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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-05-2015, 11:35 PM
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You guys are all so strong, and I'm so proud of all of you! You guys keep me motivated, knowing that I have others just like myself out there fighting this tremendous battle with me makes it all so much easier, it truly is amazing how fragile our sobriety really is. My favorite part of the day is when it's all over and I can sit down and see how my sober family is doing, and also let you guys know I have made it another day, 19 now!

I attended a function tonight where the booze was definitely flowing, everyone was drinking but myself and another coworker of mine. I will have to admit, it was a little rough not being able to partake in the catching of the buzz, but that quickly passed, and when the bill came it was nice to see how cheap it was without a bunch of beers in there.

On a side note I have begun to come out of the closet a little about my 90 day challenge as my confidence grows. The looks I get are of shock and disbelief when I tell people, none of them can imagine going that long without beer. Even bumped into some family at the store tonight, ice cream in my hand, 18 pack and a 22 ounce IPA in his, "wanna come over for a beer" he exclaimed. "Nah, I'm taking a break, 90 day break". Almost heard his jaw hit the floor.

Keep it going guys. When I get the cravings I have been just telling myself that the beer will just put me to sleep, or I have to get up early in the morning, or that the hangover isn't worth it. Why have one beer, when I need at least a six pack.
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Old 11-06-2015, 05:35 AM
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Good morning - Day 27. I'm completely exhausted today. Didn't get enough sleep because I was stressed about my daughter and my son was up until midnight so I had to talk to him. It's tough burning the candle on both ends.

I am, however, glad that it is Friday. Tough week. We need the weekend break. Looking at the calendar, two tough full weeks ahead then Thanksgiving week. I'm thrilled about Thanksgiving because we get a break from the grind. Time off, needed time off. I still have to work, but it's a shortened week and the kids get a break too. We're going to get through this!

To be honest, not drinking hasn't been that hard this time around. I have had a couple of moments of "wouldn't it be nice...." when I think of a glass of wine, but that's about it. Progress, I guess. It's taken years for me to get to this point of recovery and not thinking that I need alcohol to ease the pain.

Looking forward to the weekend - and oh! My kids and I will see the new Peanuts movie tonight
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Old 11-06-2015, 05:55 AM
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Day 14 and I'm tired as can be! Its always like this when I go AF,my body gets an energy boost from alcohol for some strange reason, but after a few days on a bender I'd get soooo tired,I'm trying to keep that in mind,maybe this has just been a long week,busy at work everyday,time change messed up my sleep,etc,day off today so try to get caught up on rest,even though I really need to take what's left of the Halloween decs down,sometimes on my day off I'm alone and thoughts like to creep in,I hafta push em out,eat a lot and not over stress myself,they're just thoughts not reality,unless of course I act on it which I won't! I hope everyone has a lovely Friday,stay strong😁
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Old 11-06-2015, 01:01 PM
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Well, yet again I'm up at 4am. I'm refreshed and energised though and sobriety has brought excellent deep sleep.

Juno, I feel exactly the same with the feeling of wouldn't it be nice to have some wine at certain times. When I'm on a "sober binge" these feelings are, although a pain in the butt, quite easy to deal with. When I'm drinking weekly these exact same craving are too difficult to ignore and I cave, making it difficult for me to start a period of sobriety.

For example, last night i went to the supermarket after work around 9 pm. I was hungry, tired but felt in a celebratory mood after the end of another week. As I was driving I though of how normally I'd drink a bottle of wine on a Friday night and I thought how easy it would be to buy some right now. I could feel my throat becoming welcomingly (new word?) parched. Next thing I knew I was home. By the time I parked my car the mini-craving had completely disappeared. This would never have happened a couple of weeks ago.

I even recall passing the alcohol section and seeing some random bloke buy some beer. It didn't even occur to me that minutes before I could basically taste the wine. I just looked at the guy the way a cow looks at a passing rambler. There was no jealously, longing or desire, no wrenching of the gut.

Going shopping for the day so I'm in an upbeat mood. Have a good weekend everyone.
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Old 11-06-2015, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Midton View Post

When I'm drinking weekly these exact same craving are too difficult to ignore and I cave, making it difficult for me to start a period of sobriety.
Exactly, Midton! I like the way you said that. Same goes for me. I've read on here that it's easier to stay sober than to get sober, and so far I'm finding that to be true.
So I read the links from Dee last night, and when I got to the "relapse signs" I was alarmed that everyone of them applied to me. Yikes! But I thought, "I haven't done it yet, it's not too late for me". So I kept reading and thinking about the plan I need to implement effectively immediately. "The plan" really isn't as daunting as I made it out to be in my head. I was pleasantly surprised at how simple it can be. Today I haven't really thought about drinking, but I went to a meeting after work for good measure. One lady was kinda beating me with the big book and the steps, but that's ok, I can take it, I just don't want to drink today.
Alright everybody, lookin good!! Sounds like some fun plans for the weekend - enjoy!!
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Old 11-07-2015, 07:01 AM
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Hey all - good morning! Day 28 here. About to take my pup for a walk and finish up some work from home so I can spend of the rest of the weekend devoted to family and house stuff. Decided to skip my Saturday AM yoga today due to exhaustion from the week - needed to sleep in more. Had the weirdest dreams, but that's good. That means I was sleeping well. During the week when I have to get up at 6:00 I often miss the dream component of my sleep.

