Class of September 2015 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Today is a beautiful day! I made it fairly smoothly last night and wasn't clock-watching as in nights past. I was able to make my (adorable) AH a drink without it affecting me, and we had a wonderful evening. Today rounds out a week sober, and it's getting better every day! For those who are struggling, please hang in there, it's totally worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Good Morning.
Finally some rain and cool weather! Yay. I love fall. Except raking leaves...boo.
Well today is more of the same. I'm such a creature of habit. Yoga, housework. Oh yeah I have a massage at 12. Its not one of those happy, spa massages however. I have an SI injury, sports related, so this gal is brutal. But I'm hoping it will help me. I'm pretty much constantly in low level pain...just kind of used to it at this point.
Hang in there everyone. If you have those intense cravings just tell yourself not today. Maybe tomorrow, not today. That may not be the best advice but when its really early days that can help me. Just keep putting it out a bit. Not so far as to get panicky, but not today! Cravings really do pass. The emotional stuff? I have to find a different coping mechanism. The more times I cope with healthy thinking, the less my habituated brain suggests alcohol. Its like Pavlovs dogs! And sometimes I simply have to sit with uncomfortable feelings....I have to learn that I can't just change my situation with a substance. Sometimes life is simply hard. But all things change, all tough times pass.
Finally some rain and cool weather! Yay. I love fall. Except raking leaves...boo.
Well today is more of the same. I'm such a creature of habit. Yoga, housework. Oh yeah I have a massage at 12. Its not one of those happy, spa massages however. I have an SI injury, sports related, so this gal is brutal. But I'm hoping it will help me. I'm pretty much constantly in low level pain...just kind of used to it at this point.
Hang in there everyone. If you have those intense cravings just tell yourself not today. Maybe tomorrow, not today. That may not be the best advice but when its really early days that can help me. Just keep putting it out a bit. Not so far as to get panicky, but not today! Cravings really do pass. The emotional stuff? I have to find a different coping mechanism. The more times I cope with healthy thinking, the less my habituated brain suggests alcohol. Its like Pavlovs dogs! And sometimes I simply have to sit with uncomfortable feelings....I have to learn that I can't just change my situation with a substance. Sometimes life is simply hard. But all things change, all tough times pass.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Hi Victory, it's ok, you're not alone. It can take a lot of "day 1"s before sober days start stringing themselves together. Keep at it! I gave in early last year after nine days and lost so much time that I now regret. I post this often - you will never wake up with the regret of staying sober the night before, so give yourself kudos for yesterday!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Lots of day 2's! Keep at it folks!
Anyone enjoy reading as part of their stay sober journey?
I'm re-reading Parched by Heather King. It has one of my fav quotes:
"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years."
Anyone enjoy reading as part of their stay sober journey?
I'm re-reading Parched by Heather King. It has one of my fav quotes:
"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,324
Hi, everyone!
Welcome, forhim! Juno and Victory, I totally know how disappointing it is to feel like you failed. I drink because of my fear of failure and, at the same time, beat myself up when I fail to remain sober. It is a vicious game. I've made deals with myself: only drink on weekends, at social events, never alone. It doesn't work because alcohol just doesn't work for me that way. The only way I can make it work is never to touch the stuff. I did that over 15 years ago with cigarettes; now I just have to get my mind around the fact that alcohol is something I can never touch again.
I think it was in Drinking, a Love Story that the author said that cucumbers are pickles, but pickles can't be turned back into cucumbers. I'm a pickle, and that is just a fact I need to embrace
Day 7 begins! I actually slept relatively well compared to the last 6 days. It has cooled down here. Lots of vivid dreams--not all bad. I think drinking shuts down that part of my brain, or at least dulls it.
Hope all of you have a great day!
Welcome, forhim! Juno and Victory, I totally know how disappointing it is to feel like you failed. I drink because of my fear of failure and, at the same time, beat myself up when I fail to remain sober. It is a vicious game. I've made deals with myself: only drink on weekends, at social events, never alone. It doesn't work because alcohol just doesn't work for me that way. The only way I can make it work is never to touch the stuff. I did that over 15 years ago with cigarettes; now I just have to get my mind around the fact that alcohol is something I can never touch again.
I think it was in Drinking, a Love Story that the author said that cucumbers are pickles, but pickles can't be turned back into cucumbers. I'm a pickle, and that is just a fact I need to embrace
Day 7 begins! I actually slept relatively well compared to the last 6 days. It has cooled down here. Lots of vivid dreams--not all bad. I think drinking shuts down that part of my brain, or at least dulls it.
Hope all of you have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Matilda! Fellow day 7'er... I totally relate to what you say. Making deals, the vicious game... I love your pickle analogy, so very true. I'm also having vivid dreams. I think now that we're waking from the fog, we can remember our dreams better, just like we can remember our awake times more clearly. Onward and upward! 
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 289
Good morning everyone. I've been up for a couple hours already and have done some housework. Didn't sleep the best, but that is to be expected. School in a couple hours and then I should be able to relax the rest of the day. Day 3 so far, so good.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by matilda123 
That is a long day, Jsbodhi. Be sure to practice good self care. And find a cozy corner in the library to take a nap in the sun Was my favorite thing to do in grad school!
