Leshar

Hi all, the play was very good. I'm very weepy still, cried on the way home and cried at home. Seriously wanted to drink. I've been ill and in and out of hospital over the past 18 months. All since quitting drinking, when will I see some light? I don't know if I can be around my siblings when they can merrily drink and I can't. I know I'm an alcoholic, but I'm feeling a lot of resentment this last while. Life is passionless atm. Is this all there is in sobriety? What am I doing wrong? Will the sorrow and crying ever stop? Have to lean on you guys, I don't want to drink.
Thanks.

Dee74

You're not doing anything wrong
Unfortunately some of us have to battle with other things alongside our alcoholism.

It's not fair but there it is

I've really admired the way you've put yourself out in the world again, and on these forums Lesahr- that can't be easy to do if you're feeling depressed, but I really think it does help - I know it helps others when you reach out

I know how easy it is to think that the whole of the last few years have been unremittingly bleak for you too - but that's just not true Leshar - you have had success, and happiness, and you are fighting hard for some more.

I would say most of us would feel uncomfortable around drinkers for a while, especially those in our own family.

I cut contact for 2 years or so for that very reason, so you're not at all alone in this

D

SnoozyQ

Leshar , darling one . I am so feeling for you right now & the pain you are in. But honey no amount of pain is worth that first drink.

I am so very proud of how far you have come . Yes you have done it really tough but if you think life is passionless and is this all there is .... Drinking will NOT fix any of that.

The sorrow & the crying have gotten to me too Leshar and look where I ended up .the crying is a release , it's better out than internalising it.
Don't go down that road I just did

It's full of more sorrow , guilt , pain regret , I could go on and on. I NEVER ant that for you.

It solves NOTHING, you are missing NOTHING. I promise you that from the bottom of my heart.

Keep posting honey, we are here for you to lean on , always.

We love you xx

Stay strong ️

Leshar

Dear Dee, and Snoozy, thank you so much. I love you guys. Your support is invaluable.
Poor Tiki vomited all over the place, he's never vomited before. I hope he's ok. Explosive vomiting. For a wee creature, he sure made a mess! Clean up now.
Thanks again guys, you all mean the world to me.

Ladybug2

Hope Tiki feels better Leshar! Sending you lots of hugs today. Dee and Snoozy are right - drinking will just make you feel 100 times worse. I know what you mean about being around family members that drink. My family members are always drinking when we get together (which probably hasn't helped my sobriety) and they would stop drinking around me in a heartbeat if I asked them to, but I pretend I am fine around them. Hmm, maybe I need to be honest at some point and tell them I am struggling .... Anyway, you absolutely doing the right thing by staying away from that first drink.

SnoozyQ

Hiya Ladybug I had to give up most of my family for 2 years. Most are drinkers
I got together with my sisters and look what happened , aarghhhh!

I hate the thought of not being able to be around my sisters , that I won't be able to go to Townsville again . I was supposed to go at Christmas , but I just don't think I can now.

My family would still drink at functions even if I was struggling as they are alcoholics. So it's up to me to fix that . It's just the way it is. Sigh ....sad really but that's life.

My best friends don't drink around me or they meet up first before I get there ,to have a glass of wine which is lovely and thoughtful of them .
You have such a lovely little family sweetie , I want the best for you too xxx

Soberwolf

I cut contact with my family as they were doing my head in sister brother & dad recently got in contact with them again they know there is boundaries now

Family is annoying lol

Leshar

Thanks again, everyone. I guess I haven't got to the place where I'm happy about being sober. I'll just carry on though.

KeyofC

I post from time to time with you guys. I was reading the recent posts and I can relate with family members and drinking. My husband drinks, but he knows we have boundaries now where that's concerned. He is really good about it and caring. His whole family are drinkers. So being around all of them is very hard. His Mom, bless her, tried so hard to understand, but she don't get it. My soon to be sis in law had a bachelorette party this past Saturday. I had already gotten with my brother in law and soon to be sis in law and explained that early in my sobriety as I am, it would not be smart for me to go out bar hopping for the celebration. They completely understood.
My mom in law said "You(meaning me) should've went. We have went before and didn't drink and had a blast." I said "No I made the right decision for me to not go and not put myself in such a tempting/compromising position". I'm thinking to myself "YOU have never had to NOT drink...forever". This is what people don't get. It's like, oh well cake walk....just don't drink...no problem...
NO! It's forever...and every time I'm around you and you talk about it I want to jerk that drink out of your hand and pour it over your head! They all drink too much and if my definition is I am an alcoholic then they are too....(I am not trying to take their personal inventory..but ooohhhh it just gets to me sometimes)> Don't try to act like you know me because you have no idea what I've been thru or what I'm going thru is what I want to yell at them.
So yes I can relate..thank you! (for letting me vent)

KeyofC

And sorry Leshar..((Hug)) I am praying for you. I didn't mean to take anything away from you, I apologize.

Dee74

Gee I hope Tikis OK, Leshar.

