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One Year and Under Club Part 49

Old 10-23-2015, 05:41 AM
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I have been around SR for 3 years now, and in that time i have read story after heart breaking story of how addicion has ruined lives. My biggest fear nowadays is complacency, which is why i make my daily commitment here to my sobriety. i may live a sober life now, where alcohol plays no part for me, but i cannot afford to forget why.
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Old 10-23-2015, 06:06 AM
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Glee so happy for your 20 months! ((Hug))!
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Old 10-23-2015, 06:09 AM
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Toots I relate to that and completely agree..I work it all day every day no matter what. Guess it's what has been my rock. I never want to be that person again.
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Old 10-23-2015, 06:49 AM
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Hi undies
I had relapsed Monday evening.
Drank tons each night resulting in some real chest and stomach pain yesterday that led to beer and pain killers to try and make myself feel better.

I have womp today and hoping I last all day. I was surprised after just a couple nights to already be feeling so crappy. Plan on getting to a meeting as soon as I feel better.
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Old 10-23-2015, 08:04 AM
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Good plan, BF. I don't recall if you are seeing an addiction counselor? I had to ramp up to an IOP to finally stay on track.
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Old 10-23-2015, 01:18 PM
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I'm thoroughly miserable, tired, and facing a weekend of solid work ahead of s client meeting on Monday 7am. I have already worked sixty hours this week and not had a full day off since I was drinking - which will be 20 weeks ago tomorrow..

I'm not going to drink, and I know I will be grateful to wake up sober tomorrow.

I should put in a few hours tonight, but I just can't face it.

Things are immeasurably better than they were back in May, but there have to be down days. And this is one of them, I suppose.

Although this is a gloomy post, I really appreciate everyone's posts today. You have kept me just far enough away from the edge to stay safe.

BF - sorry to hear of your relapse. Please treat it very seriously and get whatever help you can. You can do it.

Go well and have a good weekend Undies
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Old 10-23-2015, 01:35 PM
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I just wonder...is anybody still feeling incredibly tired even after the 90 day mark? I feel so run down, exhausted. I have been to the doc. My blood work was good. I keep telling myself it's years of treating my body like a honkytonk that has been misused and abused and it's still trying to get better. That's probably all it is I guess.
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Old 10-23-2015, 01:58 PM
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Hello Key,

I felt extremely fatigued around that time - and again more recently.

For me, I put it down to the sheer extra mental effort involved in being sober. Not just the constant awareness of being vulnerable - and therefore the vigilance we need to exhibit to stay safe - but also the fact we are present as thinking adults for all of our waking hours, not zonked out half-cut in a comfortable cotton candy delusional state, all our troubles deferred.

Was that a sentence? No wonder I'm tired.

Think the fatigue is perfectly normal, and I would just roll with it and sleep when you can. I rationalized it by thinking that no matter how much time was getting wasted by me being wiped out and tired , it was tiny compared to the wastage from drinking, being drunk , then hungover, then depressed.

Congratulations on your 90 from me too. Marvellous !

Fradley
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Old 10-23-2015, 02:18 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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I'm sorry to hear you drank BF. Whats your plan from here?

I was tired for longer than 90 days Key. Of course, if you're concerned, there's nothing like seeing your Dr and getting the once over

D
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Old 10-23-2015, 05:08 PM
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Fradley, I hope you can get some rest soon! In my younger days I worked 60-80 hours per week and there were times I felt like it was too much effort to lift a finger, literally. I'm glad you are posting and thoughtful about staying sober. I can tell you that even though i need to stay aware, after a bit over a year I'm feeling solid enough that I'm much more relaxed. Now on the rare occasions when I think a drink would be nice, thinking it through to the end takes care of it. I believe that you will get there. (((Hugs)))!

Key, 90 days isn't that long for the physical side of things. It will come. The doc can run blood tests if needed to check that you aren't deficient in the nutrients that tend to become depleted in active alcoholics.
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Old 10-23-2015, 05:52 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Thanks Undies.

