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Class of March 2013 Part 44

Old 12-15-2015, 12:51 AM
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(((((Ken)))) oh, sweetheart, I too get so angry at what addiction has done to the lives of those I have loved and cared about, and the wasted years. But it is a negative emotion, we can do nothing with it and have to let it go. It is what it is.
I feel perhaps some of the anger and frustration that you are blaming addiction for is actually what you are feng for the situation you are in with Sherri's death. I hate how death brings out the worst in some people.

As to your eventual demise at the incredible age of 115 in the bed of a nubile blonde, if you really have no one close, perhaps an animal charity as you have Max and Jez, or perhaps even a charity that helps addicts who didn't manage (yet) to fight and win.

My Uncle (and godfather) who died last year, had plenty of family members, but he knew none of us were exactly destitute and left it all to a womens shelter he had been involved in for years.

We, how did the bird stalking go?

North, lovely to see you as always. I hope that your road trip is uneventful and the destination fun and relaxing. How had your SAD been this year so far? I often think of you and wonder how you are doing, and love it when I see a catch up post from you. Hugs to Mr N.

Babs, how are you doing?

Marcher, I wish I was creative, I love receiving hand made gifts and cards, they mean so much more.

I have boxes and boxes of photos some mine some Mr Ts my plan is to Photo them on my camera and put them on memory sticks for Mr T and Step Daughter for Christmas. I just hope I have left myself enough time! And why do we keep every birthday, Christmas, fathers and Mother's Day card ever given us??? Oh, man, some of those are quietly getting binned in the process!! (God help me if Mr T knew I was throwing anything out, he is such a hoarder!

I have plans for today, will be busy busy Xmas shopping, hopefully tying it up, and meeting with a plumber at the flat we just got back from our son now he had bought his own place. I am having to upgrade it for tenancy. Yet more unneeded complications at this time of year! I am in limbo waiting for his ( plumber) call so I know when to meet him

Hugs all my Marchers x
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:51 AM
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I'm hoping you have many more years on this planet Ken. Who's to say where you (Or I) will be in 10 years or 20 or 30?.

Addiction is relentless and it takes way too many people, people with dreams and promise, hopes and ambitions.

It doesn't take everyone tho - some of us survive - and I'm determined to drag as many as I can over to my side of the street before I'm done

Hope the power comes back on before too long

D
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Old 12-15-2015, 01:23 AM
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You are certainly doing that Dee!
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:40 AM
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I'm so sorry, Ken. You're going to go through a lot of the stages of grief for a while. Lean on us. And it's ok to be angry at addiction, I know I am.

I know this isn't something that you need to deal with right now but this is what I did in a former life - I was an estate planning attorney. When you are thinking about your planning, leave your belongings to anyone or any charity you like, but don't forget to provide for Max and Jezz (and any future pets)-- so many people forget their pets. The best way is to create a small trust for their care - that way you know they will be taken care of in the way you'd like them to be. And make sure to name their guardian.
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Old 12-15-2015, 05:38 AM
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(((Ken))), thinking of you!
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:49 PM
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Ken, please take this as it is intended, with love, but when you said you were putting the emotional side of things aside I immediately thought "good luck, man."

Grief is a strange thing. I learned the hard way that you feel what you feel, when you feel it. If you try to rationalize it away ("we were separated for most of our marriage") or compartmentalize it (I don't have time for this), grief will come back when it darn well pleases.

It's ok to feel Ken. She was your wife. The ins and outs don't really matter to your heart. It's ok.
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:55 PM
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Toots, bird stalking went very well lol. That was a great group. It was pretty much the best day ever. I got to spend time teaching with my wife, then we went off to the backcountry to bird like big girl biologists! Good times. We call those "good for your soul days."
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:44 AM
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Good morning, Marchers!

I'm having a delightfully relaxing holiday season here at the old folks' home. No pressure to get all caught up in the rush though there are, of course, holiday-themed activities which I'm mostly skipping. This is the most peaceful holiday season I've ever had :-)
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:46 AM
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The Sherri situation is getting crazy, the sisters are fighting with each other and the kids.

I've even talked to Sherri's first husband.

