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Class of November 2015 Part 4

Old 11-28-2015, 07:32 AM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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I really have hurt my best friend, my husband a d it's hard not to feel the depths of despair. I was sooooo stupid and allowed something to happen. Without the beer I may have thought about it, but never acted upon it.... I know cheating g is very very wrong and damaging....the worst kind of scum. That's what I did... I broke it... broke my life. Sober maybe it will mend a bit....
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:36 AM
  # 142 (permalink)  
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Golden Sands, there are threads on healthy eating/exercise on SR in "special interests" I think? I'm planning to explore them today. I'm two weeks sober, time to do something about this chub.
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:38 AM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post
I really have hurt my best friend, my husband a d it's hard not to feel the depths of despair. I was sooooo stupid and allowed something to happen. Without the beer I may have thought about it, but never acted upon it.... I know cheating g is very very wrong and damaging....the worst kind of scum. That's what I did... I broke it... broke my life. Sober maybe it will mend a bit....
Sorry to hear that enfin. The kind of thing that only time cam heal. Hang in there. Stay sober. ((Hugs))
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:50 AM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=Healthygoals;5664466]Good morning everyone.

Welcome new members. Glad you joined us!

Waking up to day 13 sober, woohoo! Met some friends last night to listen to a friend play in a local bar, happily had my soda water and it's such a great feeling to remember the music and conversations clearly.

Lots to do today including taking down all the fall decorations (and there's a ton in this big house!) Then some cleaning to prepare for Xmas decorating. Trying to not letthe surgical hand stop m. At least the lack of a hangover helps!

Will check in later, stay sober![/QUOTE

You're impressive Healthy! I love that you're getting out there with your friends and staying sober.

Welcome Elfin and Cinema. November is a great class. All caring and supportive. Please stay.

KIR
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:52 AM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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Day 6 and thankful

I'm on day 6, just got back from visiting family. Funny how the alcoholic brain works, 5 days with the family and I didn't want to drink at all, despite alcohol being in the house. One of my triggers is loneliness, so being around family actually helps.

I learn from every time I stop and then slip again, and every time it happens I add another recovery tool to the toolbox. Here are a few things I've learned and what works for me:

- Take HALT seriously, especially the food part. I've whacked my body with alcohol and the sugars in it, so physically my body will need to re adjust. There will be plenty of time to eat healthy, but for week 1 I just need calories, lots of them and often. I've found keep lots of food handy and eating every two hours really helps, otherwise I get hungry and crave the calories and sugar from booze. Doesn't matter if it's cheeseburgers and fries, just EAT.

- Coffee is an enemy for me because it throws off my blood sugar. I switched to tea or no caffeine and it really helped.

- Needing to rehydrate so much I got sick of plain water; Gatorade is my friend.

- whenever I feel cranky, frustrated, angry, I employ the 4-7-8 technique. Four second breath in, hold for 7, out in 8 counts through the mouth.

- walk. I'm out of shape and part of me wants to "punish" myself for years of neglecting my body with a fierce workout. Like healthy eating, there will be plenty of time for that. Instead, for now just walk, the sun and moving does wonders.

- And last, for me, I realize that whenever I want to drink its me being totally self centered, so in those times of wanting I stop and think of others suffering- alcoholics and others- and how I can help them, even if it's just sending thoughts and prayers their way.
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:53 AM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by onetimeless View Post
Reading everyone's posts, when they are so excited to reach another day of sobriety, helps me so much to get through those moments when for some odd reason I miss drinking.

I still have anxiety about drinking - which is good! No AV in my head telling me to drink, just one panicking about being at a lack of control!! I am a little worried about hitting the 30 day mark and falling off the wagon, but I don't think I will. That's not like me. Celebrating 30 days sober with a drink sounds absolutely silly. I think I'll spend it decorating my house for Christmas instead. I just deposited my paycheck (note: remember I'm in school full time and work full time, so the struggle can be real), and noticed my savings account has been racking up!! I've been putting my "drinking money" into my savings. I'm saving up for....something. Something that's going to make me happy! Like a trip to Europe? I'm not sure... just something to really make all this worth it!

I had a roommate, and he was very disrespectful of my detox, bringing beer home and even drinking while I was around. Though I stayed strong, he will be gone after today! I get my house back! Redecorating - here I come!!!!