Certain members of my family still ask me if I want a drink, Key - I was angry for a long time, but now I just accept they just can't wrap their head around it - they'll ask, I'll say no thanks and life goes on

D

Soberwolf

Get well soon Mr Tiki

Been watching this Amy Winehouse autopsy show on ch 5 I think you can watch online they keep talking about librium ?

Goodnight Julyers

Leshar

Thanks, Key, and no need to apologize!
Thanks, Dee, Tiki seems ok today, just a bit dishevelled looking, which is not like him. No more vomiting, thank goodness.

Croissant

Leshar, I can 100% guarantee that drinking will make you feel like a worthless piece of "you know what". It's a depressant too, remember, so it's never going to give you the relief you seek. If it did, you wouldn't have stopped drinking.

I know there are many things we are tricked into thinking that drinking will fix, or provide even short term relief to, but it's a lie. We've used it as a coping mechanism and then it's turned into an addiction - what coping mechanism is missing that you still want alcohol? I do ask myself this now when I have a vague thought of drinking, I know there's a lot I still have to learn, and that life throws me curveballs I can't anticipate, but I'm a grown woman and can get through them. Huddling up with a bottle solved nothing and put my life on hold for too many years.

Yes on the family drinking! Or not accepting that we have a problem....that's dangerous ground. I think they also think that because they see you have stopped drinking, that you have self-control, therefore no drinking problem and one or two won't hurt. I've given up trying to broach a subject most of them will never understand. Hell, I never understood it myself until I experimented abysmally a few times!

Hope Tiki improves soon, Leshar.xx

resolute50

I will say one thing.
I have a lot more respect for people that used to drink and now don't anymore. Or the ones that fight on and don't give up. It speaks volumes of the strength and character of that individual.

letitgo

Hi July 13's

Glad to see you Venus!! Glad your doing good SnoozyQ!! Great avitar soberwolf!!
I saw the eclipse halfway but then the clouds came
CaseyW, I agree. Its better to have normal hours and keep your sanity.

I watched a bit of football yesterday. Bob can i jump on the pats band wagon? Da bears are just bad.
I cheated and copied and pasted this post a bit

Been busy. Survived the wedding. Finished the Allan Carr how to control drinking. It was good.
His advice seems dangerous. Sure go to parties and the bar. I dont know. After drinking for several years its gonna take me time to adjust to being a non drinker. I cant just disregard the urges and mental battles yet.
Found a new book how to be a man written by a rockstar Duff from Guns and Roses. I was going to read the big book but i gave into an impulse book he sobered up when he was 30.

Made it to sunny cali.

Here is a photo from the plane. I love mountains.

Sorry to those struggling. I feel and understand your pain. I keep telling myself thieses feelings will pass. I know for sure i have a dual diagnosis.
Almost 3 months in and still getting anxiety and panic attacks. Not as bad and getting better.

resolute50

"I watched a bit of football yesterday. Bob can i jump on the pats band wagon? Da bears are just bad. "


Sure thing.
But be prepared, I guess everybody hates the Pats for some reason.
I've been a fan since the late 70s. And yes, I do remember the thrashing we took from the Bears in 1986. And all the years that our team was just terrible. Our players, coach and owner are all outstanding. It's working and I like it.

CaseyW

letitgo -- I haven't read (and didn't even know it existed until just now) "How to Be a Man" but I really, really enjoyed "It's So Easy", Duff McKagen's first book. Lot of good recovery stuff in it too.

letitgo

CaseyW, apparently it was a big summer release. It has many great reviews online. I heard a plug for it today. The guy Duff gave a great interview and came off as a normal dude. With good reviews and a price under $10 I was sold

SnoozyQ

You don't need to appologise Key. Sometimes we can post at the same time. I'm sure Leshar is very grateful for your prayers
It's lovely to see you post.

I'm glad Tiki is feeling better today Leshar, he's probably a little dehydrated & will get back to his usual little chirpy self soon ....hehe

Casey , Shauns been doing permanent night shift for about 10 years now.
My brother & sister have as well.

They prefer it. Although it's very hard to get used to initially , once your body clock has switched it just comes as second nature to them.

Omg ! Not me , I could NEVER do it lol.

Poor Shaun went to the medical centre with a very sore eye . The doc took about one minute . Looked in his eye with a torch , wrote out 2 scripts and seeya later Onya bike !

He was quite distressed when he got home as the headache was getting worse. The drops did jack, I took him to the hospital first thing this morn and they were quite pissed off with the doctor he went to.

They sent him immediately to a specialist ophthalmologist .
They were waiting for him when he came in.

After an hour and a half of poking and prodding ,etc he has been given a contact lens with antibiotic drops and we have to go back Thursday.

The specialist was POed off with the original doc as he gave him eye drops , said if that doesn't work , come back , get this script &use the glaucoma drops . Wtf , he doesn't even have glaucoma , nor did he tell him to come back.

Disgraceful

He used the drops once each $50 down the drain

The specialist said throw the drops away ...grrrrrrr

The specialist has given him a week off . He can't even open his left eye with all the swelling and pressure from the headache.
I'm still worried.
He looks awful :-(

These damn unnecessary things that come up at times are such a nuisance .

He's quite scared poor love.

I hope you are all well

Lots of hugs

XXXX

:Va004: