Notices

Class of September 2015 Part 5

Old 10-10-2015, 05:17 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,036
Class of September 2015 Part 5

continues from here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-20.html

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-10-2015, 06:03 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Juno11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Great - a part 5 to the thread!! I'm doing great this morning. Coming up on a week completely free of alcohol. Nice. I'm hoping next week will be a little easier for me. I think it makes sense to look at weeks and not days right now because I know I can do this!!!

The yoga workshop last night was simply amazing. Two hours of bliss and live music. Such a healthy thing to do on a Friday night vs. drinking wine. I feel revived this morning and happy with my choices!!

I have a busy Saturday on tap. Going to catch up on work this morning (would not be able to do that with a hangover!!) Then a few different appointments for the kids and my daughter's Homecoming Dance tonight. Just gotta remember how good it feels to be alcohol free and not give into temptations should they arise. Good Saturday to all!
Juno11 is offline  
Old 10-10-2015, 09:32 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
3wolves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Wow. My heart is breaking for my daughter "j" . My grand, who is the center of the court hearings we are preparing for. Grand was at Dads court ordered visit, she called her Mom screaming at her for taking her away from her Dad. Mind you, this started with a DCS report from Grands counselor....my daughter CAN SAY NOTHING. COURT GAG ORDER. She was brutal. Mom says "I Love you". Nothing more. Over and over....I love you....I haven't stopped crying since we hung up after two hours....900 miles is so far apart......
I feel a slippery slope of fear and anxiety...escape from ONE more pain being inflicted on my child. On my grandchild. On our hearts. She is 10. TEN.
3wolves is offline  
Old 10-10-2015, 10:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,285
Originally Posted by 3wolves View Post
Wow. My heart is breaking for my daughter "j" . My grand, who is the center of the court hearings we are preparing for. Grand was at Dads court ordered visit, she called her Mom screaming at her for taking her away from her Dad. Mind you, this started with a DCS report from Grands counselor....my daughter CAN SAY NOTHING. COURT GAG ORDER. She was brutal. Mom says "I Love you". Nothing more. Over and over....I love you....I haven't stopped crying since we hung up after two hours....900 miles is so far apart......
I feel a slippery slope of fear and anxiety...escape from ONE more pain being inflicted on my child. On my grandchild. On our hearts. She is 10. TEN.
Oh 3wolves! I'm so very sorry to read this. I am sending good thoughts to you and your family. Remember that sober you will be much better equipped to support them. Xo
matilda123 is offline  
Old 10-10-2015, 10:17 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,285
Juno, glad the yoga class was great! Getting back into yoga regularly is something on my goal list.

Last couple days have been a bit rough. I posted in the newcomers thread that my partner had a gig at a favorite winery. Wanted to go to spend time together, but didn't trust myself to go given the stresses of this week. We chatted, and decided to spend time together tomorrow. Phew! Bullet dodged and it felt good to be honest with my partner.

Heading out into the garden. Hope all of you have a great day!
matilda123 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 04:05 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
Over the weekend I kind of developed a bit of disillusionment with this site and I was on the verge of quitting posting (until I come back again at square one, or worse, in 6 more months).

When I start I have things to say and a feeling of rawness which makes sharing and relating helpful. Now my insight is dimmed, actually non-existent, and I feel that what I'm posting is the same as I posted the day before and the day before and the .......ad infinitum.

I still checked in though and found a post elsewhere which touched a nerve. It was just a regular post but it connected with me and then I remembered how important posting is in helping me stay strong. At present I'm still torn as I'm beginning to cringe at my content. Maybe I'm just subconsciously preparing for a slip.


Anyway back to form and diary entry #24648.

Yesterday was a strange day. It started well when I managed to squeeze into trousers I'd bought a couple of months ago. A plus for sobriety. My family then went on an almost 3 hour drive to our closest Costco. I felt happy until I entered the alcohol section. I seriously think there was a tear in my eye when, after a mental to and fro, I turned and left. I really felt like ****. A minus for sobriety.

I then proceeded to drive 3 hours home in a foul mood. I was actually pretty surprised at how depressed I felt, really down. I am never that depressed unless I've been drinking and the fact that I could get so low without alcohol shocked and depressed me even more. I went to bed about 8.

I did have a great sleep ( insomnia tip: 6 hours of driving will do that) and went to the gym this morning grateful that I could. Now I find myself in bed again at 6:30 on a friggin Sunday night and in a funk and I don't really know why I'm so low.

Kudos to anyone who has read this.
Midton is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 04:23 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,036
When I start I have things to say and a feeling of rawness which makes sharing and relating helpful. Now my insight is dimmed, actually non-existent, and I feel that what I'm posting is the same as I posted the day before and the day before and the .......ad infinitum.
I had moments like those in my early recovery and I'm glad that I decided to keep posting.

I thought about it in my case and I know this was true for me - but I often wonder for others to what extent that apathy, complacency or self consciousness is really our addicted self trying to separate us from the protection of the herd, like any good predator would do...?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 06:15 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Juno11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Hi all, it's back to Day 1 for me. I had a really horrible day with my daughter and we got into the most massive fight. Of course it triggered me to drink. I made a bad situation worse by drinking.

I had a piece of pizza and nearly a whole bottle of red wine with it. I passed out around 8:00 pm and stayed in bed almost the whole night with hellish alcoholic infused nightmares and panic attacks. The hangovers/withdrawals are becoming unbearable.

So what am I going to do differently going forward... I have an appointment on the 26th with the psychiatrist (can't wait). If he has a cancellation I may be able to see him sooner. I'm going to ask to try antabuse. I hope it will work for me.

