Wholesome

I ended up calling in sick for work. I couldn't fall asleep and I really do feel crappy. I haven't had a sick day since April so I'm trying not to feel too guilty about it.

Welcome secretdrinker!! Glad you joined us. How did the coloring go? I knit in the cooler months, it's a good way to keep my hands busy and I end up with really beautiful pieces that I created.

JL weekends can be tough. And so can family stresses. I used to hide in the kitchen and drink to get away from everyone too. I realize now that it just added to the tension. When I'm calmer everyone else seems to be calmer too. You can do this!

Midton sounds like you got a lot done! Wow you even cleaned the windows?! I'm sure your wife will notice once she's had a bit of down time, and that she'll be impressed! I know that if I came home and found out that my man had cleaned the windows he would be getting lucky in a hurry! Serious brownie points! I can't even get him to pick up his socks lol

Frickfrap I've seen that doc too and it's sad. Setting up kids for a life time of problems.

I haven't discussed that I've quit drinking again with anyone except the people on this site. I feel like a broken record telling my loved ones..... they've heard it all before many many times. This year has been the most sober one of my adult life though despite my backslides. I so hope that this time will be the last time though. Every time I go back to it I hate it more and more and it gets harder to lie to myself. I haven't had any bad cravings yet, still that feeling of relief/ release. But I also haven't been in a social setting where it's tough to say no. Think this time around I will avoid them like the plague until I feel I'm strong enough. If I have to exist in a bubble for the next 6 months then so be it.

amitranjan04

Day 1 for me again :-(

Wholesome

That sucks amit. But we've all had lots of day ones. Gotta keep pushing forward.

amitranjan04

Yup...will push harder this time.

Rar

Good Morning All - Cool Morning in Upstate New York. Fall is in the air already. Yesterday I kept myself busy: Scrubbed my kitchen and even made a meatloaf for today's dinner. This morning I'll go to water aerobics and then wander around downtown with my friend. Incidentally, my friend (and neighbor) is a recovering alcoholic of 25+ years of sobriety.

I've been alcohol free for 1 week today. Seems like such a short time on the calendar, but it sure felt long. LOL Wishing everyone a happy, alcohol free day.

entropy1964

Good morning

Hope everyone is well. Feels cool here too...although its still supposed to be in the 80's...but after that 60's. Yay. I love fall! I have anxiety and for some reason Summer makes it worse. But fall and winter its the lowest.

Today its yoga, a dr apt and housework. Yard work too. Gotta prune the bushes before fall sets in.

I have this recurring anxiety dream about the first tech job I had after college. I was a field sales person and in the dream I'm never working. Always blowing off my job for something else then trying to make it look like I've been working. I saw one of my first managers, who was a horrid woman, and I felt sooooo guilty. I have this one pretty regularly. Weird....30 years later still having it.

Hope everyone is well. I hope those that are struggling realize that giving up the fight is so much easier. Look at all the 'work' it takes to stay drinking and manage an unmanageable life. No logic at all. But I've been there many times. I am going to ponder acceptance today. And surrender. I cannot ever drink again. But never feels scary. I will not drink today. That I can do.

Dee74

amit maybe it's not pushing harder that you need, but a new plan?

D

stargazer016

I could have said this word for word. It's not really our spouse's faults that they don't understand, because they are not addicts. But just once, I would love for mine to say, "Damn, what you are trying to do must be incredibly difficult and I am so proud of you!"

Even if your spouse doesn't say it, WE here are proud of you!

Juno11

Hi all - Day 8 here. *****! That's a big breakthrough for me since I have been drinking once every 5-7 days all summer. My worst cravings by far were on Friday (Day 5) and Sunday (Day 7). Getting a new notebook to track cravings will help me today. I'm going to use urge surfing this time, for real, instead of just plugging through the cravings!!!

What triggered my craving yesterday was when my Mom, who was visiting, found some remnants of my last binge that I thought I had entirely cleaned up. What a loser I am. I left a wine bottle cooler with some ice (now water) in it under the sink. She was very puzzled by this, as she should be, and I acted dumb like "I don't know what that is." It killed me to have to lie/hide things and it strangely triggered me into wanting to do it all over again. Just the sight of that thing. Anyway, time to add a few more tools today and keep going.