It's day 22 for me (over three weeks!!!!!) - Thanks KiKi for posting them - it makes me feel VERY good when I look at that number rising!!!!!
Great job! I'm saving my $$$ as well. $200 in the kitty!!!!! Keep up the great work! Glad your roommate is gone!
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Old 11-28-2015, 08:08 AM
  # 147 (permalink)  
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Day 6 Check In

Chilly No Cal AM.

Dee, I think I'm really going to do this this time. Every time I try I think there is this little implant telling me that "do this now, it will be
OK in a few months to have a bottle of wine and write some poetry (or whatever)" and every time that bottle turns into a couple of
months of descent into a bad place. I guess the "implant" is the AV. That sucker always leads you astray.

Only on Day 6 and already my GF loves me more, my kids are laughing with me sincerely and even talking about
how my Ex has too much wine, and how they can tell an adult has been drinking. I guess they have had a lot of practice!

So why should I sacrifice this "roll" I am on?

So keep the faith those of you who are hitting speed bumps - I'm there with you along with Dee, KiKi, GS, Keeping, canguy, and a cast of many more . . .
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:11 AM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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This is the best class ever! I'm so happy to be a part of it.
Made it though Thanksgiving, day 14. 2 weeks feels awesome.
I feel so much more confident in myself. This is so much better than drinking.
I love it, love this class. Happy days!
Happy sober weekend everyone.
It's totally worth it.
Sending Blessings <3
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:27 AM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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Welcome Enfin and SilentCinemaFan! You'll find a ton of support here.

Odelle, I always have to remind myself that Facebook is not real life; everyone is putting on their best face. Imagine what it would be like if everyone's Facebook page was realistic. I'm sure we wouldn't feel so alone! Looking at my page, nobody would ever, ever guess that I'm an alcoholic with depression and anxiety and suicidal tendencies. They would probably think that I lead a perfect life. Facebook makes it look like we all live in Pleasantville.

Rah, good job standing your ground! It must be tough to have a spouse that's not fully supportive of your sobriety efforts. Hang in there!

SoberMarathon, glad that you're finally getting help. I read somewhere that a lot of alcoholics are extremely smart, creative, and driven. If we could put 100% of ourselves into healthy, creative things instead of alcohol, imagine what we could accomplish! On another note, I can't even imagine giving a seminar in front of hundreds of people. That would be terrifying for me! Kudos to you!

Healthy, great job on 13 days! Don't you love remembering things in the morning?

Onetimeless, saving your drinking money for something healthy is a great idea! I'm glad that your disrespectful roommate is leaving. One more roadblock removed on your journey to sobriety! Congrats on 22 days!

Pams, It's wonderful that your body is finally healing. I too get hung up on replaying my drunken antics in my mind over and over. Kiki is right in that we probably care 100% more than everybody else does! We need to start forgiving ourselves and focusing on moving forward with our lives. There's no reason to stay stuck in that cycle of shame and guilt.

Enfin, many of us have done things while drunk that we never would have considered when we were sober. Our drunk selves are not our real selves. The only thing you can do is take responsibility and put every effort into maintaining your sobriety. Things will get better!

Sunny, I love the 4-7-8 technique! It helps me fall asleep when my mind won't stop racing. Congratulations on Day 6! Focusing on trying to help others has been vital in my recovery too. I know that I was 100% self centered when I was drinking, because I really had no energy for anybody or anything else, so it's so good to get outside of myself and to try to make other people's lives better.

Blondsober, good job on Day 6! AV is a bastard. It will always try to get you in trouble!

Meshelly, congrats on Day 14! That's a huge milestone. =)

I just want to thank you guys for your posts and your stories. Knowing that you guys are there and that you're struggling with the same things as I am makes me feel so much less alone. Stay strong everybody! We've got this!
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:48 AM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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Lots of wonderful advice on the thread this morning Welcome to the newcomers and congrats to everyone who is committing to one more day sober.

SunnyDenver, thank you for sharing the 4-7-8 technique. I had never heard that before, but it sounds even better than just "breath in, breath out." I will try that!

To add to what others have said about how they portray themselves to the outside world (whether online or real life) I am the same way. Very few people would guess that alcoholism causes me so much pain, self-loathing and sadness. My AV tries to use that as an argument for me to drink, "you've got your stuff together, no one is perfect, just drink, etc." No thanks, AV.

