Class of December 2015 Pt 2
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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You people are amazing and my heroes.
I can understand the shame and guilt that many of you are working through right now; however I wish I could post the image of high resolution spiritual courage that comes through in all your posts. Thank you all for bringing so much hope to me for humanity. Please, please just keep coming back. Never. Ever. Give-up.
I can understand the shame and guilt that many of you are working through right now; however I wish I could post the image of high resolution spiritual courage that comes through in all your posts. Thank you all for bringing so much hope to me for humanity. Please, please just keep coming back. Never. Ever. Give-up.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by leasha24 
Went skiing today with a good friend . Normally I would have had a beer at lunch with my friend and I even thought about getting just one since we were gonna go back out skiing and I couldn't have more than one . My friend got himself a beer and I got myself a pop and enjoyed it very much and had an awesome day of skiing up at Mt.Baker!!! 
16 days sober and counting .
16 days sober and counting .
What a great play by your AV!!
"hey, you know you can only have one because you need to ski...so all that talk about one leading to 10 is not going to happen. You are fine because you can't have more, what harm is one? Treat yourself, you are skiing, its an awesome day. Just one!"
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Virginia
I'm not a fan of tapering at all, but Drs in the UK still seem to see it as a viable option, so I'll button my lip
if your Dr/therapist recommended it and you think you'll try it, make sure you have clear targets - the object of tapering is to get to zero units and stay there.
'Have another if you need it' sounds to me like advice from someone with no hands on concept of tapering...(oops there goes my lip again)
If you think this advice is feeding your AV, or you find you can't make your targets downwards you'll have to go back and discuss other options - or even better get a second opinion from other Dr/counsellor?.
D
I'm not a fan of tapering at all, but Drs in the UK still seem to see it as a viable option, so I'll button my lip
if your Dr/therapist recommended it and you think you'll try it, make sure you have clear targets - the object of tapering is to get to zero units and stay there.
'Have another if you need it' sounds to me like advice from someone with no hands on concept of tapering...(oops there goes my lip again)
If you think this advice is feeding your AV, or you find you can't make your targets downwards you'll have to go back and discuss other options - or even better get a second opinion from other Dr/counsellor?.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by Elseware
Vona71, I know the awful soul shriveling pain of shame and self hatred. I am an addict and an alcoholic. I can hardly move sometimes for the weight of it. But. I am seeing a therapist. And it is helping. A lot. I urge you to seek some help because I doubt you deserve what you're giving yourself. Intellectually, I know I don't either but that hasn't stopped me from running myself into the ground. I'm learning to stop doing that.
Just keep working on your sobriety. You can do this. And you can learn to not be mean to yourself. <3 <3
Just keep working on your sobriety. You can do this. And you can learn to not be mean to yourself. <3 <3
Option1:
I am an alcoholic. I can't believe it. The pain. The same. The sheer embarrassment. I am a loser in life. I have no self esteem. What am I going to do?
Option 2:
I am a good person with a lot of positive things happening in my life to be grateful for. But I now know that I have one problem that I need to address: I need to avoid alcohol, forever. Actually 50% of the population of the US drinks less than a couple of times a year. So if half the population lives like this why can't I? Not drinking is only a big deal because I make it a big deal. For half the population it is a total non issue. So, I will not like like the other half and my life will be great. Not such a big deal.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by maximus97
Well, Im still here. Checking in on my class.
I havent been my best again, this month. But Im really trying. Its all I can do. If I dont have the desire, and the hope, there is nothing else left.
I keep focusing on my positives in my life. I have so much to be grateful for. But the old fears, doubts always seem to get the best of my rational thinking, most times.
This kicking this monster is really, really hard. Ive been reading all, and I know the AV always trys to find the weak spot, or the ok, I think I can overcome this.
It always is the same, when we chose to drink again. We know the drill, it is always the same, or will probably be worse next binge.
I use to think my alcoholism was because I just wasnt normal, or I had flaws. Thats probably true. I can blame it on genetics, or lack of will. Or just a bad habit, that got out of control. Thru the years. This all helped it along. Or just the disease. Thats another topic.
I need to find the inner strength to just walk away, and say no more, no matter. I dont want to allow time for a relapse, or a setback. Precious time is ticking away, and we only get so many do overs. If we are lucky enough.
Ive seen it, and I know its true. Still, I struggle on. I admit I havent been sober this whole month, and I am pissed about it. I have All kinds of issues going on, my life is always like this. Not enuff money, anger, resentments. I know until I let go of ALL that, I cant hope to be ok in my mental. My mental state is the key. Im not a big fan of AA, but the twelve steps have to be appreciated, as well as as a few good pple I have met in the program.
Drinking for me isnt so physical yet, but its heading that way. If I dont stop the mental, the physical will surely follow. And Ive read enough here, to know and appreciate that. I really dont want to go down that path.
So, just saying hello, Maximus is still alive and kicking. And I havent thrown in the towel just yet. I just need to find my way out of this, and be the person I use to be. Before I allowed alkie to control my life. I once was normal, happy, and free from addiction. It just got me down the line. Its a sneaky bitch.
Its not the way to live. You all inspire me, and thats the reason I keep coming back.
Thanks.
I havent been my best again, this month. But Im really trying. Its all I can do. If I dont have the desire, and the hope, there is nothing else left.
I keep focusing on my positives in my life. I have so much to be grateful for. But the old fears, doubts always seem to get the best of my rational thinking, most times.
This kicking this monster is really, really hard. Ive been reading all, and I know the AV always trys to find the weak spot, or the ok, I think I can overcome this.
It always is the same, when we chose to drink again. We know the drill, it is always the same, or will probably be worse next binge.
I use to think my alcoholism was because I just wasnt normal, or I had flaws. Thats probably true. I can blame it on genetics, or lack of will. Or just a bad habit, that got out of control. Thru the years. This all helped it along. Or just the disease. Thats another topic.
I need to find the inner strength to just walk away, and say no more, no matter. I dont want to allow time for a relapse, or a setback. Precious time is ticking away, and we only get so many do overs. If we are lucky enough.
Ive seen it, and I know its true. Still, I struggle on. I admit I havent been sober this whole month, and I am pissed about it. I have All kinds of issues going on, my life is always like this. Not enuff money, anger, resentments. I know until I let go of ALL that, I cant hope to be ok in my mental. My mental state is the key. Im not a big fan of AA, but the twelve steps have to be appreciated, as well as as a few good pple I have met in the program.
Drinking for me isnt so physical yet, but its heading that way. If I dont stop the mental, the physical will surely follow. And Ive read enough here, to know and appreciate that. I really dont want to go down that path.
So, just saying hello, Maximus is still alive and kicking. And I havent thrown in the towel just yet. I just need to find my way out of this, and be the person I use to be. Before I allowed alkie to control my life. I once was normal, happy, and free from addiction. It just got me down the line. Its a sneaky bitch.
Its not the way to live. You all inspire me, and thats the reason I keep coming back.
Thanks.
Like you I am not physically dependent on alcohol in that I don't need a drink to stop shaking and don't suffer DTs but I am most certainly an alcoholic. Its hard to know what $hit would or would not have happened had I not been drinking since it has been so pervasive. But I do know that while I have not figured everything out by now that I need to never drink again and in time I will be on the right road leaving the mess behind.
If you focus on staying sober then the other problems, money, relationship etc, have a much better chance of being resolved.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Day 17, all going well. One thing I need to spell out for my own sanity though
Xmas dinner on Saturday evening in a wine bar with a large group of friends, including some of my old drinking buddies. Now, I know what you are thinking and so am I: Why on earth would you want to put yourself in the way of this temptation at this point in your sobriety? Good question. However, I am going to go for the following reasons:
1) I am in Asia will be travelling on hols with my family over Xmas. This will be my only chance for a sit down Xmas dinner with all the trimmings and I want to have that with my family
2) I have been completely avoiding the pub scene and all ex drinking buddies since I quit. They know I am not drinking
3) I feel strong enough to handle it and am not experiencing strong cravings.
4) We need to catch a flight at 2am that night so I can't go on a bender anyway
So here is what I will do: Firstly I will bring my wife and son. If my son comes I am much less likely to drink and stay out late. Secondly, I have asked the organiser to start at 6pm so that I can be done and home by 9pm, grab 2 hours before flight. Thirdly, I will eat until I am 100% full. Packed. So I am less likely to be tempted. Right, not that you needed all that, but I feel better.
Have a good day everyone.....
Xmas dinner on Saturday evening in a wine bar with a large group of friends, including some of my old drinking buddies. Now, I know what you are thinking and so am I: Why on earth would you want to put yourself in the way of this temptation at this point in your sobriety? Good question. However, I am going to go for the following reasons:
1) I am in Asia will be travelling on hols with my family over Xmas. This will be my only chance for a sit down Xmas dinner with all the trimmings and I want to have that with my family
2) I have been completely avoiding the pub scene and all ex drinking buddies since I quit. They know I am not drinking
3) I feel strong enough to handle it and am not experiencing strong cravings.
4) We need to catch a flight at 2am that night so I can't go on a bender anyway
So here is what I will do: Firstly I will bring my wife and son. If my son comes I am much less likely to drink and stay out late. Secondly, I have asked the organiser to start at 6pm so that I can be done and home by 9pm, grab 2 hours before flight. Thirdly, I will eat until I am 100% full. Packed. So I am less likely to be tempted. Right, not that you needed all that, but I feel better.
Have a good day everyone.....
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I think it takes more time than a few weeks to feel comfortable in that scenario, ubn ...but you;re gonna do what you're gonna do...
think about an escape plan scenario - that's my advice. You may not have to use it, but have one.
think about an escape plan scenario - that's my advice. You may not have to use it, but have one.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I think it takes more time than a few weeks to feel comfortable in that scenario, ubn ...but you;re gonna do what you're gonna do...
think about an escape plan scenario - that's my advice. You may not have to use it, but have one.
think about an escape plan scenario - that's my advice. You may not have to use it, but have one.
The question that is on my mind is: is this me just subconsciously refusing to close the door on my old drinking life and is that a red flag and is it strong enough for me to avoid the night? The thing is there will be drinkers and non drinkers there and some people that I have been looking forward to meet for a short while. Also I know some of these people very well (I would be the closest drink to the guy who is arranging the night...who also happens to be an alcoholic IMHO). So I can argue both sides.
Group - is this my AV messing with me? Am I better to just not go? What would you do?
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I don't think any of us can answer whether it's your AV or not.
I think it might be a little harder than you're expecting, but I also see you've done a lot to AV proof the evening.
If it was me, at your stage of recovery, and having recently come back from some time 'out there' I'd catch up with people another time down the track.
I went really hardcore on staying sober, but I needed to - and it worked for me.
You have to decide what works for you Ubn - what advice would you give this guy?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5671530
D
I think it might be a little harder than you're expecting, but I also see you've done a lot to AV proof the evening.
If it was me, at your stage of recovery, and having recently come back from some time 'out there' I'd catch up with people another time down the track.
I went really hardcore on staying sober, but I needed to - and it worked for me.
You have to decide what works for you Ubn - what advice would you give this guy?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5671530
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
You have to decide what works for you Ubn - what advice would you give this guy?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5671530
D
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
I've read so many threads. About triggers, reasons why we all should avoid them . For me, a trigger means life situations I just don't want to deal with. I drink alone, by myself, probably the worst case physh doc will tell u. I'm so poor, when I am lucky enuff to get a dinner out, seeing people drink doesn't make me want to drink, ever. I just order a coke, and really enjoy my dinner. I never think about just drinking, but I guess the inner addict in me still does. Cause I am happy, eating out, doing normal things. I look around at people drinking wine beer, etc and it doesn't even trigger me.
My problem is drinking alone, at home. Cause I can do it, and I so far I have got away with it. But, the blackouts, etc, the risk of who knows what. We think we are safe, we think we are ok. I can tell you all its not true. I've had episodes of falling down, hit my head, cut my lip that needed surgery to repair that. It all just isn't worth it. We only lie to ourselves, when we think we have this nicked, in the bud. Recovery goes way beyond all that. I've just seen it. I hope I can say I'm on the right path. One day at a time... that's all we really ever have. Blessings to all, to overcome addictions.
My problem is drinking alone, at home. Cause I can do it, and I so far I have got away with it. But, the blackouts, etc, the risk of who knows what. We think we are safe, we think we are ok. I can tell you all its not true. I've had episodes of falling down, hit my head, cut my lip that needed surgery to repair that. It all just isn't worth it. We only lie to ourselves, when we think we have this nicked, in the bud. Recovery goes way beyond all that. I've just seen it. I hope I can say I'm on the right path. One day at a time... that's all we really ever have. Blessings to all, to overcome addictions.
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I didn't know which way you'd go Ubn but I knew you'd pick the right decision for you
yeah Max - I ended up a home alone drinker too - I could have so easily died many times.
