Tooshabby

Thanks toki - I'm doing unusually well on the sober front. I'm really just so totally fed up with it that instead of feeling frightened and sad about the thought of never drinking again, now it just feels like a blessed relief. It's only been two and a half weeks, but it's not the time that seems important as much as the change I can sense in my attitude.

I think it's made a big difference posting on SR daily and keeping the issue at the forefront of my mind too. I've been talking intermittently over the last 15 years about how bad my drinking problem is and how I have to stop, but then I'd just go back to burying my head in the sand. Groundhog day. This does feel different this time.

I think I am finally willing to exchange the peaks of pleasure I got from drinking for a steadily increasing sense of self-esteem, better health, and general 'okayness' mood-wise. The highs aren't worth the lows and negatives that come with drinking. Talk about a slow learner. I've never been quick to learn from my mistakes. Better late than never though :-)

tokidoki

Hey shabby,

Just checking in on the off-chance that you posted, and yes..! I see now that I joined here in January and it *has* been a 'journey' since then. After reading here a lot, finally, since July, started to post here daily (almost). I believe being in a group has helped me string together the time I have now. Before that, I had a couple of good sober streaks, but obviously wasn't really ready to give it my all. Just trying to say that I'm glad you're wrapping your head around this whole thing. It's quite the process!

Tooshabby

Thank you :-)

letitgo

Sadness, lonlieness and depression today. I spent time with colleagues this weekend but i feel empty and homesick. I feel anxious about bills, medical bills and increased premiums for next year. A day of hopeless and anxiety ridden. The strongest urge i have had in a long time came today. Really wanted to get a 12 pack and a pack of smokes. They were giving away booze at the hotel tonight but the stormed passed and i felt much better this afternoon. Like a half rainy day and the rest with sunshine and positivty. Go figure. Looks like we had a lot of posts today

Congrats BBB on 90 days/ 3 months!!!

Upwardspiral

Letitgo I'm glad you made it through the storm.

Emily keep coming back. I agree with others that checking in here daily really helps you keep things in perspective.

I've been going to AA daily and it's been really helpful.
Today was pretty intense. I started the day really grumpy and had to sit and journal about it because I really didn't want to take it to work with me.
It did the trick, too. I was being an entitled b*tch, and it felt good to recognize it.
Thank God I was in a good mood at work, because it got crazy and the last hour was very hectic. I had to scramble to leave in time to make it to my meeting.

Rather than obsessing over the countless beers I had earned with my hard work, I was solely intent on sprinting across town to get cleaned up and get a bite in me in time to get to AA.
I want to make this an unbreakable habit, so that in tough times, when I don't feel like going, I will go anyway. It could save my life.

Tooshabby

I'm really glad you made it through those rough patches letitgo and Holds. Life can be so damn stressful! It obviously wasn't meant to be easy. Why the heck did I sign up for this?!!

You are going so well, Upwards. I think I can see you one day in the SR Hall of Fame :-D

I got pulled over by a cop on the motorway tonight. I'd gone through a red light on the on-ramp....we have them to try and relieve the traffic, but there was none, so I thought what the heck. Looked behind me and there's a blimmin' cop. Sure enough, lights start flashing. Anyway, I said to him "you probably won't believe me but I have *never* done that before!" (Which is the truth). Anyway, he looked about 70, gave me a nice lecture, called me love, and let me off. Real sweetie. Point is, in the old days I would have said to myself "Oh well, I have to get a bottle of wine now after that stressful experience." Didn't even occur to me. It's amazing the crap the AV used to try and pull. And I fell for it!!

Carver

Hi guys,

I haven't really posted here for some reason, but I quit drinking 2 July. 103 days I think.

It's been a couple of weeks since my last bad craving, so I was kind of caught off guard when i had a bad one last night. I didn't drink, but it drives me mad. We're gonna have to keep fighting this damned AV at certain points for the rest of our lives. That sucks!

But I'm still glad I chose sobriety! It's still a better way of living. Just a lot going on ATM, combined with an unexpectedly strong craving makes Carver feel bleurgh

Have a good day all!

Tooshabby

Nice to hear from you, Carver :-)

Great you dodged the AV and congratulations on over 3 months of sobriety!

KeyofC

Proud of you Toki!
Let, I'm sorry you have those stupid feelings. I call em stupid because they make us feel bad. I hope they don't stay around long (hug)
Up, glad the AA meetings are being an inspiration! Good deal!
Shab, glad things are different for you now and associating that craving or trigger!
Emily nice to meet you! You and Holds hang in there! We're here for you guys!
Carver, nice to meet you too! Congrats on 3 months!
This should be my home class as my quit date is July 20, but I didn't know that when I signed up. I'm adopted here tho. I love these guys!

letitgo

Congratulations and welcome Carver!
Great job Toki and Key of C!
Glad you didnt get a ticket Tooshaby. We have those lights here but the traffic is so bad you forced to stop because you cant move anyway lol
Glad you checked yourself before you wrecked yourself upward a nice 80s throwback. I find it letting it out via journal or sr very effective.

Anyway i got to to Alcatraz this weekend and the had a display of prisoner potraits. A lot of them in for things that occurred while drinking/drugging or both.
I thought wow i getting some intense feelings sober. If you add alcholol it makes me extremely irrational. If i am sober i can ride it out or make a plan to improve things. I am happy and grateful to be free from the prison of drinking

KeyofC

That sounds extremely cool Let!

