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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-24-2015, 03:19 PM
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Day 2. And I should feel worse, emotionally, I know I ought to. I've been a failure and all that. But I don't feel bad. I didn't even feel bad yesterday, just relieved it was over again. Today I feel really pretty good. Progress has been made. My life is very different than it was 65 days ago. And I am so, so happy and glad and amazed and baffled that both times I drank, it only lasted a few days. I haven't been back to that place I was. And now I just feel like, at this rate, I'll get it soon. Maybe even now, who knows? I don't know. I don't want to be overly optimistic, but certainly a little bit optimistic.

In other news I'm excited because I got a second small part time job. I now will work almost 20 hours most weeks. Slowly rejoining the world maybe? I like to think it's a good thing. And this one isn't with a business related to my family, so I might end up with a real reference! Ah, the triumphs of an utter washout.

Annnnyway, got my hair trimmed this morning, which makes me happy, going now to cook something involving a rutabaga.
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Old 11-24-2015, 03:54 PM
  # 322 (permalink)  
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sounds like you've got some extra measures in place now sydneyman - I hope you can make this your turning point

D
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Old 11-24-2015, 04:07 PM
  # 323 (permalink)  
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Me 2!!!
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Old 11-24-2015, 04:12 PM
  # 324 (permalink)  
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Good job - day 2 - Sydneyman and HelpImAlive.

I'm on Day 9, with any luck at all, this will be my last day in single digits. How many times I have said that, let's not even go there, but I have to retain some confidence that I can do this.

I'm taking the time to get to a meeting tonight - SMART Recovery. I love my group. I need to reconnect. So I'm doing that instead of yoga tonight.

This week should feel like a holiday week but so far it's felt just like a regular week for me. Two doctor's appointments for my daughter today, a school event for my son, work coming in by email...... I'm looking forward to the slow down and it hasn't happened yet. And it won't until Wednesday night. Oh well.... by the way, no cravings or romanticizing the drink today. Glad for that.
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Old 11-24-2015, 05:10 PM
  # 325 (permalink)  
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Everyone is sounding more optimistic than yesterday, yay! You can do this!! I believe we all can : ) I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I'm a bit dingy lately. Things make sense in my head, but I'm not articulating well right now. A bit slow and foggy these last few days. It will pass...
I love quotes too. Whenever I come across a good one, I'll post it here since I now know yall like them too. And please do the same!
I've had a good day today. Now I'm going to run on the treadmill and watch basketball- I don't have to think about that : )
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Old 11-24-2015, 07:02 PM
  # 326 (permalink)  
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Well I eventually got my health check results and, as per normal for me, spent hours going over them in detail.

Everything came back well within range except for total cholesterol, which was just slightly over. All my cholesterol ratios were ideal though.

I have a tendency to look for problems in health results despite the doctor saying I'm in great health. And I found something to worry about. There is a liver test called ALP. The lab that did my work gives a range of 104 to 338 and mine is 159. However online the healthy range is 40 to 100. One difference is mine is measured by iu/l an online it's u/l. Some sites say these are the same and some say their different. As this concerns my liver and I'm a 30 year binge drinker I'm concerned, though I know I shouldn't really be.

Sad to read about the weekend slips, I struggled at the weekend also. Really feel for you all.
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Old 11-24-2015, 07:14 PM
  # 327 (permalink)  
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Midton! I was about to send out an SOS.
You're results sound really good. It doesnt sound like it has put your mind at ease, but I hope it helps. I don't know that googling my health questions has really helped me. I'll put a key word into the search, take a little online quiz, and next thing I know I'm thinking I have colon cancer. Seriously. Then all my "symptoms" are suddenly magnified because I have it in my head that that's what's going on. I know for me, give me something to fret about, and I can take it way too far.
I hope overall you are feeling better since the weekend!
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Old 11-24-2015, 08:21 PM
  # 328 (permalink)  
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Hi all, I had 30 days yesterday--yay! But my anxiety has still been over the top miserable, but it is getting better. I don't know if I mentioned that I have OCD and alcohol oh so helped me not obsess! (BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE) because when I come off like now there is a nightmare anxiety/obsessing period.

