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Class of July 2015 Part 7

Old 10-04-2015, 08:10 AM
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Congrats to the 90 days crew!!

I volunteered with kids this weekend. That was pretty cool. I haven't done anything purely for others in a while. I do various kinds of helpful stuff, but usually only things that I find interesting or learn directly from. This was standing outside in the cold manning a booth with some kids from my org's youth group, so, not so fun. But they had a blast and I felt good about it.

I haven't been to AA much these past two weeks because of work conflicts, so I went to an evening meeting last night. The one I ended up at was a lot more.... I don't know exactly how to phrase it. Court-ordered? Cold basement with plastic over a window. I got catcalled repeatedly when I entered by a long back row of men who talked on and off through the speaker. No one said anything to them either. It was kind of a surprise because although the neighborhood wasn't fancy, it wasn't super rough either.

I mentioned on Upward's thread in Newcomer's that I've been feeling kind of distant from people lately. The combo of a new city and early sobriety has me kind of floating through my social interactions without much feeling of connection. It was rough to have a bad experience when I was looking for the safe haven of other people in recovery. I know there's no way around it, you can't exactly label a meeting "Open Speaker Discussion, Rowdy & Aggressive". But if that'd been the first meeting I went to, I would never have tried again!

Anyway, worked this morning and may be shifting to a schedule that will free up my mornings for the meeting I like, so I'm feeling better.
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Old 10-04-2015, 03:03 PM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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That's a bit of a bummer, Fantail. Pretty inappropriate and uncomfortable for you. I hope your schedule can be worked to make that better meeting.

I've never moved to a new city (spot the boring old fart), but I can imagine how you would feel detached, especially without alcohol as a 'buffer'. Sounds like a great thing you did for the kids over the weekend :-)

Congratulations on THREE months you guys!!!
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Old 10-04-2015, 03:36 PM
  # 283 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone, to quote a Seinfeld episode in regards to my abstinence, "I'm still master of my domain!"

Thanks all for the well wishes on 3 months/90 days, it means more than you will ever know...

I relocated today to Freedom New Hampshire to Danforth Bay RV Resort, a wonderful location here in the White Mountains. My RV issues have diminished, so was able to actually relax the last few days.
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Old 10-04-2015, 03:41 PM
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That's awesome news, Toadie!!! And glad the RV issues have settled down :-)
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Old 10-04-2015, 03:56 PM
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Hi Julyers,

Great stuff on here!

Ha! Love it Toadie. And I'm still "queen of the castle"

BBB- You sound really focused and aware. Good for you!

Shabby- Sorry, don't know about rugby. Gotta say, I agree with Fantail and you about cbf--That is a great post, *lots of* beautiful sentences (and glad that you are feeling strong, cbf)

letitigo- Congratulations on *your* 90 days!

Let's meet again tomorrow in "thunder, lightening, *and* in rain".

Have a great evening/morning everyone.
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Old 10-04-2015, 04:03 PM
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Ahhhh....nice use of the old Shakespeare there, toki :-) AND in rain, indeed. Friends we all are :-)
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Old 10-04-2015, 04:19 PM
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Yes, indeedy. We are.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:07 PM
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Congrats on 90 days angd, toadie, letitgo and tokidoki!
Correction: congrats on 4 months angd!
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:36 PM
  # 289 (permalink)  
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congrats to all you milestoners

D
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Old 10-04-2015, 07:49 PM
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Hey guys....pondlady posted the most amazing interview up in the 'pop culture' section - a '60 minutes' interview with Patrick Kennedy about addiction in the Kennedy family. Have a look, it's really worthwhile.
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Old 10-05-2015, 06:00 AM
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I saw it on tv last night. Great interview.
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Old 10-05-2015, 06:55 AM
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Thanks TS, I'll check it out.
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Old 10-05-2015, 07:57 AM
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Good morning all, its morning here,

Congrats to those on 3 months/90 days, I'm almost there myself!

The past few weeks have been really rough. I have begun to notice that its during times like this, that I would really hit the alcohol hard just to give myself a break from all the anxiety and the thoughts/nightmares that occur. I've also been having a ton of relapse dreams lately that are awful but I don't wake up in a panic from them anymore, more like annoyed.

