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Class of November 2015 Part 7

Old 12-23-2015, 02:16 AM
  # 221 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Hey guys, hope you are all well.

Long post alert.

I almost drank last night. I went to the supermarket and was very close to buying a bottle of wine, my knees went to jelly and my stomach was churning. I was very buzzy.

It wasn't that I fancied a glass of wine, it wasn't even a craving. It was simply a case of thinking "f*ck it, I'm going to get wasted".

I'm also planning to drink in the future. I'm not saying that I will drink, I'm saying that 'I caught my thoughts which were of the nature of planning'. They were very deep, far away thoughts. Far, far into my subconscious that they were almost subliminal but they were definitely there.

I'm utterly shocked that a couple days ago I was surrounded by free booze and people that were wasted yet I wasn't inclined to take a drink but here I am on the cusp of returning to my old ways. I find that pretty scary.

What helped was that yesterday (thank god) I'd posted here "I will not drink".

I thought of that promise to myself and to my class mates and that gave me some strength.

So thank you to SR and thank you to my class mates and to Dee for his continued words of encouragement.

I will not drink today. I promise.
I was the same after my sober night in the pub. .. I thought, yeah, I can do this sober thing.. lets reward myself by getting pissed! !!
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Old 12-23-2015, 04:55 AM
  # 222 (permalink)  
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Good morning everyone

Tufty great job on not drinking.

I've had a rough few days filled with lots of cravings. I have to remind myself that "This too shall pass". On the plus side I'm all ready for Christmas and the kids are getting very excited. I love seeing the holidays through their eyes. I was sober last year at this time and I fully intend to be this year as well. I'm loving the support here so thank you all and have a blessed and sober day.
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Old 12-23-2015, 05:26 AM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KiKi0615 View Post
Boy do I relate to much of this story!

http://youtu.be/SpWObPOux-M
Exactly! Drinking to help my depression, but only making it worse because alcohol is a depressant...the craziness!!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 05:41 AM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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Congrats Chardis!!!

Way to hang tuff tufty : ) I'm the exact same way, I can have a major milestone being around others drinking and then out of the blue I'm blindsided by cravings! It's almost like I wanna reward myself with the very thing I was avoiding in the first place, crazy! Great awareness you had though and shows growth!

Cristina, hang in there, you're doing amazing!

This morning is off to a good start, slept well and only have one class to coach this afternoon and then it's off to finalize shopping! Foots healing up and can't wait to get back to running!!! Been doing some CrossFit Workouts to supplement and keep myself motivated and so I'm really sore, which is a good thing! Been focusing on diet and nutrition more and enjoying the kids being off from school! It really does feel good to have settled that I will never drink again, with God's help, and that I'm okay with that! I think that was key for me, being okay with the fact that I can never drink again. As long as I continued to wanna be a normal drinker I left the door open for more test runs. That door is now shut and I actually feel more manly, confident and present in my life and less of a failure and someone trying to pretend to be something that I'm not!

Alright, off to meditate and enjoy this coffee!!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 06:55 AM
  # 225 (permalink)  
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Good morning. I'm feeling better today. I guess I was angry because my husband and father in law can drink and I can't. Then I realize that I can drink, but I choose not to. That I like my sober life better than my drunk life. That I am making healthy choices to feel better and be more calm...and they are making their choices...to be hungover for the rest of the week Live and let live

Have a great sober day everybody!
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:03 AM
  # 226 (permalink)  
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Good morning all!
I'm glad you're doing better Patricia. I can understand that anger! How is the benzo withdrawal going, all better? I hope you have a great holiday.
Tufty-so glad you made it through yesterday and committed to all of us for another sober day! You're a man of your word and that's big! Congratulations!
I'm off to spend some of my "booze savings" on myself today. Facial, 90 minute massage, and haircut! I think I still have money left over! What an expensive habit!
It's hard to actually realize the savings when your buying so many holiday gifts, but since I'm done shopping and wrapping it seemed like a great day to indulge and relax a bit!
Have a great day classmates!
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:18 AM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Keepnitreal View Post
Good morning all!
I'm glad you're doing better Patricia. I can understand that anger! How is the benzo withdrawal going, all better? I hope you have a great holiday.
Tufty-so glad you made it through yesterday and committed to all of us for another sober day! You're a man of your word and that's big! Congratulations!
I'm off to spend some of my "booze savings" on myself today. Facial, 90 minute massage, and haircut! I think I still have money left over! What an expensive habit!
It's hard to actually realize the savings when your buying so many holiday gifts, but since I'm done shopping and wrapping it seemed like a great day to indulge and relax a bit!
Have a great day classmates!
You deserve it, KIR!!! Enjoy : )

