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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-29-2015, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Winslow View Post
Grizzly, I heard hubs crack a beer at 1 pm in the garage😠 I said something to him but he just said he wanted energy to put up the outside lights,but he can sip on it,if it were me I'd be drunk by now and ready for bed at 6 pm,not fun!
Exactly! Then I'd get all weird about having to get out to run errands because I was drunk already. It would take awhile, but I'd talk myself into getting out for the errands, but I would take a drink for the road. My drinking days were full of bad choices.
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Old 11-29-2015, 03:43 PM
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I used to drink early in the evening (afternoon) as well. My reasoning was that the earlier I drank, the sooner my hangover would go away the next day and I could get most of my suffering over with before the morning came. It makes sense, but there's something really twisted in that logic (as in, "Want to avoid a hangover? Just don't drink!") In the end my hangovers lasted until 4:00 pm anyway, even if I started drinking at 4:00 pm the day before.

I remember the days when I was drinking wine most everyday (a few years ago) and I had parent meetings and events at the school that started at around 7:00 pm. I used to get really resentful as they interfered with my drinking time. At times I would even prime myself with a paper cup of wine in the car before the meeting to get through. I used to really wonder what kind of people could get through all of this stuff sober.

I just realized we haven't heard from Looking4aWagon since he lost his power. I hope he's doing okay. Also, HelpImAlive hasn't checked in. Hope she's okay, too. Syndeyman and Midton - hope you had good weekends.
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Old 11-29-2015, 03:53 PM
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Juno,my girls were in choir and son was in band,I used to be so hammered by the time the concerts started at 7 pm but my reasoning at the time was that nobody could sit through those boring things sober! Although I regret those years and the stupidy,I still think that stuffs boring,unless your kid is one of the main performers haha
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Old 11-29-2015, 04:01 PM
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My daughter was in band for a while. You're right, those concerts are tough to get through completely sober. Parenting is difficult business and I used to use wine to help get me through tough evenings. My kids are little older now, and I feel some relief from the constant flow of activities - my kids are not terribly outgoing and stay home a lot - so it's a little easier. And I do try to limit my evening activities to prevent burnout - like not attend every event, not join every parent organization, etc. Just figure I have to "pace myself" because no one is going to do it for me.
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Old 11-29-2015, 06:05 PM
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Mr Sydney all good here.. Week today and feel full of life and vitality.. Glad you all survived the hols and now we are all moving towards the big Christmas.. After all these years (24) living in Sydney I still havent got used to a hot sunny christmas with full on summer.. I am after all from Santas homeland up north!!
Yes so all good here, weekend was a chilled quiet one but got tlots done. Preparing for crissy and getting stuff ready. Its a small gathering only 3 of us my partner his mother and myself.. So VERY quiet unless the 2 start disagreeing..
Not much else to report from me.. Keep going!!!
Yes, HelpImalive and looking where are you both,hope all good with you.
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Old 11-29-2015, 08:39 PM
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Checking in.

I'm not complaining but I am neither up nor down, I'm just living my life. And maybe this is a good thing. Things are possibly a little more dull without the wine crutch but way less dramatic. Less dramatic is good. Life seems easier, less bumpy.

Despite my recent strong cravings at work as the weekend nears I can't see myself drinking. Christmas here is really only commercial so I won't have any tempting, nostalgic reason to drink. I'm on the cusp of 3 months (next Sunday) then shortly after 100 days.

I've also quit coffee. I initially started just before my blood pressure worries but have continued. Apparently I don't have a coffee problem, much as I like it, caffeine or its withdrawal, doesn't seem to affect me in the least. Think I'll continue it though.

I'm also becoming a little bit obsessive about food since my health check. I always loved tests in school and the health check has me researching ways to get even better results ( better scores so to speak),cutting or adding food depending on what I read online. Looks like I'm switching addictions but at least this one is less destructive.


I'm going to put up my Christmas tree at work today. It's a hassle and I'm a bit of a "bah, humbug" type. My kids ain't bothered in the least either.

I'm rambling. Time to go.
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Old 11-29-2015, 09:53 PM
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Hey everone! All is great, and the weekend was awesome. First off my Dawgs beat the Cougars in the Apple Cup Friday and might get a bowl game.

I spent Saturday with my family at a museum, then did some family pics for the Christmas card. Later that night watched "National Lampoon Christmas Vacation" love that movie!

Sunday I got up and out of the house for some alone time, good therapy, went for an 8 miles hike, got some good views and met a moose along the way. This afternoon I watched my Hawks beat the Steelers, couldn't have asked for a better weekend.

Also, a really close friend of mine, and fellow heavy drinker decided to get off the booze, so I've been all ears for him as well as giving him some advise. I am so so happy for him and really hope he can stick too it. It is so motivating for me to be at a point where I can help someone, it feels great. Sounds like everyone here is doing well, I always lurk, thanks for thinking of me guys, means alot!