WWS - I think one foot in front of the other, the next right thing, is at the core of sobriety and recovery.I've had goals before. I've met them. And I've still felt empty inside, focused only on how to reach the NEXT goal. When I stopped trying to predict the future and just listen to my intuition my life opened up to people, places and experiences that make my life so rich and full and lovely. You may be surprised and delighted where your one step at a time takes you!!

Sask - I can't remember if you've shared this before, but what's different about your sobriety now compared to the 13 year sober period?

Stargazer - It's a relief when people can relate!

Toots - I agree so much about vigilance. Early in my sobriety someone shared at a meeting that what worked for him was to not let a day pass without doing something to reaffirm his sobriety. I make a substantial investment in my sobriety every day, do something every day, whether it's reading and thinking about a passage from the Hazelden thought of the day, post on SR, talk to or text a sober alcoholic, or go to an AA meeting.

(((((BoozeFree))))))) - Keep coming back to us, Sweetie.

Fradley - It's a challenge to learn to get through the good times and the low energy days without drinking. It's worth the exhausting effort, though. At the other side is real sustenance, no cotton candy needed.

KeyofC - I have never had the opportunity to use the word honkytonk in a sentence, nor do I know what one is, but your description of treating yourself like one really got me giggling. I was exhausted til well after the year mark. It got better slowly, and every so often I'd lift my head up, look back and see that as tired as I felt, I was making progress. Me, being an alcoholic, wanted to find a fast track to healing with some kind of diet or exercise regimen. Ha ha, no luck. I had to let my brain and body recalibrate itself til it healed. Everyone's PAWS symptoms and timetables are different.

Carlos - Thank you, my dear sober friend!!

The interview went well. The next interview will be next week, and there is a quick timetable for the decision. I'll keep you posted.
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Old 10-23-2015, 06:04 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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best wishes for next week Glee

D
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Old 10-23-2015, 10:58 PM
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Good morning,

I'm pleased to say I feel a lot better today. Was up at five am. Made proper coffee, did some housework then planted a few flowers and veggies as the sun rose and the birds welcomed the day..

I still have all the issues and challenges to deal with that were there yesterday, but I'm ready for them and will do the best I can. Whatever happens, will happen. Simple.

One of the greatest gifts of sobriety I have found is that I do tend to bounce back a lot quicker from life's challenges. This is hardly surprising; but again I wonder why it took me thirty years to figure this one out.

One hundred and forty days today . Yay

Happy Saturday everyone,

Fradley

Last edited by nyala; 10-23-2015 at 11:00 PM. Reason: Ocd
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Old 10-23-2015, 11:54 PM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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Congrats Fradley

D
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:12 AM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Key, I remember being tired a lot, and at the 3 month mark had a few PAWS symptoms ( in fact quite a few of my classmates did around the same time! We were a cranky bunch

BeFree what caused your lapse this time? I am concerned for you health wise as you do seem to suffer pretty quickly after starting a binge. It is obvious that you know drink is nothing but poison, it's more than time you cared enough about yourself to do everything you can to stop for good. I care too much for you to become another statistic sweetie.

Fradley, good to see you have bounce back, and that you are taking time to do something for yourself in among all the hard work

Keep on Keeping on Undies
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Old 10-24-2015, 02:48 AM
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Thanks Dee, Fradley, Saskia, Glee, Toots.. I'm 96 days today and I have been to the doctor for blood work twice. Everything is good so that's why I was curious. I know in my heart it'll take a good year to start feeling the physical affects getting better. Just making sure others had experienced the same and I wasn't crazy! Happy Saturday! Hope everyone has a nice weekend. My Mom is coming out today. We have struggled having a relationship and honestly it's probably a big root issue to my whole sickness. I'm glad through the years I have learned coping tools to deal with a Mom who just didn't want to be that involved with me, but it still makes it difficult. I'm gaurding myself here that I stay completely positive while she's here for the weekend so I dont tumble into depression. Say a little prayer for me please. Thanks, to all of you for your posts. "Me" related or not they all help someone.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:11 AM
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Good morning. The good news is I have a Saturday I don't have to work!, The bad news is that it is raining now and we are supposed to get dumped on all weekend. Oh well, sometimes that's how It works and we do need the rain.