So, did my first meditation session this morning and it felt great! It was one of my tools in early sobriety and one I stopped doing before my relapse so stands to reason...thank's for the reminder KIR and what I do is find a quite, solitude place (outside if at all possible) and sit quietly, closing my eyes I focus on breathing and then let your vision focus on the center of your forehead (what they call the third eye) and just breath. I have a book that I read to learn more if you're interested PM me and I would be happy to mail it to you or refer you to where I purchased it. I'm sure there's tons of other methods as well. When I was in rehab they taught us guided meditation and that was really awesome!

Anyways, couldn't take it any longer so I just tried out the ole foot on a quick mile run on the treadmill. I think it wen't really well! Felt like it was actually scratching an itch...like when wounds start to heal and they itch...weird, I know. BUT...felt amazing to run again and gives me great hope for my up coming ultra!!!

Have a great one all!

Last edited by ultradad; 12-23-2015 at 07:20 AM. Reason: forgot something
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:33 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Keepnitreal View Post
I'm glad you're doing better Patricia. I can understand that anger! How is the benzo withdrawal going, all better? I hope you have a great holiday.
Thank you Keepnitreal! Benzo withdrawal is getting much better. The rebound anxiety is almost gone, I just feel very tired and sore but I can live with that. Anything is better than anxiety! Happy holidays for you too!
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:39 AM
  # 229 (permalink)  
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Checking in day 5...doing okay. I've not been feeling well, Saturday and Sunday I was busting a hangover from my slip on Friday night. I felt awful Monday, Tuesday. I abruptly stopped taking my antidepressant and felt awful...like a hangover. I started taking it again so I hope I feel better. Going into a stressful few days. My daughters and granddaughter are making a surprise visit from CT. Here's the twist, my ex-husband is coming too. His girlfriend has family that lives in the state next to ours. My parents think my ex is staying with them/us for the holiday instead of going with his girlfriend to see her family. My husband is upset! Hope things go okay. I've bee catching up on all the posts. The stories shared are reminders of the dark side of drinking. They are motivating. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 12-23-2015, 08:00 AM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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Hey guys
Checking in on day 28 , Christmas Day will be 30 days which will be me hitting my goal. Next is 90 days. It can be really hard, but it's so clear to me that this is the life I was meant to live. I won't go back.
All this being said, the past week my "pink cloud" definitly left town.
Been feeling really depressed.. as the dust settles and I can, with a clearer mind, reflect on the last 10 years, it's just really sad.
I can't believe I let myself become so utterly compromised.
My antisocial behaviour over that time pushed a lot of people away, and robbed me of my self respect..
I won't dwell on the past forever, but right now it's my shadow
Lots of healing to be done I spose.
Thanks for listening, and I wish you all the very best
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Old 12-23-2015, 09:09 AM
  # 231 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Good morning. I'm feeling better today. I guess I was angry because my husband and father in law can drink and I can't. Then I realize that I can drink, but I choose not to. That I like my sober life better than my drunk life. That I am making healthy choices to feel better and be more calm...and they are making their choices...to be hungover for the rest of the week Live and let live

Have a great sober day everybody!
I had this thought last night as well. I was with friends and they were drinking in a way I used to: a bottle of wine before dinner, one during dinner, one after dinner (between the two of them...). Had a little craving while at the restaurant but shot it down with the same reasoning you used - my life is better without it! Good for us
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Old 12-23-2015, 09:15 AM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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Just a little check in, been busy with meetings and Christmas. Day 49.

