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Class of October 2015 Part 3

Old 10-24-2015, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Needachangenow View Post
Welcome SansaS! You will find a great group of people in this class.
Looking4 and Dobie...Day 7 for us all!! This will mark the end of a full week. I feel so good about that and I hope you do too!!
NACN
I sure do! Yay for us! I finally had a decent night sleep last night, so I'm feeling pretty darned great this morning! Today is going to be a lazy day; it's raining here all weekend, so I'm just going to use it as an excuse to relax. I'm probably going to spend some time with my teenage son, hopefully lunch and a movie, and then hang out with my husband tonight. Life is good!
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Old 10-24-2015, 08:54 AM
  # 202 (permalink)  
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Dee to BixBee:
"Reaching out for help was a skill I really needed to learn. I had to battle those thoughts within me that said people would belittle me or beat me up for drinking, or even wanting to drink.
AA has a saying we don;t shoot our wounded. I'd like to think it's the same in the thread. We're all on the same side, we all understand how hard this is, so let's help each other. It's a great thing to be a part of. ...
...do you have any ideas on what you might add to what you've been doing BixBees? "

Dee, thank you. Thank you to all of you here at SR. I am definitely beat up, but not by this bunch of people.

Dee, your words to me and to Midton, which are in same vein as Key's to me... Acceptance of what I am, and what needs to be done. And yes, a part of my will simply, clearly, and consistantly wants only to drink.

This will be day 1 for me, and I can certainly do that. I will be fine, having decided to stop again, until day 4 or so. On day 4 or so, it will become a teeth-clenching, obsessed, tiny tiny world in my mind until I drink again. So knowing this...what to do between now and "day 4 or so" to either avoid getting into that tiny place in my mind, or get back out of it without drinking.

I honestly don't know what will work. But I know three things I will try:
1. If the group doesn't mind, I will post "what condition my condition is in" each morning and each night. Just a few words in the morning, with my plan for the day. Just a few words at night with how things are as I go down for the night. No matter how it went. Is this ok to do? I see people do that here, but one of my mental glitches is that I have a hard time feeling like I really belong or that I have understood what "belonging" looks like. Sorry to be boringly remedial.

2. Work weeks are my weak spot. I am an independent, and I often work alone at home or in hotels, as the job requires. I get absolutely crazy-lonely and outta-my-mind-frustrated-anxious-panicky-angry. I must change this. I will work in the hotel lobby or the hotel business center. I will work at a Starbucks or a Library or rent an office by the day in one of the many business centers that have sprung up in my base area. I will work at a co-worker's home or office, while I am in the same town as one. I will work at a client office when in same town.

3. Yes # 2 will require much more planning and driving and intentionality than I usually have to do. God, I will have consistently make myself presentable, for one thing. Means MUCH more laundry and haircuts and showers, oh my.

Long post. Sorry.
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Old 10-24-2015, 08:59 AM
  # 203 (permalink)  
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BixBees - I think that's a great plan. We would be happy to have you post your condition twice a day or however much you need! I was posting twice a day - in the mornings and evenings for at least the first week - 10 days. I think it does help. Glad you're with us!
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Old 10-24-2015, 09:20 AM
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Bix,
I think you do whatever you think you need to try. We certainly don't mind if you post here like that and it won't bother us either. The goal here is sobriety and recovery and this is where we come to hash it out good or bad. Say what you need to, even if it's a relapse. I only say get a new plan because the old one isn't working. If there is no change on your part there will be no change at all. I think it's great you keep getting up and brushing off and trying again. You only lose if you stop trying. (hug)! I hope something you do will finally stick for you. It breaks me heart to see y'all struggling.
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Old 10-24-2015, 09:22 AM
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Max...where you at girl?? No hurt feelings here. No need for you feel bad about anything. You didn't do anything wrong at all. It's ok to say what you feel and mean it. We are all adults here. We talked it through, we are fine. This is all for everyone to help in their own healing...I want you ALL to win. Post what you must. We are ok..me n you are ok...((HUG))!! (I will be more careful with my wording)
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Old 10-24-2015, 09:26 AM
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BixBees, I am on day 7 and that has been what I have been doing...in the morning the plan for the day and in the evening how the day went, the ups and the downs. It has been so helpful for me. Everyone here is so supportive, and whatever you need to do to help yourself stay sober is awesome!! Best of luck and have a great day!
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Old 10-24-2015, 09:59 AM
  # 207 (permalink)  
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Thanks , Needa, Key, and Juno.
Reading over my post, my plan still needs work. I do think that working in proximity to others will reduce my anxiety and frustration. But how exactly to handle the transition from work to leisure each day... In other words, what is leisure? I tend to have "one" when the workday is over, but then continue to watch emails, consolidate notes, have "one" more, check whether I got an answer to a question about work, have another while ... I never draw a hard line between work and my life, and I never DO any other activity in my evenings after work. So I hope that changing up my workaday routine will create an unavoidable MOMENT of transition to the evening. But I must figure out something that is NOT work and NOT drinking to DO after work. My life is soooo small. This is what I will be thinking about and planning.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:00 AM
  # 208 (permalink)  
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Well, meetings come to mind. Duh. Like a brand new thought. On way home or back to hotel May be.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:32 AM
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Hi everyone. I haven't posted because I feel like that annoying one that everyone dislikes but won't say so out loud....I don't know if it's my anxiety talking or if it's real.

