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Class of December 2015

Old 12-03-2015, 01:31 AM
  # 121 (permalink)  
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Reasons why I failed after 11 weeks earlier this year:

1) Basically I got complacent. I was 11 weeks in and thought I had it kicked. That I could revert to moderation. That maybe my health was not as bad as I had thought its was, as I was feeling great. So, no need to punish myself without alcohol, right?
2) I didn't rebuild my network of friends quickly enough so when I wanted to go out I ended up calling my drinking buddies
3) I just couldn't get past the higher power part of AA. Especially when my sponsor asked me to start praying twice per day. Once I pulled back from AA it removed a key support
4) My AV was looking for ways to topple me....it found it in "rock bottom". Hearing everyone else's stories of rock bottom, combined with the fact that I felt great, made me believe that I was being a drama queen. Even though deep down I knew better. "Rock bottom" gave my AV the in it was looking for
5) Boredom. I believe I just wasn't trying hard enough to fill a sober life with alternative productive activities.

Will adjust the plan this time around.
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Old 12-03-2015, 01:47 AM
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Hi everyone, great reading all the posts, indescribably helpful and empowering every time!
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Old 12-03-2015, 01:51 AM
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Originally Posted by ubntubnt View Post
Reasons why I failed after 11 weeks earlier this year:

1) Basically I got complacent. I was 11 weeks in and thought I had it kicked. That I could revert to moderation. That maybe my health was not as bad as I had thought its was, as I was feeling great. So, no need to punish myself without alcohol, right?
2) I didn't rebuild my network of friends quickly enough so when I wanted to go out I ended up calling my drinking buddies
3) I just couldn't get past the higher power part of AA. Especially when my sponsor asked me to start praying twice per day. Once I pulled back from AA it removed a key support
4) My AV was looking for ways to topple me....it found it in "rock bottom". Hearing everyone else's stories of rock bottom, combined with the fact that I felt great, made me believe that I was being a drama queen. Even though deep down I knew better. "Rock bottom" gave my AV the in it was looking for
5) Boredom. I believe I just wasn't trying hard enough to fill a sober life with alternative productive activities.

Will adjust the plan this time around.
Boredom is often what gets me, I don't try and fill my life with anything new. I end up sitting in the same position, watching the same tv show just minus the can of beer in my hand. I'm going to work on that this time and try to fill my time, hit the gym, take my son out some places, Xmas will actually help, my family are not big drinkers so usually spend Christmas in forced moderation anyway.
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Old 12-03-2015, 02:32 AM
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Originally Posted by ubntubnt View Post
Reasons why I failed after 11 weeks earlier this year:

1) Basically I got complacent. I was 11 weeks in and thought I had it kicked. That I could revert to moderation. That maybe my health was not as bad as I had thought its was, as I was feeling great. So, no need to punish myself without alcohol, right?
2) I didn't rebuild my network of friends quickly enough so when I wanted to go out I ended up calling my drinking buddies
3) I just couldn't get past the higher power part of AA. Especially when my sponsor asked me to start praying twice per day. Once I pulled back from AA it removed a key support
4) My AV was looking for ways to topple me....it found it in "rock bottom". Hearing everyone else's stories of rock bottom, combined with the fact that I felt great, made me believe that I was being a drama queen. Even though deep down I knew better. "Rock bottom" gave my AV the in it was looking for
5) Boredom. I believe I just wasn't trying hard enough to fill a sober life with alternative productive activities.

Will adjust the plan this time around.
Cheers for the above - 1, 2 & 4 are certainly ones to take note of and No. 5 is also key one for me - need to ensure I find other stuff to keep me busy.
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Old 12-03-2015, 02:45 AM
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Originally Posted by ubntubnt View Post
Reasons why I failed after 11 weeks earlier this year:

1) Basically I got complacent. I was 11 weeks in and thought I had it kicked. That I could revert to moderation. That maybe my health was not as bad as I had thought its was, as I was feeling great. So, no need to punish myself without alcohol, right?
2) I didn't rebuild my network of friends quickly enough so when I wanted to go out I ended up calling my drinking buddies
3) I just couldn't get past the higher power part of AA. Especially when my sponsor asked me to start praying twice per day. Once I pulled back from AA it removed a key support
4) My AV was looking for ways to topple me....it found it in "rock bottom". Hearing everyone else's stories of rock bottom, combined with the fact that I felt great, made me believe that I was being a drama queen. Even though deep down I knew better. "Rock bottom" gave my AV the in it was looking for
5) Boredom. I believe I just wasn't trying hard enough to fill a sober life with alternative productive activities.

