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(Not So) New - Frank's Thread Part 6

Old 10-07-2015, 02:24 PM
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That was great, Sao :-D Can you imagine how long it took them to train all those animals? And some people think animals are stupid.

That doesn't surprise me. I'm not sure the French are quite as forward thinking as they like to think they are. We went to Paris 3 or 4 years ago. Gosh, what a lovely, friendly, helpful bunch of people the Parisians were. The city itself was just dreadful though. Nothing much to see there.

No, I haven't heard from Nesty, Cissy. I hope she's okay. I'm glad you're still hanging out with us :-)
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Old 10-08-2015, 10:36 PM
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Hi folks!!!

Mr TS and I went to a bar last night to see some comedy. It was cramped so we sat right next to the bar when we had our chips etc.....but I didn't feel the urge to drink at all - not at all!!

Think you guys will like this.....you in particular, Cissy :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgrZ5Dtsi-E
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Old 10-09-2015, 07:43 AM
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That's sweet -- I love Boston Terriers. Good job on the night out, Shab.
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Old 10-09-2015, 10:44 AM
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Cool pooch, and I had never heard of a Boston Terrier before

Glad you enjoyed your night out TS
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Old 10-09-2015, 10:54 AM
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That's so cute! I'm going to post it over on the thread called "the lighter side" (posted the link before.) Thanks, Shabby. And wtg on going out and having no desire to drink!

I have a few people that use me as their pet sitter and one of the ladies has a young black lab and an old Boston Terrier. It's fun to see what a young one might be like. Dogs with smushed faces like that tend to be very bad snorers. Not sure I'd ever want one myself but they sure are cute.
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Old 10-11-2015, 12:26 PM
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Is it official? Is this a Ghost town now? Full of those nasty (but curiously interesting) tumbleweeds?

I heard that the USA didn't used to have those but they came over in batches of wheat that we got from the USSR a century or so ago. No idea if that's true or not. I know there were no native wild horses. Those came with the Spaniards. Pretty interesting stuff.

But I digress. WTH is everyone?? Nesty, we miss you, you little squirt.
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Old 10-11-2015, 01:01 PM
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I'm here :-) Hey, Cissy. That's a really interesting bit of trivia about the tumbleweeds and horses . So what about all the westerns with American Indians on horses? Did they get them after the Spaniards brought them in?

I love Boston Terriers too, Venecia :-)

How are you going with not drinking, Cissy? Do you find it hard at times? How long have you been sober? Would love to hear your story around drinking and giving up :-)
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Old 10-11-2015, 03:05 PM
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Yes, it's true about the horses and as far as I know, about the tumbleweeds too.

In regard to my drinking and sobriety and my story, it's a bumpy one. I'm not sober at the moment. Had been moderating quite well a few months ago but as time has passed and life has gotten harder, I have drank more days than not.

I wish I could have a better answer for you. I do have sobriety success stories, though. Once I stopped for 2 1/2 years. I believe I was delivered from my desire to drink after I had a very emotional phone conversation with a life-long friend half way across the country. I did a lot of "laying it on the table" and I think in purging my soul that way, I was blessed.

I ran with the gift I had been given and I didn't find it hard at all not to drink. I'd be on my way to work and I'd drive past the liquor store that I always used to frequent. I'd turn my eyes away and just say, "Thank you, Lord."

Around the 2 year mark I started wanting to drink again. I started feeling I was missing something and somehow it felt punitive. I know my life had gotten more complicated and my anxiety was rising but I couldn't just "urge surf" through it. Eventually I gave in and have been drinking ever since.

I have had a few months sobriety. The most recent was in the beginning of February-April or so. Almost 2 1/2 months. Made an exception and started to drink and haven't gone more than a couple weeks sober since then. This past 30 days or so, I can't even get 2 sober days to rub together.

I'm back to the place where I've been over and over, knowing there's nothing at the bottom of the well but I keep taking the next drink. I need to stop. It just has to end. Even when I moderate successfully, life happens and the patterns keep repeating and as I've heard someone say, it's exhausting to have to keep revisiting those same decisions again and again.

So, there it is. I'm drinking right now. Tomorrow I'll be attempting another sober run. I have to stop.
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Old 10-11-2015, 03:20 PM
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No need for a better answer. The truth is the best answer there is :-)

I understand the back and forth completely. I really wish I had some good advice for you. I feel similarly to you in that I'm so tired of the battle. I'm also utterly sick of the negative consequences of drinking, both physically and mentally/emotionally. That is what has made me most determined this time not to return to it. Just so sick of all the carnage; low self-esteem, being a bad partner and mother, not getting things done because I'm so worn out from drinking, supposedly 'having fun' but making an idiot of myself and not remembering half of it anyway. I think I've finally realised it's just not worth it anymore. I hope so. I don't want to return to that hellish treadmill.

We can support you on your sober run....it would be a pleasure (((Cissy)))
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Old 10-11-2015, 03:40 PM
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I'm sorry, Cissy, that things are where they're at for you right now. It doesn't need to stay that way.

We cannot moderate successfully.

For us, there is that moment between "the want" and "the act." That's when you need to say "no more -- it's over."

It was so good to give up the battle. Just yesterday (or was it the day before?), I shared with someone else on SR that the act of surrender isn't a failure. To the contrary. It's like jumping off a sinking boat and climbing aboard a safe, secure vessel.
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Old 10-11-2015, 05:13 PM
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Funny that you used the sinking ship analogy. I had a dream just 2 nights ago that I was on the Titanic as it was going down. I was with a group of people in the lounge and I turned to the mature looking gentleman to my left and asked it I should get a Brandy (never drink Brandy but it must have been me thinking about thermoregulation when I hit that cold ocean water.)

I remember the people to my right were drinking Lemoncello or something of that nature and I thought that wasn't going to cut it. Isn't that a riot? Right up to the final moment of what could be the end of my life, I'm wondering what I should order. "What the hell", right?
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Old 10-11-2015, 05:22 PM
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Wow. I find dreams really fascinating. It is a strange coincidence Venecia came up with the sinking ship analogy!

How are you feeling about getting back on the wagon?
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Old 10-11-2015, 05:43 PM
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Just slightly resigned, Shabby. Even now I can remember how well I was doing at moderating a few months back, but progressively it has taken a hold of me once again. Maybe if I could cut it out for a month or two and then begin again, I might have a couple of months of successful moderating but as time goes on, it always comes back to this. I know it's futile. I do know this in my heart, but I don't want to live "a life of no." I want to be free to be in the moment, wherever I am, with whomever I'm with and just to partake in what's being offered. I'm sure you can all relate to that.

I'm watching a dvd I own of a movie called, "A lot like love." It's a really sweet love story and I highly recommend it. I just got to the part where this song comes in. Wanted to share it. Great tune.

Sleep tight. I may not be back tonight. Thanks so much for your support. I'm glad there were no tumbleweeds here tonight. (((Hugs)))

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Old 10-11-2015, 06:04 PM
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Here's another great track from this movie.

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Old 10-11-2015, 06:36 PM
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Hi everyone, was just thinking of you and wanted to stop in and say hi
Xoxo
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Old 10-11-2015, 07:01 PM
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I believe you can break the cycle Cissy.
It need decisive action, but it can be done.

That kind of dulled apathy is really insidious...it's a lot like the frog slowly boiling in the pot...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dont-frog.html

D
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Old 10-11-2015, 07:51 PM
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Cissy, if you look at as a "life of no," then sobriety is going to be a punishment.

View it as freedom.

There's plenty to look forward to in a life without booze. Plenty.
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Old 10-11-2015, 08:07 PM
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I've grappled with the delusion that I can successfully moderate my drinking for so long. You know, one thing I think that prolonged it was that I just couldn't believe that I couldn't moderate my drinking. It just seemed so ridiculous that I refused to believe it. Occasionally, I would be successful too, which didn't help. It seemed to confirm the hypothesis that I could. I've finally accepted it now. For some reason that actually feels good now, rather than a sentence to lifelong deprivation. I totally get where you are coming from though. Absolutely.

Hi Jen!!! Good to see you popping in :-)
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Old 10-11-2015, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Tooshabby View Post
I've grappled with the delusion that I can successfully moderate my drinking for so long. You know, one thing I think that prolonged it was that I just couldn't believe that I couldn't moderate my drinking. It just seemed so ridiculous that I refused to believe it. Occasionally, I would be successful too, which didn't help. It seemed to confirm the hypothesis that I could. I've finally accepted it now. For some reason that actually feels good now, rather than a sentence to lifelong deprivation. I totally get where you are coming from though. Absolutely.

Hi Jen!!! Good to see you popping in :-)
Agreed shabby, I just could not accept that I couldn't moderate, it seemed ludicrous, and the fact that moderation worked at times only fuelled it, but then I realized how much time, thought and effort I was putting into it, even if I wasn't drinking I was obsessing on how much I drank, didn't drink, when I could drink, how much I could drink- it was like a damn full time job.
Finally not drinking became the more pleasant option, it just removed the obsession
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Old 10-12-2015, 10:24 AM
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Ribbit.

You are all 100% right and it's so nice to hear you say things that I can relate to so well. I have trouble believing that I can't moderate successfully. I tell myself that it's worth the effort to keep trying cause I don't want to be that kind of person who "can't" have something.

I have to change my perspective. If it's a "world of no", then I have to let it be a world of no more hangovers or cloudy thought processes the day after. No more looking in the mirror and seeing the whites of my eyes be so murky. No more money wasted (at least on booze). No more late night booze-induced drives to the McDonald's drivethru and eating with no control.

No more "lots of things." No more being the frog. Dee, I read that article (thanks for the link) and I could see that I've been the frog all my life, in many different areas of my life. I always say I have "analysis paralysis." Same idea as the apathetic frog, I guess.

I'm going to start today. I'm going to start back on my low carb eating plan today, too. I have so much to undo, people. I'm tired of being unhappy and trapped in an unending circle of bad decisions and their consequences.

Day #1 here.
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