Was my favorite thing to do in grad school!
I got a new contract for my business and unfortunately the builder was behind, putting me behind, meaning I have to stay up working all day and night...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,324
. I definitely have days like that, jsbodi. They can be challenging, but also strangely satisfying when productive. So much better too to face days like that sober! Do be good to yourself today. I think an extra special lunch or snack might be in order. Maybe a brisk midday walk to shake the cobwebs?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Hi, I'm back. Day 1. Sad I have to say that again. Thanks for the support, everyone. I have been to hell and back this last binge. Maybe it was good it was so bad because it's very clear to me that I can't even have one drink. One glass of wine turns into a bottle. And on an empty stomach, gets me really drunk and sick. Of all the hangovers I've ever had, it was the #1 worst. And that's saying a lot. I could not function. I couldn't get the kids ready for school or get in the car and drive. I told work I wouldn't be coming in due to being sick. I was very ill, so ill I couldn't function, had continuous nausea and was vomiting stomach fluids and foam for several hours (sorry to be so graphic, but wanted to let you know the level of hell it was). I'm back and I'm beefing up my plan to stay sober. Going to a meeting tonight (I use SMART Recovery and have a supportive group - just stopped going because I was too busy). Urge surfing journal starts today - though I'm sure I won't have any for the next several days after that binge. Had to adjust my sobriety date, but I'm not giving up.
p.s. The one good thing is that I asked my ex-husband for help with the kids and to come over and take them to school, etc. He did that for me and I had the chance to tell him what I did (I was honest) and that I can never, ever drink again because this is what happens to me. He offered to take any wine I had in the house, but I only had the one bottle. The honesty felt good. I try to be so strong all the time and appear like I have it together, and there was no chance of that this morning. Thanks, all...
p.s. The one good thing is that I asked my ex-husband for help with the kids and to come over and take them to school, etc. He did that for me and I had the chance to tell him what I did (I was honest) and that I can never, ever drink again because this is what happens to me. He offered to take any wine I had in the house, but I only had the one bottle. The honesty felt good. I try to be so strong all the time and appear like I have it together, and there was no chance of that this morning. Thanks, all...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Welcome to those just joining
Juno, I'm sorry you feel so awful. We have all been there. Write down how you feel as just one more thing to read the next time you are tempted. Day one is always the worst, get through it and tomorrow you will feel better. Hugs
I love "Drinking a Love Story", read it years ago. In one part as she's getting sober, she notices feelings and situations and recognizes, " this is why I drank". I do that often. Not as a an excuse to drink, but just to recognize what feelings I try to escape through drinking. This morning was kind of the same . I had a bad morning, rushing around, forgetting things, frazzled, my dress ripped- I hated my job, all my responsibilities, how I looked, the pressure. Usually this is how I feel on mornings when I'm drinking in the evenings. Lack of sleep, disheveled, disorganized , overwhelmed. But today had nothing to do with drinking and I heard that voice say, "why bother being sober if your still going to have mornings like this?" In fact, this is often a Trigger to a relapse. Today I recognized it and reminded myself that it's one day, one morning, and still not nearly as bad or guilt ridden if it was due to drinking the night before. Things aren't always rosy when we are sober, but a bad day sober is still way better than a bad day drinking or hungover.
Juno, I'm sorry you feel so awful. We have all been there. Write down how you feel as just one more thing to read the next time you are tempted. Day one is always the worst, get through it and tomorrow you will feel better. Hugs
I love "Drinking a Love Story", read it years ago. In one part as she's getting sober, she notices feelings and situations and recognizes, " this is why I drank". I do that often. Not as a an excuse to drink, but just to recognize what feelings I try to escape through drinking. This morning was kind of the same . I had a bad morning, rushing around, forgetting things, frazzled, my dress ripped- I hated my job, all my responsibilities, how I looked, the pressure. Usually this is how I feel on mornings when I'm drinking in the evenings. Lack of sleep, disheveled, disorganized , overwhelmed. But today had nothing to do with drinking and I heard that voice say, "why bother being sober if your still going to have mornings like this?" In fact, this is often a Trigger to a relapse. Today I recognized it and reminded myself that it's one day, one morning, and still not nearly as bad or guilt ridden if it was due to drinking the night before. Things aren't always rosy when we are sober, but a bad day sober is still way better than a bad day drinking or hungover.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,324
Thanks for posting that, forabetterlife. Such a great reminder of the need to "think it through," and to remind ourselves that sobriety doesn't guarantee us no more bad days!
Juno, I hope that you have a great day. I'm really inspired by your bravery in telling your ex about your drinking. I need to "get real" in that regard with my partner. He supports my decision to not drink, but has no clue the extent to which i was drinking because I drank mostly in private. Brava to you for doing that and getting that added support!
Juno, I hope that you have a great day. I'm really inspired by your bravery in telling your ex about your drinking. I need to "get real" in that regard with my partner. He supports my decision to not drink, but has no clue the extent to which i was drinking because I drank mostly in private. Brava to you for doing that and getting that added support!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
