Class of November 2015 Part 6
Morning all,
Congrats to those with milestones. Day 41 here now.
Relationships are darned hard in early sobriety. My own take is that when we were drinking it was very easy to accept the blame for anything that was going wrong. It was our fault because we were drinking, we were the catalyst for anything that went wrong.
However, when we stop drinking, we are no longer the scapegoat for everything that is wrong. We also are making better choices so are less willing to accept that everything is our fault. Mainly because we have to protect our sobriety!
I think those around us find it very disconcerting. It means they are having someone who is more rational there, who wants to talk things through.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong - just my take. It must be hard when a partner gets sober and the relationships shifts, as their norm is being changed too.
Congrats to those with milestones. Day 41 here now.
Relationships are darned hard in early sobriety. My own take is that when we were drinking it was very easy to accept the blame for anything that was going wrong. It was our fault because we were drinking, we were the catalyst for anything that went wrong.
However, when we stop drinking, we are no longer the scapegoat for everything that is wrong. We also are making better choices so are less willing to accept that everything is our fault. Mainly because we have to protect our sobriety!
I think those around us find it very disconcerting. It means they are having someone who is more rational there, who wants to talk things through.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong - just my take. It must be hard when a partner gets sober and the relationships shifts, as their norm is being changed too.
Sorry to hear so many are having problems in their relationships.
I can relate to this and it is hard to handle. Both like you said Snowvelvet, that we don't want to take the blame and we are no longer the catalysts.
My partner is not living in the country right now and I am no longer accepting any drunken skype calls. I know where they will end and I don't want to go there anymore. Then I get: "You don't want to be there for me when I have bad times, that is selfish. Do you know how many times I've listened to your drunken outbursts and what I have put up with?"
That is true, but I am no longer doing that and I don't want to hear it either. So I just say "you are drunk, I'm going to hang up. Talk to me tomorrow". I actually think it would have been better for me if he'd hang up on me everytime I was drunk. He has a bad temper when he is drunk but he didn't drink as often as I did.
So...basically I feel is he doesn't realize I am trying to change and not accepting drunk conversations either in person or on the phone, I don't want to have this relationship anymore.
I can relate to this and it is hard to handle. Both like you said Snowvelvet, that we don't want to take the blame and we are no longer the catalysts.
My partner is not living in the country right now and I am no longer accepting any drunken skype calls. I know where they will end and I don't want to go there anymore. Then I get: "You don't want to be there for me when I have bad times, that is selfish. Do you know how many times I've listened to your drunken outbursts and what I have put up with?"
That is true, but I am no longer doing that and I don't want to hear it either. So I just say "you are drunk, I'm going to hang up. Talk to me tomorrow". I actually think it would have been better for me if he'd hang up on me everytime I was drunk. He has a bad temper when he is drunk but he didn't drink as often as I did.
So...basically I feel is he doesn't realize I am trying to change and not accepting drunk conversations either in person or on the phone, I don't want to have this relationship anymore.
And yes - they probably have other problems with our personality changes. I used to often be very loving and happy - or very mad at him (yes, the classic drunken mood swings).
When I am sober I am more even tempered, thoughtful and yes a bit depressed now that I am trying to change. It just seems completly odd to him.
When I am sober I am more even tempered, thoughtful and yes a bit depressed now that I am trying to change. It just seems completly odd to him.
Anyways, just getting through this initial phase of letargy and anxiety after my slip. For those of you who might be tempted - its just going back to doing absolutely nothing, letting everything around you fall apart. And then having to put the pieces of yourself back together again. It's not fun. It's not relaxing. And you know it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 258
Starting Over Again
I've been sober more days than I've been drinking but I don't want to drink at all. I've never been a daily drinker and I've not suffered severe consequences YET. I've come up with a new plan and today I have a different outlook.
I spend a lot of time on this site reading getting scared at the horror stories and hopeful over the success stories including all of yours. Best thread I've read recently is "it gets better".
Plan B being implemented today. I detest how once I decide to relax with a drink there's no stopping me and then I have more than one of course.
Off to shower away the guilt and regret and pray for strength.
Will check in later. This place is a lifeline today.
I spend a lot of time on this site reading getting scared at the horror stories and hopeful over the success stories including all of yours. Best thread I've read recently is "it gets better".
Plan B being implemented today. I detest how once I decide to relax with a drink there's no stopping me and then I have more than one of course.
Off to shower away the guilt and regret and pray for strength.
Will check in later. This place is a lifeline today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 258
Anyways, just getting through this initial phase of letargy and anxiety after my slip. For those of you who might be tempted - its just going back to doing absolutely nothing, letting everything around you fall apart. And then having to put the pieces of yourself back together again. It's not fun. It's not relaxing. And you know it.
Hi all! 1 month ago today I had my last drink. What a difference 1 month makes! I'm looking forward to a lifetime of sobriety. The first month was really hard and I couldn't have done it without you guys! Thank you!!! :-)
Swimkim-thanks for the kind words. You are doing great too! Congrats on 3 weeks! I never wanna go back either! Not sure I have another recovery in me. Those first few weeks are so hard! But totally worth it!!!
Snowvelvet-41 days is great! I agree...relationships are hard enough without throwing alcohol in the mix. Miracles happen in sobriety!
Dallow-Good for you! I'm glad you are putting yourself first!!! Just hang in there. I am proof that things get better! Just never forget how bad you feel right now. Take a screen shot of this post and read it if you feel like drinking. (Below)
"Anyways, just getting through this initial phase of letargy and anxiety after my slip. For those of you who might be tempted - its just going back to doing absolutely nothing, letting everything around you fall apart. And then having to put the pieces of yourself back together again. It's not fun. It's not relaxing. And you know it."
HealthyGoals-it DOES get better! You just can't drink no matter what and trust me & others about it getting better! There are times this past month that I have wanted to drink so bad that I thought I'd die if I didn't. I was literally physically exhausted after fighting thru the craving! BUT...each time I got thru one the next one was shorter & weaker and now I'm not even having them every day & if I DO have one it's pretty easy to dismiss. Get rid of the guilt an regret! It will only hurt you. Pat yourself on the back...you are TRYING & you WILL do this & be happy! You WILL!
Have a great sober day...just don't drink today...this 24 hours! You can do it!!!
Swimkim-thanks for the kind words. You are doing great too! Congrats on 3 weeks! I never wanna go back either! Not sure I have another recovery in me. Those first few weeks are so hard! But totally worth it!!!
Snowvelvet-41 days is great! I agree...relationships are hard enough without throwing alcohol in the mix. Miracles happen in sobriety!
Dallow-Good for you! I'm glad you are putting yourself first!!! Just hang in there. I am proof that things get better! Just never forget how bad you feel right now. Take a screen shot of this post and read it if you feel like drinking. (Below)
"Anyways, just getting through this initial phase of letargy and anxiety after my slip. For those of you who might be tempted - its just going back to doing absolutely nothing, letting everything around you fall apart. And then having to put the pieces of yourself back together again. It's not fun. It's not relaxing. And you know it."
HealthyGoals-it DOES get better! You just can't drink no matter what and trust me & others about it getting better! There are times this past month that I have wanted to drink so bad that I thought I'd die if I didn't. I was literally physically exhausted after fighting thru the craving! BUT...each time I got thru one the next one was shorter & weaker and now I'm not even having them every day & if I DO have one it's pretty easy to dismiss. Get rid of the guilt an regret! It will only hurt you. Pat yourself on the back...you are TRYING & you WILL do this & be happy! You WILL!
Have a great sober day...just don't drink today...this 24 hours! You can do it!!!
