleeping tonight. As expected there was drama when my kids, granddaughter and ex arrived. I tried to smooth things over. I laying here thinking about a bunch of things. This thought popped in my head...I am so grateful to not be drunk and to know that I will wake up hangover free!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:28 PM
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Hi, All. Fell into a small depression today. I spent a really nice morning/early afternoon out walking/shopping. I enjoy spending time by myself exploring. Driving back home I fell into a depression. Not sure what triggered it. Of course the AV piped up but nothing I seriously considered. I knew it wouldn't help. Wasn't hungry, was tired but it was too late for a nap (4:30). Started to get anxious thinking that the depression would last all day and night and continue tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to shake it. This type of thinking has led me to drink in the past. I actually felt motivated to go to gym so I did it. I didn't feel great while there, but once home and showered and fed I actually felt better. Phew!

I evaluated my eating habits over the last few days and I haven't been getting nearly as much produce as I normally do, so I need to make an effort at that tomorrow. I think it will help.

I'm in California so it's Christmas Eve Eve now but I know it will be Christmas Day soon for many so Merry Christmas to All! If you feel overwhelmed, don't be afraid to step into a quiet place (even a bathroom) and just take some breaths. You can get through it! Thinking of you all
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:31 AM
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Just a quick post before I head to bed. I've had a very full day. Took my daughter, son and neice for a pony ride at the county stable for my daughter's sixth birthday. She wanted her dad to come, so I had to spend time with him, which, as always, was torture. He has the capacity to irritate more than anyone I've ever known. For example my daughter was apprehensive about getting close to the horse and I was pulling every trick in the book to try and get her to be brave and warm up to the animal. Then he is in her ear saying, "somethings not right with that horse" "he looks dangerous" "I'd never ride a horse"
> absolute ignorance. That's just the tip of the iceburg. Hence, EX.

But, it was for my daughter, so I sucked it up and let him come. She ended up having a great time.

I've made the lower level of the house spotless, and organized. Now all that's left is upstairs and some laundry before guests begin arriving christmas morning.

Would I be doing any of this if I were still drinking? Decidedly not. I'm alive again.
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:32 AM
  # 247 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
Hi, All. Fell into a small depression today. I spent a really nice morning/early afternoon out walking/shopping. I enjoy spending time by myself exploring. Driving back home I fell into a depression. Not sure what triggered it. Of course the AV piped up but nothing I seriously considered. I knew it wouldn't help. Wasn't hungry, was tired but it was too late for a nap (4:30). Started to get anxious thinking that the depression would last all day and night and continue tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to shake it. This type of thinking has led me to drink in the past. I actually felt motivated to go to gym so I did it. I didn't feel great while there, but once home and showered and fed I actually felt better. Phew!

I evaluated my eating habits over the last few days and I haven't been getting nearly as much produce as I normally do, so I need to make an effort at that tomorrow. I think it will help.

I'm in California so it's Christmas Eve Eve now but I know it will be Christmas Day soon for many so Merry Christmas to All! If you feel overwhelmed, don't be afraid to step into a quiet place (even a bathroom) and just take some breaths. You can get through it! Thinking of you all
I've pulled that bathroom trick! :-) the depression will pass. You are doing great swimkim! Merry Chrisman Eve!
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Old 12-24-2015, 05:18 AM
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Good morning and merry Christmas Eve to all. It's supposed to be in the 80s here in Austin so I guess no white Christmas for me . I pray we all stay sober these next two days. Thank you all for being here. Just reading your posts helps so much.
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:04 AM
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Morning!!!

Going to be in the 80's here in Georgia as well, Cristina! Doesn't even feel like Christmas : ( Enjoying my first cup of coffee and then I'm going to meditate and start the day off right!

Way to push through and put your daughter first, BBF!

SwimKim, depression sucks! I know you can do this and thanks for the tips!
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:32 AM
  # 250 (permalink)  
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The first time I ever drank alcohol was Christmas Eve 1983, I was 14 years old and at my grandmothers house. There was always champagne flowing and this year my older brothers girlfriend decide she would sneak me some. We ended up running out and her and I took my brothers truck and drove to the store to get more...that's the last thing I remember until later that night me throwing-up as my sister held my head up so I wouldn't fall into my own puke after we got home. I had blacked out the very first time drinking and this should have been a sign, but no, it was only the beginning!

30 plus years later, 3 DUI's, numerous alcohol and drug related arrest, a titanium plate holding my skull together after a drunken accident led to brain surgery, scars all over my body and destroyed relationships you'd think I would have learned a lesson. But, today on the 32nd anniversary year I will struggle as the disease inside of me will fight with everything it has to cause me to drink again.

When people tell me to just 'man up' or 'drink like a man' and assume that alcoholism isn't a disease I can't help but think back on my life and know inside that if there was a way to drink normal, I would have by now.

