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One Year and Under Club Part 49

Old 11-17-2015, 12:38 AM
  # 361 (permalink)  
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Morning everyone wishing everyone a good day
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Old 11-17-2015, 12:41 AM
  # 362 (permalink)  
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Morning SW!

WWS: give it time and it will come good! Take care
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:52 AM
  # 363 (permalink)  
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Thanks Amp have a nice day bud
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Old 11-17-2015, 02:43 AM
  # 364 (permalink)  
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HMorning everyone (hug)!
I'm hanging in although strapped into this roller coaster I can't get off of. Still trying to be positive. Still working my recovery hard. Still 100% committed to sobriety everyday all day! That stuff doesn't change. My commitment is stronger than ever. I am a good person with an awesome heart! I will be ok!

Today is 120-4 months

Have a wonderful Tuesday!
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:11 AM
  # 365 (permalink)  
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Congrats on 4 mos Key!

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Old 11-17-2015, 05:31 AM
  # 366 (permalink)  
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Congratulations KeyofC. 4 months is a massive achievement!
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:47 AM
  # 367 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on four months Key! You are a good person with an awesome heart!

Thanks Saskia, Glee and Amp! It is good to know that other people have gone through similar things and that I'm on track in my recovery.
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Old 11-17-2015, 08:07 AM
  # 368 (permalink)  
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Key, congrats on 4 months!

If it doesn't get a bit easier soon and if you are still white-knuckling, there are a number of options to help with that.
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Old 11-17-2015, 12:51 PM
  # 369 (permalink)  
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The emotions Saskia! Not cravings. Emotions are just killing me! I keep telling myself I'm making stuff up, everything is fine, life is calm cool collected..but my insides keep telling me- no they're not! You're crazy! Nobody likes you. Nobody wants to spend time with you. The fear. The jealousy. The trust, lack there of. Ugh. It drives me crazy. Not only that it's emotionally draining!
Like I said I'm not giving in, there's not an option for that. But the happiness, I miss it. Where did it go!! Come back!!
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:31 PM
  # 370 (permalink)  
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Key, you totally sound like I did a couple of months ago. Pleased to report that happiness began to make a belated appearance at around 6 months
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:48 PM
  # 371 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Key, you totally sound like I did a couple of months ago. Pleased to report that happiness began to make a belated appearance at around 6 months
This is one of the reasons I love this place! There always are people with similar experiences.

Key, if this doesn't improve, my advice to look further for help still applies.
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:51 PM
  # 372 (permalink)  
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Wishing everyone a peaceful evening
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Old 11-17-2015, 03:52 PM
  # 373 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Key, you totally sound like I did a couple of months ago. Pleased to report that happiness began to make a belated appearance at around 6 months
Totally agree with Amp. I felt very flat emotionally and rather indifferent about things in that four to six month period. I never experienced the so called "pink cloud" that so many seem to have. I entered sobriety with a totally irrational view of how I would be after stopping drinking. I figured that I would be incredibly happy all the time and have boundless energy and the world would be full of rainbows. Life is life, with it's ups and downs. I was just beginning to face it each day not hungover and physically exhausted.

I had to totally relearn how to live life without booze. I couldn't handle stress without it, I couldn't celebrate life's good things without it, I couldn't fall asleep without it, and finally, I couldn't start my day without it.

It takes time for your body and mind to heal, after years of abuse.

It will get better!
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:26 PM
  # 374 (permalink)  
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Stargazer - Very inspiring! Thank you!! I had absolutely no pink cloud either. It took focus for me to stay sober.

((((Key)))) - One of the many things I like about my sponsor is her ability to teach me to see things in their right size. From the glimpse we get of you here, I can reasonably suspect that your fears and insecurities are unfounded. Remember we can be your sounding board any time you need us. We're also going to be your biggest cheerleaders as you develop your positive sober inner monologue.

Tonight I wrapped up steps 4 and 5 with my sponsor. It's been a powerful experience working on the steps with my sponsor. Like Saskia said, there are many different effective ways to support your recovery.

This weekend and next the family is headed out of town to youth hockey tournaments. I had my last drunk at one of these tournaments, and the realization that I was lucky to come to after a long night of partying.

Last season was my first as a sober person. I DESPISED going to these tournaments last season. Hockey parents are notorious partiers and in my active alcoholism, these weekends were nothing more than an excuse to drink all weekend.

I've learned to carve out my own little bits of sober happiness and fun during these weekends. I do a bit of shopping, go out to eat with the group, hang with the kids, grab coffee with a couple closer friends -- and, yes, even find AA meetings. In fact there's one I'm looking forward to in Massachusetts on Thanksgiving weekend that I enjoyed last year.

Keep at it Undies while your miracle waits to come true.
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:48 PM
  # 375 (permalink)  
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Thanks everyone I so much appreciate your cheers and your honesty. I am also learning how to talk and tell people what I need from them. For so long I haven't had to explain things. I guess I have completely changed to my family as well and with that we have to learn how to communicate like that. It's not even learning to do that "again" cause I'm pretty sure I never knew how before. It's ALL so much to learn and deal with and so overwhelming. I think that yes I had this false sense of what it should be like, the "after the drinking" life. Yes, I think that's where I'm at. I know I'll be ok, just struggling like we all do. Saskia, yes I will seek other options if I don't get better soon.
(Hug) to you all
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Old 11-17-2015, 09:04 PM
  # 376 (permalink)  
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Good morning and happy Wednesday all,

Well done Key on 4 months, and thanks too for helping me keep my class thread alive - I was starting to think I was the last man standing from June 15.

I have been so pleased and relieved to read the posts over the last few days. I remember reading about this 4 to 6 month thing when I was approaching that milestone.

I too have been feeling pretty similar, a little flat, but certainly not depressed - definitely prone to anxiety out of nowhere, as opposed to the more consuming and pernicious kind I used to have - but mostly just so very, very, .... tired.

Sobriety has given me back so much time, and I have used it it to crack on with work and home matters that have been neglected. Debts are getting paid off and my business is showing signs of profitability, sustainable growth potential and I am also choosing my clients more wisely. All of this is good , but it is a slow slow process and is wearing me down.

I have to remind myself of the other things that are so much better now. I have found a couple of hours a week to play soccer again, I play my guitars and piano daily and play them well, even if only for a few minutes. Mrs F and I are healing and starting to learn how to be happy again. And the micro-Fradleys bring daily joy along with their incessant demands to engage with everything in the universe all at once.

Have I mentioned the three children under five? I suppose them and working alone from home, and stopping drinking after thirty years is a good enough reason to feel a little fatigued.

Anyway - what I love about SR. and this thread in particular is the ability we have to peer into the future. There is always someone a few weeks , months or years down the road who is willing to share how they felt at certain periods .

So thank you , those who are beyond this 4-6m turbulence, you are convincing me to hang in and keep on keeping on.

OK - it's 7am, I have five quotes to get out of the door. If three come good, we will be able to survive the Christmas period. This is a very different situation to this time last year, where I faced potential financial ruin and possible divorce, and I have to be grateful for that.

Now if someone could just offer me a week in Mauritius with 24 hour child care I promise everything will come good...

Thanks for listening and have a happy, sober day.

Fradley
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Old 11-17-2015, 11:01 PM
  # 377 (permalink)  
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Good morning evryone
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Old 11-18-2015, 12:29 AM
  # 378 (permalink)  
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Being sober in and of itself doesn't make your life better.... But it gives you the clarity and the time to see what you need to do to make your life better.

Keep strong Undies, you are amazing
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Old 11-18-2015, 12:55 AM
  # 379 (permalink)  
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Morning all! In my April group we were talking about those first horrible 24 hours and how we got started on the sober road. I began thinking about what Key was saying yesterday about happiness and made a few observations which I thought might be worth sharing here too:

Wow! The first 24 hours! White knuckle time!!!

I think that SR was the difference for me. Admitting my problems and struggles in a non-judgemental atmosphere made a huge difference to me. I'd gone through a spate of trying to give up most Mondays (after the usual weekend excess cycle) and failing to get through the first evening without a hit or two... Or three...

Just touching base here with people that understood how hard it was made me raise my game. Cultivating a collective responsibility here has, for me at least, been key in me getting this far. You helped me see through my self deception and recognise the AV for what it is.

On the One Year and Under group someone was asking about happiness. That they hadn't felt "happy" in the 4 months since they'd given up. I remember missing that high and still do on occasion. In fact, relaxing and enjoying myself enough to laugh out loud in social situations is still something of a work in progress but happiness... That's something else. I remember waking up a lot of days in early recovery and asking myself what it was all about. There just didn't seem to be anything to look forward to. No joy. I was missing my reward!

The happiness I feel now is much deeper and closer to my soul than anything I was familiar with before. It doesn't show on the surface but it's there. It's visible in the way I now take pride in what I do, the self respect I feel and the new amicable tone of my inner monologue. It's in my decision making, appreciation of others, attitude and gratitude. It's in my body in fitness and the way I just feel a little lighter.

Yesterday I considered two possible versions of my future self say, in a year's time. One in which I continue and persist on my current path and continue to grow as a human being and the other in which I slip back to my own ways and start creeping around and lying to the people I care about and behaving irresponsibly. 10am wondering what I'm going to drink tonight and planning my strategy? No thanks!!!

I am not religious but I feel blessed by every day of freedom and will do everything in my power to keep on my path. At the end of the day, only I decide whether to take that first drink so the power is in my own hands!

Have a good, safe day everyone!
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Old 11-18-2015, 02:55 AM
  # 380 (permalink)  
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Awesome Amp..thank you for sharing!
Fradkey, I thank you too!
Morning everyone!
I feel better this morning. Had a big talk with my trucker. A lot of my problems are stemming from our relationship. For 20 years he did the same thing everyday. I knew where he was. We were on a time schedule for everything. Even when I did weekend gigs and was gone, I knew where he was etc. Now he's gone a lot and on the road. Physically and emotionally he is unavailable to me. Also the invention of the cell phone and texting has made me a bit of a crazy person at times. To an extent I think that's an addiction too. Mine is mild, but I see my young adult daughter and the struggles she's been through with texting and social media.
Anyway so much of the time I need to hear that I matter, I'm important, I'm missed, I'm wanted. So much of the time he does great with that. As of lately he has shut me out (2 weeks now) and I couldn't understand or figure out why. I've been telling him about every day something had changed and I'm trying to understand why. We had a huge talk last night and hopefully things will get back on track.
Point being, instead of me looking for some big reward, or a spot called happiness, I guess happiness exists as we discover it in the things of our new lives. Again this is new for me. I don't believe I had true happiness before. It was a false sense of that feeling. I have experienced it, and I will keep reminding myself to allow it to appear. I must quit forcing so much and just let things happen. Ohhhhh what a control freak I am! Sheesh. It creeps back in on me and BAM! There it is!
Think I'll blog about this new found information. Man! You people are so awesome and smart! Thank you for all your insight. You have no idea how much you help me with your honesty! (Hug)!
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