Midton, I want to say that I am the queen of health anxiety and I understand your concerns, but Googling is not a good idea (I am so guilty of it!!!). When I got my labs back I decided to google my numbers until I ended up back at the doctors in complete panic and they "educated" me on what the facts are and I was completely wrong in the way I had assessed the information on the internet. I have now completely stopped googling symptoms and health information, no matter what, because the internet is wrong so much of the time. I belong to anxiety-central.com and there is a whole section devoted to Dr. Google: Don't Do It!

I finally was able to open up at AA and tell them about how I have horrible anxiety and that's why I sit there stiff as a board and look like a basketcase and they were so supportive! I don't know what I thought they would do, but I always feel like people are going to be mean to me or not like me (don't mean to sound whiney, I just think that's part of my problem that contributes to drinking).
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Old 11-24-2015, 08:34 PM
  # 329 (permalink)  
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Bun,

That must have been a great feeling and a huge amount of relief when you told the group and they were nice. Hopefully you'll all get closer, bond, open up more and help each other as muck as possible.

Bun & Griz,

Yeah, I'm pathetic about googling minor ailments or even non-ailments. It's enough to scare me into not only total sobriety but into a total phobia about anything I put into my mouth. I've decided to take my results at face value, put them away and get a yearly check. It basically took under 10 minutes and was pain free.


Now i have to find something else to worry about.
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Old 11-24-2015, 09:24 PM
  # 330 (permalink)  
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Thanks for coming back and talking about it Help, and Syd. We are all here together and for one another, and all have something to gain from each other's experiences.

Good news on the lab results Midton, I'm with you, I obsess about my labs, always looking into anything that has to do with the liver. I am really curious how my next labs will compare to my most recent, if I stick to sobriety I will be 6 months sober next time I'm drawn.

I can finally relax, after putting up refugees (family) for the last 7 days while they finally got power back, that was one he'll of a storm, this place looked like a war zone.

No real cravings, not really thinking about booze much anymore, kinda wierd. I'm feeling pretty good about myself, my mind is sharp. Started a new health kick, my wife is getting into essential oils, have been putting lemon oil in my water last few nights, supposed to help with cleansing the liver. Have been able to get out for a walk last couple nights to meet fitbit goals, blood pressure is also back down. Feeling like I can finally breath deep, it's that hour I give myself at the end of the day before bed that I save for myself, dim the lights, light the candle, Robert Earl Keen pandora station, feet up, glass of water, blanket over my toes, and last but not least, check in with you guys. Stay strong everyone, I think about you guys often, especially when I crave. I think to myself, what would Dee do? (WWDD) lol.

1 month, 6 days, 23 hours, 48 minutes, 32 seconds and counting.

"In order to succeed we must first believe we can."
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Old 11-24-2015, 09:39 PM
  # 331 (permalink)  
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congrats bunnyluv

I think you're on the right track Midton - if your Dr is not worried you shouldn't be either

D
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Old 11-24-2015, 10:28 PM
  # 332 (permalink)  
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Sydneyman, your slips have been on the weekends. Have you thought about going to a meeting around your trigger time? I've made it a habit every Friday to get a frivolous coffee and go to a meeting at the same time I would normally be drinking. It's helped me set my intentions for the weekend. I know you're re-working your plan so maybe that could be an extra measure of prevention. Keep on keepin' on, sydneyman!!
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Old 11-24-2015, 10:29 PM
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Wow, looking4awagon, that sounds like a wonderful way to unwind at night! Nice : )
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:36 AM
  # 334 (permalink)  
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grizzly... yes a pattern of weekend drinking and always when this friend of mine is in the picture. i think i will distance myself from him for a longer period this time. he doesnt take me seriously and I end up having a drink with him and then he says see i told you... then behind my back tells my partner how i am such a better person when i dont drink.. go figure...i am not a meeting person or perhaps i havent thought about it really.. see how I go this time. i am determined . third time lucky right.. christmas is not really an issue however as I mentioned I am flying to europe to see family and this is my fear.. again another plane shot down.. just freaks me out as I am not in control and my mind starts to think of where i am sitting onboard for hours on end.. i will get a script for valium again. however i will not be surprised if my next lapse will be in January due to all the flights..

