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Class of December 2015 Pt 2

Old 12-15-2015, 11:06 PM
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no worries Virginia - have a productive day

D
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:14 AM
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Hi all, after my most recent fall I am back at it and would like to try joining a class. I have tried in the past but have trouble for some reason keeping up with the fast moving threads but I am going to put in all my effort this time. I hope to get to know all of you. Day 1 here, looking forward to it.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Hi all, after my most recent fall I am back at it and would like to try joining a class. I have tried in the past but have trouble for some reason keeping up with the fast moving threads but I am going to put in all my effort this time. I hope to get to know all of you. Day 1 here, looking forward to it.
Day 1 here too......AA for my now, im done and I think finally ready to surrender.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:32 AM
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I've been away for awhile and have fallen back into bad patterns. I would like to come back to this place and try again.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:44 AM
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Welcome day 1'ers to the class of December 2015 ....... though I'm only on day 2 myself! I managed 6 weeks (with the help of SR) Feb-March this year but then fell off the wagon worse than ever.

I had my last ever drink Monday night and WILL succeed this time. If I can do it you can do it too. It's difficult to come back and admit to mistakes so doing that is a huge step. Good luck x
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:08 AM
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Welcome Mera and GBluewater

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Old 12-16-2015, 03:32 AM
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Woke with no hangover. Relief !
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:37 AM
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Welcome mera and blue water

And thank Dee, I do know that regardless of how many times I have tried, the worst thing I can do is back away from SR out of shame.

What will I do differently? I know that's a big and important question. I'm doing and writing and thinking all the things that helped me in the past. I'm not sure what the missing piece is that will keep me from caving that ONE time, because that's all it takes. At this point, I think it's my mindset, and the belief that I am done with alcohol in my life for good... Not just to lose weight or even because I feel or sleep so much better, but be because of the big picture : quality of life, setting an example for my girls, my health, my father, and the endless possibilities the future holds for me in a sober life versus just surviving in this constant struggle.
Not sure if any of that makes sense. But I guess part of also is to take control and move away from "hoping" I stay sober and that this is my last day 1,2,3 - but accepting that it's my CHOICE. There's no hope involved. It's one of the few things we have in our life that we CAN control. I know that counteracts AAs dogma of powerlessness but this is just what works for me

Sorry for my ramble. I promised myself I would post more, and sometimes that may entail rambling!

Have a great sober Tuesday all...
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:38 AM
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Originally Posted by JL2014 View Post
Woke with no hangover. Relief !
Me too JL, it never gets old!
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Old 12-16-2015, 04:54 AM
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Day 6.
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:15 AM
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Welcome to everyone new today.

Mera, I read your thread from yesterday to the end and was so relieved to see you were all right. I did not feel "qualified" to give any advice, but am very happy to see you here.

I couldn't agree more with forabetterlife's observations on choice. I really like that. This has been my choice to come down this terrible road and now I need to choose another road. Need to admit my mistakes in making this choice and look for and accept help getting onto that better road. And for me ... most of all ... making sure that AV that keeps luring me down this wretched road starts to learn she is not taking over again!
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado View Post
Welcome to everyone new today.

Mera, I read your thread from yesterday to the end and was so relieved to see you were all right. I did not feel "qualified" to give any advice, but am very happy to see you here.

I couldn't agree more with forabetterlife's observations on choice. I really like that. This has been my choice to come down this terrible road and now I need to choose another road. Need to admit my mistakes in making this choice and look for and accept help getting onto that better road. And for me ... most of all ... making sure that AV that keeps luring me down this wretched road starts to learn she is not taking over again!
Yes I agree, great to see you here Mera. You seem a really decent woman. I hope you can work with us through to sobriety now. FWIW your ex biz partner is indeed a $&@;:?!&$.....but that's yesterday's news. Today's news is that you are sober again.
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:32 AM
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Do you mind if I still stay in this class? Since my last post I started feeling rough in lots of ways. I rang my counsellor who said that for some people (including me it seems this time) cold turkey is a risk. I was drinking 12-18 units a day.

Her advice was to have a small single glass today and see how I get on and to do this every day until I can come off totally.

A bit scared that her advice (have one glass and if these effects come back have another) can be kept on by my AV.

I understand her advice but I need you guys!!
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:36 AM
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I like getting behind the sobriety before the new year
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:37 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by VirginiaWoof View Post
Do you mind if I still stay in this class? Since my last post I started feeling rough in lots of ways. I rang my counsellor who said that for some people (including me it seems this time) cold turkey is a risk. I was drinking 12-18 units a day.