Will adjust the plan this time around.

You make some valid points here.
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Old 12-03-2015, 02:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Highwind View Post
Boredom is often what gets me, I don't try and fill my life with anything new. I end up sitting in the same position, watching the same tv show just minus the can of beer in my hand. I'm going to work on that this time and try to fill my time, hit the gym, take my son out some places, Xmas will actually help, my family are not big drinkers so usually spend Christmas in forced moderation anyway.
Same goes Highwind - family are not drinkers at all - however the forced moderation doesn't occur and therefore always only me knocking back beer after beer at any family occasion whether that be out for a meal or round to my mums where we usually congregate.

The Gym is also my big release and place to get my head in gear, got myself in good shape at present and prior to the last binge and had already accepted / written off the whole of November and December to start over in January - the good thing is that my moment of clarity has already arrived and none of that is now going to happen and I'll be clean and sober and working out instead of off my head week in week out.
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Old 12-03-2015, 03:09 AM
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Day 2!

It s day two and I'm feeling good about my life.
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Old 12-03-2015, 03:29 AM
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Starting of day 3 of 4 at work.
Slept some last night !whoo hoo !
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Old 12-03-2015, 03:59 AM
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Checking in, great to see you back again NT. Chickchick, maximus and cute, I know we've all been in classes too, great to see you. I really want to make 2015 it, I've been working on being sober approaching 2 years

I hear you in the invites out for drinks nt. I haves a lot of old friends who I would see mostly at happy hour. I plan on going out to lunch more at work to try to see people. Plenty of good excuses not to go out in the evening
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Old 12-03-2015, 04:16 AM
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Hello all. Great to see everyone, yes, I remember nmd, chickchick, and many others from previous classes. Cute, good to see you. Yep, we are both on day two, and Im up for the challenges, lets keep each other on the straight and narrow, ok?

Well, sleep wasnt last night, but as I know, it improves in time. Im still licking my wounds from my last binge. I did and said some really stupid things, but I know thats not the real me. My husband says no, when people are drunk, thats when the truth really comes out. What do you all think?

My health has been steadily getting worse this year, because of my bingeing. I have health issues anyways, Im an older person, so this drinking has got to go. Seriously, Im noticing some scary changes. Like after a binge, Im not hungry anymore, when I use to be ravenous. And I cant sleep for a few days, and am filled with anxiety. Its horrible, its the progression of this . I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would be an alcoholic. Its got me terrified. I.have to commit to never drinking again. Moderation has been gone a long time go. So, Im going to be here often, as much as I need.

I hope everyone is holding up ok, and welcome to everyone, old, and new. Will check back in later.
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Old 12-03-2015, 05:27 AM
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Welcome to the newcomers.

Good morning gang. On to day (2). My son had art class yesterday evening, so, that took up a lot of my time. Wife and I went out for dinner in the meantime. Didn't get home until 7:00. That's a good way to get day (1) out of the way.

Somehow I got the night-sweats out of the way the night before even though I was drinking on Tuesday. So, I did some tossing and turning but I slept better than I expected.

Have a great sober day everyone!
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Old 12-03-2015, 05:35 AM
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I wonder, does sleep become more difficult as you get older, or easier ?
I'm 44, now.
2 nights in a row of good sleep is rare for me more recently.
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:08 AM
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It's never .....it's enough

How much is enough?

I've had enough. On an emotional level I can feel that I'm done. That last binge.....really bad....left me quite sad, exhausted and broke....but you know....the one before was bad...and the one before was....

No point talking about them. Time to put a fork in it, it's done.

