fantail

Glad everyone is doing so well

I had a weird few days... very impatient with the world and myself. Anxious about some major decisions that I have to make (but not for a while yet). Toki, similar to you, I felt regressed! Lots of drinking nightmares. I even woke up Sunday morning convinced I had a hangover.

Today was still tough but tonight I'm feeling better again. I've joined a weekly meditation/Buddhist discussion group (Mondays) as well as a Quaker meeting (Sundays). Both have been really helping me. It's a very new approach for me as I've never participated in any organized religions before, nor did my family as I was growing up. I guess it's still kind of a stretch to call these that... both of these particular meetings are very much open to all spiritual interpretations... but the group-spirituality thing is surprisingly fitting well with me. This week in particular it helped pull me out of my funk.

Tooshabby

Hi Fantail :-)

That's great. They sound like really interesting meetings to attend. Great for anxiety too, I would imagine. Good for you.

I understand what you both mean by awful drinking dreams. Apparently, they pass with time. Thank goodness!

Upwardspiral

Yikes! No more coffee for me after 5 p.m. I had no trouble going to sleep at 10:30 but woke up at 1:30 and am still wide awake 3 1/2 hours later.

This used to happen when I drank tons of beer before bed. I'd awake sweaty with a racing heart and feeling on the verge of death. But tonight I'm just clear headed and restless, and just spent the 1st hour awake reliving a bunch of awful things I've done under the influence. Mostly with regards to my love affairs. God, how mortifying!
It's going to be a weird day.

letitgo

Crazy its 4:30 am here and i am wide awake. Back at home. No work or major stressors today. Got about 6 hours of sleep. Going to discuss to my dr this week. I used to drink a ton before bed which would help me sleep all night or make me wake up from sweats and dehydration. Drunk sleep was never quality or good though.

I had to dump the open wine in my house. I had a temptation that felt too strong.
I used to slam red wine so it was more of a mental thing. I have no physical cravings at 72 days.
Glad your still doing well.upward spiral

Upwardspiral

Hmmm, must be something in the cosmos...

Cbf123

And here's me so tired I could cry :-(

Bed as soon as I get in. Fingers crossed anyway!

Day 4 here, btw. Day off tomorrow but I won't be going near any booze - off for blood tests in the morning. First I've ever had - hate this kind of stuff!

Huge hugs to you all :-)

BringingBackB

Cbf - I know how you feel, im exhausted.

I've been pretty down in the dumps today tbh. I'm struggling at work with the stress of having to find myself a new role. Mine has now gone to someone else in 2 weeks, and nobody is particularly helping me find anything. Im probably building it up to be worse than it is, but I hate not knowing what's happening. Getting turned down from an interview I managed to get laSt week was another kick in the teeth too.

My AV was kicking off the whole journey home. I hate how it waits until you are already feeling week. I can recognise it now though and I still felt safe on my journey.

Anyway, food and then a bath for me. Hopefully I will feel a bit brighter tomorrow

Tooshabby

I know this may sound a bit banal BBB, but everything will be alright. I say to myself during times of stress "do what you can, and then stop worrying", because worrying achieves nothing and makes you feel awful. I actually have wondered if subconsciously we sometimes think "I *need* to worry about this" because we believe things will either get better if we worry, or worse if we don't worry.

You guys are all doing great! Well done letitgo - pouring out that red wine you used to slam (lol).

I hate thinking about past, drunken events, Upwards. I know what you mean :-/

I hope everyone manages to get better sleeps soon. Good luck with your blood tests, cbf. Let us know how you go :-)

Dee74

Drinking is not going to make you worry less BBB and it sure as heck won;t find you a new role at work.

I know fear is triggering but sometimes you have to have a little faith it will work out.

Like Shabby says - do what you can and then leave the rest - it's all be ok in the end - if its not ok, it's not the end

D

Upwardspiral

"If it's not ok it's not the end"
I love that!
BBB you're obviously a hard worker, you'll find something worthy of you.
I hope you all hang in there through another day and that every one sleeps soundly tonight!
I'm off to my first speaker meeting. Looking forward to it

tokidoki

Checking in;

US- I love that too, "If it's not ok it's not the end".

BBB- It *will* be okay even if you don't feel okay about it at the time. (I'll have to try to remember that myself). I hope all goes well for you

Tooshabby- You are right about the worrying...

