Class of August 2015 Part 7
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
It's clearly not your fault Patricia 
A lot of people deal with spouses and loved ones who don;t understand - that might be so, but there's plenty of understanding advice and support here.
Please don't let yourself be convinced that a difficult domestic situation or not being understood is a genuine reason for drinking.
D
A lot of people deal with spouses and loved ones who don;t understand - that might be so, but there's plenty of understanding advice and support here.
Please don't let yourself be convinced that a difficult domestic situation or not being understood is a genuine reason for drinking.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,977
Ah patricia, Dee is right. It is not all your fault.
You have been so ding dang dad blasted gutsy at trying different ways to beat the alcohol! Keep doing this! Please, please don't give up. Keep looking for different things to try.
You have been so ding dang dad blasted gutsy at trying different ways to beat the alcohol! Keep doing this! Please, please don't give up. Keep looking for different things to try.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Patricia, try to avoid thoughts like everybody, nobody and always. They remove hope. They also ALLOW you to wallow. It's kind of like they give your brain permission to stay sad. Look for little pieces that don't fit the everybody, nobody and always and hold tightly to those. 
It's Sunday! Off to church.
It's Sunday! Off to church.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
"When you want recovery as bad as you want the air you breathe, then you will stay clean." ~Backfromtheledge
Patricia, you are NOT worthless, everything is NOT your fault. You ARE worth good things, you ARE worth love, kindness, caring. You ARE worth sobriety and recovery. Wouldn't it just be the best revenge in the world to be sober and working recovery and be able to look at your husband and tell him to screw off? Do something for YOU for a change. Make yourself better and there's no comparison how terrible he will feel. Then the playing field will change and YOU will be the coach not him. "Hello, I heard you were a player..I AM THE COACH!" The best revenge against someone is doing exactly what they say you'll never do cause you're a failure! Come on Patricia! You've got heart and soul! Show these people what you're made of! Quit letting them dull your shine girl! Please!
Patricia, you are NOT worthless, everything is NOT your fault. You ARE worth good things, you ARE worth love, kindness, caring. You ARE worth sobriety and recovery. Wouldn't it just be the best revenge in the world to be sober and working recovery and be able to look at your husband and tell him to screw off? Do something for YOU for a change. Make yourself better and there's no comparison how terrible he will feel. Then the playing field will change and YOU will be the coach not him. "Hello, I heard you were a player..I AM THE COACH!" The best revenge against someone is doing exactly what they say you'll never do cause you're a failure! Come on Patricia! You've got heart and soul! Show these people what you're made of! Quit letting them dull your shine girl! Please!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,190
Originally Posted by benice 
Patricia, try to avoid thoughts like everybody, nobody and always. They remove hope. They also ALLOW you to wallow. It's kind of like they give your brain permission to stay sad. Look for little pieces that don't fit the everybody, nobody and always and hold tightly to those.
It's Sunday! Off to church.
It's Sunday! Off to church.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Thank you so much guys. Key you're right, I wish I could think that way instead of feeling like a victim all the time. You guys are so right.
I don't want to give up. I've had a small relapse, but I don't want to stop trying. I really miss being sober.
I don't want to give up. I've had a small relapse, but I don't want to stop trying. I really miss being sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
You can do it Patricia! It does feel so much better to be sober in so many ways, doesn't it? I had those relapses too, as long as you keep trying something will stick. Got to work on sleeping hours tho. Going through withdrawals and anxiety, etc. I would just go to sleep really early to get the day done. Now I can't stay awake past 8, up at 3. The cats are annoyed, they like to sleep in but think they have to follow me so begrudgingly get up.
Kitty, you around? How was the move?
Benice and Key, great advice both!
JL, you hanging in over the weekend?
Kitty, you around? How was the move?
Benice and Key, great advice both!
JL, you hanging in over the weekend?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
"You don't think in depression that you've put on a gray veil and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood. You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness, and that now you're seeing truly." - Andrew Solomon
I just read this, it's from a TED talk. It's so true, isn't it? We don't see the world truly when depressed.... .. or when under the thumb of alcohol.
I just read this, it's from a TED talk. It's so true, isn't it? We don't see the world truly when depressed.... .. or when under the thumb of alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 277
Patricia,
I'm worried about you. I've been in relationships where I was told that I was the reason for all the bad things, torn down, and made to feel worthless. It sucks.
I don't know much about your situation compared to what I went through, but I do know that for me I had to decide that I wasn't the problem and that my life and my thoughts and ideas were worthy of respect. I couldn't afford to take my self-worth from someone else who thought poorly of me, and I had to learn to see those behaviors in that person as a reflection of that person's insecurity and lack of self-worth.
People who tear down others do it because they need to do it in order to make themselves feel better. It's because they struggle with their own feelings of inadequacy, but that's not the point. They aren't to be excused. I'm saying this only to point out that the problem isn't with you, it's with the person who has to treat you this way in order to feel better about himself.
You don't need to believe it, internalize it, or do anything else. I can't advise you what you should ultimately do but I do know that, for me, being in that situation was toxic and it took many changes to move forward. Just something to consider.