1 month, 12 days, 20 minutes, 44 seconds and counting.
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Old 11-29-2015, 09:57 PM
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congrats on your months Looking

D
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Old 11-30-2015, 05:14 AM
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Midton and Looking4 - so glad you both checked in. Sounds like you're both doing well!

I woke up feeling like crap today. I didn't sleep well, have a minor health issue which I won't go into, and am still dealing with allergies even though it's almost December. Ugh. But you know - two weeks ago today I was hungover (it feels like another lifetime) and these minor things can be dealt with. The toxic feeling of a hangover compares to nothing else to me - it was like I had been literally poisoned. That's how I have to think of alcohol, because to me it is poison.

I have to stop getting annoyed with things. Lately I've been reading on here and hear people saying the term "drink like a normal person" for someone who doesn't have a problem with alcohol. That really bothers me, as if we all are not normal. Who's to say all those so called "normal people" don't have other issues that we don't have, and what is normal anyway? Maybe our reaction to alcohol is more "normal" than picking up one drink and being satisfied with that. Sorry, just a rant. I wish we would all agree not to use the term "normal person" or "normal drinker," There is nothing "normal" about putting a toxic substance in your body, saying you only put a small amount in your body and therefore it's fine. Rant over
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Old 11-30-2015, 06:17 AM
  # 390 (permalink)  
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Okay, rant wasn't entirely over.

Because I don't like the buzz that pot gives me, should we be calling me a "normal pot smoker"? No, because that's ridiculous.

And yet that's what we do with alcohol. We call people who don't like getting buzzed "normal drinkers." Think about - it's stupid!

Man I woke up in a MOOD today. Watch out world.
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Old 11-30-2015, 06:38 AM
  # 391 (permalink)  
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Hi looking4awagon! I was glad to read your post! It sounds like you are doing really well : )
I've never thought of it like that before, juno, but I like it. Sometimes I get resentful (fortunately not very often anymore) of people that I think can drink like "normal" but the truth is I really don't know what's going on with them. And that's not for me to figure out. All is know is for myself, I never have been and never will be a moderate drinker, and that's what I need to know. What is normal anyway?? I don't think anybody really knows. Thanks for the thought, I appreciate it. I hope your day gets better!
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Old 11-30-2015, 08:00 AM
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Thanks, Grizzly! Yeah, I'm fine with the terms "non-drinker" , "light drinker" and "moderate drinker" because they are all descriptive and mean something.

I'm not fine with "normal drinker" because it implies there is some sort of objective standard out there that is "correct." I'm even more not fine with using "normal person." We're all normal here. We all have different issues and problems to deal with in life. No sense labeling ourselves as "abnormal" people (by default, the opposite of normal). I just hate the word normal overall. I have a son with high functioning autism and I would be really offended if someone ever used the term "normal" with regard to people who don't have autism. I feel the same about alcohol issues.

Okay, now onto more productive issues....
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Old 11-30-2015, 04:43 PM
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Not a whole lot going on for me today. I feel really good and energetic, happy for that! One of the girls at work asked how my weekend was, and I said it was good. Low key, got lots of sleep. And she said, "that's why you're so perky this morning!" I laughed to myself as I thought, "no, it's because I haven't drank in over 2 months, and I feel so much better for it!" I kind of get the feeling they can tell I'm different, but they don't know what it is. It's nice that people can tell a difference even though they don't know what to attribute it to.
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Old 11-30-2015, 04:59 PM
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I apologize for being so cranky and cantankerous this morning! I am suffering from lack of sleep. My son is having sleep issues and it's affecting my sleep, and in addition I had a health issue last night that disrupted my good sleep. Sleep is so important to my well being. I look forward to retirement so I can sleep until my heart's content and live in a little cottage and adopt lots of puppies!
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Old 11-30-2015, 07:17 PM
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We share a similar dream! When I retire, I've always thought I would have a lot of acreage with a lot of rescue dogs. I love what this lady at the Rocky Ridge Refuge in Arkansas is doing. She has rescued all sorts of animals- deer, sheep, goats, wombats, rams, dogs, cats, bunnies, even a camel I think! And they all play with each other! It is adorable. If you ever need a pick me up, check out her website.
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Old 12-01-2015, 01:08 AM
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just a quick hello from me before I go to bed with my ipad.. all is good here and today I felt just 100% fantastic.. the innner peace that I was so desperatley looking for 2 months ago has shown its presence.. i had my 1 hour long morning walk as I do now religiously and the sun was coming up.. it was just perfect, I got a rush of well being and my hairs on my arms stood up. All day was good until a work issue popped up that put a dampner on my day but hey, its called life and I am sure I sleep over it and all will be ok tomorrow again.
I know I have had 2 relapses in 2 months but thinking that I have actually been sober 8 weeks less those 4/5 days of alcohol, . that is huge feat for me. it would have been a totally different picture if I would have been continuing with my old behaviour being a messed up drunk.
I know you are discussing the term normal. i dont mind using the term normal as to me it equals " average" . not wanting to step on any toes here though .
Jun and grizzly, you women amaze me how much work goes into kids and running a family. I am busy enough with a partner and my cat Bruno. you are strong..
ok just blabbing here. keep going and sober is def the new black for me..
have a great week people.
Midton, oh dear not only are the aussies invading Canada now Japan.. now we talking drinkers.. Nah they are a good bunch but do enjoy a drink or 20 and have a reputation to match.
Night!
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Old 12-01-2015, 04:36 AM
  # 397 (permalink)  
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Sydneyman, you are doing great. So glad to hear that you found some inner peace and moving forward!

Grizzly, I LOVE that picture. I love animals and give money every month to the ASPCA (wish I could do more than I'm doing) and I will check out that refuge website to boost my spirits!!

I have a confession - I had a little wine last night. Not enough to get drunk, thankfully, and I'm not hungover today. But enough to take off the hard edges from what I was feeling (crappy). I have had a health issue that is affecting my mood and physical feelings and sleep (won't trouble you with the details, though it's not serious in nature). I just wanted a little relief and I sadly used wine because I didn't know what else would help. I am resetting my sobriety date even though it wasn't a major relapse, it was however a relapse.

The last sobriety date never felt comfortable or right to me - like I was wearing someone else's clothes. In all seriousness, how do you find a sobriety date that "feels right" and you can stick with it? No date feels right and no date feels special enough for such a life changing decision. Can I make December 1 feel special enough? Sorry to be such a lunk head here. But I can't make sense of these feelings.

I'll be fine today - having some coffee and going to work. Hoping for a better day. Felt lousy all day yesterday oh and it's raining this morning and all day yesterday and all day tomorrow!
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:54 AM
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Hey all,well I'll admit that I'm guilty of calling them"normal drinkers" I don't get wrapped up in terminology, my hubs can process alcohol like a "normal" body does,mine don't so in that case I'm abnormal I guess,still trucking here,horrible sleep but I'm not over thinking it,hope everyone has a great Tuesday
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Old 12-01-2015, 12:17 PM
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Morning All!!!
Read SR and went for my morning walk.
JUNO I would never judge anybody how could I. During my walk I was thinking, if we would be an average person and have the occasional drink we wouldn't even think of looking to a site like SR, so deep down we know we have a problem with alcohol. That's why we have ended up here looking for support and likeminded people dealing with the same issue, alcoholism. We have been desperate and deep down so sick wanting to become sober. Don't forget that.
I have to remind myself of this to keep on track once I start feeling so much better with myself.
I would like to be that average person being able to have a drink or 2 and then stop again wether that be for a day or weeks at end. That really would be my ideal relationship with booze. I like nice French champagne and can appreciate it however I need the whole bottle and then more to be happy. This is the problem.
Luckily I have been able to stop straight after the times that I lapsed during the past 2 months. I think the danger we have is we don't know when we tip over that edge and we cant come back...for some it is immediately and for some after a few sessions.
Juno in my personal view you should just keep on going as you have. You said you started your next day with coffee and have moved on. So do that. For me it was important not to be harsh on myself, for sure I was not too impressed with myself and questioned my ability to commit to myself but I proved myself again that I am a strong person and have the will wanting to be sober.
I know it doesn't really matter what people say but its my personal view on lapses, yours and mine. Keep going, its a new day.

Friday is my doc appointment and having my bloods taken (Midton will keep you posted). I am actually looking forward to it as I have lost 25lb weight and really want to see since starting Paleo how my cholesterol etc levels are..
Ok getting ready for another day of work,. Have a great day everybody...
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Old 12-01-2015, 03:21 PM
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Thank you for your thoughtful response, Sydneyman!

Yes, in the big scheme of things, me having 2 glasses of wine at home one night isn't news that's going to rock the Earth. Heck, if I told my friends about it they would say, "Yah, so what? I do that all the time." Nothing happened, and I can move on.

The thing is that I do want sobriety because I am a problem drinker - the fact that I moderated last night doesn't mean I can keep on drinking. I can moderate now and then. But I do lose control pretty quickly and often end up doing regrettable things and feeling like hell the next day. I do not, however, relate to the "classic alcoholic" stuff - as you guys know I tend to binge, recover, binge, recover and my binges only last an evening. This doesn't mean I want to keep doing this - but it does mean I have trouble relating to a lot of people on this forum. I read a post recently which was really well written and thought out, but I couldn't relate to the progression of alcoholism.

Anyway, long winded way of saying I'm not giving up on sobriety because it's my best option for the future. I actually admire the lots of people on this site who keep coming back and trying. Those that leave the site and stop posting have probably given up on achieving the lofty goal of abstinence.

I'm good but tired tonight. Trying to somehow make this day a "special day" so that's it's special enough to be worthy of a lasting day one. Hard to do on a rainy Tuesday in December As long as I stay sober (which I plan to) I won't have to post which day I'm on because it's the first of the month.

So I hope everyone is doing well! I'm the recent flunkout in the group. Everyone do better than I've been doing!
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