No thoughts of drinking last night - very calm night. Took all my kids to the movies and we saw the Peanuts movie. It was a bit "young" for my daughter and probably my 12 year old son (was hoping they would have a few more plot complexities, but it was pretty simple overall). My 14 year old (who has high functioning autism) seemed to enjoy it. So, yeah, not too much to report. Trying to keep myself positive this weekend, get some stuff done and also have a little chill time.

Hope everyone is doing well!
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Old 11-07-2015, 07:35 AM
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Happy Saturday everyone! I hope everyone's having a great, sober weekend so far!

My parents are visiting this weekend, and today we're going to see my son play at his last contest during marching season. It's a percussion contest (he plays quads) and my favorite of the year. I'm really looking forward to it!

It's weird though because I've always drunk with my parents, ever since I was a young adult. My mom doesn't have a drinking problem, but I'm pretty sure my dad does (I'm 99% positive). So now it's a different dynamic. We went out for dinner last night, and my parents ordered margaritas, which didn't bother me at all. Glad they stayed away from the wine...

I'm really struggling with exhaustion this last week; from what I gather on another thread I posted, this seems to be normal. I'm ready for it to go away though!

Anyway, hope everyone has a great day!!
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Old 11-07-2015, 07:44 AM
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I hear you on the exhaustion! Not much to report here,off to work in a bit,hope everyone has a lovely AF Saturday😊
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Old 11-07-2015, 08:50 PM
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Hmm, a little quiet this evening; however, I see many of you are doing well.

Today is day 35 for me (yea, 5 weeks!). So for now things are good. Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone.
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Old 11-07-2015, 09:33 PM
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Congrats time2rise! Five weeks is great!!
I have not done much today. I am still feeling pretty bad with this cold, so I decided I would take this day to rest instead of trying to do too much too soon then feeling even worse. My day has been full of disappointments. I watched a movie I rented- it was bad. The University of Memphis football team lost to Navy- bad. Now my Memphis Grizzlies are losing to Utah- bad. But I figure if that's the worst of my problems right now, I'm doing really well. My Grizzlies are playing so bad I said they are making me want to drink, but then I was like hey, that's ridiculous. If that's the case then don't watch. It's not worth it. That passed very quickly, and otherwise I've really not thought about drinking today. Yay!
I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
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Old 11-07-2015, 10:02 PM
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Grizzly, they're in Nashville, but the Titans are at the Saints tomorrow. So you may have a Tennessee winner this weekend. Although, they're +7.5 to +8 underdogs, so don't get your hopes up.
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Old 11-07-2015, 10:13 PM
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So I went shopping to a big city a couple of hours away yesterday. This trip has all the makings of a crave-minefield. There is a train journey, lots of cool bars with people enjoying wine alfresco, lunch in a nice Italian restaurant and the big wine section I'm the department store, with free samples and advice, right next to the cheese section.

At lunch in the Italian restaurant I did look around and to my surprise no one was drinking and I was never a lunchtime drinker anyway. One down.

At the departments store I always feel money burning a hole in my pocket. It's a high end department store and the service is outstanding. I bought a pair of trousers, less said about the price the better, and headed to the cheese section. I can't get cheese where I live so I go crazy here (I'm eating some as I type). People are walking around offering samples of wine but I refuse. I still want to preserve in sobriety.

The train journey home is long and most people have bought food to eat. Normally I would have a half bottle of wine and some beer. Then immediately buy more when I reached my destination. Sitting on the train waiting to depart I get a phone call from my wife asking if I'm drinking. It suddenly dawned on me that despite not drinking for now over 9 weeks I haven't told anyone. Even my wife doesn't really know about the effect alcohol has on me, the places it takes me. I think if you asked her when I last drank she would say something like 3 weeks ago. I'm high functioning and alcohol hasn't caused me any family/work problems at all so me drinking or not doesn't really impact on my wife and family. Oh I also noticed that on the train no one else was drinking. I always thought everyone drank on the train.