Will post again more fully soon, but wanted to touch base with you all.

Hugs. SV. X
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:26 AM
  # 233 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Aww Kiki that sucks! What was he thinking! My father in law is an alcoholic...I guess he can't understand why in the world did I stop drinking. Ugh sometimes I think my cats understand better...
ME TOO! My cat & dog understand me better than ANYONE! Lol
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:31 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Hey guys, hope you are all well. Long post alert. I almost drank last night. I went to the supermarket and was very close to buying a bottle of wine, my knees went to jelly and my stomach was churning. I was very buzzy. It wasn't that I fancied a glass of wine, it wasn't even a craving. It was simply a case of thinking "f*ck it, I'm going to get wasted". I'm also planning to drink in the future. I'm not saying that I will drink, I'm saying that 'I caught my thoughts which were of the nature of planning'. They were very deep, far away thoughts. Far, far into my subconscious that they were almost subliminal but they were definitely there. I'm utterly shocked that a couple days ago I was surrounded by free booze and people that were wasted yet I wasn't inclined to take a drink but here I am on the cusp of returning to my old ways. I find that pretty scary. What helped was that yesterday (thank god) I'd posted here "I will not drink". I thought of that promise to myself and to my class mates and that gave me some strength. So thank you to SR and thank you to my class mates and to Dee for his continued words of encouragement. I will not drink today. I promise.
Great job Tufty! I've had the case of "F-it I'm
Gonna drink!" several times during the past 38 days! It's normal. If we stay sober 1 day at a time, I'm told those thoughts will go away. You rock!
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:34 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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Have a great day everyone! Just got back from my AA meeting & ate lunch. Now I'm off to exercise! I'll check in later. Everyone is doing FANTASTICO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 02:41 PM
  # 236 (permalink)  
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We can do this guys - I'll be around every day, at some point anyway

Have a great Christmas

D
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Old 12-23-2015, 03:05 PM
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Thank you everyone, all of you.
For your contributions.
For hearing little pearls of wisdom, exercising slogans.
It's so great to be able to share my sober experience with you.
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Old 12-23-2015, 03:22 PM
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WOW, so more stress arguing with the wife and get this, I actually tried to talk myself into drinking!!! Funny thing is, I couldn't...every thought I tried to process about the 'reasons' to drink my mind fought back with way better reasons not to! Scary that I even tried though...

Glad I didn't in the end, made it home and did a workout and feel much better knowing I'll wake up sober and that I didn't allow the AV to derail me!

This disease is a scary illness!
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Old 12-23-2015, 03:27 PM
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Great work ultradad for fighting off any crazy thoughts or temptation!! Booze won't make anything better, only worse!! You know this and you got this...
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Old 12-23-2015, 03:36 PM
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Day 39 and mostly good again, in laws arrived for Christmas, FIL asked the wife if we had any beers and she advised him I wasn't drinking, didn't go into reasons just that I felt better without, quick question about it from him when I came in just said the same and was left at that - we have had a few good days out together down the years and he's always liked a drink but he's sound enough to not push it further.

Few texts with a couple of close mates who I'd let know what was going on a few weeks back, checking I was ok and seeing where I'm at with things, poss expecting to hear that I'd had my wobble and things swept under the carpet again told them it really is over and that I no longer drink or do drugs, reply from one of them got me a bit:-

"You've defo done the right thing. U always had take it to next level. U will b truly missed. Haha. sure we can do something else together tho soon."

Know it's the only way tho to make the break - good friends and a large group of us but our social life has always been 95% heavy drinking / partying - feels a bit sad but 100 % the right thing to do.

AV had a bit of a try there but I really am not listening - ever.

Hope everyone else is having a good day and looking forward to the sober festive fun - finish work at lunchtime tomorrow and then home to start cracking with all the food preparation - I'm only cooking for 5 this year but I do like to put the effort in to serve up a great meal. Turkey is being roasted with a crispy bacon and maple butter under the skin - always like to try a different flavour / recipe for roasting the turkey.
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