Class of December 2015 Pt 2
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by ChickChick 
Congrats Neverthought! 
Glad you're back. I have to take a look at our class list. I think it is in a bit of shambles.
Though it is common for people to start out in recovery and then migrate to other forums. I hope that is what is happening.
Otherwise, welcome to the newcomers.....
I'll personalize more when I have time.
There's been quite a turn-over lately.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by ChickChick
I'm looking forward to being hangover free in the morning.
It's Day 13 for me. In the last few days, the "negative" voice that was always in my head during the days — telling me I wasn't good enough, I could never be happy, etc. has begun to subside and be replaced by truly constructive thinking, where things seem possible again.
I am thankful for that. I am also thankful to read each of your insights — your successes, your struggles, your ideas, your fears, your goals, your plans. It means so much to me, to not be alone in this, and to connect with such a strong group of people that motivate, support, and comfort each other.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
This is my second time here.
I went to see a doctor today to discuss (1) counselling for breaking off a bad relationship and (2) my problems with alcohol.
I called my mother this morning and told her what I was doing. For the first time I told my mother I am abusing alcohol to cope with my personal problems. It was so hard.
Tonight, a dear friend asked me to go over so I wouldn't be alone. I'll be frank with her too.
I went to see a doctor today to discuss (1) counselling for breaking off a bad relationship and (2) my problems with alcohol.
I called my mother this morning and told her what I was doing. For the first time I told my mother I am abusing alcohol to cope with my personal problems. It was so hard.
Tonight, a dear friend asked me to go over so I wouldn't be alone. I'll be frank with her too.
This makes me feel so inspired and proud of you. You took a few very big and courageous steps — just being honest with your loved ones and asking for help. Really great work.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Bellaire, Ohio
Posts: 11
This was hard to read as well as inspiring. See, I am the one mostly toxic in my marriage and now I am crawling my guts through a mile of broken glass to prove to myself and her that the really good guy she/I saw in brief lucid moments is the real me. That the nice guy that has been around this last week of actual honest sobriety is not some fantastic concoction of my Alcohol Voice conniving it's way to survival. The hardest part of sobriety is that I have to remember, I have to feel! the regret, the pain, and also realize some fights I didn't seem to start, I actually started long before. All the good moments get drowned out. I too am tearing up writing this, and that sucks cuz I am at work and a dude.
I wish you only strength and happiness, in life and in love. and I thank you deeply for giving me a new perspective.
I wish you only strength and happiness, in life and in love. and I thank you deeply for giving me a new perspective.
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
This is my second time here.
In November last year I lasted for about 8 days - my first serious attempt. This will be my second serious attempt. I had to go back to the Class of Nov 2014 to see exactly how long I lasted.
I went to see a doctor today to discuss (1) counselling for breaking off a bad relationship and (2) my problems with alcohol. Discussing my problems with alcohol in a professional setting was very daunting. She was great, but I was very emotional afterward. Admitting my problem out loud is so hard.
I called my mother this morning and told her what I was doing. For the first time I told my mother I am abusing alcohol to cope with my personal problems. It was so hard. I live on my own, 1000s of miles from my family in Melbourne and have done for over 10 years. In that time, I've tried to make them think everything is great but it's not. So I am going to be honest with them all now. Maybe that will make the difference. Tonight, a dear friend asked me to go over so I wouldn't be alone. I'll be frank with her too.
This forum was just such a great support for me last year. It helped me get through the lonely evenings when all I would normally do is drink. Now I am going to use this forum of friendly strangers, and also my friends, and most importantly my family.
I'm tearing up writing this. If I don't fix this now, I will be dead in 5 years - I know it.
I'm fixing up my life. Thrown out the toxic relationship. Planning to move back home next year. I'm not terribly religious but I have been praying right out loud to God to save me this time.
In November last year I lasted for about 8 days - my first serious attempt. This will be my second serious attempt. I had to go back to the Class of Nov 2014 to see exactly how long I lasted.
I went to see a doctor today to discuss (1) counselling for breaking off a bad relationship and (2) my problems with alcohol. Discussing my problems with alcohol in a professional setting was very daunting. She was great, but I was very emotional afterward. Admitting my problem out loud is so hard.
I called my mother this morning and told her what I was doing. For the first time I told my mother I am abusing alcohol to cope with my personal problems. It was so hard. I live on my own, 1000s of miles from my family in Melbourne and have done for over 10 years. In that time, I've tried to make them think everything is great but it's not. So I am going to be honest with them all now. Maybe that will make the difference. Tonight, a dear friend asked me to go over so I wouldn't be alone. I'll be frank with her too.
This forum was just such a great support for me last year. It helped me get through the lonely evenings when all I would normally do is drink. Now I am going to use this forum of friendly strangers, and also my friends, and most importantly my family.
I'm tearing up writing this. If I don't fix this now, I will be dead in 5 years - I know it.