I do feel good this morning and am looking forward to a sober weekend.

BF, sorry about your relapse- Like we all do, we can learn something from it and keep working on it. Yes Toots, alcohol IS poison.

Glad you are feeling better today Fradley!

Key, I don't remember being tired around the 90 day mark before but we all different in some ways during recovery. I do exercise regularly and it helps me out a lot. Good luck with your mom's visit and stay positive!
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:15 AM
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Originally Posted by gleefan View Post
WWS - I think one foot in front of the other, the next right thing, is at the core of sobriety and recovery.I've had goals before. I've met them. And I've still felt empty inside, focused only on how to reach the NEXT goal. When I stopped trying to predict the future and just listen to my intuition my life opened up to people, places and experiences that make my life so rich and full and lovely. You may be surprised and delighted where your one step at a time takes you!!
I think you are absolutely right here! Thank You. You said this a lot better than I could.

Good job! A second interview is always a good thing.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:15 AM
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Congrats, Fradley.

Yes, please keep us posted, Glee.

Key, my best to you today with your FOO visit. Haha, a friend on here used that FOO term, and not from endearment, FOO = family of origin.

WWS, the ODAAT strategy remains key for me...not only for not drinking, but, all aspects of life.

BF, my best as you reboot sobriety. I hope you consider not only a mtg strategy, but one that incorporates a temp sponsor and working the program. I'm reminded of one of the million AA sayings...nothing changes if nothing changes. My best, dear BF.

Off to body pump class then a Jimmy for brekky. Oh, if you are not among a small group of my long time friends...Jimmy might confuse. It stands for Jimmy Buffett...or breakfast buffet...this aft, closet purging for moving prep.

Enjoy, Undies...

Carlos
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Old 10-24-2015, 06:45 AM
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Good morning, my delightful and thoughtful sober Undies!

Fradley, I'm happy you bounced back so quickly. All of the thought and care may at times seem like a lot of effort but it is so worthwhile.

WWS, happy you have the weekend off! Too bad about the rain but you'll have lots of sunny weekends and rain is a blessing too :-)

BF, my dear, I hope you know we all care about you and a relapse is not a moral failing. Coming right back here is a really good first step. If you can care about yourself as much as we do, then I know you can get whatever help you need. No shame, no blame!

Carlos, always good to see you and I enjoy your sober wisdom.

Toots, I carefully read your posts because you have much good stuff to share :-)

Key, sending good vibes for your mother's visit. If it becomes difficult, just pop in here. We didn't get to where we were in 90 days and it does usually take longer than that to get really comfortable. I love how I feel now!

Glee, hard to say for sure what happened. During the last 4 years of that 13 I had 3 drinks - only away from home and when I wasn't driving. As a matter of fact, I was on cruises over the Christmas holidays - one drink per cruise. That worked well and I had no thoughts of drinking any other time. Then I had gastric bypass surgery (the traditional type) and a year later I tried one glass of wine "to make sure I wouldn't pass out or otherwise make a fool out of myself". At least, that was my perceived rationale! That was the start of a 3-year spree and it has been h*11 to get past that. I think that there were several things at work:
1. The beast was most definitely still lurking!
2. The gastric bypass changed biochemical factors in such a way that I am now even more at risk than I already was. They used to think it was "transfer of addiction" from eating to drinking but they have more recently discovered that there are other physiological changes contributing strongly. The incidence of alcoholism among those who have had the "RNY" gastric bypass is double normal, thus very high risk even without prior alcoholism. For me, it was (without knowing it) almost a foregone conclusion.
3. I have severe PTSD and substance abuse tends to be more common among those of us with this condition. So I think that except for family history, the deck was completely stacked against me being a normie.
4. I had just retired.
There are far worse things people deal with!

I know that I absolutely cannot drink, ever!

Hi to all!
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