Hi all! 1 month ago today I had my last drink. What a difference 1 month makes! I'm looking forward to a lifetime of sobriety. The first month was really hard and I couldn't have done it without you guys! Thank you!!! :-) Swimkim-thanks for the kind words. You are doing great too! Congrats on 3 weeks! I never wanna go back either! Not sure I have another recovery in me. Those first few weeks are so hard! But totally worth it!!! Snowvelvet-41 days is great! I agree...relationships are hard enough without throwing alcohol in the mix. Miracles happen in sobriety! Dallow-Good for you! I'm glad you are putting yourself first!!! Just hang in there. I am proof that things get better! Just never forget how bad you feel right now. Take a screen shot of this post and read it if you feel like drinking. (Below) "Anyways, just getting through this initial phase of letargy and anxiety after my slip. For those of you who might be tempted - its just going back to doing absolutely nothing, letting everything around you fall apart. And then having to put the pieces of yourself back together again. It's not fun. It's not relaxing. And you know it." HealthyGoals-it DOES get better! You just can't drink no matter what and trust me & others about it getting better! There are times this past month that I have wanted to drink so bad that I thought I'd die if I didn't. I was literally physically exhausted after fighting thru the craving! BUT...each time I got thru one the next one was shorter & weaker and now I'm not even having them every day & if I DO have one it's pretty easy to dismiss. Get rid of the guilt an regret! It will only hurt you. Pat yourself on the back...you are TRYING & you WILL do this & be happy! You WILL! Have a great sober day...just don't drink today...this 24 hours! You can do it!!!
Congrats on 30 days Kiki! =)
Good morning guys! I'm sorry that so many of you are struggling in your relationships. I feel like the vast majority of the times that my boyfriend and I got into huge fights, it was because I was drunk. So now it's much more peaceful around our house! He has a bit of an anger problem though, so when he would snap, I typically just drank more and yell ed back. Now, I just tell him that he's being very unreasonable and hurtful and that I will go into the next room until he can calm down. After that, he'll apologize and we get back to normal.
Anyway, I'm feeling very hopeful and grateful today. Waking up without a hangover for the past 52 mornings has been such a blessing. And though I still struggle with depression, I feel so much better without alcohol! I got a new job this past year, one that I love so much, but on the night before my orientation, I got plastered and woke up feeling horrendous! Little did I know that orientation day was also picture day, so now I'm stuck with the worst photo badge of all time as a reminder.
I never want to feel like that again! I'm so grateful for sobriety and for you guys. You've all been a huge help to me!
Good morning guys! I'm sorry that so many of you are struggling in your relationships. I feel like the vast majority of the times that my boyfriend and I got into huge fights, it was because I was drunk. So now it's much more peaceful around our house! He has a bit of an anger problem though, so when he would snap, I typically just drank more and yell ed back. Now, I just tell him that he's being very unreasonable and hurtful and that I will go into the next room until he can calm down. After that, he'll apologize and we get back to normal.
Anyway, I'm feeling very hopeful and grateful today. Waking up without a hangover for the past 52 mornings has been such a blessing. And though I still struggle with depression, I feel so much better without alcohol! I got a new job this past year, one that I love so much, but on the night before my orientation, I got plastered and woke up feeling horrendous! Little did I know that orientation day was also picture day, so now I'm stuck with the worst photo badge of all time as a reminder.
I never want to feel like that again! I'm so grateful for sobriety and for you guys. You've all been a huge help to me!
Snowvelvet-you hit the nail on the head with regards to changing relationships. I know that in mine, the day after a binge I always felt full of remorse, shame, and regret. I generally was very sweet to my hubby the day following because I said something mean while drunk (often how I felt, but would never say while sober and he was starting to understand that)
My drinking was always the blame for the issues in our marriage and I accepted that. Now that I'm sober I'm not always allowing the BS or taking the blame. It's been a big transition. He's still always right (blah blah) but I'm learning to handle things better. Ups and downs!!!! It's slowly improving though. I have noticed that I'm starting to expect more from him now that I'm bringing more positive to the table and I wonder if that kind of dynamic might be an issue for our guys?