I'm fixing up my life. Thrown out the toxic relationship. Planning to move back home next year. I'm not terribly religious but I have been praying right out loud to God to save me this time.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Feeling all of those feelings sober is hard. But knowing that the anxiety that goes along with those feelings will start to diminish some as you get sober time under your belt makes it a bit easier. For me atleast. That all consuming anxiety the day after drinking is just horrible. I'd rather deal with the real feelings than to be in that shroud of anxiety constantly. Plus now we get to rebuild and aren't constantly making things worse by drinking..... I swear I just pile on the dumb things I do and say every stinking time I drink.
I hope that was coherent! Lol, sorry if not. I'm about to treat myself to a nap before my kids get home. I just started to feel crazy tired.
Hopefully a nap will head off AV bugging me later.
I hope that was coherent! Lol, sorry if not. I'm about to treat myself to a nap before my kids get home. I just started to feel crazy tired.
Hopefully a nap will head off AV bugging me later.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
-- Nah, just drank because I couldn't deal, and things had to be done wether I could deal or not. I've not be the binger I've previously, but I did a lot in one afternoon. Not gonna list a ton of problems, or gripe. Won't change a thing. It's my fault for doing it. Thankful it's over.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by NoRetreat70
Hi all, I am 1 week sober. Been lurking, reading, learning, analyzing, comparing, lamenting, and rejoicing with hope. Always in the past i would try to 'cut down' which worked for awhile then invariably the quantity would rise again. I was afraid to quit, afraid of the pain, the changes, the mental anguish... not anymore. In fairness, I have had an odd strength I have never had before (but then again I found a new fear that made the fear of quitting alcohol pale by comparison... borderline diabetic, and o yeah my wife has grown so very weary of my rollercoaster ride). I see in everyone's words; the hopes, the excuses, the illusions, and the stark realizations I have made over the years. Alcohol never gave me energy, it numbed the pain that slowed me down. Alcohol never made more social, it numbed the fear I wanted to hide from and not face. Alcohol never made me happy, it pulled a cover over my worries so I couldn't see them so clearly or it would even make me snap to angry at the thought of a cross word. In this week I had maybe 2 itches to actually drink again... the outrage I immediately felt inside at myself was palpable. I nearly foamed at the mouth screaming at myself in the mirror, except I understood I wasn't yelling directly at myself, I was yelling at (to borrow from the TV show Dexter) my dark passenger, My "Jimminy Cricket's evil twin". This was the first anger I have felt the whole week and it was at myself.
The hardest thing now is patience, waiting, hoping to see despair transform into hope in the eyes of my loved ones. Hoping they see that this time isn't like before, that this time I am not sneaking a beer or 2 in the basement while they think I am cutting down. That I can't and won't ever be the way it was during my cloudy years ever again. That the real me is finally coming home.
The hardest thing now is patience, waiting, hoping to see despair transform into hope in the eyes of my loved ones. Hoping they see that this time isn't like before, that this time I am not sneaking a beer or 2 in the basement while they think I am cutting down. That I can't and won't ever be the way it was during my cloudy years ever again. That the real me is finally coming home.
They say one day at a time in AA so as to break the challenge into more achievable bites....kind of like a marathon runner focuses on the next mile. That also applies to rebuilding your life. Don't stand at the bottom of everest looking up. Just stay off the booze, read through the site and other literature, get support and start to talk with your wife about it. You will be well on your way before you know it. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Day 16. Another day, another dollar as they say.
Awake at 4am...probably too much sleep at the weekend. 12 hours of back to back meetings starting 8am today. Meetings, meetings about meetings, meeting to plan for other meetings, meetings reviewing actions from previous meetings, skip level meetings, 121 meetings, board meetings, exec team meetings...etc etc etc etc etc. How the hell did I manage this when I was drinking? Actually I didn't handle it all that well. A schedule like to day would be a cause for a mini panic attack given the hangover I would be suffering. I would have dragged myself into work and tried to survive. Probably doing a bad job in the morning and a decent job in the afternoon. Today however, you know that scene in Terminator one when Arnie walks into the police station?
Awake at 4am...probably too much sleep at the weekend. 12 hours of back to back meetings starting 8am today. Meetings, meetings about meetings, meeting to plan for other meetings, meetings reviewing actions from previous meetings, skip level meetings, 121 meetings, board meetings, exec team meetings...etc etc etc etc etc. How the hell did I manage this when I was drinking? Actually I didn't handle it all that well. A schedule like to day would be a cause for a mini panic attack given the hangover I would be suffering. I would have dragged myself into work and tried to survive. Probably doing a bad job in the morning and a decent job in the afternoon. Today however, you know that scene in Terminator one when Arnie walks into the police station?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Hang in there JL. With each time we drink for whatever reason I think we learn what a waste is.
Ub, great post and great job on 16 days
I am only on day 2 this time around and don't really have bad cravings now but I know they will
come once my vacation begins in 3 days. Any time my mind starts to Have a little thought about drinking in the future or I feel like I miss it, I just tell myself - nope, this is my new life now. I'm not going back there. I need to be firm with myself.
I really, really want this.
