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Class of August 2015 Part 6

Old 10-01-2015, 06:47 PM
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Patricia I don't know if I could have quit alcohol and nicotine at the same time. Quitting smoking was tough, maybe tougher than quitting alcohol for me. Bite off what you can handle and be proud of that. You're not drinking. That's wonderful.
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Old 10-01-2015, 08:26 PM
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I'm actually slowly switching to vaping and lowering the nicotine amount every few weeks. But I had way too much anxiety today and smoked actual cigarettes. I didn't like it, they taste horrible!
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Old 10-01-2015, 08:33 PM
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I'm worried about kindling. I was sober for 4 weeks, slipped twice last week and this detox has been brutal. I didn't even drink as much as I used to. Today is day 3 and the anxiety is so bad that I can barely function.

I googled kindling effect and I can't even pretend to understand how all the receptors in our brains work...

I'm very worried I did some serious damage to my brain...
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Old 10-01-2015, 09:24 PM
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Sadie, I'm proud to be your sober twin October 1 has a very nice ring to it.

Thank you all for the well wishes. I had a doctor's appointment earlier this week and was diagnosed with depression and prescribed Wellbutrin. Today I took my first dose. I have a follow up with my doctor in three weeks. I hope this helps keep my moods more stable so that I can focus on coping mechanisms for negative feelings. Self-medicating with alcohol did not get me anywhere.

Patricia, try to focus on the "right now." It sounds like you are having some intense withdrawal symptoms. Whenever I google something that is hurting, I always come up with the worst case scenario. Don't get too worked up about what alcohol may have done to you. You are alive and are sober and that is a wonderful thing! Take things slowly; give yourself that much. We've done lots of damage to our bodies and minds and it will take time to heal. Sending good thoughts your way!
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Old 10-01-2015, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Retread1959 View Post
Patricia I don't know if I could have quit alcohol and nicotine at the same time. Quitting smoking was tough, maybe tougher than quitting alcohol for me. Bite off what you can handle and be proud of that. You're not drinking. That's wonderful.
Yeah, I smoke cigs myself and I definitely want to quit, but not even going to bother trying right now. For now, sobriety is my #1 goal and everything else gets put on the wayside. I'm trying to cut down on cigs a bit, but once I get a bit of sober time under me, I'll go ahead and quit.

I know cigs will kill me too, but at this point, but probably not as quickly as alcohol. And hopefully when the day comes that cigs are going to kill me, I'll be able to order a new lung off the internet, have it grown in a lab, and just visit the hospital to have it put in. That technology should be here and available to the public within 20 years.

If I'm not mistaken, they've already successfully grown a liver in a lab, so maybe I'll get one of those too.

/sarcasm
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Old 10-01-2015, 09:48 PM
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The anxiety will get better Patricia - try to keep moving forward...it's really the only direction to go in...the dawn is coming

D
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Old 10-01-2015, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post

Patricia, try to focus on the "right now."
I'm going to try and meditate before bedtime. Hope it helps.
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:16 AM
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Good morning augustables...happy friday!!!

Just a quick check in. Patricia, Sadie and swimkim....I won't say what everyone else is saying. Glad to see you are all here and posting!! Hugs to you all and things will get better xo

Absolutely pouring here..basement flooded the other day with rain so I expect more ..ugh . Not sure what the path of the hurricane is at this point but I'm sure we will get some side effects either way. It's the ONLY downside to living near the water.

Have a terrific day everyone xo
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:32 AM
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Hey lovehoops, was wondering where you disappeared to. Nice to you see again, although sorry about the basement. Hope there wasn't too much damage.
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:03 AM
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Patricia how about trying to quit one thing at a time? Would that help? I quit smoking 8 years ago and started drinking more. I couldn't imagine quitting them both at the same time. The alcohol changes who you are inside and out. I should've quit that one first. Just a thought ((hug)).
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:10 AM
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Troy, Swim, Retread, Dee~glad to hear from you all ((hug))!
I'm with you, I couldn't quit all three at once. I quit smoking years ago first because I didn't drink much at the time. Didn't recognize I replaced one habit with another and started drinking like nobody's business. It might not have mattered. I could've started drinking like that anyway who knows but thinking back its when the problem really started.
Glad to see we are sticking together though! I think the world of yall! You help me keep pushing forward! It's Friday. Now it's just another day not the beginning of a party weekend but I'm so glad about that. Calm is sooo good! Check in later! Hang in there guys be tough! ((Hug)) to everyone!
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:43 AM
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Kim, I take welbutrin. It worked for me after a week or two. The only one that made any difference for me. It did make a difference though. About nov-dec 2014 I posted really unbalanced stuff for a little while. Alcohol had drowned me out almost completely. Whew.
Not going back there, ever.
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:54 AM
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I feel like rambling, so if you're not up for a long one, skip.

Day 6 here. Geez, feels like it's been about 2 weeks. Doing good though. Went into town to run some errands today, and same as yesterday, ended up having to hold back tears. I don't know, I guess just out there watching everyone with their family & friends, smiling, sober, content, and just living their lives. Then there's me... I just end up thinking about how much of my life I've wasted behind the bottle, and it overwhelms me a little.

Life is short, what the hell was I thinking? I've always tried to put my day-to-day life in perspective of what will I thinking on my death bed? Because at the end of the day, that's what counts the most. I want to die happy, fulfilled, with loads of good memories, and a huge sh*t eating grin on my face.

Now that my days are 10 times as long due to sobriety, I decided to brush up my Thai language skills. I can speak enough to get around without problem, but not really enough to have a fluent conversation. I can converse, but it's always a bit of a struggle.

So I bought some DVDs I like. I rip them, then format them in a way so the movie is in Thai, with both Thai and English sub-titles at the top & bottom. When watching and a word / phrase comes up I don't know, pause, look it up, and copy it down for later memorization exercises. Works good.

Anyone else get OCD during sobriety? Was putting groceries away, and geez... now all my spices and boxes of ziploc bags have to be front facing, sauce packets are organized by size and name, etc. heh, that didn't happen when I was always drunk.

Weighed myself today, and 72kg. Geez, no good. That's about 159lbs, so not horrible, but wouldn't mind losing a good 8kg. This weight is considered normal in the West, but fat for here.

Day 6 though, so danger zone for me, because I'm feeling good now. Won't drink today or anything, and just having a green tea now (picked up 100 packets of it today ), but I know I need to do something with my time now, or else I will relapse. Not sure what though. This isn't exactly a thriving metropolis filled with things to do.

Wish I could get into town after 6pm, but oh well. Wouldn't mind dating, but have to get my teeth fixed first. Nobody decent is going to want to date me with these choppers, unless they're in it for money. Aside from that, I'm actually a decent looking guy. It's just my teeth are a bit of a horror show. I don't know, I'll figure it out.

Ok, I'm done. Sorry for rambling, but I warned you at the beginning Made the craving pass though.
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Old 10-02-2015, 05:37 AM
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Morning JL! Didn't see you in the feed yet this morning, but don't want anyone thinking they're left out!
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Old 10-02-2015, 06:56 AM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post

Anyone else get OCD during sobriety?

Yes! I thought I was the only one! It's driving me crazy!
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:54 AM
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I know, it's crazy, isn't it? Don't know about you, but I went from this drunken idiot who didn't care about cleaning, to "omg, the paprika is facing the wrong way!", lol

Ok, it's not that bad, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, how are you feeling today?
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Old 10-02-2015, 09:13 AM
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I know! And the sticker on my coffee maker is missing a B...I can't even look! It's driving me crazy! lol

I'm feeling better today. A little bit of anxiety when I first woke up but I'm feeling much better. Still having bad dreams, ugh I hate that, I don't even remember what I was dreaming about but I woke up all panicky.

I'm going to try and stay busy today, even if it's just organizing the pantry! lol Have a great day!
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Old 10-02-2015, 10:29 AM
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Glad to hear you're starting to feel better, and the anxiety has toned down, even if just a little. Yeah, don't worry, night terrors are common during early sobriety. I get them myself.

Yep, staying busy is definitely important. I still have to figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow to stay sober. Staying inside the house all day isn't an option.

Anyway, 12:30am here, I'm off to bed. Day 6 in the bag.

Sorry Key, I forgot to say hi, didn't I? How are you doing today?
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:23 PM
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Hi all. Day 2, dealing with the aftermath anxiety/depression, but I know thats temporary. My next work meeting that may trigger me is not till Feb. So will have more sober muscles then. I know what went wrong, I was 3 out of 4 HALT. The dreaded filmed "skit" was after long meeting, so dinner was very late afterwards, had light lunch, and was angry about whole thing. I racked up a $100 hotel bar bill during skit deal. Gross! Apparently I am a generous drunk at a bar, wearing an absurd costume.


Patricia, glad u are feeling better, anxiety should lessen daily for us. Still have swollen lymphs, baggy eyes, achey joints, stupid disrespect of my own body with poison.

New month for us Augustables Strong tho, I feel we will have a good October! Our group is so supportive, thanks all. Without you all being there, I might have gone down abyss I felt last time I binged. This time I wanted to reflect on why vs just despising myself. Learn and grow, thats what we do here for each other.
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Old 10-02-2015, 01:36 PM
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This is a good group, Sadie. I agree.
I quit posting for some time in the past, just because I hated "joining a new month group", every time I'd crash for whatever reason. I don't like telling my tales over and over, either. Rather get to know ppl, and help out when I'm useful. Besides looney rants on here, I can't remember what I've posted about myself, but I don't think it matters. Our strength here comes from diversity. Input from everywhere, brings fresh outlook and ideas, be they happy or unhappy statements.
Wow I'm wordy at the moment. Shutting up now. Overtired today. Been cutting up and hauling dumptruck loads of fallen trees. Bleh.
No part time work this weekend.
Get to fly the millennium falcon w my 7 yr old, all weekend, on Lego starwars.
Repeatedly blowing up the Deathstar is very therapeutic. Lol
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