Also, I'm finding it hard to respond to everyone - there is so much going on - but I'm always afraid to just respond to one person because then I feel like I'm ignoring everyone else.

But but... someone said, awhile ago, that they replaced the words for drinking with something like, making stupid idiotic choices, or....something to that effect?? I just have to say, that that has helped me immensely! Even though I can't remember the wording so I change it each time. Because I have had a couple thoughts of drinking, but when I change the wording like this - omg - suddenly I'm back in rational mind!! I love this so much that I'm going to tell my therapist on monday.
I've also been reading everyone's posts, and if they say something like "so many free bottles of happiness" or "go home and watch movies and drink" then I replace that it my mind too, so it's like "so many free bottles of idiotic choices!" or "go home to watch a movie and make some stupidly naive decisions!"' etc. I hope you don't find offense to that - it's really helping me a lot.

BTW, has anyone been sleeping MORE, is that just me? I still don't get to sleep until around 2am, but then I want to sleep forever....today is saturday, and I swear I would still be sleeping at 1pm if I didn't force myself out of bed. Then, in the middle of the day, I can also sleep. Maybe I'm just depressed? Or dying?? Or withdrawal?? I don't know...

Also, my anxiety is so bad....there is a thing I'm supposed to do tonight, and two things tomorrow. And I can't get out of them (well maybe one I can - I would just feel bad) and I'm just so....scared!!

Anyway, I'm proud of everyone who is still hanging on in here.

And welcome Sansa!!
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:52 AM
  # 210 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=Layali;5612984]Hi everyone. I haven't posted because I feel like that annoying one that everyone dislikes but won't say so out loud....I don't know if it's my anxiety talking or if it's real.
/QUOTE]

.????. Not real, Layali.

It is real about ME, but not real about YOU!! ��
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:55 AM
  # 211 (permalink)  
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Wishing everyone a peaceful sober evening
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:29 AM
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We don't think that about any of you! So untrue!
Layali, it's not true
Bix again not true
(Hug)
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:44 AM
  # 213 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BixBees505 View Post
Well, meetings come to mind. Duh. Like a brand new thought. On way home or back to hotel May be.
That sounds like a solid plan! Also, do you exercise? I find that ending a workday with exercise helps me step away from work thoughts.
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by DobieGirl09 View Post
That sounds like a solid plan! Also, do you exercise? I find that ending a workday with exercise helps me step away from work thoughts.
I don't. But I will. At one time I was quite fit, but now... No.
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:22 PM
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Way to go, midton!! I'm so happy to hear you stayed sober. Awesome!!

Turningleaf, glad to hear something good came out of the scary meeting! That reminded me of when I was doing IOP 2 years ago and had to go to meetings. I kept getting hit on at the meetings, and my twisted mind used it as an excuse to tell everybody I should stop going to meetings altogether. I stopped going, started drinking and doing drugs again bad, and didn't make another real attempt at sobriety again for 2 years. Glad to hear you came up with an alternative plan a lot sooner than I did : ) I started going back to meetings this week, and I have met some really nice people. I've gotten phone numbers, people to ride to a meeting with, invites for lunch, dinner, coffee, cookouts, you name it! I don't have that much free time, but the acceptance from them has been really nice.

Bixbees, right after work has always been really hard for me. I always want to head straight for the wine. My alternative plan has been to get home, have some water with an emergenC (so I'm still drinking something and it's a little more special than water), read a little on SR, run (that's hugely important for me), then read some more later. It keeps me busy and it's kept me from drinking for the last 32 days. Find whatever works for you and stick with it! You can do it, Bixbees!!!

Layali, I am still pretty tired too. Somebody told me at a meeting last night "then sleep! Sleep as much as you can". I thought alright, I can do that!
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:39 PM
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[QUOTE=BixBees505;5613000]
Originally Posted by Layali View Post
Hi everyone. I haven't posted because I feel like that annoying one that everyone dislikes but won't say so out loud....I don't know if it's my anxiety talking or if it's real.
/QUOTE]

.????. Not real, Layali.

It is real about ME, but not real about YOU!! ��
Wait, what are you saying?!? You're not annoying!
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:51 PM
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[QUOTE=Layali;5613105]
Originally Posted by BixBees505 View Post

Wait, what are you saying?!? You're not annoying!
Thank you, neither are you!! Glad we are both here today.
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Old 10-24-2015, 02:32 PM
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Hi guys, day 1 here.
I'm done, totally and truly done.
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Old 10-24-2015, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by ChickChick View Post
Hi guys, day 1 here.
I'm done, totally and truly done.
Hi Chick! Think we were in July together. Something clicked in me too (complete amnesia after a binge), I feel the same way! Let's make it stick!
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Old 10-24-2015, 02:40 PM
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Welcome ChickChick and Sadie.
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