Ub, great post and great job on 16 days
I am only on day 2 this time around and don't really have bad cravings now but I know they will
come once my vacation begins in 3 days. Any time my mind starts to Have a little thought about drinking in the future or I feel like I miss it, I just tell myself - nope, this is my new life now. I'm not going back there. I need to be firm with myself.
I really, really want this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Day 9. Am pretty down and would really like a drink. Instead sipping on diet rootbeer. If I didn't have 9 days under my belt, I would have already poured myself a glass of wine. Read TheRake's post which helped. It's the unnamed sadness which is the worst. I don't know if it's my depression or something else, but things go sad-gray and there is a lurking feeling of hopelessness - and I don't know how to deal with it. Normally I would have downed two glasses of wine right now. So now I just feel lost.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by ubntubnt
Day 16. Another day, another dollar as they say.
Awake at 4am...probably too much sleep at the weekend. 12 hours of back to back meetings starting 8am today. Meetings, meetings about meetings, meeting to plan for other meetings, meetings reviewing actions from previous meetings, skip level meetings, 121 meetings, board meetings, exec team meetings...etc etc etc etc etc. How the hell did I manage this when I was drinking? Actually I didn't handle it all that well. A schedule like to day would be a cause for a mini panic attack given the hangover I would be suffering. I would have dragged myself into work and tried to survive. Probably doing a bad job in the morning and a decent job in the afternoon. Today however, you know that scene in Terminator one when Arnie walks into the police station?
Awake at 4am...probably too much sleep at the weekend. 12 hours of back to back meetings starting 8am today. Meetings, meetings about meetings, meeting to plan for other meetings, meetings reviewing actions from previous meetings, skip level meetings, 121 meetings, board meetings, exec team meetings...etc etc etc etc etc. How the hell did I manage this when I was drinking? Actually I didn't handle it all that well. A schedule like to day would be a cause for a mini panic attack given the hangover I would be suffering. I would have dragged myself into work and tried to survive. Probably doing a bad job in the morning and a decent job in the afternoon. Today however, you know that scene in Terminator one when Arnie walks into the police station?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Just work through it Jenses. We have all been drinking for many years. God knows how many imbalances exist up there in our heads. If you listen to all the recovered alcoholics on the site they will all say, without exception, that it does get better. We just need mainly to stay off the drink and give it time. If you have that glass of wine you will hit the reset button and that 9 days will be for nothing. You are doing great....the clouds will clear soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by ubntubnt
Just work through it Jenses. We have all been drinking for many years. God knows how many imbalances exist up there in our heads. If you listen to all the recovered alcoholics on the site they will all say, without exception, that it does get better. We just need mainly to stay off the drink and give it time. If you have that glass of wine you will hit the reset button and that 9 days will be for nothing. You are doing great....the clouds will clear soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Jensen, I can relate. It is that feeling of dullness, grayness, unsettledness, that has often led me to drink after some sober time. But Ub is right, our minds are so imbalanced this early on, that the only way to get past it is to stay strong and push through. I know how uncomfortable it can be. But we also know that it's way better than dealing with the effects of choosing to drink it away.
It's only been 48 hours and I feel like myself again. I don't know if anxiety is the word for how I feel after I drink and I guess even while I drink, but it's like I'm not even comfortable in my own skin and I feel almost outside of myself. Sober and without a hangover I'm so much calmer and at peace with myself.
Grateful to be back on track and here with all of you. Feels really good.
It's only been 48 hours and I feel like myself again. I don't know if anxiety is the word for how I feel after I drink and I guess even while I drink, but it's like I'm not even comfortable in my own skin and I feel almost outside of myself. Sober and without a hangover I'm so much calmer and at peace with myself.
Grateful to be back on track and here with all of you. Feels really good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Congrats to all those hitting milestones today including NT, beautifulpines, atxjoshua, ubn, sleepy dots..
FABL- welcome back to you (and JL and The Rake and Virginia Woof & anyone else returning)
no need to feel embarrassed - you've already proven you can be sober, now you need to work out how to make it permanent. It's scary to let go of that bottle if it's the main - or the only - problem solving tool we have...but it absolutely can be done
Keep going back to your recovery plan - what changes can you make? how can you make it stronger and more effective
D
FABL- welcome back to you (and JL and The Rake and Virginia Woof & anyone else returning)
no need to feel embarrassed - you've already proven you can be sober, now you need to work out how to make it permanent. It's scary to let go of that bottle if it's the main - or the only - problem solving tool we have...but it absolutely can be done
Keep going back to your recovery plan - what changes can you make? how can you make it stronger and more effective
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
Good morning all
8 hours uninterrupted sleep last night and starting day 2 feeling positive.
I've got to make up the work I didn't do yesterday so haven't had a chance to read through all the posts so apologies if today I'm just posting and not being supportive. I am behind each and every one of you
8 hours uninterrupted sleep last night and starting day 2 feeling positive.
I've got to make up the work I didn't do yesterday so haven't had a chance to read through all the posts so apologies if today I'm just posting and not being supportive. I am behind each and every one of you
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