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Class of November 2015 Part 6

Old 12-12-2015, 02:59 PM
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Tufty, I'm so sorry to hear of you and your daughter's loss. That is absolutely heartbreaking. Sending you lots of strength!
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Thanks for the role call Kiki, wow, 41 days for me. How did that happen? Things not great here, my youngest daughter's partner passed away last night in his sleep. My daughter is obviously inconsolable; her first love. He was just 26 years old. If ever there was a reminder of the fragility of life. I will not be drinking this evening.
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear this tufty. Your poor daughter! :-(
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:41 PM
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I hope everyone is having a good day. My AV has been talking to me ALOT today! I think today is one of those days I just need to "get through".

Isn't it crazy how quickly we forget what total hell alcohol puts us through? This disease is truly cunning, baffling & powerful. I will NEVER understand it.

I mean, if I put my hand on a hot stove & burn it I am not gonna put my hand on the stove again, right? So why do alcoholics drink again after all the pain, suffering & consequences?

Crazy!!!

Day 27 for me. I hope everyone is doing well!
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy View Post
How terrible. So sorry for the loss.
Omg-I'm so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted by pams View Post
Dunno about you, but I am rather shocked at how much time there actually is in a day!

I could never get anything done over the weekends cause there 'wasn't enough time'....now....it is 1pm and cleaning is done, laundry is on the go, grocery list is done up for tomorrow, coupons sorted, I sent hubby out with a list (that he didn't lose!) to get some stuff to do some holiday baking later on, we are finishing up lunch and now I will set my study timer and work on my course for a couple of hours....then it will be free time to make some goodies....and I will probably still have some time to binge watch something on Netflix

Truly shocking how much time alcohol took up in my life....wow....
The days sure tend to creep by! I did a kicka** workout again today, we went in the jacuzzi, I argued with my little one about a "play date" for a coupke hours, we decorated the tree, and now I need a nap before basketball. I'm tired!
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:53 PM
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I really believe we make our own destines Ultradad. You can write your own ending to your story

I'm really sorry Tufty - how tragic. Best wishes/prayers to you & your daughter.

D
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Old 12-12-2015, 06:04 PM
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I'm sorry Tufty. We've had a rough day as well. My OH's father died today. Unexpected. Heart attack. He and his dad were not close, in fact he did not speak to his dad anymore. His dad was not a very nice person to my OH when he was a child and young adult.

Still, it's sad and shocking.

Still sober, had a busy day. Gym, shopping, breakfast, sad news, then round 3 of picture taking of the kids! We could not seem to get it right. Finally my brother who knows a little about photography came over with his camera and got a couple usable pics haha. Not easy with a 7 month old and a 4 y.o. with special needs lol
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Old 12-12-2015, 06:06 PM
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Sorry for your loss as well Jemma - prayers and good wishes to you and your OH.
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Old 12-12-2015, 06:09 PM
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Sober Saturday's are becoming the norm for me. I think the biggest relief (or one of them, there are many for me) is not being concerned or subconsciously preoccupied with getting the 'next' drink. Takes a lot of pressure off when you don't worry about how much alcohol is in the house or getting a second drink at a restaurant, wondering where the heck the server is because you need another drink!! Little things that I never really thought about because they were so engrained into my Saturday routine...nice to be living rather than being consumed by thoughts of consuming!
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Old 12-12-2015, 07:26 PM
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Oh Jemma, I am so sorry for you and your OH. The loss of a parent is always difficult, especially around the holidays. Prayers for you and your family.
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Old 12-12-2015, 09:45 PM
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Jemma, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Sending good thoughts your way!

SoberMarathon, I feel the same way. Drinking was mentally exhausting. I'm so glad my Saturday didn't include any of that! I got a little bit of shopping done tonight; surprisingly the mall wasn't too crowded. While I was walking around I had a thought: everyone here is sober (well most likely); I'm just like them, another sober person getting errands done on a Saturday night. It was a good feeling. I felt in control and responsible. Like a real adult!

I hope you all are well. Goodnight!
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Old 12-13-2015, 12:47 AM
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I'm sorry Jemma and Tufty. As some have said, events like that bring home just how fragile life is.

I love sober Saturday's, Sobermarathon. It's amazing how free I now feel without that constant battle in my head of, when can I drink? Can I sneak off? Also the huge irritability I had at everyone and anything that interrupted my drinking.

I was chatting to my sponsor about it. The fact that insanity has now left me and now if someone offered me a drink I would most likely be physically repulsed by it. She called it the psychic change.

I have to stop any thoughts that go, well, you're going to screw it up sometime K, you may as well choose when. I challenge them every time. I do not want to self sabotage something that is changing me both physically and mentally for the better.

I'm coming up for the longest I've ever been without alcohol. This time genuinely feels different. Before, I always had the notion that I would drink again, that it wasn't forever. Now I accept that I cannot drink drink today. I'm an alcoholic. I can choose anytime to drink, but today I won't.

It's a revelation.

Day 39. Keep going all.
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Old 12-13-2015, 01:19 AM
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Tufty and Jemma - I am truely sorry to hear what you're going through. Stay strong during this time and take care of yourselves.

As for me, I am sorry to say I drank wine. The taste was repulsive to me and I threw up immediately. Several times. Still tried to drink more. (What's wrong here? Why would I do that when my body clearly can't take it? When I got out of it?)