Healthy goals-glad you're still with us and have a new plan. It does seem to get easier with time, but we all have to remember if we take that first drink it starts the cycle again. We must always be on guard when that AV rears its ugly head.
Kiki-OMG. 30 days! What a change! Congratulations!
UltraDad-how are you doing?
Is everybody ready for the holidays? Have a great Tuesday!
KIR
My drinking was always the blame for the issues in our marriage and I accepted that. Now that I'm sober I'm not always allowing the BS or taking the blame. It's been a big transition. He's still always right (blah blah) but I'm learning to handle things better. Ups and downs!!!! It's slowly improving though. I have noticed that I'm starting to expect more from him now that I'm bringing more positive to the table and I wonder if that kind of dynamic might be an issue for our guys?
Healthy goals-glad you're still with us and have a new plan. It does seem to get easier with time, but we all have to remember if we take that first drink it starts the cycle again. We must always be on guard when that AV rears its ugly head.
Kiki-OMG. 30 days! What a change! Congratulations!
UltraDad-how are you doing?
Is everybody ready for the holidays? Have a great Tuesday!
KIR
Congrats on 30 days Kiki! =)
Good morning guys! I'm sorry that so many of you are struggling in your relationships. I feel like the vast majority of the times that my boyfriend and I got into huge fights, it was because I was drunk. So now it's much more peaceful around our house! He has a bit of an anger problem though, so when he would snap, I typically just drank more and yell ed back. Now, I just tell him that he's being very unreasonable and hurtful and that I will go into the next room until he can calm down. After that, he'll apologize and we get back to normal.
Anyway, I'm feeling very hopeful and grateful today. Waking up without a hangover for the past 52 mornings has been such a blessing. And though I still struggle with depression, I feel so much better without alcohol! I got a new job this past year, one that I love so much, but on the night before my orientation, I got plastered and woke up feeling horrendous! Little did I know that orientation day was also picture day, so now I'm stuck with the worst photo badge of all time as a reminder.
I never want to feel like that again! I'm so grateful for sobriety and for you guys. You've all been a huge help to me!
Good morning guys! I'm sorry that so many of you are struggling in your relationships. I feel like the vast majority of the times that my boyfriend and I got into huge fights, it was because I was drunk. So now it's much more peaceful around our house! He has a bit of an anger problem though, so when he would snap, I typically just drank more and yell ed back. Now, I just tell him that he's being very unreasonable and hurtful and that I will go into the next room until he can calm down. After that, he'll apologize and we get back to normal.
Anyway, I'm feeling very hopeful and grateful today. Waking up without a hangover for the past 52 mornings has been such a blessing. And though I still struggle with depression, I feel so much better without alcohol! I got a new job this past year, one that I love so much, but on the night before my orientation, I got plastered and woke up feeling horrendous! Little did I know that orientation day was also picture day, so now I'm stuck with the worst photo badge of all time as a reminder.
I never want to feel like that again! I'm so grateful for sobriety and for you guys. You've all been a huge help to me!
Congrats Kiki! I guess I am also at 30 days since our days are the same! Yay us!
This is such a sad disease. So many people are affected by it. A guy I have known since I was a kid is on his way back to rehab after a lifelong battle with addiction. He had a few years sober but slipped up and the snowball started rolling. Kudos to him for starting over. Again.
An even sadder story is that another guy from my hometown died in his sleep on Saturday from asphyxiation while intoxicated. He had been battling for a few years. So sad. He was several years younger than me and leaves behind a wife and children.
This disease is everywhere isn't it?
This is such a sad disease. So many people are affected by it. A guy I have known since I was a kid is on his way back to rehab after a lifelong battle with addiction. He had a few years sober but slipped up and the snowball started rolling. Kudos to him for starting over. Again.
An even sadder story is that another guy from my hometown died in his sleep on Saturday from asphyxiation while intoxicated. He had been battling for a few years. So sad. He was several years younger than me and leaves behind a wife and children.
This disease is everywhere isn't it?
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