Class of September 2015 Part 4
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Congratultions to everyone hitting milestones 
LeaLea - I found the best way to deal with regrets is to focus as much as you van on today. The more good you do each day, the less you'll focus on past mistakes.
Drinking never helps with regrets - it just adds to them.
If you need help or support we'll be here.
Empty house or not you can stay sober - I believe in you
D
LeaLea - I found the best way to deal with regrets is to focus as much as you van on today. The more good you do each day, the less you'll focus on past mistakes.
Drinking never helps with regrets - it just adds to them.
If you need help or support we'll be here.
Empty house or not you can stay sober - I believe in you
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
My best defenses are SR, exercise, eating, or journaling. I chose not to utilize those tools. Dumb and lazy.
What you say here is exactly what I do....I choose not to do what I know will help, because my mind is already made up...and was probably made up well before the relapse. A person I respect a lot told me about BUD-building up to drink....that a process happens mentally/emotionally long before the first drink is consumed. Its staying on top of my thinking and reactions that can interupt BUD before my addiction has the wheel. I am a novice at this, but if I'm brutally honest with myself, I know when the process has begun.
What you say here is exactly what I do....I choose not to do what I know will help, because my mind is already made up...and was probably made up well before the relapse. A person I respect a lot told me about BUD-building up to drink....that a process happens mentally/emotionally long before the first drink is consumed. Its staying on top of my thinking and reactions that can interupt BUD before my addiction has the wheel. I am a novice at this, but if I'm brutally honest with myself, I know when the process has begun.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by Lealea74 
So I'm sitting here alone, kids at school, husband out of town for work. I'm on day 3, I'm going through all the times I've hurt others, the mistakes I've made when I'm drunk and frankly, I'm thinking about ways I could drink tonight. The reality of what I've done is so painful I'm not sure I can make it without something….
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
So tonight is the first night of my weekly time without my kiddo. She'll be coming over tomorrow for a bit (to clean her darn room) cause she doesn't have school for two days (no idea why).
I have not been doing the alcohol shuffle at all so being alone isn't quite as daunting...but its lonely. I've got stuff to do during the days but its the nights that kill me. I think a movie tomorrow night or a Refuge Recovery meeting...I'm just kind of scared to go. I think I might take myself out for a meal somewhere near by the meeting....not sure why that will help but it feels like it might. I'll have to come up with something for Friday night. Friends would be nice...but, well, there aren't any. And actually, I don't really know what I'd do with one if I had one. Play human being I guess.
My meeting for the volunteer job went really well so I should be starting that next week. At least I'll have some contact with new people. Kind of excited.
I had a very strange flash back today....caused a brief but intense anxiety attack (I have PTSD and GAD). I forgot my 80 yr old mothers birthday and something just snapped....flashbacks of abuse as a child. These things are scary. I was also reading in the mental health thread last night, that directed me to Pandora (a site for victims of sexual abuse) and I think that might have stirred things up. I'll be staying away from that. Sometimes there simply is no way to sort certain events. They just have to be packed away and released. The anniversary of my husbands pretty brutal death, that I witnessed, is 10/31. That can be a tough one. I'll have to have a major plan for that. Maybe I'll just check myself in to the mental ward in advance Ok, that's not a plan...
Hang in there everyone...September is in the BAG!
I have not been doing the alcohol shuffle at all so being alone isn't quite as daunting...but its lonely. I've got stuff to do during the days but its the nights that kill me. I think a movie tomorrow night or a Refuge Recovery meeting...I'm just kind of scared to go. I think I might take myself out for a meal somewhere near by the meeting....not sure why that will help but it feels like it might. I'll have to come up with something for Friday night. Friends would be nice...but, well, there aren't any. And actually, I don't really know what I'd do with one if I had one. Play human being I guess.
My meeting for the volunteer job went really well so I should be starting that next week. At least I'll have some contact with new people. Kind of excited.
I had a very strange flash back today....caused a brief but intense anxiety attack (I have PTSD and GAD). I forgot my 80 yr old mothers birthday and something just snapped....flashbacks of abuse as a child. These things are scary. I was also reading in the mental health thread last night, that directed me to Pandora (a site for victims of sexual abuse) and I think that might have stirred things up. I'll be staying away from that. Sometimes there simply is no way to sort certain events. They just have to be packed away and released. The anniversary of my husbands pretty brutal death, that I witnessed, is 10/31. That can be a tough one. I'll have to have a major plan for that. Maybe I'll just check myself in to the mental ward in advance
Ok, that's not a plan...Hang in there everyone...September is in the BAG!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 110
I hope you come back Juno..we all have many Day 1's….October 1st is tomorrow.