Went to a funeral this past friday which was okay but I kept feeling like I was going to panic the whole time but I stuck through and made it out okay.

My health problems/hypochondria whatever it is, maybe both, is still going on. I have another appointment tomorrow with my doctor to see if I need a referral to a gastro doc to make sure everything with me is okay and to see if I need to get an endoscopy as they've tried all other tests and they all came out fine.

The only thing that I can be proud of is that I never drank through any of that at all and it took a whole lot of willpower not to. Then again sometimes I feel so indecisive certain days. For example, "I could numb all this by drinking." and then think well that'll make things worse, but I already feel crappy today so whats the point? I end up not deciding anything and just going to sleep or waiting it out til after a certain time of the day then its just pointless. I know though that if I really did want to, I'd find ways.

I guess I'm just curious how this all plays out. How being sober plays out for me. Since turning an adult thats all I've done is drink and numb all of life's drama and emotions.

I then begin to wonder, is this actually how life is? Not sure though, it hasn't even been 3 months since I've quit, perhaps things will get better.

Hope you all are doing well.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:02 PM
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Hi Holds, it is so fantastic you haven't drunk through this difficult time. You are so right, it would only make things worse. You are doing so well - hang in there. It will be so good to get the all clear from the doctor. I've known a few people who have battled with health anxiety, and I know it's really hard. You will move beyond it in time and things can only get a whole lot better the more sober time you accrue - I'm sure of it.
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Old 10-05-2015, 05:39 PM
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Congrats on not drinking, Holds.

I'm having a seriously rough day of the existential sort. I can relate to the "is this what life is?" feeling.

As you say though, I don't know what it's like if I stick through this stuff... I do know what it's like if I start drinking again... so I guess I'll just be hanging on for a bit.

Hopefully your doctor visit will give you some answers on the physical situation at least.
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Old 10-05-2015, 08:17 PM
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I'm proud of you Holds for staying sober through your troubles. A guy in AA tonight said "sometimes the biggest leap of faith I can take is to not pick up a drink and see what happens."
I hope you feel better too Fantail, and that you find some better support in your new city. Let's all stay curious about where sobriety will lead us!
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:28 PM
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I like that idea, Upwards :-)
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Old 10-06-2015, 07:30 AM
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Thanks for all your replies and support

My appointment is at 2:15pm today, its now 8:30am here. The waiting begins! The doctor wanted to see me yesterday but couldn't because of something he had to be at.

Sobriety to me is like this new phase that I've never experienced before. Like I said, I've never experienced adulthood sober, from the time I moved out of my parents house until I got married, had children, I've been buzzing my feelings away.

Then I think, I know plenty of people that don't numb their emotions down with alcohol and yet they seem fine, they are functional and not overly nervous, how do they do it??

I slept terrible last night, kept waking up fearful. Before I went to bed I was feeling fine actually, sitting there on my couch, just finished a good dinner, playing my xbox, thinking hmm, well if something is horribly wrong with me physically then oh well I dont care, nothing I can do about it right now. Then 5 minutes later the massive panic attack hit me, the thoughts of doom, death flew in like a flood and then the symptoms began! It left about a half hour later which seems like forever but I got through it.

Woke up this morning feeling nauseated and of course tight feeling in my stomach!

Other than that, day 82 here I think, getting close to the fateful 90 days I keep hearing about. Hopefully its true what they say!
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Old 10-06-2015, 07:36 AM
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Hang in there Holds..We are all right in there with you.
I didn't know at the time I should've joined this class to begin with. I got 78 days today.
I am going through something. Something that feels border line anger, borderline taking things too personally, borderline feeling attacked, borderline feeling ignored and left out. I don't know but I am being careful as I read in the longer sobriety forums to beware. I don't want to be caught off guard no matter how much I say I won't drink. Guess I could conclude my attitude is a bit pissy right now. Sorry if I offend anyone being I am on the defense already, ugh...((Hug))!
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Old 10-06-2015, 10:40 AM
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No offense taken at all, keyofC. You can be honest with us. Maybe it's the old 'been sober for a while and starting to really feel your emotions' thing. If so, that's a positive, even if a little unpleasant. A time for introspection and reflection :-)

Holds, I'm sure everything will be fine. As keyofC says, we're right there with you. Check in when you get back. Would love to hear how it went.
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