So I start with a penny.....a day 1......now it's time to let the magic of compound interest work

"with time and patience the mulberry leaf become a silk gown"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5enlLwo94M
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:34 AM
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On a another note, thoughts and prayers to the families of the horrific event in San Bernardino.
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:39 AM
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Wishing everyone a blessed afternoon
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:48 AM
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We're all saying the same thing over and over. Why do I feel this way? Why do I have to drink in excess? What I am abusing myself? Why would I take a few hours of drinking to destroy what was a wonderful day prior to. Add to that, the price I pay the next day.

Lately, I've had days in which I didn't drink all day. And I'm thinking, I'm in the clear, alright. Then like a zombie (I've referenced zombie from past posts) my heart starts beating and I feel some excitement rush over me and I get in the car. Well, I don't think I have to tell anyone what happens when you condense a typical evening/nights consumption into about 2 hours because you have to go to bed and work in the morning.

Now, that's an addiction, a disease.

Can I help myself or do I need help? I think I can do this on my own. Am I taking a risk with this mindset? I'm only going to get so many chances.

I'm lucky I am healthy right now. Please don't take that for granted. I'm 45.

I hate calling this a disease because everything I've learned while growing up and reading about disease doesn't seem to correlate with alcoholism. But it is and we're lucky because it's curable by abstinence.

I will practice what I preach and I will not look back.
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:51 AM
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Hey JL, sleep became more difficult for me, as I aged. Im 55. I use to sleep like a rock, and could sleep anytime I felt tired. Although since my drinking has been very heavy the last ten years, that will mess with the normal sleep cycle, so maybe thats it?
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Old 12-03-2015, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Neverthought View Post
We're all saying the same thing over and over. Why do I feel this way? Why do I have to drink in excess? What I am abusing myself? Why would I take a few hours of drinking to destroy what was a wonderful day prior to. Add to that, the price I pay the next day.

Lately, I've had days in which I didn't drink all day. And I'm thinking, I'm in the clear, alright. Then like a zombie (I've referenced zombie from past posts) my heart starts beating and I feel some excitement rush over me and I get in the car. Well, I don't think I have to tell anyone what happens when you condense a typical evening/nights consumption into about 2 hours because you have to go to bed and work in the morning.

Now, that's an addiction, a disease.

Can I help myself or do I need help? I think I can do this on my own. Am I taking a risk with this mindset? I'm only going to get so many chances.

I'm lucky I am healthy right now. Please don't take that for granted. I'm 45.

I hate calling this a disease because everything I've learned while growing up and reading about disease doesn't seem to correlate with alcoholism. But it is and we're lucky because it's curable by abstinence.

I will practice what I preach and I will not look back.
We have addicted behavior and need to let go of the illusion that one drink is alright. That one drink turns to a binge for us. Look at the positive of sobriety and make a pledge that you will not drink today for the rest of your life.
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Old 12-03-2015, 07:10 AM
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Originally Posted by GhostFace View Post
We have addicted behavior and need to let go of the illusion that one drink is alright. That one drink turns to a binge for us. Look at the positive of sobriety and make a pledge that you will not drink today for the rest of your life.
Amen!
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Old 12-03-2015, 07:11 AM
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Good morning.

There is so much to comment on! I'll get better at this in time.

I'm starting off day 2 with some coffee. Nothing big planned. Maybe a little cleaning and decorating but then again maybe not. I'm more focused on not beating myself up for drinking after 6 months.

I want to say that sobriety is possible. I had numerous starts and stops, learned many a lesson the hard way, but it can be done. The first 4 months were very rough for me, and I'm sure the timeline is different for everyone but if you can keep in mind that with each passing day you are healing, and one rough day doesn't mean the next one will be rough, and you push through and don't cave you WILL get through to the other side.

I let a bout of depression derail me this time. Everything had been great. I was happy, getting involved in my church, and then out of nowhere, depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I naively thought that without drinking I would never experience a negative emotion again. So silly. I guess that is my big issue. Having to deal with whatever emotion I'm feeling at the time regardless of how I "think" I should be feeling.

Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll be back later. Have a good day/night!
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