I can't understand how they can't put aside their differences long enough to get though this.
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:10 AM
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Ken---I agree with We Have----It's ok to feel.
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:54 AM
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Ken, from what I've seen and experienced, death is very sadly a circumstance that brings out the worst in way too many people.
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:29 PM
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My famioly, god love them but there's a pack of jackals mentality when someone dies...

I have to walk away for my own sanity.

I understand you need to be a little more involved than I would be Ken, but don't let others infect you with whatever the hell it is they have.

D
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:46 PM
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I used to work on a very posh island (Ken, you know the one). I have probated estates with mind blowing assets and have also done pro bono work on estates with almost nothing - it doesn't matter the size of the estate, money brings out the worst in so many people. I've seen it destroy families. As Dee says, try to rise above it and I know you will get done what needs to get done.

Sass, your holiday is sounding lovely. I always stress myself out trying to do too much. Today was a perfect example - the PTO asked me to bring something in for the teacher appreciation holiday luncheon. I had a 2 hour window free today and seriously decided to make Holiday Velvet Mini Cupcakes. Granted it was from Betty Crocker (Marcher, I know you're cringing as you read that) but really did I have to make something? Next year I'm giving them a check and calling it a day. I can think of so many other things I could have done with those 2 hours.

Ech, every year I complain about the same thing! Still trying to simplify. What I really should have done with those 2 hours was attend a meeting. I have the list of women's meetings, I've even pulled into the parking lot a few times, but something keeps me from getting out and going in. I have no idea what. I'm no longer afraid of seeing someone I know. I really don't care who knows. I just whimp out all the time. One of these days I'm going to surprise you all by telling you I finally drummed up the courage to go inside!
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:52 PM
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Just got back from a AA meeting and again was welcomed with open arms.
loved it.
Come on Duff you can do this.
Hugs
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:56 PM
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Duff, I think going to an AA meeting is like many things in life - that first step forward is a doozy :-)
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:30 PM
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Thank you, Babs & Sass! I really want to do it!
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:03 PM
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Good morning Marchers from a sunny Paradise. Paradise was black this time yesterday, we had the beginnings of a tornado go through here yesterday! It hit land in Sydney where it made a mess of houses in one Sydney suburb. Crazy! Up north in Dee's part of the world cyclones happen but tornadoes aren't meant to happen here.

We got off super lightly with only power outages for several hours but, in Sydney, a small area got really severe damage.

Ken I think Duff is probably spot on with her info about family behaviour with estates, how awful that that sort of thing is going on.

Duff I'm not cringing about Betty Crocker, there is a time and place for everything, but I think you are probably right -- a meeting could be a good idea.

You know although I've simplified our own Christmas enormously I'm still stunned by people who keep making the whole thing bigger than Ben Hur. Some of the stuff we are framing for Christmas is over-the-top-expensive. I had a woman come in yesterday who spent $300 on art supplies for her four year old!

On a totally opposite tangent, I am doing some interesting reading. Have you heard of Alexandra Stoddard? She's an American woman -- now in her 70s -- who had a career as a designer and is also a philosopher. I hasten to add not a "life coach" but a thinker and someone who studies the classical thinkers.

I bought a couple of her ebooks a while back and they are really speaking to me. I'm not religious and I don't like new age life coaching but this stuff has enormous appeal to me.

I remember Grtgrandpa (a long time now deceased SR member) saying that the first year of recovery is physical, the second mental and the third spiritual. I think in my case that may prove true.

Have a good day everyone.
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:17 PM
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Well, for the most part its over as fas as my part. I spent about 9 hours today on the phone to various people. My final responsibility was to inform the funeral home of Sherri's final plans. I talked to her entire family and they came to a decision
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:20 PM
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I forgot to say that the woman who fell down the stairs (almost four weeks ago now) is now out of the induced coma. Her physical progress is apparently reasonable but there are grave concerns about her brain function.

She is a very intelligent woman who has recently become very successful with her art but, as Ken has pointed out, addiction knows no boundaries.

She is the single mother of five children aged ten to 21.
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Old 12-16-2015, 04:20 PM
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I'm still hoping your friend can make a full recovery Marcher, in both senses of the word.

I hope there's no more storms like that for you guys

Ken - you've done brilliantly mate

I reckon you should go Duff - you might like it
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