Her advice was to have a small single glass today and see how I get on and to do this every day until I can come off totally.

A bit scared that her advice (have one glass and if these effects come back have another) can be kept on by my AV.

I understand her advice but I need you guys!!
Tapering works for some but I know it never worked for me. Why did you go see a doctor and if she/he is concerned they can give you meds to help the detox?
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:09 AM
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Day (15) today. I'm shooting for 90 days for starters. My goal is for life.

I'm 1/6 of the way there. That doesn't seem so hard until I'm at 70 to 80 days which I have been in the past. And I haven't manage to get past 84 days.

Welcome to the newcomers and for those struggling, hang in there, keep at it and most importantly don't ever surrender to the fight again alcohol.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:32 AM
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I just wanted to share that I made it through day five. Some trouble - wine at office and dinner out with family - but I pushed through. I should expand on that: I did not have wine at the office; there was wine at the office, and I did not drink at dinner either, although other family members were drinking. The office thing was a little difficult for me. I kept looking at the wine and my AV kept telling me I could have one, just one, and it would be ok, but I knew that it would not be just one. I knew that I would be terribly disappointed if I broke. I new that I wanted to stay sober. Today is the first day, day six, that I feel a tiny bit proud of myself. And thank you all for being here.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:55 AM
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I wanted to add something to my last post. I feel a little like I'm pretending to be ok. I'm not. Not really with respect to cravings, but more so, very much so, with respect to emotions. I'm terribly depressed. My shame for the past is creeping up on me. I can't seem to stop telling myself how much I hate myself.

Now, I am a realistic person. I know these feelings are not right. I know that I am a decent person, who has done decent things. But the shame surrounding my drinking is huge. I know what shame is; I know how dangerous it is, but it just keeps seeping into my brain. I try to tell myself otherwise. When I hear myself say, "I hate myself. I'm worthless and a terrible person," I try to repeat with something positive. But those bloody negative thoughts always win out in the end. I feel so foolish admitting this to you, but I can't bare admitting this to anyone close to me. I just can't do it, or I guess I should say I won't do it.

I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep this all away. I want to run away, from this town, from everyone, from me. I'm just so damn sad.

Alcohol, how I hate you.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:45 AM
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On Day 4 since my last relapse so I wanted to jump in and join the December class. Hello all!
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Vona71 View Post
I wanted to add something to my last post. I feel a little like I'm pretending to be ok. I'm not. Not really with respect to cravings, but more so, very much so, with respect to emotions. I'm terribly depressed. My shame for the past is creeping up on me. I can't seem to stop telling myself how much I hate myself.

Now, I am a realistic person. I know these feelings are not right. I know that I am a decent person, who has done decent things. But the shame surrounding my drinking is huge. I know what shame is; I know how dangerous it is, but it just keeps seeping into my brain. I try to tell myself otherwise. When I hear myself say, "I hate myself. I'm worthless and a terrible person," I try to repeat with something positive. But those bloody negative thoughts always win out in the end. I feel so foolish admitting this to you, but I can't bare admitting this to anyone close to me. I just can't do it, or I guess I should say I won't do it.

I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep this all away. I want to run away, from this town, from everyone, from me. I'm just so damn sad.

Alcohol, how I hate you.
You should feel strong and be proud. You're taking a step that in general is in the minority. It's a big deal to have that monkey on your back and then finally pull the trigger to begin the healing.

I can understand your unwillingness to admit "where you are" and "how you feel about yourself". I don't trust too many people/friends myself. Though I am close with friends and family, they are not counselors and they just don't have the capability to completely supportive of my needs.

Essentially, I try not to put myself in a vulnerable position until I am strengthened. It only takes a second to upset someone close to you and it only takes a second for them to pounce and use anything you mentioned against you. That is my life though, you know your own life. You do what you feel is right. I think that is why many trouble individuals, troubled drinkers and alcoholics prefer an institution that is designed to rebuild and support.

Remember, you should always be your best supporter and voice of reinforcement. Why are you so rough on yourself?

Forget the past and let the healing begin, seriously. By no means, am I trying to sound like a preacher. I'm not religious! When you begin to change your lifestyle and stop medicating yourself, you can begin trying to piece everything back together.

But whatever, you do, don't "hate yourself"....."love yourself". You're off to a fabulous start by quitting. Furthermore, there are tons of forums to read here on SR. And if you want some serious advise, try creating your own forum and the SR community will come out of the woodwork and to help you and guide you.
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