Letitgo, cbf, (and US)- Wow, we're all plagued by sleeping problems... hmmm, the seasons changing? I got very spoiled by the wonderful sleep I'd had lately, so it was unsettling when I suddenly had insomnia again.

Anyway, I hope everyone is hanging in there!

tokidoki

Oh fantail,
Sunday morning was my low point too. As you say, it felt like regression. Your meetings do sound interesting. Think I would really enjoy them. Actually, after I posted here on Sunday morning, I had to haul myself to a church where I play in a chime group. It actually helped a lot.

fantail

BBB, your situation sounds really stressful... I've been in similar spots before (I once realized before my boss did that my position had just become redundant!). That being the case, really good job keeping steady. As TS & Dee noted, neither the worry nor the drinking do any good, so it seems to me like you're on the right path through!

Bad sleep club -- I might be a member too... the last few nights I've been shifting off of my pleasant morning bird routine into my pre-sober raccoon norm. But I did get a few job leads coming through so hopefully soon my schedule will have less room to slosh around in.

I guess I never really did an intro... I'm in my early 30s, had 8 months sober in 2013, then after about 2 years of relapsing on and off ended up going well off the deep end and wound up in rehab (and lost my job and a relationship in the process). When I got out I sublet my place in CA and moved in with family in Philadelphia. So I'm in starting-over mode. It's a bit overwhelming but definitely helps the whole "change everything" mandate when you start by burning your life down!

letitgo

Welcome fantail!! I had a few stints of sobreity last year myself 2 and 3 months. I am also in my early 30s. Being sober is the in thing to do ironically i was just in Phiily. Its a nice city. Have a great night!!

letitgo

Saw my psychiatrist today and i had a bad anxiety attack this morning.
He made a lot of sense. He drug tests his patients because he prescribes controlled substances and wants to make sure people are using them. He said alot of people do other drugs and is concerned they could have interactions. He simply wants to protect himself and others.

As far as my inital refill request he said that with xanax he is very cautious because people simply abuse it or try to get refills and say they lost them or the dog ate them
He said he understood my situation and would not let me withdrawal. So i take accountability for not seeing him sooner and understand his concerns. I guess I won't be firing him.

Struggling with sleep and a minor urge today..seems to be a theme here. Its ok urges like emotions come and go. We can do it and stay strong.

Hope you feel BBB! Glad your doimg better today todkidoki.
Thanks tooshabby. What kind of person slams cheap red wine?
I like how people randomly people pop in a month later. Well tomorow is another day. I think it will be a much better day. Remember nothing is worth drinking over. Urges and feelings are not permanent. Have a fantastic day/night!

Cbf123

Ah, a reasonably decent night's sleep! My sleeplessness is a physical issue unfortunately - one in the shape of a 4 month old baby with a cold and teething issues! She had a pretty good night last night, so I did, too. Makes a world of difference.

Off for my bloods in an hour. Then the rest of the day to catch up on some R&R!

Hope everyone else managed to have a decent kip (as we say in the North of England!). Have a great day.

Tooshabby

Ohhhh, little schnookums. I remember what it is like with a little one and trying to get some kip :-) I didn't realise you were a Liverpuddlian, cbf!!!

Cbf123

I prefer Evertonian if you don't mind :-)

I actually live 'over the water' as we say, but if it wasn't for a stretch of water that's less than a mile wide in places, it'd be the same place! It's one of those things, you're away on holiday, somebody asks where you're from, you pick the nearest big city - and everyone knows Liverpool! I work there, too - probably spend more time in the city than out these days!

Not today, though :-)

Tooshabby

No worries - I get and and don't mind at all :-) It's probably like calling a New Zealander an Australian or a Canadian an American.....not that we feel or want to be superior, just unique with our own identity.

My Dad's family were from Yorkshire. Pretty hard-case bunch from what I've heard :-)

letitgo

CBF. Congtats on the baby!! We have had many of sleepless nights but drinking and being hungover only made it worse. The screaming made me very irritable at times. Its good to share the baby duties and take breaks. Mine never came with a manual. I hope your baby did its good to experiance new things. I have been peed, vomited and pooped on so i no longer have any shame.

Hope your tests go well!
Back home now and is 4:50am and i am wide awake. I did fall asleep at 9:45 but i would like more the 6 hours. I should go for a walk or something. My kids are sleeping through the night and I am not.
Oh well. Have a great day!