Holds1325

letitgo - How are you feeling today? I don't know how I would be able to handle being around free alcohol, I think I'd be in relapse by now if I was around that at all. I'm worried when I think about times in the future that this might occur. I read something about PAWS and how when a craving occurs, that the symptoms of withdrawal (the mental part) tend to come back or try to come back. So I'll have cravings and then after they subside I feel extremely depressed or really anxious, sometimes both if that makes sense. I'm glad you aren't giving in though, gives me hope whenever I come across that situation in the future! Hotels are rough too, I LOVED to drink whenever I stayed in a hotel whether business or whatever, felt like I was treating myself.

Carver - glad you stuck in there, I've had similar situations myself.

Toki and shabs, thanks for all your support! I'm glad that you are in this group.

KeyofC - how are you doing lately?

Holds1325

Upwards - I used to journal but I quit doing that some weeks ago. I stopped because the thoughts that used to bother me went away pretty much. I have new thoughts though that replaced those that make me anxious/depressed so I think its about time I start journaling again!

The thing I think that keeps me from doing it, is because it scares me what I write and I keep getting this thought that I might go back to those thoughts someday if I have some type of record for it. I guess it scares me to think that these thoughts I'm trying to forget, are written down somewhere as a tangible object!

Perhaps it helps me get it out though, so my brand new journal I bought a month ago won't go to waste!

KeyofC

I'm doing very very well. My life is just calm and relaxing. Not much different to report right now. Hubby is off driving around the countryside. I am working like I normally do. My kids are working and going to school. I used to say my life was boring at times like this, but now I know different. Now I know this is what it should be. This is what is normal. And I'm A-Ok with it! Thanks for asking!

Holds1325

I used to dread being at home because of the boredom that I would have. This boredom of course was fueled by the fact that my brain and mood weren't altered with alcohol.

I'm glad your life is calm right now, I am slowly beginning to feel some type of calmness here and there.

My week is proving to start getting stressful, we have our annual file audit where our vendors come down and show us why we pay them to help us fundraise. I thought my boss would let me skip out on it, but nope got the word that I HAVE to attend. There's a ton of set-up, including making sure our vendors are comfortable and are suited to their accomodations etc. Lots of meal planning and such. Also report printing, cleaning etc. already people are turning on eachother.

The best part is the free food although I'm trying to start a diet, might just wait until next week.

On a good/bad note I avoided having to go to a meet and greet dinner on Wednesday evening at a restaurant near our area. It would be nice having having dinner on my organizations tab which is free to me but the place has an open bar, and rumor is that all of the people that attend, love to drink. I hear drinking jokes at work all the time. I just sit there and nod my head and go, yeah.........change the subject.

letitgo

I cheers my work colleague with a sparlking water last night. He had completed his stint and was headed home. It was my 100th day and i felt much better last night. I did 90 days last year around the same drinking colleagues and free booze in the hotel.
I just want freedom from nicotine and alcohol so much more. Its not fun always running outside for a cancer stick or having that last drink before bed when you know deep down the last should have been 4 or 5 ago. Long nights waking thirsty or to use the bathroom. Good sleep for the first hour and terrible the rest of the night. The constant burning and indigestion in my throat.

Especially with a health scare this year. I like the 24 hour thread and telling people i am not drinking. Keeps me accountable.
My 5 year old asked me to quit smoking. She had more rational then i did.
These are my motivators and a good reminder.

Glad you are here Holds!! I would say do what you feel comfortable with. All about building sober muscles and good habits.
Have a great day all!!

Dee74

Glad you're feeling better letitgo

D

tokidoki

Hi Julyers,

It was a busy day up here- had to try to catch up on some of the things I *didn't* do yesterday at work. Plus another one of the endless meetings. Nothing bad though, and for that I'm thankful.

Carver--Congratulations on 103 days. Glad you're here. I hope you stick around!

All around there's a lot of good stuff on here. Must congratulate everyone on beating that AV!

tokidoki

Oh, more congrats are in order--

Upwards- You really have some great strategies. It's so great that you're finding such help from your AA group(s?). And journaling seems very effective for a lot of people...

KeyofC- Sounding good! I've decided that "boredom" is a good thing. As Holds mentioned, it could probably be better called "calm".

Letitgo- Congratulation on the 100 days! I believe you're going home soon, so basically you've successfully made it through a difficult period-- and with flying colors! You mentioned you visited Alcatraz (cool!), so you must be staying in the city. For some reason I was imagining you in the Valley staying at a Residence Inn/Homewood Suites or some such place. Guess I was just projecting a little because I used to love those 'manager special' evenings when I would get as much wine in as I could--Yikes.

tokidoki

(Oh brother, I seem to be into a string-of-posts habit these days).

BTW, I do not consciously diet these days. Am too OC about numbers so haven't weighed myself or calculated calories, etc. I have found though, that I'm down at least a size in clothes and am actually listening to what my body wants- and that means much better food than before. Craving vegetables and fish these days.

Confession: I still have a serious M&M habit. At this moment I'm eating from a "sharing size" pack. Don't think there will be any to share after I'm done...

Hang in there everyone.