lovehoops

Just saying hi and checking in. Hope everyone is well.
Have a sober Saturday xo

Bekindalways

I'm doing well Lovehoops. Hope you are too. Anyone else checking in here anymore?

kittycat3

I should check in. But I don't have good news. I drank 2x this week, both at holiday HHs. Nothing terrible happened, no blackouts or extreme drunkenness, but I'm disappointed in myself. I spent all day Yesterday sweating off the booze and depression - still feeling it today although not as bad. I know I gave in to succumb to my holiday / seasonal depression and I should probably see a dr about that. Have been feeling very lonely and sad about being single and thought drinking was the cure, even though in my heart of hearts I know it always leads to this sadness. Day 2 today, I'm still fighting. Can't promise anything here, although I'm thankful I have no more holiday parties to tempt me and all of my future Christmas celebrations will be with people that know I don't drink. Thank goodness.

Bekindalways

Thanks for coming back Kittycat. It happens. Maybe stick close here. I'm single too which makes holidays weird.

kittycat3

How have you been dealing with it BKA? I know there are some benefits, I was just thinking how I'm grateful to keep my gift buying to a minimum and not have the stress of buying for a significant others family etc, but there's the added feeling of loneliness with being single that I obviously need help dealing with.

PennyLane76

Hi Kitty, thanks for posting. I have been feeling the same, that a couple drinks would help my recent depression, it doesn't.... I am glad of your reminder. I know you will get back up! HUGS!

Hello Bekind and Hoops! Hope everyone else us doing well.

patricia68

-You don't have to cook Christmas dinner
-Or do dishes!
-You can spend Christmas day in your PJs, or no PJs, and run around the house without worrying about anyone
-You can sleep in on Christmas day
-You don't have to argue with anyone about spending too much
-Nobody in your house is going to be drinking
-Your house is quiet
-Your house is clean
-You can do whatever you want whenever you want
-You are free!

ps: -You don't have to share all the chocolate

kittycat3

Thanks for the list Patricia! All true ! Especially about the chocolate!

Sigh Sadie, depression is terrible right now. Feeling a bit of anxiety right now. How can I do this sobriety thing? Because it's like I'm on a merry go round. Soon I know I'll put this drunk behind me and then feel strong sober legs for a bit, and then later I'll think it's ok to go out for 1-2 drinks and let off some steam. I'm 38 years old (not a spring chicken!) I should know better. Yet my AV is a cunning conniving b&tch.

Bekindalways

Hi all,

Kittycat, although I'm single, it is probably a bit different for me as I'm 52 and have been pretty committed to being single for most of my life. However, I'm going to answer your question the best I can as it is a question I have struggled with for a long time.

Sometimes I have planned trips with other single friends or couple friends with no children. We have skied into mountain huts a few times. I have friends in Mexico who welcome me whenever I want to come. I do spend Christmas with my siblings sometimes but have worn out my welcome with my inlaws . My parents are aging so this is the second Christmas in a row that I have spent in my home state. I am planning on spending Christmas day at the local nursing home as I have several aging friends from my community who will be there. I've never done this before but they are excited that I'm coming As I have been single so long, the place in my life for a partner has been filled with activities and friends. It is still hard sometimes and for someone who isn't used to being single probably really hard.

I'm also a chronic depressive so know how difficult that is. I take meds for the depression and it helps. Also exercise helps. Lots.

Sadie and Kittycat, can you think about kinda putting your life in low gear, upping the exercise, meditation and any other tools in your recovery plan? Even if meetings haven't worked for you maybe try one again.

Patricia, I remember you saying you found a helpful youtube video on breathing exercises for anxiety. Could you post the link? Maybe it would help others.

Keep posting all. I'm grinding away at my own life with no more than micro successes.

PennyLane76

Thank you Bekind, you really are your name!

Anxiety almost non existent when I don't drink , so I guess depression took its place. I'm on a low dose med, may be time to up it. I medidate, but getting back to yoga would help. I'm just a lazy depressed person at the moment. All I want to do is lay in bed with cats piling on me. It's 730 and I'm going to sleep to get this day done!

Micro succes.. put away two pieces of folded clothing f r om the huge piles. Micro success.. .Found a new limited ingredient cat food that may work for all. Two need a unique protein so trying rabbit. Kinda made me sad for the rabbits but I feed them chicken and turkey, and I feel sad for them too. I don't eat meat but kitties must!