For all of you with a spouse/partner, I have no advice. I'm divorced and live with just my kids so I'm doing this all alone, which in some ways makes things easier. I just have myself accountable for myself and no partner to worry about - drinking or non-drinking. It isn't easy doing this whether you're single, divorced, married or in a relationship - just different challenges for sure. My drinking really escalated after my divorce because I wasn't accountable to any other adult anymore and now I'm trying to get out of the mess I created long ago.

Have a wonderful day - I'm planning to!

Soberwolf

Wishing everyone a nice start to the week

sobriiestote

Rar, ditto, a week today, day 8, who would think this would be possible?

Just been to see my counsellor and she's really proud of me, says she knew I seemed really ready for it!

I thanked her massively for her help, she told me to thank myself as I'm doing the hard work.

So thank me, thank me, thank me : ))))

Long may it continue...

Cleopatra4

Wow. I can't remember the last time I've woken up feeling fantastic on a Monday. And wouldn't you know, I was actually productive and got stuff done this weekend! Usually I drink right through the weekend and not only awake feeling hungover as hell today but dread handling all of the tasks I have put off because I was too busy getting and staying drunk. This is a wonderful feeling. The last two times I tried staying sober I failed. I didn't come on here and post regularly (new plan) and I just lost sight of my goal. One difference I see this time is when I drink now it is simply not fun anymore. Before when it was "fun" I wouldn't feel ****** about my self till the next morning, but it got to the point where I ended up going to bed sobbing and depressed (while wasted.) It was like the real me inside was getting stronger and stronger and fighting the addicted me more and more. Kind of makes me feel proud in a way
Thanks guys! And here's to many many many more sober and happy days ahead! I see a bright future for me and it gives me so much hope
Cleo

CaliButterfly

Good morning all! Day 6 here, and feeling a little better with every passing moment. Yesterday was tough, watching my AH start drinking at 3, and quite heavily at first. I made the mistake of "telling" him to slow down, and it was downhill from there. His habit is to get to a mellow place, then pace himself the rest of the evening. He doesn't like to be controlled, and didn't understand that watching him was tough on me. It was quiet arguing until bedtime, and while he says he is proud of me and supports me completely, he also says that this wasn't his choice and wasn't consulted. I wonder if he really likes the fact that I stopped. We had nearly nightly verbal altercations when I was drinking and I didn't want to destroy our relationship which was a big motivator for my sobriety. (Besides the other positive stuff). He thinks I want to control him because we had "rules" that we agreed to when we both drank. I have since told him that there will no longer be any restrictions requested of him and he can drink freely and without guilt, but he says it doesn't change anything. He will still feel judged and self conscious that I will be critical and controlling at any moment. I guess only time will change that, but it puts such a great stress on a new relationship. Just venting...

Applekat

Hello! Hope I can join! This isn't my first time here, but I'm back to have some accountability. I can feel the urges starting to come back.

carebearlost

Day 16, feeling good.

Jsbodhi

Hey applekat, I think we might have been in nov 2014 class together.
In all reality I should have been in every class....

Applekat

Yup that's me! I went off and had a baby! Very high risk pregnancy, premie...and now I'm home with three kiddos and I can feel the stress build everyday!

matilda123

Good morning everyone! I had a rotten night's sleep. Kept waking up and very vivid dreams. Stinks too because I won't be home from work until 10 or so. That being said, if I had drank last night, I would have slept poorly AND been hungover, so I guess it'll be a better Monday than it usually is! Bring on day 6!

dalekingston

I haven't been on SR since January. A lot of things in my life are going well, got a promotion in work, my 3 year old son is full of energy and good health, my wife and I get on well, apart from the odd falling out. Funny thing is though I haven't been able to stop drinking, and I generally feel more and more depressed as each month in 2015 has passed ;(

I drink at inappropriate times, but have managed to hide it so far (luckily) and am convinced that a disaster is looming unless I stop. I usually get to about 7 or 8 days at best, fully intending to be a teetotaller then it's like I flick a switch and become absolutely desperate for a drink. I do worry about myself in the future, I know I have the potential to ensure a good life for me and my family, but incredibly I choose to jeopardise this by drinking. This website was a big help for me last year and it has been a terrible mistake to not bother with it this year.

JL2014

Reading it now. Thanks Dee