In the meantime, recovering from the mess I got myself in last night. I just need to make 14 days on my own, til the appointment. That I have to do.
Juno11 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 08:54 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
3wolves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Juno, 14 more, I will count them down/up with you. Take care of yourself. Hugs.
3wolves is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 09:39 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Juno11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Thanks 3Wolves, I hope things start to go better for you on the family situation.

You are so right - 14 days til more help is there for me. Hugs right back!
Juno11 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 10:01 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeyofC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
3Wolves I'm praying for your family. That is heart breaking (hug)
KeyofC is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 10:04 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeyofC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Matilda keep posting even if you just say "hey". Keep active and keep reading it helps!
KeyofC is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 10:14 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeyofC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Hey Juno (hug)
Hey everybody else! Hope y'all had a wonderful weekend.
I made it through the two days of the family wedding partying. I am so relieved and proud of myself. I posted a thread about it and posted on October thread. I looked the AV in the eye. The one who was sitting there quietly. I said "hey~I'm ready to dance are you?!" Winked at it in the mirror and away we went last night. I had beer all around me and up in my face, liquor of any and every kind. I proudly ordered water in my humongous champagne glass and said no thanks I'm an alcoholic to drinks offered. I danced my butt off and danced like nobody was watching, I had so much fun they wanted us to go to the after party but we said no. Hubby knew two days of it was more than I should've been able to handle. He is my rock and I just went away when I felt the drinking was too much! I'm so happy that I am stronger than I thought. But I want sobriety so bad I can taste it! Drink that!
PS day 83 today
KeyofC is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 12:57 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,285
Juno, I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough day. We are here to support you! You can do it!! If you feel pressure to drink, consider posting first. I've done that and it has really helped.

Midton, do keep posting. I know how you feel about feeling a bit like a broken record, but we are where we are. I think Dee is right about the AV and its sneakiness.

Key of C, I'm so proud of you! Brava!! And glad to hear the wedding was fun. I think each time we successfully make it through one of these tests, we come out of it stronger.

I'm doing well...34 days today! So glad that I didn't go to the winery yesterday. Worked in the garden most of the day. Today, we got up early and went out for a scrumptious breakfast, followed by a walk around the lake. Now, on to football.

Take care, my friends.
matilda123 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 01:22 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
3wolves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Thanks all for prayers and positive energy. Two weeks. Court starts the 26th. I have to sit quietly and watch my daughters character be assassinated.Our character will be called into question. I think that part will be easier. He is described by his mother as a sociopath. A forensic psychologist has been hired to evaluate his letters to my daughter, his mother, and his sister. Cruel rants. My heart starts racing, just typing this part. The dread is real and damn near physical.
Two weeks Juno. We both get help. Shoulders back, chin up......we will do this.
3wolves is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 01:25 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,285
Originally Posted by 3wolves View Post
Thanks all for prayers and positive energy. Two weeks. Court starts the 26th. I have to sit quietly and watch my daughters character be assassinated.Our character will be called into question. I think that part will be easier. He is described by his mother as a sociopath. A forensic psychologist has been hired to evaluate his letters to my daughter, his mother, and his sister. Cruel rants. My heart starts racing, just typing this part. The dread is real and damn near physical.
Two weeks Juno. We both get help. Shoulders back, chin up......we will do this.
I cannot imagine what it is like to go through what you are going through, 3wolves. My thoughts are with you and your family.
matilda123 is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 02:38 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Arbor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Nice job Key! Sounds like you had fun too.

Just got back from a family christening. Family meal afterwards at a restaurant/bar with potential drinking happening. I was fine, but dislike being around it. Too much nostalgia. Anyways, glad to be home and sober.

Carry on everyone!
Arbor is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 02:49 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeyofC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Matilda! Congrats on 34 (hug)! You know I've pretty much stayed away from places I am confident a lot of drinking will be going on. I know from time to time it can't be avoided so I prepare, but yes, I think it does give a dose of self confidence when we can take a win over alcoholism!

3wolves, I said before, such a tragedy you're dealing with. Stay strong in your sobriety. I know it's tough. I'm sorry for that, it's a lot on your plate.

Arbor thanks and I had a blast! I can't remember the last time I had so much fun!

Y'all rock! Stick together, support each other, keep showing kindness. It means slot to everyone!
KeyofC is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 03:53 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
3wolves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
I brought an adult beverage home. With four bags of misc items after running errands, no one had a clue. I stashed it away for later tonight....just one. No one would know.
After posting earlier I was really in a state. So much of this bottled up. With the trial and travel expenses, can't afford my therapist. Big deep breathe. I was planning my drink. I can go bead in my craft room, no one will know. So I puttered around. The house got quiet. I was ready. I went to my loo. There on the mirror is my statement. "I want to be sober". Boom. The tears came. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor crying like boob! My husband came looking for me. My precious precious husband asked me what he could do to help me. "Go in the black bag and pour that out." He did. Came back, sat down in the floor next to me. Told me how much he loves me, he knows that was hard on me. He is proud of me. Then he told me he knew it was in there, he saw it when I was in the feed store.He was watching me to see how I handled it. THEN the sweetheart pulled cash out of his wallet. A tip from a customer after leaving her bathroom cleaner than he found it after replacing plumbing and base. Told me to call Doc., make an appointment before trial starts and get some of this off my chest. So, his Christmas stash is going to my sanity.
I have a support system. One that doesn't take it personally. I have tried for a year now to do this. I haven't made 90 days yet. Humbled by how much he loves me. So, now that I have put all this out there, I will gather myself. Take a hot soak, get ready for an early Monday.
Here's praying for a better Monday.
Bless us all.
3wolves is offline  
Old 10-11-2015, 03:56 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeyofC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
3wolves so glad you have someone to lean on. You did amazing (hug)
KeyofC is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:54 AM.