Class of September 2015 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Jemma44 
Day 8. And I'm so irritable and angry. RABF, who is on Day 5, is pouty and rude. Throwing a pity party, and his birthday is tomorrow, so I can't be rude back!!! Biting my tongue, feeling ready to flip the f*** out. Just about done being nice to a crabass when I'm in a crabby mood as well. Ugh.
Not sleeping very well. Work is draining. Luckily I work four 10's, so tomorrow is my Friday.
Good friend's wedding on Saturday 2 hrs away. BF and I have rented a room. It's gonna be super challenging. These people are partiers. I have to go to her wedding. I know I won't drink. I was sober for several years before and went to functions and didn't drink.
But the sad thing is, I feel like I won't have fun. I know that's not true. I get mad at myself that I'm an alcoholic and can't drink.
Not sleeping very well. Work is draining. Luckily I work four 10's, so tomorrow is my Friday.
Good friend's wedding on Saturday 2 hrs away. BF and I have rented a room. It's gonna be super challenging. These people are partiers. I have to go to her wedding. I know I won't drink. I was sober for several years before and went to functions and didn't drink.
But the sad thing is, I feel like I won't have fun. I know that's not true. I get mad at myself that I'm an alcoholic and can't drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 110
Dee- re: plan…..I've been obsessing over my plan or lack thereof for the past few days. A year ago I involved myself with SR, attended weekly AA meetings and tried to change my habits, hobbies and mindset. Life was good for those 6 months and then I reverted back to my old self. Clearly, my old plan didn't work. Other than steely resolve , I don't have much of a plan this time around but am open to any suggestions…..Ultimately, it comes down to us and our commitment to change ?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: denver
Posts: 105
The weekend is ALMOST here. When I'm sober I plan a million things for my weekend.
Take dogs to park, workout, meet a friend for lunch, clean, see movie, hike.... I mean, I get so excited. When I'm not on day whatever and know I'll be drinking I don't plan much except when I'll drink and mostly hoping I don't have to do anything cause I'll be hungover. So excited for another sober weekend.
I have a new washer and dryer being delivered. Oooooooooh yeah.
Day 10. Check ✔️
Take dogs to park, workout, meet a friend for lunch, clean, see movie, hike.... I mean, I get so excited. When I'm not on day whatever and know I'll be drinking I don't plan much except when I'll drink and mostly hoping I don't have to do anything cause I'll be hungover. So excited for another sober weekend.
I have a new washer and dryer being delivered. Oooooooooh yeah.
Day 10. Check ✔️
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
Tonight is going to be a tough one for me, the final of The Bachelor is on , perfect excuse to drink. (Like we need one lol).
I would usually grab a pizza, put the kids to bed and settle in with a couple of bottles of wine.
I might just skip the whole show and watch it on repeat tomorrow morning.
I would usually grab a pizza, put the kids to bed and settle in with a couple of bottles of wine.
I might just skip the whole show and watch it on repeat tomorrow morning.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
I love posting here and I really feel the community support helps me stay strong. If I don't post I feel less accountable and am more likely to relapse.
I would love to post more but I've been here for 6 years and feel that I've posted all my insight and gut feelings then. My emotions and thoughts then seemed more authentic, less rehashed and raw. I feel like I have nothing to say.
I would like to be more supportive of people here but posting from an iPad, for a tech-ignoramus, is fraught with frustration whilst I want to post something of value rather than an inane load of codswallop.
Maybe alcohol has kinked my thoughts.
I would love to post more but I've been here for 6 years and feel that I've posted all my insight and gut feelings then. My emotions and thoughts then seemed more authentic, less rehashed and raw. I feel like I have nothing to say.
I would like to be more supportive of people here but posting from an iPad, for a tech-ignoramus, is fraught with frustration whilst I want to post something of value rather than an inane load of codswallop.
Maybe alcohol has kinked my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 554
Team,
I need help.
I failed on Sunday night and have drank each of the days since.
I'm about 16 drinks in tonight and have to travel tomorrow for work. Anxiety is through the roof.
I'm somewhat lucky in that my work needs me more than I need it. I tendered my resignation last night, and my work sucked me back in. Msg there is that.
I just feel adrift, and need you all. I'm sorry.
I need help.
I failed on Sunday night and have drank each of the days since.
I'm about 16 drinks in tonight and have to travel tomorrow for work. Anxiety is through the roof.
