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Class of August 2015 Part 7

Old 01-08-2016, 01:23 PM
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I was depressed all day today until 11am...my puppy saved me in some way. He got really sick so I had to take care of him. AV got talkative but I focused on my dog and I'm glad I was there for him
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:45 PM
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Thank God for dogs (and other pets). I took my aunt's dog out skiing. It made it way more fun. Keep coming back Patricia. If you keep fighting these giants, I will keep cheering!

In my continuing if irregular survey of youtube yoga vids, I did "15 minute yoga to wake up" by yogabycandace. It was pretty good and pretty easy. I want to find one a bit harder and taught by someone older (nothing against you sweet young hotties that populate the Augustables!!!)

Alcoholism, depression, acedia, self-loathing are all giants worth pitting ourselves against! (Can you tell I just checked out Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath??)
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Old 01-08-2016, 04:59 PM
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I'm really glad you could be there too Patricia

D
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:54 AM
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Mornin' all,

I continued with my youtube yoga survey with Body-Positive Yoga Class with Jessamyn Stanley. The video was only a sample as this woman has a business and it was a come-on. It was a good intermediate level for me. I like that she doesn't have the typical yoga instructor body. She reminds me of my 80 year old dad who is devoted to yoga and has a body as flexible as a cinder block. These kind of folks inspire me.

Plan for today: make some phone calls to repair folks (might be closed as it is Saturday) tidy house, clean kitchen while listening to Malcolm Gladwell and start snowplowing the driveway at 1:00.

Keep the faith all!
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Old 01-09-2016, 04:10 PM
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That is great Bekindalways. I am going to ask some advice from you though. How do you find the motivation to do yoga? Some days (like today) I find it hard to even get dressed and make a cup o coffee, let alone do yoga. I am feeling really low...
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Old 01-09-2016, 07:11 PM
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Arrrghhh Patricia, I wish I had a simple answer for you.

I pretty much NEVER want to exercise. I have a few tricks to get myself to do it but it is almost always a struggle. My main trick is just to tell myself to do it for 5 minutes. Usually I will go a bit longer but if I don't, 5 minutes is still something. Today all I did was 15 minutes and a bit of snow shoveling.

Exercising with someone else helps me also as I don't want to let the other person down. My main gym partner has advanced Parkinsons and had a stroke. She can hardly walk and talk but will go to the rec center if I will take her. I usually call her and commit in the morning and then secretly hope all day she will cancel but she almost never does. My sister actually calls me to get herself to go for a walk and we will talk through her entire walk. She is also a depressive and the walks help her.

Occasionally I have gotten in the habit of exercising and then I don't even think if I'm motivated, I just do it. It takes a a lot of white knuckling through a few weeks of everyday sesssions to establish a habit and then it is easy to lose that habit.

I'm a depressive and have been on meds for some 25 years which has helped but doesn't cure the depression. Exercise is the only other thing besides meds that has helped. Many, many, many days I don't do to well.

Finding you all who keep getting up, and getting up and getting up and trying again really helps,.

I so get it Patricia when you say just getting up, dressed and drinking coffee (except for the coffee as I can drink buckets of it) is hard to do. Even when I know getting my heart rate up is the best thing i could do, I won't do it. You are going through so much C%$#@!p right now; don't beat yourself up too much. Give yourself points for putting your clothes on right side out!
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:49 PM
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How about this for yoga tomorrow:

Hatha Yoga for Sadness Relief ~ full class ~37 minutes . It is on youtube. I'm not sure how to post a link.

Patricia and everyone else (Kittycat, Sadie, Yogapants, Benice, key, olivia, clown, lovehoops ), I often draft off of all your courage and hope maybe you all catch a bit of updraft off of me sometime.

As always, thanks Dee for what you do. It is beyond words.
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Old 01-10-2016, 04:16 AM
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Friends, I made it to 5 months. My AV, which was fairly quiet around the holidays, reminded me of its persistence over the last couple of days, tempting me pretty badly. Sneaky little thing - I have to be super vigilant.

I was planning to go to the gym on Friday morning but slept right through the alarm and didn't wake up until it was time to go to work - I guess I needed sleep more than exercise :-)

Spending a quiet weekend at home. It's raining and it's supposed to continue all day today. It will be a good day for knitting. I started working on socks - for my dad, I think.

Bekindalways, your messages and updates radiate with love and kindness - I always look forward to them.
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Old 01-10-2016, 09:43 AM
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Congratulations Yogapants! That is so very commendable specially with how difficult the first few months were for you.

I just completed Hatha Yoga for Sadness Relief ~ full class ~37 minutes. It is by yoga yak. I would recommend it. The leader has a very calming voice and there is background noise of water. This session has the normal downward dog, lunge, airplane that is common in all yogas; however she does something called the breath of joy at the end. I would need to do it a couple of times to get it, but I liked it. Also she does a meditation with a small smooth rock at the end that is interesting.