Sorry for TMI, just to be clear what might happen to you if you choose to be as stupied as I was. I knew I had this coming. I kind of planned for a relapse even though I know in my heart I don't want this. I didn't reach out, just said I was "struggling" here. Well, planning to open a bottle of wine is more like what was going on...Sigh. I tried to down it at a speed I usually did, which is like drinking water after a week in the desert (come on, I only have so much time before my roomie/partner/someone else finds out)

But well, I was stubborn and drank some more but I felt sick. I feel just like you said, Snowvelvet. I don't want to plan when and where and how I can drink. And how much before it shows. And then how long it takes to get rid of the sweating, the nightmares, the horror, the anxiety of not knowing what I did. We all know it too well, the never-ending project to tear ourselves apart. It's truly insanity.

I don't want to change class, since you guys are the best Since november the sober days are still more than the drunk ones. And I DON'T want to drink. I don't. Forwards, onwards, I must make the rest of this year a sober one. I really want it. I am sorry to say that I let down of my promise. I want to stay with you and make this work. I romanticise drinking, but there's nothing there. Just vomit and regret. As it always was.

It just feels bad coming here saying something like this. I know we all welcome each other back and so, but it's like "Yeah, not serious this time either". At least that's how I feel about myself. But I am here. This battle is not over.
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Old 12-13-2015, 03:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
Tufty and Jemma - I am truely sorry to hear what you're going through. Stay strong during this time and take care of yourselves.

As for me, I am sorry to say I drank wine. The taste was repulsive to me and I threw up immediately. Several times. Still tried to drink more. (What's wrong here? Why would I do that when my body clearly can't take it? When I got out of it?)

Sorry for TMI, just to be clear what might happen to you if you choose to be as stupied as I was. I knew I had this coming. I kind of planned for a relapse even though I know in my heart I don't want this. I didn't reach out, just said I was "struggling" here. Well, planning to open a bottle of wine is more like what was going on...Sigh. I tried to down it at a speed I usually did, which is like drinking water after a week in the desert (come on, I only have so much time before my roomie/partner/someone else finds out)

But well, I was stubborn and drank some more but I felt sick. I feel just like you said, Snowvelvet. I don't want to plan when and where and how I can drink. And how much before it shows. And then how long it takes to get rid of the sweating, the nightmares, the horror, the anxiety of not knowing what I did. We all know it too well, the never-ending project to tear ourselves apart. It's truly insanity.

I don't want to change class, since you guys are the best Since november the sober days are still more than the drunk ones. And I DON'T want to drink. I don't. Forwards, onwards, I must make the rest of this year a sober one. I really want it. I am sorry to say that I let down of my promise. I want to stay with you and make this work. I romanticise drinking, but there's nothing there. Just vomit and regret. As it always was.

It just feels bad coming here saying something like this. I know we all welcome each other back and so, but it's like "Yeah, not serious this time either". At least that's how I feel about myself. But I am here. This battle is not over.
Oh dallow, poor you. .. I know how u feel, I wanted to drink yesterday too... people were even telling me to, giving me permission. . So i put in my pyjamas. Couldn't go out to get it then! It worked....

Your post is a reminder to me, and yourself, why alcohol is ****. We mustn't give it a guilded memory... it ends in crap eventually..... down with booze! !!

At least now u know for sure. . Print out your post and really read it when u feel u want to drink again. Keep on trying... all the best... x
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Old 12-13-2015, 05:46 AM
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21 days today!!! Since that last gulp of wine that finished yet another bottle, I've been to counseling, run a marathon, slept great, enjoyed food, been present for my family, been sharp at work, and just been overall a happier person. Of course I've also had down days, thoughts of regret, shame, feeling awkward, and frustration with the reality that I can never drink again but these negatives are minimal. I'll never find prolonged happiness in a bottle - it's likely none of us here will. Lots of other things in this world that can help us find happiness - especially now that we are sober!
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Old 12-13-2015, 06:01 AM
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Let me start by giving you and yours my deepest condolences Tufty.

Well I made I t through my Christmas party without a drink. Like I thought I did catch a little flack from a couple guys. But the part I'd didn't like is having to explain myself and Give everyone a reason why I didn't want to drink. Kind of had to re-live the night at the bar that started it all again........ anyway nothing I couldn't handle.my wife and I ate our meal, played a few board games with them, and said our goodbyes.
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Old 12-13-2015, 06:29 AM
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Good morning Class. Dallow, I'm glad you have decided not to abandon ship after a slip on deck, all hands aboard! Kuddos to you for confessing your slip and recommitting to sobriety. It is not always easy, but it can be done, one day at a time.

My AV has been whispering lately, but nothing I haven't been able to recognize and dismiss. Have a safe and sober Sunday everyone!
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Old 12-13-2015, 07:09 AM
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Jemma & tufty, I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 12-13-2015, 07:39 AM
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Jemma- so sorry for your loss!

Dallow- sorry about your slip. I saw you said you were struggling yesterday, but I didn't realize how much because you were here. I'm sorry if I wasn't more supportive to help you through. Next time you say you're struggling I'll ask more questions! You really should print your post and keep it in your medicine cabinet or somewhere that you can easily see it when you start thinking about drinking.

After looking back all all of our posts over the last month it's just amazing to see how much alcohol has consumed our lives. When we were drinking we thought about how we would get more without driving, how we could order our next drink right away because we were already running low, how soon we could get home from a family obligation so we could drink.....constant thoughts of getting more. Alcohol consumed our lives.
Today each of us are so much stronger. We still have some cravings, depression, anxiety, self doubt, but overall alcohol isn't consuming our thoughts. We are all finding freedom! We deserve freedom!
Damn it's nice to wake up everyday without a hangover! 35 days without one! (Sore muscles don't count). That's freedom! Happy Sunday my wonderful classmates!
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:04 AM
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My condolences Jemma and tufty

Had the vividest drunk and hangover dream last night. Felt so real. Super unpleaant. The brains capacity to make physical , the subconscious, is incredible. Was more then a little relieved to wake up to a hangover free me.

Have a restful Sunday everyone
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