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Class of October 2014 Part 23

Old 12-01-2015, 05:43 PM
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Ditto.
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Old 12-01-2015, 05:50 PM
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I think all of us would like to hear more from you Briar.

I get the control thing - it's very common in some eating disorders like anorexia, as well of course in other addictions like cutting and alcoholism too.

What does your therapist have to say about that?

D
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:29 PM
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Thanks guys, that's really nice.

Dee - my therapist understands that it's a control thing, and the poor guy takes the brunt of my staunch refusal to give up control of this. He says I don't want to deal with the fact that I feel incapable of living the life I've signed up for. This eating disorder is a distraction, like drinking was. He's right, I know. But like drinking, knowing it's a problem doesn't make me know how to solve it, and at the moment, it feels like it's working for me.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:33 PM
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I love you Briar ~ and I'm glad you are talking to your therapist.
But our eating disorders don't work for us, not for very long anyway.
Unfortunately, you are already beginning to feel the repercussions with muscle damage. It gets worse love.

And we all want you to be healthy.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:44 PM
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I guess ideally I should give this up, gain some weight, and learn to deal with my life, but it's that last part that really daunts me. I'm disappointed that I still feel this way after getting sober and committing myself to treatment and recovery. I worked at it, but now I feel like I haven't tried hard enough, obviously. I'm frustrated and intimidated by the work and discipline it will take to be okay with life. Somehow the work and discipline I apply to these rigid eating issues doesn't seem to transfer...the contradiction is not lost on me.

Oh well, I will figure it out eventually.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:45 PM
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Thanks V, love you too! Your support and understanding help.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:51 PM
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I'm glad you're not upset with me for being blunt.
And yeah, I get it, I really do.
And I really really don't think you should be beating yourself up for not trying hard enough with your recovery. You have done, and are doing an AMAZING job.

But life throws us curve balls, and we have to keep navigating.
For those of us (me for sure) who are super sensitive and have major control issues, it feels like a constant fight.

But there are ways to learn to deal with that. Healthier ways.
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Old 12-01-2015, 07:07 PM
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I'm never upset with you V. Never ever. I always appreciate your honesty and wisdom.
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Old 12-01-2015, 07:31 PM
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Some of us have more than one cross to bear and one fight to fight, I think, Briar - fair or not, we just have to deal with things the best and the healthiest way we can.

It's successful avoidance sure, but is it really working for you?

I don't want to say this, but I will - I think a good test for if something is healthy and really working for you is to consider if you'd be ok with your daughter having the same problem.

I guessing you wouldn't - and that's exactly why you need to fight the idea that this is working for you.

D
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Old 12-01-2015, 07:58 PM
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It's a very good point Dee. I don't love myself like I love my daughter, though.

There is an element of deliberate self abuse in what I'm doing.
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Old 12-01-2015, 08:02 PM
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Old 12-01-2015, 08:12 PM
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But anyway.......

Got the Xmas lights up today. All blue and white. My husband is hilarious with his lights. They are tasteful, but I'm pretty sure you can see our house from space.
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Old 12-01-2015, 08:13 PM
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Now that's a picture I want to see...ooooo.....suki put up an awesome gif last yr...must find it...BRB.

Wizards of Winter - Jaw Dropping Christmas Light Show in Yucaipa, California

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Old 12-01-2015, 08:17 PM
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^^^It's so awesome it makes me cry!
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Old 12-01-2015, 08:25 PM
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Wow! Beautiful!

I was about to go take a pic of ours, but he says to take it tomorrow, he's not done yet
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Old 12-01-2015, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Briar View Post
It's a very good point Dee. I don't love myself like I love my daughter, though.

There is an element of deliberate self abuse in what I'm doing.
Yeah - self abuse is not immutable tho

but, I'll leave it there for now
.
Just worried about you as a friend Briar.

D
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:12 PM
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I wish I knew what to say, sweet Briar.

Sending love and support.
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:29 PM
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Goodnight, Octsobers.
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Old 12-02-2015, 04:10 AM
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Years ago we had multi-color flashing lights on the tree. One year we even had icicle lights indoors-adorning every window, including DD's bedroom (her insistence). Things are a bit more sedate now. I'll bet A loves the lights!
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Old 12-02-2015, 04:39 AM
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Briar, hugs to you. I miss you. Glad you are posting. I hope you figure it out. Loving ourselves and self care make us better caregivers for others. But, I need to take my own advice there.

We have a string of the icicles across our front porch, so far. Not sure what else the man has planned. I find I get less excited about Christmas decorating. The house is always a mess, and it adds to what needs cleanup! I just don't like lots of clutter, and that can include too many knick knacks around. But we do do a few cute decorations, and little houses around, and the tree. We have a nice creshe we put on the mantle.

I feel tired this morning. It is rainy and I ache, especially my hands. Must be arthritis. I was dreaming about a doctor we know massaging my hands and they felt so much better. They must have been aching in my sleep! I think dog class makes then hurt. He pulls hard on the leash to get to other dogs and I have to hold it so hard, wrapped around them. It squeezes my joints so. Oh well. 4 more classes and I'm done! Will work on my own with the tricks they teach, and can consult individually, maybe, for specific issues. I Just wish he was not getting so big!!

Oops, son oversleeping! Bye for now!
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