The fight is hard, at the beginning. I drank past triggers, I drank to function basically...I had to relearn how to function sober...
it took a while, but once I did, things got easier...I know they'll get easier for you too - hang in there and keep fighting, Max
D
yeah Max - I ended up a home alone drinker too - I could have so easily died many times.
The fight is hard, at the beginning. I drank past triggers, I drank to function basically...I had to relearn how to function sober...
it took a while, but once I did, things got easier...I know they'll get easier for you too - hang in there and keep fighting, Max
D
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi all, wishing you a nice day. ubntubnt, I think you made a wise decision not to go, but I know that was difficult. I think a lot of us struggle with wanting to be "normal" First we wish to be a "normal" drinker without a problem with alcohol. But then situations like this arise and we wish we were "normal" and could easily handle a dinner out without being stressed about not drinking. A "normal" person would think of their flight and easily decline alcohol in order to remain sober for that. Yet we are not "normal" and so we have to do things like skip dinners so as not be be overly tempted and to protect ourselves. It can be irritating and frustrating. But the good news is that it passes. I am back to day two myself but I have been working on this sobriety thing long enough that I did build up a fair share of sober muscles for social situations. It really does get easier.
Best wishes to you.
Best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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That was a really tough decision ubn, shows just how determined and committed you are - you've given me the motivation to not give in this weekend so I thank you.
Day 18 here - almost 3 weeks which will be a new record for me!
Have a great day everyone - stay strong, the cravings will pass x
Day 18 here - almost 3 weeks which will be a new record for me!
Have a great day everyone - stay strong, the cravings will pass x
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Such great insightful posts to wake up to this morning, thank you
Ub-- I also think you made the right decision even though at first it sounded to me like you had it in the bag, all planned out. But really, our addiction is tricky and unpredictable especially in the early weeks. Better to be safe than sorry. And you are doing so well, you don't want to blow it now, or ever!
Maximus, so great to hear from you. You and I seem to be in a similar place right now. Since we aren't new to this, we know the benefits of sobriety, we know the ins and outs of cravings, we can manuever this thing...we jut have to do it, day in and day out, push through the rough stuff, until it slowly gets easier and we see a clearing ahead. I am an alone drinker as well, these days at least. It certainly didn't begin that way. But now, the routine of buying wine or beer, sneaking it in my room, and taking chugs all night is perfect for my AV..."no one knows", "I'm not hurting anyone", "I'm not even embarrassing my self- I don't drunk dial/FB/text". 95% of the time, social drinking wouldn't even appeal to me, I could easily abstain...but then stop at the liquor store on my way home! Insane. Really glad you are here, Max
Day 4 for me. Natural exhaustion in the evening, deep restful sleep, waking up clearheaded, lack of anxiety, planning for my day rather than feeling overwhelmed and confused by it all, tidy home...the list could go on and on. I say it every time, life is so much better sober, yet addiction will peak its head out and try to tell me I can have both..alcohol and all the benefits of sobriety.
It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie. I need to be prepared this time, I need to be sure I have all my defenses in place so I can fight it off and wake up the next day, pleased with myself, and ready to continue.
We are strong, guys, we can do this ! And we can be extra proud of ourselves for wanting it badly enough to not wait until after the holidays or the new year
Ub-- I also think you made the right decision even though at first it sounded to me like you had it in the bag, all planned out. But really, our addiction is tricky and unpredictable especially in the early weeks. Better to be safe than sorry. And you are doing so well, you don't want to blow it now, or ever!
Maximus, so great to hear from you. You and I seem to be in a similar place right now. Since we aren't new to this, we know the benefits of sobriety, we know the ins and outs of cravings, we can manuever this thing...we jut have to do it, day in and day out, push through the rough stuff, until it slowly gets easier and we see a clearing ahead. I am an alone drinker as well, these days at least. It certainly didn't begin that way. But now, the routine of buying wine or beer, sneaking it in my room, and taking chugs all night is perfect for my AV..."no one knows", "I'm not hurting anyone", "I'm not even embarrassing my self- I don't drunk dial/FB/text". 95% of the time, social drinking wouldn't even appeal to me, I could easily abstain...but then stop at the liquor store on my way home! Insane. Really glad you are here, Max
Day 4 for me. Natural exhaustion in the evening, deep restful sleep, waking up clearheaded, lack of anxiety, planning for my day rather than feeling overwhelmed and confused by it all, tidy home...the list could go on and on. I say it every time, life is so much better sober, yet addiction will peak its head out and try to tell me I can have both..alcohol and all the benefits of sobriety.