You all inspire me. Thank you for being here and sharing what you are going through. Here's to Sober Saturday!
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:53 AM
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Day 1 for me. That's about all I can muster up right now. I am in a very, very low place. It's my own fault and I own it. But, ouch, I am just really hurting. I'm tired of feeling this way.
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Old 11-28-2015, 09:58 AM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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Vanilla, we've all been there. Thank you for joining us and for being brave enough to share your feelings. You'll find a lot of support in this group. I can say from experience that things will get better! Just focus on staying sober: a day, an hour, a minute at a time if you have to.
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Old 11-28-2015, 10:09 AM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by VanillaChaiTea View Post
Day 1 for me. That's about all I can muster up right now. I am in a very, very low place. It's my own fault and I own it. But, ouch, I am just really hurting. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I am down there with you. I did it to myself. I just screwed up so massively.... hold my hand and maybe we can get better. ....
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Old 11-28-2015, 10:21 AM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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Welcome, Vanilla You've come to the right place. We've all been there (I was three days ago).

I wanted to share a story re public image of one's drinking behavior. Two years ago I went to a dinner party with a group of triathlete friends, most of who were in college or grad school. It was very much a "drinking" dinner party, and someone thought it would be fun to keep tally of everyone's drinks to see who drank the most (because that's something to be proud of?). I think the party lasted about four hours, and of course I drank like I always did (beer after beer after beer) and ended up drinking the most (like 10 drinks or something). Everyone was shocked because 1. I was a girl and 2. I outdrank the "known" drunk of the group, who was a guy. I remember just shrugging it off and was not very proud of that honor. And out of everyone at that party I was the only one to not make it to the bike ride the next morning because of a massive hangover.

That was a weird moment for me. It was before I wanted to quit drinking, but I was at the point where getting drunk was not very fun and the resulting hangovers just kept getting worse. That's really what it is now: getting drunk isn't fun, and the hangovers make me shudder just thinking about them. Alcohol only gives me one thing: pain. Which is why I want sobriety so badly!
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Old 11-28-2015, 10:27 AM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Welcome to all the new members! Glad to have you with us

Enfin, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Please check in often, we are here for you! Most of us have done awful things when we were drinking. But this is not who you really are, you will get through this and start showing everyone around you what a great person you are when sober. The regret and the shame is awful, I know. Stay strong these early days and eventually it will get better!

Vanilla, that first day is horrible, I know. We're not only physically drained but also mentally. If you feel cravings, post here and let it out - we all know what it's like!

I guess for all of us one of the biggest problems dealing with this is that we feel "we've done this to ourselves". That we put ourselves in this position. In a way that's true, and we have to work hard to get out of this.

But to heal I think we also must be kinder to ourselves and realise that nobody wants to be an alcoholic, nobody strives to become one. We are both the perpetrator and the victim - but we need to find another way to live, that's the only way to become who we really are.
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Old 11-28-2015, 10:41 AM
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Dallow - thanks for reminding us that to heal we must be kinder to ourselves. I am extremely hard on myself. My friends and co-workers have told me so. On that note - part of why I feel so miserable today has to do with an ugly argument (via text messages) last night with my daughters who have again decided to "block me" and have told me they want no contact with me. This is not the first time this has happened. I'll own perpetuating the argument, as I was full of wine and very ugly. The back story is too long to go into here. My girls are 18 and 20. 2 years ago I went through a very bitter divorce (betrayal to the max) and I haven't done well. My drinking has gone nuts. I have drank for decades, but the past few years have been bad, bad, bad. I feel very disgusted with myself but it struck me this morning that perhaps it's time to step back from the drama with my girls (who are also hurting in their own ways) and focus on getting well myself. I need some long-term sobriety and, most of all, self-forgiveness, before I can deal with them. That may sound harsh, but that's where I'm at. But, it hurts. It really hurts. It's time to stop this self destructive cycle and rebuild my life. Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-28-2015, 10:43 AM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
Welcome to all the new members! Glad to have you with us Enfin, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Please check in often, we are here for you! Most of us have done awful things when we were drinking. But this is not who you really are, you will get through this and start showing everyone around you what a great person you are when sober. The regret and the shame is awful, I know. Stay strong these early days and eventually it will get better! Vanilla, that first day is horrible, I know. We're not only physically drained but also mentally. If you feel cravings, post here and let it out - we all know what it's like! I guess for all of us one of the biggest problems dealing with this is that we feel "we've done this to ourselves". That we put ourselves in this position. In a way that's true, and we have to work hard to get out of this. But to heal I think we also must be kinder to ourselves and realise that nobody wants to be an alcoholic, nobody strives to become one. We are both the perpetrator and the victim - but we need to find another way to live, that's the only way to become who we really are.
well said. Self-loathing needs to lead to forgiveness at some point. Nobody's perfect. I know plenty of people who are total arse's even when sober. Most of us are good people that just have an unsolicited problem. As you put it, none of us set out to become alcoholics or problem drinkers.
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Old 11-28-2015, 11:02 AM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SunnyDenver View Post
I'm on day 6, just got back from visiting family. Funny how the alcoholic brain works, 5 days with the family and I didn't want to drink at all, despite alcohol being in the house. One of my triggers is loneliness, so being around family actually helps.

