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Class of August 2014 Part 20

Old 09-20-2015, 04:56 AM
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Happy Sunday gang! Nothing like good sleep and great coffee.

Thanks guys for the shout backs. Choobie, that's very cool on the choir. That is a very unique sound with the multiple harmonies and all, I bet it sounds really beautiful being in it and part of that mix.

London, welcome back home man! I hear you on being on your game with things already done. Great trade off for sure.

Good luck on the run today ultra! How many weeks before the actual one?

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend! Scooter, pink, rah, grateful - give a howdy when you can!

"If you want to be respected by others, you must first earn the respect of yourself. Only by that, only by self respect will you compel others to respect you." Dostoyevsky

Off for a nice morning run myself.

Love!
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Old 09-20-2015, 12:14 PM
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Greetings!

1Step, congratulations! You are doing great.

Clear Eyes, I am happy to hear you are back. Best of luck; you can do it. If I can do it, I think anyone can.

Your trip sounded wonderful, London.

Ultra, I don't know how you do it!

Determined, thanks for the shout-out; I love the quotes.

After my brother left on Tuesday, I brought a husband and wife to Boston for a second opinion on hand surgery - very nice couple, she won't drive into Boston, and he can't with his hand. They wanted to pay me, but I explained that the COA pays me 50cents a mile, which I have them give directly to the food bank. I don't feel it is truly volunteering if I get paid for mileage.

I was definitely on edge, so Bob and I decided to sail to Maine - that was something else! We got home this morning. I had a very relaxing time, which I needed.

I am going to the neighborhood end-of-summer lobster bake tonight. Last year I was really nervous about going and considered staying home - now I am looking forward to it; I know I won't be tempted to drink.

Let's keep on keeping on.
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Old 09-20-2015, 04:14 PM
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thank you ScooterBoo! So happy you are here and your past year has been a sober one…
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Old 09-20-2015, 04:31 PM
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Hey gang! All is good here in the Chi. Still enjoying life sober. Some parenting "opportunities" recently but ever so grateful to be sober and clear-minded to deal with them.

1StepUp - Congrats on 90 days, that is fantastic!

Scooter - I remember your posts about the lobster bake last year! Isn't it amazing how different it is this year? I am so proud of you. I'm jealous of all that sailing - sounds amazingly beautiful, adventure-filled and relaxing. So happy you are enjoying your life sober.

Determined - hope you enjoyed your morning run. Thanks for the Dostoyevsky quote, he is one of my favorite authors.

Clear Eyes - great to see you, you can do this.

Choobie - Congrats on joining the choir! You deserve that gift from the universe. That is how I feel about dance lately. Enjoy!

Pink - hope you are well and you have some resolution at work soon.

Ultra - how was your run?

Today I am grateful for:
a beautiful, sunny autumn day
blue skies with wispy clouds
employment
spending quality time with my son
being a sober mom
popcorn
strawberry salad with chicken and feta
apple pie

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Old 09-21-2015, 12:26 AM
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Hi guys, quick post, no wifi available and can't afford roaming charges but wanted to pop on very quickly and say hi, I'm thinking of you all, this island of sark is beautiful, I'm all good, and I will post late in the week. Much love guys xxxx
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Old 09-21-2015, 12:36 AM
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Hey all

So back to work I go! Happy and no hangover. I used to drink through holidays right to the last possible minute and then spend days at work in terrible withdrawal, repeat top up drinking from lunchtime. Yuk

I am definitely heading for a pumpkin spiced latte this morning! Spotted them in Starbucks yesterday.

Hope everyone is doing well. I had a good read of the stuff I missed when I had limited wifi. Team A continues to amaze me with positivity determination and success!!

Have a great break Pink!
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Old 09-21-2015, 02:49 AM
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Happy Monday! Great to hear from everyone!! We are doing this friends.

Thankful for a peaceful clear headed start to the week. Priceless.

"As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Nelson Mandela

Spread some joy and laughter today kids!

Love.
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Old 09-21-2015, 06:37 AM
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Good run yesterday. Quicker pace than I'm used to and got lost with the individual I was running with but all was good.

Two weeks to my first marathon, four weeks to the 50k. Almost there.

Let's have a great week and stay strong Team!
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:10 PM
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(Posted these and the next one, earlier, in the 'wrong August', lol.)

Hi gang,


So, I had another bad weekend, where I was drinking (at times) uncontrollably. I just keep coming back to the problem/answer that 'I just don't see alcohol not being in my life at all/ever'. I can have a beer or two, and be done, but it is when I don't want a beer or two- where I literally decide and plan to drink an entire bottle of whatever- and that now happens way too frequently.

and my anxiety, stress, marriage, and (now, it seems) depression issues only exacerbate the issue(s)- one feeds off of another, which feeds into a third, and then, we get a snowball effect.

I will NOT drink today. I will try to not drink tomorrow. And we'll just go from there.


(though my only brother's wedding is this weekend, and I just don't remotely see myself not drinking there. /sigh...)
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:13 PM
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(Part of this was a reply to someone about her having her AV give her the dumbest ideas ever- "you have a headache, and a bottle of wine will fix that!" sorta thing...)

That's been happening (dumb AV thoughts and ideas) a LOT lately, and unfortunately, it's been winning most of them. "You're hung over cause you were an idiot last night- you KNOW I'm the only thing that'll make it all go away...".

I wish my (low dose) benzos would actually work to quiet down my anxiety more. I think this evening is a 'long walk with the dog in the woods' kinda day. I would be sooo happy if I could just make it without drinking from now until the wedding. I'm not even going to begin to psyche myself up or start believing (so I can be crushed) that I'll make it THROUGH the wedding without. I am just not (nearly) strong enough for that.