Not sure why I'm sharing this now, never really thought about it, but here's hoping we make it another hour, day and year in sobriety.
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:40 AM
  # 251 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ultradad View Post
The first time I ever drank alcohol was Christmas Eve 1983, I was 14 years old and at my grandmothers house. There was always champagne flowing and this year my older brothers girlfriend decide she would sneak me some. We ended up running out and her and I took my brothers truck and drove to the store to get more...that's the last thing I remember until later that night me throwing-up as my sister held my head up so I wouldn't fall into my own puke after we got home. I had blacked out the very first time drinking and this should have been a sign, but no, it was only the beginning! 30 plus years later, 3 DUI's, numerous alcohol and drug related arrest, a titanium plate holding my skull together after a drunken accident led to brain surgery, scars all over my body and destroyed relationships you'd think I would have learned a lesson. But, today on the 32nd anniversary year I will struggle as the disease inside of me will fight with everything it has to cause me to drink again. When people tell me to just 'man up' or 'drink like a man' and assume that alcoholism isn't a disease I can't help but think back on my life and know inside that if there was a way to drink normal, I would have by now. Not sure why I'm sharing this now, never really thought about it, but here's hoping we make it another hour, day and year in sobriety.
Inspiring post...thank you for sharing UD. You're doing great and we're glad you are here with the rest of us!!
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:41 AM
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Going to be mid-70s in West Tennessee today...no chance for a white Christmas here either!!
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Old 12-24-2015, 07:14 AM
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Enjoy the balmy weather American friends. A little colder but still pretty mild for us northern neighbours
Have a safe and happy xmas!
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Old 12-24-2015, 07:17 AM
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Many posts about warm weather for Christmas...it's going to be in the 70s here in Charlotte. I am looking forward to a good day. I am grateful that I am hungover free this morning. I am going to do my best to keep it together and stay strong. I'll check in later. Hope you all have a good day
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Old 12-24-2015, 07:22 AM
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You got this rah
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Old 12-24-2015, 08:35 AM
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Thanks Ultradad for that share, i can totally relate to blackouts,jail,hospitals and everything else that goes with it.

Meditation thats great....before thoughts arise!!!

2 of my all time favorite books are the compass of zen and Taoism(Thomas Cleary).

Happy holidays all!!!
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Old 12-24-2015, 08:52 AM
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Have a great sober Christmas everybody!
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Old 12-24-2015, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
Hi, All. Fell into a small depression today. I spent a really nice morning/early afternoon out walking/shopping. I enjoy spending time by myself exploring. Driving back home I fell into a depression. Not sure what triggered it. Of course the AV piped up but nothing I seriously considered. I knew it wouldn't help. Wasn't hungry, was tired but it was too late for a nap (4:30). Started to get anxious thinking that the depression would last all day and night and continue tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to shake it. This type of thinking has led me to drink in the past. I actually felt motivated to go to gym so I did it. I didn't feel great while there, but once home and showered and fed I actually felt better. Phew!

I evaluated my eating habits over the last few days and I haven't been getting nearly as much produce as I normally do, so I need to make an effort at that tomorrow. I think it will help.

I'm in California so it's Christmas Eve Eve now but I know it will be Christmas Day soon for many so Merry Christmas to All! If you feel overwhelmed, don't be afraid to step into a quiet place (even a bathroom) and just take some breaths. You can get through it! Thinking of you all
Kim-
I'm glad you made it through. You're smart to look at your diet. I think it really can play a roll on downwards trends.
I'm in California too!
I hope everybody has a wonderful Christmas Eve day or Christmas depending on where you are! A big hug and love to each of you!
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Old 12-24-2015, 10:14 AM
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Thank you for sharing Ultra. This disease is tough. I would save that post, print it, and carry it in your wallet so that when your AV tells you that you can drink in moderation you can put it in its place. You can't change what has happened in the past, but you do have control of your future. You have a family that loves you and wants the best for you. (many of us are so lucky to still have them in our corner, even if they are irritating as hell) We can all make the next part of our lives something to be proud of!
Here in Santa Barbara it's damn cold! My 10 year old wanted to camp in the back yard. He made it until 4 and was like a Popsicle! It's 55 out now with a high of 61 today and a low of 37. If we could get a little rain it would be awesome, but the sky is clear and beautiful!
I've got to run in to the office for an hour or two (just to put in an appearance) then I'll continue on with cooking. It's starting to look a lot like Christmas!!!!!!
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Old 12-24-2015, 10:47 AM
  # 260 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ultradad View Post
The first time I ever drank alcohol was Christmas Eve 1983, I was 14 years old and at my grandmothers house. There was always champagne flowing and this year my older brothers girlfriend decide she would sneak me some. We ended up running out and her and I took my brothers truck and drove to the store to get more...that's the last thing I remember until later that night me throwing-up as my sister held my head up so I wouldn't fall into my own puke after we got home. I had blacked out the very first time drinking and this should have been a sign, but no, it was only the beginning!

30 plus years later, 3 DUI's, numerous alcohol and drug related arrest, a titanium plate holding my skull together after a drunken accident led to brain surgery, scars all over my body and destroyed relationships you'd think I would have learned a lesson. But, today on the 32nd anniversary year I will struggle as the disease inside of me will fight with everything it has to cause me to drink again.

When people tell me to just 'man up' or 'drink like a man' and assume that alcoholism isn't a disease I can't help but think back on my life and know inside that if there was a way to drink normal, I would have by now.

Not sure why I'm sharing this now, never really thought about it, but here's hoping we make it another hour, day and year in sobriety.
Distinctly similar path and timescale a year later I was a complete and utter mess embarrassing my parents in front of family and friends at church at the midnight service falling all over the place and having to be carried home after raiding the spirits cabinet at home whilst they were next door - 13 years old and like you the first of many years of getting in plenty of trouble through drink and drugs.

Just had to leave the family downstairs for a while and come out of the way - father in law and the wife now having a beer - first ones that have been in the house - FIL asking me I f want one and looking at it could neck it in one quite easily right now and keep going for the night - it's not going to happen but still making me feel pretty crap all the same. Trying as well to not let it show there's any issue in front of the in laws at the wife's request but her dads not stupid can see he's dying to say something.

Getting a take away curry so thinking I'll jump in the car and go for a drive for a bit to get out of here and go pick that up - altho as soon as I walk in I'll be asked if I want a beer whilst waiting and be around plenty of people enjoying a drink - arggghhh.
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