It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie. I need to be prepared this time, I need to be sure I have all my defenses in place so I can fight it off and wake up the next day, pleased with myself, and ready to continue.
We are strong, guys, we can do this ! And we can be extra proud of ourselves for wanting it badly enough to not wait until after the holidays or the new year
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Good one, ubnt. I guess whether it was your AV or not it does not matter. You got yourself out of a risky situation.
Day 4 for me.
Tomorrow is my first session with a counsellor. I had a session scheduled last Wednesday with a different counsellor which was cancelled at the last minute because she called in sick. She was going on leave the next day and the next available appointment would have been mid January. I was almost in tears at the thought of having to wait a whole month to see someone - I didn't expect to have such an emotional response though! I had to regain my composure then call back and request the next available session with another counsellor. I have this feeling that the next few weeks could bring up interesting stuff. I want to work through it as much as I don't want to. I hope it all helps me stay on track.
Great job to everyone racking up the days.
Day 4 for me.
Tomorrow is my first session with a counsellor. I had a session scheduled last Wednesday with a different counsellor which was cancelled at the last minute because she called in sick. She was going on leave the next day and the next available appointment would have been mid January. I was almost in tears at the thought of having to wait a whole month to see someone - I didn't expect to have such an emotional response though! I had to regain my composure then call back and request the next available session with another counsellor. I have this feeling that the next few weeks could bring up interesting stuff. I want to work through it as much as I don't want to. I hope it all helps me stay on track.
Great job to everyone racking up the days.
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Join Date: May 2011
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Originally Posted by ubntubnt
I doubt the composition of your brain doesn't know what day it is and everyday is a drinking day as far as your AV is concerned. Honestly, just keep grinding it out. There is a danger that you subconsciously allow your AV to defeat you somewhere in that range because that supposedly you weak period and "dammit, there it goes again". Or you feel so happy to push through 80 and 90 days that you celebrate with a beer on day 100. Leave no door open for your AV!
Frankly, I believe I'm influenced by both factors. I have a ways to go, but, I certainly keep that in the forefront of my mind.
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Originally Posted by ubntubnt
I hear you Dee. My wife has offered to help prepare the food so I will ask her to message me when it is time to eat and I will go over then rather than be hanging around beforehand. If I am uncomfortable I can leave immediately after the food. Also, I have been completely honest about my situation with her and she knows I will not drink so I have asked her to grab our jackets so we can leave if it even looks like I might be tempted (I know its my responsibility, but this will help).
The question that is on my mind is: is this me just subconsciously refusing to close the door on my old drinking life and is that a red flag and is it strong enough for me to avoid the night? The thing is there will be drinkers and non drinkers there and some people that I have been looking forward to meet for a short while. Also I know some of these people very well (I would be the closest drink to the guy who is arranging the night...who also happens to be an alcoholic IMHO). So I can argue both sides.
Group - is this my AV messing with me? Am I better to just not go? What would you do?
The question that is on my mind is: is this me just subconsciously refusing to close the door on my old drinking life and is that a red flag and is it strong enough for me to avoid the night? The thing is there will be drinkers and non drinkers there and some people that I have been looking forward to meet for a short while. Also I know some of these people very well (I would be the closest drink to the guy who is arranging the night...who also happens to be an alcoholic IMHO). So I can argue both sides.
Group - is this my AV messing with me? Am I better to just not go? What would you do?
For example. I am more prone to drink around the house and while working in the yard. Of course, that then can become an all day event.
Now, I had a retirement party and a Christmas part in the last 2 weeks. I left the retirement party after an hour because I was on my 2nd day and I just wasn't enjoying myself. The Christmas party last Friday, we stayed for 5 hours. I drank soda and I actually felt content and was very sociable. Strangely, when I woke up the next morning feeling great, the night before felt somewhat like a blur as if I had been drinking. So, this reinforced that I was able to a have a very good time without a lick of alcohol.
So, as mentioned, knowing your boundaries coupled with building your sober muscles (Dee always says), we can advise you, but ultimately it comes down to you having a plan. You sound like you have a solid plan for what it is worth.
Good luck, we're behind you all of the way. You shouldered a lot of support amongst our class yesterday, by the way, so, thank you for that!
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