Pray, gang- please- that I make it through this week without drinking.


I will NOT drink today. Period.
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:37 PM
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repost from the other thread:

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think if you go in with the mindset that you're not strong enough you're already three quarters beaten Hobbers.

You are strong enough - not lifting a glass to your lips doesn't take that much strength....but recovery needs acceptance of your toxic relationship with alcohol and a belief in yourself that you can, and should, live better.

I should have quit decades before I did - and I should have - but I allowed myself to be convinced I wasn't strong enough, and not worthy enough to fight for.

I allowed my fear of what sober life might be like to keep me drinking.

You can quit anytime you like Hobbers....really - it's just down to you as to what you're prepared to do to make that happen.

D
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:47 PM
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I tried quitting twice, for (everyone defines long differently, but) 2 long stretches- 4 months, and 6 months. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy my life. I DID, indeed, feel that I was missing out on a lot.

I also do NOT enjoy being hung over, sneaking around to drink a bottle of booze in a day, and lying to my wife all the time about have I been drinking, or 'are you drunk right now?'.

I both cannot, and am terrified, of an image of a life not drinking 'at all', and unlike years ago, I have at least some evidence of the reasons being (at least in part) true.

So, I am up ****'s creek, i am sure, in the minds of many on here. I don't want to drink today, or tomorrow. I would love to not drink this week.

Dee/all- At this point, can you pray that I can reach those modest goals at least? Please?
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Old 09-21-2015, 04:34 PM
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Of course you have my prayers and best wishes Hobbers - everyone does

The 'evidence' you have for a life not drinking is flawed tho.

There's not one of us here who would stay sober if we were unhappy with it.

From my experience, it takes a few things to be set in place for happiness tho.

One is you have to have faith that a life sober is better than a life drunk. You don't necessarily have to believe it (I didn't at first) but you need to be committed to giving it a go.

Second, you need to be patient, and realise that there is a part of you that will use your fear and discomfort against you if you let it..

and thirdly - you need to realise that getting sober will not make you happy by itself.

Not drinking will get you to that second phase - the 'what do I want my life to look like and how do I get there' phase, or the 'get happy' phase.

you can't find joy and serenity if you're drinking - and you won't find it if all you're doing is not drinking.

You need to have both phases going for lasting happiness peace and contentment IMO

D
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Old 09-21-2015, 11:32 PM
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Hey all, good morning

Hobbers you can do it. After a while I realised that being sober is far far for fun and productive and better for my health and sanity. Focus on each day and the days will mount up.

Ultra - your dedication continues to inspire me. I have no doubt both your races will be great!

Quick check in on my way to work and time for coffee :-)

Have a great day all
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Old 09-22-2015, 02:58 AM
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Tuesday babies! This used to be my favorite day of the week as Monday's I felt like pants!!

Hobbers, I think Dee summed it all up friend. Focus on who you want to be and go that direction. Sober life is so much better. I never believed that a year ago. Trust me, I was quite the party animal with a crazy reputation. I wish I had made this choice ten years ago. I know myself now and I know what is real. My natural crazy self is back and I would not dream of letting this go. It is worth it man, you can have it too. Start today.

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." Jack London.

Go get it!

Love.
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Old 09-22-2015, 08:43 AM
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Hi all, good to see you here Hobbers I can relate so much to your predicament, for years and years I knew drinking was bad for me but a part of me thought that the good bit of it outweighed the bad stuff the ratio was about 80% good 20% bad when I was a teenager, 50% good 50% bad in my twenties and by my thirties its went 10% good 90% bad. The warm glow feeling was getting shorter and shorter in duration too, during my (hopefully) final binge it was 100% bad from the moment I gave in to my emotional stress and feelings and drank that first drink I was full of guilt and remorse and predictably blacked out that same night.

Im saying this to you Hobbers as well as myself, because Im now at that same time frame in sobriety that I was when I picked up last time- 3months, and yeah the bad stuff has gone but Im left with me and my feelings and rawness and sensitivity and living life sober is different for different people, some people put the drink down and they just get back in the driving seat of life without a problem. Im not like that, I have to build the bike before getting back on it, I have to face the anxiety and overwhelming fear that made drink so attractive to me in the first place, My soul is not used to growing through emotional pain and frustrations- Ive always gone for the quick fix and soft strokes of the alcohol but alas I cant drink safely anymore so Im left with two choices 1) Drink and stay in that endless loop of false elation and real misery and risk dying in blackout or 2) Grab the nettle, grow through the pain and actually start living instead of existing.
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Old 09-22-2015, 09:57 AM
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What a fantastic post 1step! Boy, you truly summed it all up perfectly. Loved it.
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Old 09-22-2015, 11:20 AM
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Here again, gang. I can call today Day 2 (which is to say that I didn't drink yesterday. I also slept in a ton today, which normally would make me feel guilty, but today- due to me practicing a little CBT skills- didn't. I just accepted that it had happened, recognized the feelings around it, and moved on.

I will not drink today.
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Old 09-22-2015, 12:16 PM
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Great perspective 1Step. Keep up the commitment Hobbers.
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Old 09-22-2015, 05:17 PM
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Hobbers, great work. You can do this. CBT helped me quite a bit as well!

1step, excellent post, and really on point. Thank you for summing it up so well.

I certainly had a rough time quitting, but I finally got to the point where I put everything in it, and used whatever I could. And I got so much more miserable at first, but only because I could finally see how much I was really hurting. And then I really did have to work out quite a bit of emotional stuff, and then find a way to learn what it is to be happy and fulfilled. And I'm still working on that! But today, I am content. It is so worth it!

Love to you all, Team August! We are doing it!
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