Hugs to you. We'll always be here for you and we want you to succeed.
I'm worried about you. I've been in relationships where I was told that I was the reason for all the bad things, torn down, and made to feel worthless. It sucks.
I don't know much about your situation compared to what I went through, but I do know that for me I had to decide that I wasn't the problem and that my life and my thoughts and ideas were worthy of respect. I couldn't afford to take my self-worth from someone else who thought poorly of me, and I had to learn to see those behaviors in that person as a reflection of that person's insecurity and lack of self-worth.
People who tear down others do it because they need to do it in order to make themselves feel better. It's because they struggle with their own feelings of inadequacy, but that's not the point. They aren't to be excused. I'm saying this only to point out that the problem isn't with you, it's with the person who has to treat you this way in order to feel better about himself.
You don't need to believe it, internalize it, or do anything else. I can't advise you what you should ultimately do but I do know that, for me, being in that situation was toxic and it took many changes to move forward. Just something to consider.
Hugs to you. We'll always be here for you and we want you to succeed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Retread1959
People who tear down others do it because they need to do it in order to make themselves feel better. It's because they struggle with their own feelings of inadequacy.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,977
Thanks for coming back and posting Patricia.
I think you are BRILLIANT to hang out with folks like US!!!!!!
Benice, thanks for the reminder to stay away from superlative (not sure that is the word) thinking. I tend to feed my anger and victimhood. I won't notice the way I'm thinking and then suddenly realize my mind is stuck on past hurts. Sometimes I'm even LOOKING for more reasons to be angry. It happens so automatically like bad posture.
I'm having a way better day than yesterday. It is warm enough to work outside which helps. I'm trying to come up with some plan that will help me enjoy winter more.
I think you are BRILLIANT to hang out with folks like US!!!!!!
Benice, thanks for the reminder to stay away from superlative (not sure that is the word) thinking. I tend to feed my anger and victimhood. I won't notice the way I'm thinking and then suddenly realize my mind is stuck on past hurts. Sometimes I'm even LOOKING for more reasons to be angry. It happens so automatically like bad posture.
I'm having a way better day than yesterday. It is warm enough to work outside which helps. I'm trying to come up with some plan that will help me enjoy winter more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 277
I'm having one of my down days again, myself. It's a cold, rainy day. We need the rain, but I'm feeling very unmotivated and I've decided that it's fine to feel this way, for now. Tomorrow I can get moving on what needs to be done, but for today I can just relax and try not to dwell too much in the doldrums.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Came home from second job to a mad house.
Wife screaming at me, kids,dogs. Said she felt bad and stressed out. Medicine not working, weather, blah blah. Did no housework at all, all day. No supper, food and snacks everywhere. It was bad. I mean bad.
So....
I did all the laundry (2 hrs), fed kids, cleaned up, vacuumed and mopped whole house, played music in my headphones whole time to not hear any complaints. I then played lego batman with my 7 yr old and got in bed w him til he went to sleep, after prayers.
I drank while doing this. Had a little run going, but on days like that, I'll forgive myself, and move on. No way I could've kept my sanity and done all that, after working on an ambulance in the rain all day.
I know that I need to get better at handling stress, but the only other thing I could have done is leave, or starting yelling. No one could deal with that, and I'm not a benzos person. I'd needed half a bottle ! Lol
Anyway, bad evening, but I'm through it and on to a new day.
Man I hate laundry !!!
Wife screaming at me, kids,dogs. Said she felt bad and stressed out. Medicine not working, weather, blah blah. Did no housework at all, all day. No supper, food and snacks everywhere. It was bad. I mean bad.
So....
I did all the laundry (2 hrs), fed kids, cleaned up, vacuumed and mopped whole house, played music in my headphones whole time to not hear any complaints. I then played lego batman with my 7 yr old and got in bed w him til he went to sleep, after prayers.
I drank while doing this. Had a little run going, but on days like that, I'll forgive myself, and move on. No way I could've kept my sanity and done all that, after working on an ambulance in the rain all day.
I know that I need to get better at handling stress, but the only other thing I could have done is leave, or starting yelling. No one could deal with that, and I'm not a benzos person. I'd needed half a bottle ! Lol
Anyway, bad evening, but I'm through it and on to a new day.
Man I hate laundry !!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I'm sorry you are struggling JL 
I'm struggling too. I woke up at 6am with horrible anxiety. I searched the entire garage looking for alcohol. Hoping to find an old bottle, some cans, something. I didn't find anything...but the fact that I had such horrible cravings and anxiety that made me dig into garbage bags...I feel pathetic...
I'm struggling too. I woke up at 6am with horrible anxiety. I searched the entire garage looking for alcohol. Hoping to find an old bottle, some cans, something. I didn't find anything...but the fact that I had such horrible cravings and anxiety that made me dig into garbage bags...I feel pathetic...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Patricia I am praying for you. That's no way to live. I wish you could get out of that house and go to a treatment center to live for at least 90 days..then maybe go to a sober living community. If you could get on track and get your self esteem up and be away from the hostile negative situation you deal with all day every day I bet you could have a fighting chance. (((((hug)))))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
