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Class of November 2015 Part 5

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Old 12-04-2015, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by FaithfulAndFree View Post
Made it thru my brief sad moment, accepted being "bored and bothered", rode the waves of cravings.... All while remaining sober
You've got it!! Great job.

And Kiki, I forgot to say hi to you!!
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Old 12-04-2015, 08:43 PM
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Originally Posted by badger257 View Post
So, I haven't had a craving or a trigger in two weeks. Today I saw my ex at the mall with what I would guess is her boyfriend. It has been a year or so since I have even spoken or seen her. And now all of the old emotions have come back and all my brain can think of its, you need a drink or 20. Wtf is wrong with me? Our relationship ended badly, and I guess I never forgiven myself for that. And the depression of the sh** storm I have made of my life really came to the forefront of where I am at today vs where it could have been. Sorry for the rant. Pity party. Just figured I would post here instead of going to the bar. :/
You feeling better now badger? That must have been very hard! :-(
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Old 12-04-2015, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by FaithfulAndFree View Post
Made it thru my brief sad moment, accepted being "bored and bothered", rode the waves of cravings.... All while remaining sober
You rock!!!
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Old 12-04-2015, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
You've got it!! Great job. And Kiki, I forgot to say hi to you!!
Hiya Kim!!!! I was so busy today I am finally sitting down. I'm exhausted and it's a good tired! A "I got a lot of stuff done, exercised, cooked a yummy dinner kinda tired"!

I'm loving being sober!!! Nite all! :-)
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Old 12-05-2015, 12:10 AM
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Day 30 started 2 hours ago for me. I'm still feeling pretty good about sobriety but I've got to start finding things to do as recreation or I may start feeling a void where the vodka once was. I've got a pretty busy work week next week so I should have some extra money building up to do some things. I bought myself a new phone today as a sobriety gift and downloaded the SR app. The phone was also a working two jobs gift. I feel like I deserve it.
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Old 12-05-2015, 12:23 AM
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Congrats on 30 CurlyGirl

D
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Old 12-05-2015, 04:07 AM
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Congrats curly!

I voluntarily got out of bed at 8 am on a Saturday .... What have I become haha
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Old 12-05-2015, 05:00 AM
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Good for you Curly Girl! I am getting my teeth whitened next Friday as a sobriety/Christmas/new-mom-who-hasn't-done-anything-for-herself gift Things on the Homefront are pretty quiet. My BF and I tried talking a little yesterday but ended up arguing and giving up again. So back to silence for now. I'm not ready to forgive and forget the awful things he says to me when he's angry, and he's not ready to forgive and forget that I too have done that in the past, and that I don't show him any love ever, so that is why he snaps. It's hard to feel any love when you spend most of the time angry at him!

We did take the baby to see Santa last night. So precious. What a sweet baby we have. Baby Smiled and propped his arm on Santa like they were old friends.

I had another awful drinking dream ugh. And woke with a headache again. I've always been a vivid dreamer so I suppose this will continue for quite awhile. Oh well. They are a good reminder of the horrors of drinking. Kiddo is up babbling in his crib so i guess it's time for me to get up as well and have some coffee Happy sober Saturday all! So proud of us!
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:23 AM
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Congratulations on hitting the 30 day mark, Curly!

Jemma, give that baby a big hug from me, he sounds adorable!

Starting day 14 and plan on staying close to home playing catch up on the never ending chores, that and decorating for the holidays.

Have a safe and sober weekend all!
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:25 AM
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Again

I'm back at day 1 today. I have had a terrible week. I don't want to drink anymore, and I just can't stop myself. Thought I could, but I can't. I hate being drunk and I hate being hungover. I hope I can learn. Any advice on how to realllllyyy commit, bc I've half- assed it the past few times. I really need to do it this time. I want my life back. Wish me luck. I'm going to go back on Antabuse, but right now I don't feel like I'll ever beat if.
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:32 AM
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Hey Strangeangel, don't beat yourself up over it, today's a new day. Even without having a terrible week, I came so close to caving yesterday that I ended up feeling physically ill from the battle, so no judgement or lectures from me. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the wagon immediately. That is where I made my biggest mistake in '14, not admitting my mistake and letting that one day turn into 15 months. In my opinion, you're steps ahead of me already! I hope you are feeling better soon and can build the momentum to claim your sobriety!
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:45 AM
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Good morning. I went to bed early last night and had a good sleep. Meditation and lavender oil really helped.

I woke up at 5am again and the anxiety started to escalate until 6am. I tried breathing exercises and focusing on here and now, but nothing helped. I was getting more and more anxious and I had to get up.

I don't know why I get so much anxiety when I first wake up...
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:46 AM
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Strangeangel, I wish I had better advice. Just know that there is no judgement here and we support you even if you're back on day 1 again. This is hard! But i'm super new to this so don't have the best advice. But wanted to respond since i'm here.
Have you made a up a "plan" as they say, to stay sober and ride through the cravings? Things to do instead when you have a craving or when your AV is convincing you? It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life that pushes you to drink again. Can you add some things into your daily life that will take the stress off of what all goes on that urges you to drink? All easier said than done, i'm sure Try to post here more often and we can help talk you through things. I believe in you! I'm sorry if my advice is crap! Just know my intentions mean well!
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:49 AM
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I'm focusing on formulating that plan today. I thought I could do it with out Antabuse, but I guess not. I will not drink today and then will start Antabuse tomorrow. I just need to "play it through" when I think having a drink is ok.
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:50 AM
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Day 21 here, good morning!
Soo glad to wake up NOT hungover this saturday.
Happy sober saturday everyone.
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Old 12-05-2015, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by strangeangel View Post
I'm focusing on formulating that plan today. I thought I could do it with out Antabuse, but I guess not. I will not drink today and then will start Antabuse tomorrow. I just need to "play it through" when I think having a drink is ok.
Yeah, that "play the tape" helps. What really helps me stay on track is reading through all the newcomers to recovery posts.
Wanting to get rid of my depression (and anxiety, but still have that with some particular things) was a big motivator for me to stop drinking. Drinking seriously had my emotions so out of whack, I felt so crazy. I even went to a psychologist who referred me to a psychiatrist. I realized i didn't want to be over medicated if i didn't have to be- and realized it was all linked to my drinking. Thats when i got sober and now my depression is gone and i'm 21 days sober.
Well sorry i know you didn't ask for me to talk about myself.
I tend to do that.
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Old 12-05-2015, 07:00 AM
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Hang in there strageangle! I and everybody else here are here to listen. Just remember if you had no regret you wouldn't have any reason to keep trying to quit.
It will happen, you just need to get over that "hump" that makes it easier (not easy) to say no.
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Old 12-05-2015, 07:09 AM
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Geeze! I need an attitude adjustment this morning! I haven't even gotten out of bed and I'm already pissed at people for things they did to me starting 25 years ago! What the heck? Resentments are just running through my head. I wonder if I had a dream that fueled this negativity?

I need to do a gratitude list!

Hmmmm....well I will work through all this stuff with counseling and the steps so it doesn't trip me up later! The AV is probably trying to sneak in through the "back door" and get me that way. Its relentless!

Ok now that I got some of the Saturday morning negativity out (sorry)...lets start over....

Good morning! Day 20 for me! I went all day yesterday AND the day before with out a craving and very few thoughts of drinking! Anxiety is so much better. Depression gone. Gonna head out for a workout now after I send the class list out!

Have a wonderful sober day!
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Old 12-05-2015, 07:17 AM
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Just out of curiosity strageangel...... Are there any other motives other than not liking the "being drunk" and "the hangover"? Maybe there are some other reasons more deep-rooted that are more motivating that could keep you more focused?
Just a thought....
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Old 12-05-2015, 07:21 AM
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Jemma-sorry you and your man are fighting. Let the dust settle and then try to work thru things later. Maybe counseling? Hang in there!!!

StrangeAngel-don't beat yourself up! I agree with Odelle and GoldenSands on everything they said. This IS hard but not impossible! You WILL get sober! Please stay with us. We care about you! (((Hug)))

Patricia-my anxiety was worse in the morning too but now it's so much better. Hang in there. It gets better, I promise!!!
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