I learn from every time I stop and then slip again, and every time it happens I add another recovery tool to the toolbox. Here are a few things I've learned and what works for me:

- Take HALT seriously, especially the food part. I've whacked my body with alcohol and the sugars in it, so physically my body will need to re adjust. There will be plenty of time to eat healthy, but for week 1 I just need calories, lots of them and often. I've found keep lots of food handy and eating every two hours really helps, otherwise I get hungry and crave the calories and sugar from booze. Doesn't matter if it's cheeseburgers and fries, just EAT.

- Coffee is an enemy for me because it throws off my blood sugar. I switched to tea or no caffeine and it really helped.

- Needing to rehydrate so much I got sick of plain water; Gatorade is my friend.

- whenever I feel cranky, frustrated, angry, I employ the 4-7-8 technique. Four second breath in, hold for 7, out in 8 counts through the mouth.

- walk. I'm out of shape and part of me wants to "punish" myself for years of neglecting my body with a fierce workout. Like healthy eating, there will be plenty of time for that. Instead, for now just walk, the sun and moving does wonders.

- And last, for me, I realize that whenever I want to drink its me being totally self centered, so in those times of wanting I stop and think of others suffering- alcoholics and others- and how I can help them, even if it's just sending thoughts and prayers their way.
Welcome Denver! I'm so glad you joined the class and congrats on 6 days! I really like your tips. I really need to add regular exercise and lots of water into my daily regime. Today is day 13 for me and my 2 biggest struggles are lots of free floating anxiety, exhaustion and cravings.

I will add you to our class list that will come out again tomorrow morning. We have 53 members and we have an awesome class!
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Old 11-28-2015, 11:28 AM
  # 159 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by VanillaChaiTea View Post
Day 1 for me. That's about all I can muster up right now. I am in a very, very low place. It's my own fault and I own it. But, ouch, I am just really hurting. I'm tired of feeling this way.
Welcome VanillaChaiTea! I am so glad you joined us! You have come to.the right place and it takes A LOT of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help. We are all right there with you....we all know how you are feeling....

Although my life is not rainbows and unicorns, I will tell you I feel 90% better than I did just 13 days ago when I was laying in my bed drunk AGAIN thinking about whether or not I want to just end it all. That's where alcohol took me. It took me to the point of depression, self-hatred and hopelessness.

The great news: you never have to do this alone! We are all here with you to help. I will add you to our awesome class list. We have 54 November members!

Post as much as you need to and ask for help if you need it. There is usually always someone lurking around here to help as we have people from all corners of the world (and all timezones) in our class. Be strong! You can do this!
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Old 11-28-2015, 11:35 AM
  # 160 (permalink)  
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...and around through the dark and back out into the light of Sunday morning.

Saturday nite the hardest one,....but sat it out with dark chocolate and a couple of bad dvd's. And no booze. So its Day 20 today...feeling better, like pams said, maybe not so bloated.

Welcome to the new people, enfin, cinema and vanilla.....stick with us. Kiki has you on the list now, once on the list there can be no turning back, lol.

Actually...looking at the list....there's a lot of ppl on there that haven't posted in a while....maybe an end of the month muster might be an idea Kiki? Before we get shifted over into the daily thread.

Okay....go make some coffee and kick off the day, will check in here from time to time. Before most of you go to bed at about 6pm my time, leaving only us night pilots....
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