Hope you all have a good Sunday.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:46 AM
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Yoga, good job on telling AV no. We can never let go our guard down.

Bekind, I watched quickly Yoga for Sadness relief; that's going to be a good one! I prewatch them because back bends destroy me with herniated desks from car accident, so if I know they are coming I can modify. This one had a few, not many, so I'm definitely going to give it a go tonight. Liked the narrators voice also. Thank you lovely Bekind

I'm going to see Idina Menzel in a play this afternoon which will be good I'm telling myself. I will not drink today! Day 5. It's the work events or at home where I am most vulnerable. I force myself to go to shows or dinner with friends , dread it, want to cancel each time , then usually have a good time afterall. Don't know what that's about.

I do have a meeting next 2 days, so I have 2 work dinners to get through. I'm going to order seltzer w cranberry. If there's a champagne toast (possibility) I won't feel like I have to take a sip. I have noticed several people fake those toasts and don't drink the champagne.

Have a good Sunday all.
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Old 01-10-2016, 01:15 PM
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I managed to clean my room and go for a 10 minute walk.
I still feel very low though.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I discovered that what keeps me so anxious is the fact that my husband talks about retirement non stop. I am only 47. I try to live one day at a time. The future scares me. And I definitely don't look forward to cook and clean after my husband for the rest of my life.
I would love to enjoy the present but those thoughts of the future are constantly in the back of my mind. If I tell him that I'd rather not talk about it he'll get depressed and tell me he needs something to look forward to. And if I don't agree then he will go ahead and move on with his plans. His idea of retirement is not what I look forward to...
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Old 01-11-2016, 08:12 AM
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Good on you for the walk and cleaning Patricia.

Do you want to stay with your husband or is it too much to even think about? Please forgive me if this is an inappropriate question.

The black dog of depression sunk his teeth into my soul yesterday so I switched into get-out-of-the-house survival mode - ugh. Thank God for the reset button of sleep; I do feel better this morning.
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Old 01-11-2016, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Good on you for the walk and cleaning Patricia.

Do you want to stay with your husband or is it too much to even think about? Please forgive me if this is an inappropriate question.
I really don't know Bekindalways. I am very scared and worried that I won't be able to take care of myself and my son. But I am not happy with my husband. The future terrifies me right now.
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:55 PM
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Hi all,

Glad to see we are around and posting.
Congrats on 5 months yoga pants...that's terrific.

Patricia...my advice would be try not to focus on your husbands projections about the future. Whether he would really be able to just go on with his plans and leave you and your son behind sounds somewhat unlikely ?
My husband "discusses " retirement out loud also. He tells me "we will be in a condo with only a terrace to take care of". When I tell him I still ove or garden and would like the privacy of a small yard...he tells me no. I just ignore him and keep working. Until he has me signing condo papers , I am not harping on it. It's so much negative energy which takes up wasted space.
Try to relax and focus your thoughts on feeling better today.

Hugs to you xo
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Old 01-11-2016, 02:17 PM
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Thank you lovehoops. You are right. And I should know better. My parents had everything planned. They discussed it for years. Two months after they retired my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she died a year later. That's why I don't even want to mention the word retirement with my husband. It terrifies me. I am much happier when I only focus on "here and now". although the present is not really a happy place...

I'll try to follow your advice. I'll try to feel better today...
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Old 01-11-2016, 09:32 PM
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Hey all, my day was better. The depression lifted which was a relief. I didn't get exercise but did a lot of funny little tasks that I had been wanting to do.

Patricia, I understand being terrified of the future. I don't like to think of the future much either. Sometimes even thinking about tomorrow is too much for me. Staying here and now sounds like a good idea for you. I love how you keep trying new things in working your recovery: new counselor, yoga, breathing exercise. You have an amazing persistance.

Lovehoops, that sounds like a wise call to let him plan and not worry about what may never happen.

Hope everyone else is working your plan and taking care of yourselves.
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Old 01-12-2016, 08:30 PM
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Hey everyone, just caught up on all the augustables posts. Hugs to those struggling, and high fives to the milestones!!

Day 15. Off to the beach going with friends that support my sobriety. Yee haw! I am so needing this getaway. I'll check in if I can. Otherwise I'll be back next week with a higher day count
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Old 01-12-2016, 08:33 PM
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Patricia, have you talked to your dr about your depression?
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Old 01-13-2016, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by kittycat3 View Post
Patricia, have you talked to your dr about your depression?
I did Kitty. And I have a new counselor. These past few weeks have been very hard. I'm seeing my new counselor next week.
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Old 01-13-2016, 08:00 PM
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Good Evening all,

I had house guests and then went skiing for an hour on the golf course with a wonderful friend, volunteered at the Thrift Shop, stopped and saw a friend who has been injured. It was a wonderful day but I worry as I shirked my responsibility for the house.

Kittycat, congrats on 15 days!!!

Patricia, I'm going to be praying hard that this new counselor is a good one. Please keep being the strong persistent woman you are and keep posting.
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