KeyofC

JL please hang in there...it will pass...be strong. It's hard, I know. It feels terrible in the moment...keep telling yourself that. Try and try to keep thinking positive. It sucks, I'm right there knowing how you felt. I just came out. (((hug)))

JL2014

Oh I know.
I'm just trying to stay accountable, for drinking when I ought not to.
When I work all the time and come home and get just buried immediately, it's just me doing what I can to come out without yelling or doing the stuff I don't want to do in front of them. Lately, trying hard not to react to the spousal rollercoaster in a negative way. I'm not going through what she is, so I can't understand it. Just try to be there when I'm needed. Too much to talk about for a Monday ! Haha

Patricia, if a rehab is a possibility, it might be something to jump on. Sometimes it takes a big step. Sometimes not.
I'm sorry you're going through junk. Hugs.
More hugs --

patricia68

I can't afford rehab, or leaving my little boy for so long.

KeyofC

We gotta figure out something Patricia. You deserve peace and happiness, everyone does.
JL the spousal roller coaster I get. When y husband does what he should I'm good. When he doesn't is what I'm trying to learn how to react s different way besides the wheels coming off my wagon! Nobody's perfect but sometimes I wonder if he wants to test me. I understand about trying to react differently. Me too!

PennyLane76

Patricia, I do believe you wouldn't call me pathetic even during the serious blackouts, injuries, hidden bottles. I hope that you can give yourself the same grace someday. Don't you deserve it? Somehow you can work out that morning panic without booze. Run outside, put feet on grass, be a geek and do sun salutations at rising sun. Sing outloud and fist pump (accidental tool but helps). See a new dr, put up those sticky validations on the mirror. Don't let someone else's negativity distort your self perception. Something will stick.

JL, one time you stopped me drinking with a simple " just don't do it Sadie dammit!" Something like that. Made me chuckle, AV ran and hid. Let us do the same for you next time, okay?

KeyofC

Agreed Sadie!

Bekindalways

I'm single so deal with challenges of solitude. You all with kids and challenging marriages are just amazing.

I remember Mitiaaargh's request for "no pats on the back." I get that; pats on the back seem patronizing. I would like to make a gesture to express my awe but not too sure what that would be.

I love JL's "Never stop trying. Never". Even more than that, I love how JL and Patricia keep living this statement. I so wish this journey was easier for you both, wish you had more supportive spouses but am so floored by your persistence.

Yogapants

JL and Patricia, I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope something will click for you soon and you will succeed in your respective battles. I know it took me a few months of trying before I was finally ready to commit and stick to it. I signed up here wanting to change something back in December of last year. It took me until August to finally get it right and get the recovery going. Today completes 3 sober months for me.

Don't give up, don't take the easy way out! It will happen!

KeyofC

Congrats Yoga! So happy for you! ((Hug))!! That's a HUGE milestone! High five!
Patricia, how are you tonight?
JL, hope you're hanging in there too?
We are all here and concerned, wishing we could just help you!

JL2014

I'm still here. Just reading on social media where USMC veterans are threatening suicide this evening. Obviously they're under the influence of something. Pain sucks
Whew. I'm just going along, listening to sermons before bed. Looking for some sleep.

KeyofC

((Hug)) tomorrow's a new day

Bekindalways

I had a nice productive day but felt kind of fragile and sad most of the day.

This morning, I attended the meeting where our Thrift Store volunteers hear from grant seekers. Afterwards we vote on how much money to give the different organizations. It is very much of a mood enhancing experience as there are wonderful organizations doing amazing work. It makes me feel I am part of something bigger than myself which is nice.

benice

Congrats Yoga! Me too...I just realized today is 100.

I've been dealing with lots of stress, but dealing with it without wine. Many, many prayers though!

Be kind, I love reading your posts. You are very good at pointing out strength in the struggle. Your volunteer morning sounds great. What a good way to battle sadness!

Hang in there folks. Keep up the fight.

Clownbaby

Congratulations Yogapants!!!!!! I can't seem to conjure any inspirational advice lately. I'm a mess. Just trying to keep my responsibilities in check. I hope you who are struggling stay strong and fight for your recovery. Peace out!

"A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier."~Tom Stoppard

JL2014

Happy Birthday USMC !
240 yrs
Served 91-95
Not really my day 1, but it's a date I can remember forever.
God bless us all, SR friends.
Had bad dreams so got up for a few minutes. Never noticed PTSD until I was about 37-38 yrs old. Glad it waited long as it did to bother me I guess.

lovehoops

Quick check in...caught up reading...

Hugs to all and especially those struggling...I believe in you..stay strong xoxo

patricia68

Good morning. I have to practice what I preach and stop self medicating with alcohol. I know that alcohol makes anxiety ten times worse, and yet I did it again.

Day 1 again. I really miss being sober. I hope I can find the strength to do this one more time.

patricia68

Feeling regret and self loathing right now. I know most of us feel this way after a relapse. What do you guys do? How do you forgive yourselves?

Nothing serious happened during my relapse. Mostly I hurt my confidence. And it's not even my AV talking this time, I don't want to drink.

But I can't find a way to be kind to myself. I'm my own worst bully right now...

KeyofC

Being a bully to yourself is not helping. You need to be your biggest fan. In your shoes, I imagine I would feel at the lowest point I could. Not only do you feel like you've let yourself down, but you've let others down as well. In your case you let your husband win in his beating you up with all the "you can't do it" talk. You got to get a better plan together. People to call, places to go, an escape plan if you feel like you need to get out, things to do to keep yourself busy and make yourself do them instead of drinking. The alcohol is not medicating you. It's not helping you in the least way. It's only making everything far worse and making yourself feel like the worst person in the world..that's all you're accomplishing with your current activities.

patricia68

I don't know how Key...