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Class of August 2015 Part 5

Old 09-29-2015, 07:10 AM
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Change you thinking to change your thinking which in return changes your life. Positive not negative. It all starts with you. You. ((Hug))
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:12 AM
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Respect, boundaries, love, care, trust, all of these needs that makes us tick, won't happen until you have them for yourself. When people see the change coming from inside of you, they will notice and want to start treating you differently as well. This is why I keep saying it all start with you.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:21 AM
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Hey Patricia...God doesn't make junk!
When you look in the mirror, know that every shape and mark is exactly the way it is supposed to be. You are unique and important. No matter where you've been or what you've done, you can have a mulligan. A fresh start at any time. Scars may be visible or invisible, and they do guide us, but not necessarily in bad ways. Your future potential is brilliant. If it is too scary, put on some sunglasses and walk slowly. Ahh, your quote...looks like you may be starting a mountain hike!

Hugs.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
Respect, boundaries, love, care, trust, all of these needs that makes us tick, won't happen until you have them for yourself. When people see the change coming from inside of you, they will notice and want to start treating you differently as well. This is why I keep saying it all start with you.
You are right Key...what you give out comes back to you, the good and the bad...so true
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:42 AM
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Try positive affirmations in the mirror every morning. You're the first thing you usually see in the morning upon the trip to the bathroom. Look in it and tell yourself that "today you will fight the urges to be negative in the tone of your thinking", whether it be about yourself, to yourself, or with others. When I catch myself doing it (you're not the only one who can beat themselves to a pulp with anger, guilt, and resentments) I tell myself to "stop it!" It's ridiculous and today its unfounded. Today it holds no weight in being true about me. I am not that person anymore. I deserve a chance to change. You can do it. It will happen for you but you have to reinforce it every day all day until your thinking changes. I feel for you so much and I hope I am not bombarding you too much, Patricia. It all comes from a very caring place.
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Old 09-29-2015, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
I hope I am not bombarding you too much, Patricia. It all comes from a very caring place.
Oh Key...please keep bombarding! I love and appreciate your advice so much!
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Old 09-29-2015, 10:14 AM
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Patricia,
A lot of my issues stem from depression and anxiety. I am at the mercy of my thinking. My thinking controls almost everything in my day. It controls how people treat me, how I take on situations throughout the day, my decisions I make, every single thing. It controls what I take home to my family...the loving person they enjoy or the jekyl hyde person they loathe. I know from personal experience as a lot of people on here have learned, it's all about me. It's all about me in the aspect of my life. It's not all about me concerning the world/other people. Staying away from drinking is the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. When I drink, I just don't care. I will do whatever and handle whatever and be whatever. I will stretch myself thin. I will let people use me and walk all over me. I will tell myself I am no good. I will tell myself I'm not worthy. I will tell myself nobody loves me..all because I don't feel any of those things about myself. Now that I am 71 days....I know differently.
The sober me has to learn how to live life differently. It all starts with me every day. All day. The first thing I do in the morning is tell myself I am a good person who has a lot to offer. I promise myself I will be positive and pause before I act or react. I promise myself another 24 no matter what. I participate in the "grateful" threads here. I put it all on the table and what I expect from myself all before I step into the shower. Screws my head on straight. Life isn't perfect, but all this sure does help me deal with all the imperfections thrown my way. I've also had to have those hard talks with my husband and children of how they used to treat me verses how I will allow myself to be treated form now on. As long as I hold up my end of the bargain to not drink and work on my recovery, I deserve better from them. At some point, you will have to do this. ((Hug))
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Old 09-29-2015, 10:38 AM
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You are right Key. I noticed after a few weeks sober that my attitude towards life improves. I like myself better, I am more grateful, less fearful. And everybody around me feels better.

But then the anger and resentment gets a hold of me. And the negative self talk. I can still hear my mom's voice from 30 years ago telling me I should try harder...my dad telling me I'm a loser...my husband telling me that I'm a spoiled princess...

And those voices won't go away. They've been around for decades...I believed them, why wouldn't I believe them? They're my family...and if I'm not good enough for them, how can I convince myself otherwise? My parents taught me right from wrong, they gave me good advice, I always looked up to them...what if they were right?
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Old 09-29-2015, 01:16 PM
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What if they were wrong Patricia? My mother was overly critical and a perfectionist, however I have to forgive her, she was doing her best and couldnt help herself. She was wrong to not allow me to do anything my way and criticise, But I have let that go, and now it's on me to stop negative self talk.

We alcoholics are experts at being hard on ourselves. Any alcohol whatsoever brings back that negativity, for me anyway. You will feel better tomorrow.
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Old 09-29-2015, 01:43 PM
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Good afternoon all...hope everyone is well..

Patricia I have been thinking of you. I only had a few minutes to catch up on the posts . Everyone's advice is so thoughtful and insightful. Xo.
All I can add at this point is along the same lines as the others. ....when I changed , my family's attitude changed. When I drink, they can't stand me. My husband and my kids! My kids are 22, 20 & 17....they can tell in an instant when I'm drunk and they hate it. And each time I drink, I have to earn their trust back. I keep promising them " I won't do it again, this will be the last time" but they can no longer trust me because I keep drinking. I had almost 7 years sober a while ago...while life was not perfect, actually far from it, what I KNOW for sure is that my drinking ALWAYS made any situation ten times worse.
Just don't drink, do the next right thing and things will get better....not perfect...but definitely better.
They will respect you again and you will respect yourself!!!!! You are worth it!!!
I have some other info that may be helpful. I will try to PM you that later. I have to go, they need dinner!!!!!
Hugs to all xo

Ps...I will not even get into the s&$)@t my parents said to me. Talk about feeling bad about yourself!
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Old 09-29-2015, 02:01 PM
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Patricia
Listen to us! Sadie and lovehoops are right to! You gotta stop telling yourself these things. You gotta believe you're a good person who deserves better.
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Old 09-29-2015, 02:53 PM
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Awww, Patricia. I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I don't really have any advice, and definitely nothing better than Key and others have already said.

Could you maybe take a break though? I remember a few pages back you were saying all you wanted was a 1 hour nap, and couldn't even get that. Do you have a friend or family member you could visit for a bit? Two fold. One, you get a change of scenery to help clear your mind and heart. And two, let your family fend for themselves for 5 days or so, and maybe they'll realize they under appreciate you.

Regardless, I hope you begin to feel better soon.
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Old 09-29-2015, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
Awww, Patricia. I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I don't really have any advice, and definitely nothing better than Key and others have already said.

Could you maybe take a break though? I remember a few pages back you were saying all you wanted was a 1 hour nap, and couldn't even get that. Do you have a friend or family member you could visit for a bit? Two fold. One, you get a change of scenery to help clear your mind and heart. And two, let your family fend for themselves for 5 days or so, and maybe they'll realize they under appreciate you.

Regardless, I hope you begin to feel better soon.
I would love to, but not enough money to do that right now
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Old 09-29-2015, 05:05 PM
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Patricia practice the positive thinking and affirmation. Hang in there. Just try. That's a good step. Try. ((Hug))
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Old 09-29-2015, 05:12 PM
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we continue here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html

D
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