I'm somewhat lucky in that my work needs me more than I need it. I tendered my resignation last night, and my work sucked me back in. Msg there is that.
I just feel adrift, and need you all. I'm sorry.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I think sometimes it comes down to what you're prepared to do FF?
seeing your Dr or a counsellor, or joining a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART, or LifeRing, or a non meeting based group like Rational Recovery, all the way up to inpatient or outpatient rehab....
Things can and do get worse...I I found out the hard way I was not indispensable to my job or my family.
If you can act now, before you start losing precious things, that would be a great move FF
D
seeing your Dr or a counsellor, or joining a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART, or LifeRing, or a non meeting based group like Rational Recovery, all the way up to inpatient or outpatient rehab....
Things can and do get worse...I I found out the hard way I was not indispensable to my job or my family.
If you can act now, before you start losing precious things, that would be a great move FF
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 554
Dee, thank you for the post.
I hear you and will go down that road, even if it's tough.
I'm kicking myself for having 6 days and 11 out of 12 and pissing it away.... Argggggh
Now I'm in this mess
I hear you and will go down that road, even if it's tough.
I'm kicking myself for having 6 days and 11 out of 12 and pissing it away.... Argggggh
Now I'm in this mess
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Team, checking in a bit late. Just got done watching the Republican debate--boy, if something could drive you to drive, LOL. But I didn't.
Had a super productive day and am heading to bed. Sleep seems to be getting better--fingers crossed for a good night's rest. Congrats to all of you. Zen and SecretDrinker, you're in my thoughts!
Had a super productive day and am heading to bed. Sleep seems to be getting better--fingers crossed for a good night's rest. Congrats to all of you. Zen and SecretDrinker, you're in my thoughts!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
FacingFuture - keeping you in my thoughts.
Hi everyone, I made it through day 3. I was a little worried about today as I ended up drinking twice on day 3 in the past but today was pretty uneventful.
I had an appointment with my therapist today and she was kind of blunt, which I don't mind and to be honest, probably need sometimes. She told me I am being handed all of these life lines and I am not taking them, referring in part to the Antabuse and the IOP treatment.
As far as the IOP treatment, it is difficult as it is Mon, Wed & Fri from 6-9 for six weeks. I don't know how I will be able to hide that from my family. I could probably make up excuses for a while as to where I am but they will get suspicious after not too long. I don't know what to do about that. Plus, I would have to leave work early on those days in order to get there by 6. I typically work until 6:30-7:30pm at night. And then work would want to know why I need to leave early all those days. I will have to keep thinking about it I guess. I would like to go but it seems like a big time commitment right now, as well as the issue of how to hide it.
In regard to the Antabuse, this is terrible and probably shows lack of commitment but a coworker is leaving after 5 years and I am not sure if we will be taking her out for drinks. I am not actively planning on drinking but occasionally people buy a round or want to do a shot and sometimes it happens before I even know what is going on and then there is a drink in front of me. I have problems saying no in those situations, after someone has already purchased the drink I feel rude declining it. I am afraid something like that is going to happen and I don't know how I would handle it so it seems safer to not take the Antabuse right now. On the flip side, maybe that is why I should take it so I would have no choice but to say no? I am contemplating on whether or not to take it tomorrow but can't seem to make up my mind.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a happy & sober Thursday
Hi everyone, I made it through day 3. I was a little worried about today as I ended up drinking twice on day 3 in the past but today was pretty uneventful.
I had an appointment with my therapist today and she was kind of blunt, which I don't mind and to be honest, probably need sometimes. She told me I am being handed all of these life lines and I am not taking them, referring in part to the Antabuse and the IOP treatment.
As far as the IOP treatment, it is difficult as it is Mon, Wed & Fri from 6-9 for six weeks. I don't know how I will be able to hide that from my family. I could probably make up excuses for a while as to where I am but they will get suspicious after not too long. I don't know what to do about that. Plus, I would have to leave work early on those days in order to get there by 6. I typically work until 6:30-7:30pm at night. And then work would want to know why I need to leave early all those days. I will have to keep thinking about it I guess. I would like to go but it seems like a big time commitment right now, as well as the issue of how to hide it.