Midton. great news re results. i had to reschedule my doctors appointement to the following friday 4 dec... i will keep you posted on my results... also if your doctor says you are healthy i would rely on that more so than dr google. embrace the results and keep healthy...
Help and Juno how u holding up? looking great numbers keep going...
dee, yes having a dry house is a better option.. lets see if this strategy will help me.. again I have no cravings or any desire to drink it actually makes me feel repulsed.. oh and I had 2 sick days due to alchol this week. so almost did a 7 week stretch at work full time...

bunnyluv great news on 30 days.. i lapsed at about 34 from memory...dont be tempted it really is not worth it..
happy thanks giving my dear SR friends enjoy your holidays!!!!!
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:48 AM
  # 335 (permalink)  
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I had a mate like that sydneyman - he had to go, because he could not accept that his drinking buddy was no longer drinking.

He liked to drink and he liked my company - and truth be told I think he enjoyed having someone around who made him look good by comparision.

He would not quit with putting drinks in my hand, buying my favorite beers etc etc

I had to make the choice to cut him loose.

He found other drinking buddies and I stayed sober.

D
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Old 11-25-2015, 01:18 AM
  # 336 (permalink)  
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Dee perhaps after all he isnt a true friend,, like you say alcohol made us and keeps us friends. why would someone want to see a friend not succeed in whatever they are aiming for in life... like me keeping sober
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Old 11-25-2015, 01:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I had a mate like that sydneyman - he had to go, because he could not accept that his drinking buddy was no longer drinking.

He liked to drink and he liked my company - and truth be told I think he enjoyed having someone around who made him look good by comparision.

He would not quit with putting drinks in my hand, buying my favorite beers etc etc

I had to make the choice to cut him loose.

He found other drinking buddies and I stayed sober.

D
Man, that's a tough bridge to cross. I honestly don't know if I could do it at the stage I'm at. Most of my big drinking mates are back in my home country so I only get to see them once a year so it's not something on the horizon. The people I socialise with here are not as close (ie I could cut them quite easily) and are all social drinkers, not big bevy merchants.

But my friends back home were friends before we could drink. They are important to who I am, especially as I live abroad. Where my life dependent on it then I might have a change of view though.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:45 AM
  # 338 (permalink)  
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It was hard - I think my fear of ending friendships - and being different and alone in the world - kept me drinking for much longer than I otherwise would have.

When I eventually made the decision that it was sobriety no matter what, some of my drinking friends supported me. and my recovery - with others, it was clear the bond between us was alcohol.

and, in the end, it wasn't as if I found myself friendless at all - I had many friends I'd moved away from when my drinking got really bad - a lot of them came back...and I made new friends as well, where the connection wasn't booze or drugs

D
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Old 11-25-2015, 03:15 AM
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Buny, congrats on 30! Amazing!
Winslow I can't find it either. Please tell us how you find it! I'd like to read it too!
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Old 11-25-2015, 05:03 AM
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Congrats on 30 days, Bunnyluv!!

I'm hitting 10 days today post binge. I'm happy with that.

Went to my SMART meeting last night and it was great. Such a nice group of people - I am lucky to have them. One guy showed up in the middle of the meeting with flowers for everyone in the group. He was so grateful for the group and what it means to him and wanted to give back so gave a bunch of flowers to each person there. I got orange tulips which look really nice for Thanksgiving

Midton, I went back and looked at my liver enzymes and they were a totally different scale than either of the scales you mentioned. Mine were in the low/normal range so chose not to worry about them. I think there must be several different tests/scales out there, so I wouldn't worry!

One more day to get through .... my son and I will see The Good Dinosaur (new Pixar movie) tonight!
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