This year my spouse refuses to go to my mom's for christmas. He loves her but doesn't like feeling excluded by my sister. I feel the same but must go. So... it's not
Always a comfort to have a partner over the holidays. We have endured snide comments from her that people with no kids are selfish, (should do jagger while singing ........You can't always get what u what) , also that we must leave my sisters early on Christmas eve so they can have THEIR family present opening time without us, so my mom and I will zoom in, eat and leave.

I will get up early tomorrow and try some yoga on the grass if no neighbors are out. I did that during withdrawal when I would jump out of bed sweaty and panicky at 3 am. It was fun.. do some sun salutations.

Kitty cat.. holidays almost over, good!. How will you spend your Christmas Day?

patricia68

Here it is! It's Pranayama. It took me a few days to get it right, but it's worth practicing, it really helps with anxiety!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VwufJrUhic

I hope it helps!

Bekindalways

Thanks you two.

Hmmm . . . how about joining me in the micro goal of keeping Aug 2015 towards the top of the Newcomer's Thread list? We can give each other nudges of support as we do it!

patricia68

I'd love that Bekindalways! I miss talking to all of you!

kittycat3

Thanks for the thoughtful reply BKA. It helps to hear your story. Yes I can up my sobriety plan a little bit. Funny yoga has been brought up. I have a week off work next week and I plan to do yoga almost every day if I have to it will be so nice to get a break from the office.
I nearly stayed in bed this morning, too scared to face the day. But I remembered that I'd only feel worse having to show up at work tomorrow after calling in sick today and decided I could at least try to get in the shower. So here I go day 3.
I do truly feel better, thank goodness, more wobbly than anything. the deep depression has lifted and only feel mild anxiety that I hope dissipates after I get going on the day's work. Please wish me luck, I'll need it.

Bekindalways

Mornin all, hope your monday is good or at least not too awful (I like having low expectations).

Kittycat, I'm trying to think up more tricks of being ok single. The list I wrote was more large plans that I wouldn't think are too helpful in the day-to-day short term.

I liked Patricia's response as she is enjoying/enduring/suffering the alternate marital status and can report on the "grass" on the married side of the fence.

kittycat3

Aww thanks BKA. I've been divorced, so I know all about what living through a difficult relationship is like. I know with my head that being single and feeling lonely sometimes is better than being stuck in a dead end relationship, but the problem is making my heart believe it. That's the work I have to do. I'm happy to take any tips you might have but I don't think there is any magic words that can help - might need to sort this out w a professional therapist

Bekindalways

Yeah, I get the "No words will help". I've heard the same thing said, "Somethings can't be fixed they just have to be carried."

Here are a few ideas. If they don't work for you, maybe they will grease the wheels and give you another idea.

1) Audio books keep me company when I am trying to do something somewhat brainless. It keeps me motivated as I fold laundry, paint the bathroom, or something along those lines.

2) I have a relationship with God that is a bit like having an imaginary friend. This might be a bit irreverent but makes me feel better.

3) I look for and remember men who are true gifts to single women. These obnoxious men are gifts in that they make me happy to be single and make celibacy super appealing. God/fate/nature/whatever has sent me a lot of these guys. I specially think of them as I am falling asleep and I luxuriate in their absence. (No offense to the many stupendous men out there!)

This last is a bit like Tich Naht Hahn's idea of "enjoy not having a toothache" but with a bit of a twist.

If anyone else has a good way to deal with solitude and loneliness, let me know. I can use all the help I can get!

Dee74

In case some people are going offline for a while...Happy Holidays to all

There will be support here tho

D

Yogapants

Ladies, thank you for a great discussion on loneliness and dealing with that. I am also single (divorced) although I do have a daughter who still comes home for the holidays so no lonely holidays for me.

I also love the gratefulness posts. I need to try practicing it regularly. It does change your perspective, doesn't it?

Bekindalways

Hi Yoga, good to hear from you. My parents and sister leave in a few days so I will be back to dealing with some pretty intense solitude.

I have thought of you as I remember you saying the first few months of sobriety were just a trudge but then you said it did get better. Would you be willing to say more about how that went?

Hope you all are grinding along in low gear recovery to the best of your abilities!