Not I'm back from the gym ready for another week of fighting this. I can feel the craving getting a bit more intense.
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Old 11-08-2015, 12:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Time2Rise View Post
Grizzly, they're in Nashville, but the Titans are at the Saints tomorrow. So you may have a Tennessee winner this weekend. Although, they're +7.5 to +8 underdogs, so don't get your hopes up.
The Titans never win : ( Thank you for keeping me hopeful though, lol!!
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Old 11-08-2015, 06:20 AM
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Midton, that sounds like an awfully difficult series of situations. I would have had a hard time with that, too. Especially the free tastings. It's hard to see how that would be harmful, and yet I know it "opens the door" to more reckless drinking on my part. It's interesting that you were so functional when you drank. I think some of this has to do with gender and body weight and all of that. I'm a small person (calculated about 47 kg - we use pounds here) so I become pretty disfunctional pretty quickly when I drink. I also read that alcohol affects females differently because of the higher body fat percentage that we have naturally over men. Anyway, I get pretty highly buzzed after two drinks and start doing things and saying things that don't reflect good judgment. I often start making plans that are not well thought out, like booking a trip or offering to help someone when I haven't really sorted out my own needs. After 3 drinks, all bets are off and I might even finish the bottle, in which case I'm toast the next day. My hangovers have gotten progressively more brutal as I've aged (I'm now 51 and still in good shape - my bloodwork is very good, my psychiatrist said I'm very healthy for someone my age, but just healthy for any age, really). I know I risked throwing all that good health away if I continued to binge drink the way I was.

On another note, I'm feeling depressed lately. I know it has to do with my daughter and failed dreams and expectations of how parenting would be. I guess I should just experience these feelings and let them be (lean into them) instead of leaning away from them.

My world is getting a little smaller all the time, and I'm not sure I'm unhappy about that. The only people I really interact with now are my co-workers, my neighbors and my family (and a friend once in a while). Eliminating alcohol has been a game changer for me in terms of wanting to be social. I almost prefer staying home with a movie, reading a book, or doing something with my kids to anything "adult social."

I'm also afraid of dying in a plane crash, and so have considered never getting on a plane again after this recent bombing that happened. Midton, I used to drink on trains and planes as well. Sometimes it didn't turn out well, but it always made the journey a bit crazier, less harsh reality.

I'm a summer person, but I'm really looking forward to this winter because I want to do a lot of hibernating and staying home and hunkering down. That's what I'm in the mood for these days.

sigh...
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Old 11-08-2015, 11:00 AM
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Hey all,kinda quiet here this weekend, hope everyone is doing well, I had thoughts yesterday, hate those but need to realize that they're just thoughts but its really hard sometimes, glad I held tight though,hope everyone is having a nice Sunday😀
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Old 11-08-2015, 11:27 AM
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Day2...! Yes day 2 .. Went away to the country for the weekend and drank Gin & Tonics.. Not going to beat myself up about it as back on Day 2. I must say that it was not mad drinking but a few. Anyway I drank so back here again. My slip doesn't mean that I will drink back at home now. Those drink were and stay at the country.
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:35 PM
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Midton, I know what you mean about noticing people around you actually aren't drinking. For awhile there, I would drink every opportunity I got or every event I could and thought that's what people do right? Wrong. That's what I did, and I was drinking way too much. I've also definitely noticed when people are drinking.
At work on Fridays a couple of the ladies like to start drinking before they head home. Twice in the past week, I've heard the sound of the wine bottle gently being set on the counter. I'm like I know that sound. And I know the routine of going into the kitchen for a few minutes, trying not to make any noise, pouring it into a discreet container, and leaving no evidence. At work and at home lately I've purposely and proudly left my beverage out in the open because I don't have anything to hide!
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:44 PM
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Sydneyman, you got right back at being sober! I think that's great, and it's also great you aren't beating yourself up over it. What good does that do anyway? It sounds like you have a really good attitude about it.
Juno, I'm sorry you're feeling down lately. I don't have anything uplifting to say, but I am with you on the wanting to hibernate at home. A friend invited me over friday, and I was invited to karaoke last night, and I declined both. I wanted to be at home. I've noticed that I'm more inclined to get out and run errands and do things that need to be done, but when that's finished, I want to be home. It's my safe place. I think when we're ready we'll venture out more, and we'll know when we're ready. Hang in there, juno, you are doing so well!!
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:02 PM
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Maybe winter is coming at a good time for us, Grizzly. Home is my safe and comfortable place, too.

Sydneyman, good job getting back here so quickly!

Winslow, glad you're hanging in there and getting through those "thoughts." I have to keep telling myself that I never regret not drinking! So true!
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Old 11-08-2015, 03:16 PM
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I'm glad you made it back Sydneyman

don't beat yourself up for sure - but don't 'dump it and run' either...

there are always lessons to learn from a relapse...take them to heart - adjust your recovery plan...you'll be stronger next time temptation calls, whether it's in the country or not
D
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