In regard to the Antabuse, this is terrible and probably shows lack of commitment but a coworker is leaving after 5 years and I am not sure if we will be taking her out for drinks. I am not actively planning on drinking but occasionally people buy a round or want to do a shot and sometimes it happens before I even know what is going on and then there is a drink in front of me. I have problems saying no in those situations, after someone has already purchased the drink I feel rude declining it. I am afraid something like that is going to happen and I don't know how I would handle it so it seems safer to not take the Antabuse right now. On the flip side, maybe that is why I should take it so I would have no choice but to say no? I am contemplating on whether or not to take it tomorrow but can't seem to make up my mind.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a happy & sober Thursday
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
emme99, can you tell them you have a stomach ulcer? Or are on painkillers for toothache so can't have alcohol, or can you just not go? If you told people at the start of the night you weren't drinking because (insert reason) they'd be less inclined to buy you drinks maybe?
Matilda, thank you
Doing okay at the moment, still a couple of hours till the kids bedtime.
FF, Hoping you are fast asleep by now. Tomorrow is a new day, you have the chance to do better.
Matilda, thank you
Doing okay at the moment, still a couple of hours till the kids bedtime.FF, Hoping you are fast asleep by now. Tomorrow is a new day, you have the chance to do better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Dee - thanks, the longer this goes on, the more I find myself thinking, actually wishing, that I could tell my family what is going on. There is too much going on with my family right now and I can't add this on to everything else, but I probably won't keep it hidden forever like I initially thought I would. I just have to wait for the right time. Thanks for the suggestion
Secretdrinker, thanks, I thought about telling them I wasn't feeling well but I like the idea about telling them I am on pain killers better, that way they won't be wondering if I am trying to get them sick Thanks again.
Secretdrinker, thanks, I thought about telling them I wasn't feeling well but I like the idea about telling them I am on pain killers better, that way they won't be wondering if I am trying to get them sick
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
FF, thinking of you. Hope you were able to get some rest so you are better equipped to get through the day.
Midton- I am very much the same as you regarding posting. I have been on SR for years and often wonder if I just keep saying the same things over and over. I don't post as much as I need to or want to because it takes too long for me to write a post, always so afraid I'm either being redundant or unclear or selfish or this or that. I feel foolish giving advice here at day 7 and just as foolish saying I'm in day one again. I'm trying to let up on myself with this though because, like you, I really NEED this support and am afraid that at the moment I turn to drink rather than post because of all of these concerns. Even this post seems too long and rambly to me and I'm tempted to delete it!
Day 7- a week. Feeling good, but I've been here before. I'm determined to stay sober as I really want to be clearheaded for my trip on Saturday, but once that's over I think I need to make another short term goal like this. It seems to be helping. Feeling my usual feelings at about a week - guilty that if I'm drinking I'm not present for my kids but if I'm in early sobriety I'm too wrapped up in SR., journaling or whatever it takes to keep me from drinking. Ugh.
I know it's better and it's not like I ignore them by any means, I guess it's just that I'm
Distracted.
It's still better than all the miserableness that goes along ethnic drinking that's for sure so much more time for other thoughts and activities when we aren't wrapped up in drinking and being hungover.
Midton- I am very much the same as you regarding posting. I have been on SR for years and often wonder if I just keep saying the same things over and over. I don't post as much as I need to or want to because it takes too long for me to write a post, always so afraid I'm either being redundant or unclear or selfish or this or that. I feel foolish giving advice here at day 7 and just as foolish saying I'm in day one again. I'm trying to let up on myself with this though because, like you, I really NEED this support and am afraid that at the moment I turn to drink rather than post because of all of these concerns. Even this post seems too long and rambly to me and I'm tempted to delete it!
Day 7- a week. Feeling good, but I've been here before. I'm determined to stay sober as I really want to be clearheaded for my trip on Saturday, but once that's over I think I need to make another short term goal like this. It seems to be helping. Feeling my usual feelings at about a week - guilty that if I'm drinking I'm not present for my kids but if I'm in early sobriety I'm too wrapped up in SR., journaling or whatever it takes to keep me from drinking. Ugh.
I know it's better and it's not like I ignore them by any means, I guess it's just that I'm
Distracted.
It's still better than all the miserableness that goes along ethnic drinking that's for sure
so much more time for other thoughts and activities when we aren't wrapped up in drinking and being hungover.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: NZ
Posts: 10
Is it Ok to be reducing not abstaining? This is all so new to me. I'm on several meds for Bipolar II and I don't want to make a sudden change. I haven't seen my GP; this is my own initiative and I'm day 4 of significantly less alcohol. I'm feeling good, but when I read about people abstaining I kind of feel like I'm not "the real deal".
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