Frick- you are doing great. I don't have my kids tonight either and dragged myself to the gym, mentally kicking and screaming, and I feel much better tonight. We have to stay busy and change old habits.
Frick- you are doing great. I don't have my kids tonight either and dragged myself to the gym, mentally kicking and screaming, and I feel much better tonight. We have to stay busy and change old habits.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
I'm sorry - I failed tonight. Feeling like a failure all around. My marriage failed, my kids aren't where I expected they would be (one has autism so that's a whole can of mashed dreams but the other two, not living to their potential) oh I'm a mess. Sorry guys. I just looked at my calendar for the month of October and canceled ALL social plans so I can work on myself. I want sobriety. Thanks for caring... I will pick up the pieces tomorrow and try again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Hey ya'll! Looking good over here!!!!
Just wanted to drop by on the last day of September and applaud you.
Way to go for all the milestones. Every single day is a milestone when you boil it down.
You all have a very nice group here. Keep up the great work!!!
Just wanted to drop by on the last day of September and applaud you.
Way to go for all the milestones. Every single day is a milestone when you boil it down.
You all have a very nice group here. Keep up the great work!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Juno, in the past I too have cancelled all my plans in hopes of protecting my sobriety. If you don't mind me suggesting. ...something that has helped me SO MUCH is to have a few "safe friends. " These are friends who know I'm staying sober and support me in this. I feel free to tell them what will help me....I tell them "i may need to break plans if having a rough time"...I find that the friends who are in total support of my sobriety are STILL great to be with even when I'm struggling.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Originally Posted by Juno11
I'm sorry - I failed tonight. Feeling like a failure all around. My marriage failed, my kids aren't where I expected they would be (one has autism so that's a whole can of mashed dreams but the other two, not living to their potential) oh I'm a mess. Sorry guys. I just looked at my calendar for the month of October and canceled ALL social plans so I can work on myself. I want sobriety. Thanks for caring... I will pick up the pieces tomorrow and try again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Originally Posted by SportsFan15
Juno, in the past I too have cancelled all my plans in hopes of protecting my sobriety. If you don't mind me suggesting. ...something that has helped me SO MUCH is to have a few "safe friends. " These are friends who know I'm staying sober and support me in this. I feel free to tell them what will help me....I tell them "i may need to break plans if having a rough time"...I find that the friends who are in total support of my sobriety are STILL great to be with even when I'm struggling.
Great suggestion, SF!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Day 11 for me and I'm craving sweets. I've only had a few days and moments that I really crave alc, and it was emotion-based. But I tend to not crave it until I get some sober time under my belt then the ol' AV starts in with lies "youre not an alcoholic. ..even doctors and therapists say you're not....you're making it too big a deal...just moderate. " But I've proven time and time again I can't moderate. I think I'll never truly be free til that sinks in: I'm never drinking again.
Congratulations to everyone on the journey to wholeness. We can do this!
Congratulations to everyone on the journey to wholeness. We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by matilda123
Try try again, Juno. Is there anything you can do to tweak your plan. You are worth it, Juno.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Juno
You may or may not have read but I tried for 15 years to get sober - eventually I made it by finding out, much as I think you are, that nothing is more important than my recovery - everything else flows from that
you can do this
D
You may or may not have read but I tried for 15 years to get sober - eventually I made it by finding out, much as I think you are, that nothing is more important than my recovery - everything else flows from that
you can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Had a drinking dream last night, someone had bought 6 bottles of my favourite Chardonnay, I stole one and glugged it from the bottle. It wasn't enough, I was trying to work out ways of how to get my hands on another bottle. The scheming, the secrecy, the greed, the need.
Awful.
Glad I woke up sober.
Awful.
Glad I woke up sober.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I know they're realistic as anything but I chose not to read anything into drinking dreams.
I'd drunk a lot and had many memories to twist around and play with
They will fade in time
D
I'd drunk a lot and had many memories to twist around and play with
They will fade in time
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
