Class of August 2015 Part 5
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
My husband and I had a huge fight last night. We said horrible things to each other. I blamed him for things he did in the past that I just can't let go. We are both full of resentment.
He asked me to leave and I had a meltdown and drank a few beers.
I realize that I need to learn how to set boundaries (thank you for the link Dee), and I need to learn how to let go of this resentment that is killing my marriage.
And I also need to learn how to control my feelings and not run to the liquor store when I am having an emotional meltdown.
He asked me to leave and I had a meltdown and drank a few beers.
I realize that I need to learn how to set boundaries (thank you for the link Dee), and I need to learn how to let go of this resentment that is killing my marriage.
And I also need to learn how to control my feelings and not run to the liquor store when I am having an emotional meltdown.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Patricia, you are in one heck of a spot. I feel your pain as I've been there. You are right in recognizing you need to set boundaries, chuck your resentments, and forget about drinking when you have emotional meltdown. It is hard to set boundaries, but as we have been telling you it is necessary. I think first however, the resentment is not letting your boundaries be heard. I wrote in my blog about how unfair I was to yell at my husband for something he had done years previous. How dare me to never let him or myself to move past them. A lot of times we have to "agree to disagree" and I have to forgive myself, ask myself if this will really matter down the road, and move on. Otherwise we fall into that horrible place of hoarding anger that we just can't leave behind. It'll rear it's ugly head when we least expect it, and immediately the other person will shut down to anything you may need or request for the benefit of anyone.
Another question is your marriage in a recovery mode where it can be fixed? Do you want to save it? Does he? Do you both? You need to know where you stand or if you're spinning your wheels trying to place all the things you need to help your recovery process in a place that won't remain. I hope that makes sense. I wish you the best of course ((hug)).
You also need to understand that you may work on things, but you can't make him. One of the hardest things I had to learn was to do things because I needed to. I would and will explain why something was going to happen and explain how much I would love for him to be a part of it, but regardless of his involvement, it was going to happen because I need it to.
Life is hard in general and we when add addiction and marriage and kids it's the toughest thing we will have to deal with by far. We are here for you and you may know all this already. Sometimes it's nice to know we are not crazy. I certainly don't think you are. I hope some peace can come from this at some point.
Another question is your marriage in a recovery mode where it can be fixed? Do you want to save it? Does he? Do you both? You need to know where you stand or if you're spinning your wheels trying to place all the things you need to help your recovery process in a place that won't remain. I hope that makes sense. I wish you the best of course ((hug)).
You also need to understand that you may work on things, but you can't make him. One of the hardest things I had to learn was to do things because I needed to. I would and will explain why something was going to happen and explain how much I would love for him to be a part of it, but regardless of his involvement, it was going to happen because I need it to.
Life is hard in general and we when add addiction and marriage and kids it's the toughest thing we will have to deal with by far. We are here for you and you may know all this already. Sometimes it's nice to know we are not crazy. I certainly don't think you are. I hope some peace can come from this at some point.
Just trying to help..anytime Patricia!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 64
"The front is a cage in which we must wait fearfully for whatever may happen. We lie under a network of arching shells and live in suspense of uncertainty. Over us, chance hovers."
"No soldier outlives a thousand chances, but every soldier believes in chance, and trusts his luck"
Just something that was stuck in my head all day after reading All quiet on the Western front. For whatever reason, kept me in great mood all day at work.
"No soldier outlives a thousand chances, but every soldier believes in chance, and trusts his luck"
Just something that was stuck in my head all day after reading All quiet on the Western front. For whatever reason, kept me in great mood all day at work.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I need to stop drinking. I started last night. Just one beer after a fight with my husband. And had a few more early this morning when I woke up with panic and anxiety and this horrible feeling of doom. I don't want to keep drinking today. It's noon here and the panic and anxiety are getting worse. Please help I am starting to feel really sick.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Originally Posted by patricia68 
I need to stop drinking. I started last night. Just one beer after a fight with my husband. And had a few more early this morning when I woke up with panic and anxiety and this horrible feeling of doom. I don't want to keep drinking today. It's noon here and the panic and anxiety are getting worse. Please help I am starting to feel really sick.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Originally Posted by Sadie1
You know the drinking makes panic worse. Pour everything out. Eat, drink a lot of water. Take a walk. You know the impending doom will pass.
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Patricia, you are good enough, and you are not a failure. You are doing the best you can. If that is not enough for other people, they are the ones who are wrong, not you.
Take today one minute at a time if you have to, and post as often as you need to. If you need to go to the chat room, we can do that too.
Take today one minute at a time if you have to, and post as often as you need to. If you need to go to the chat room, we can do that too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 238
Patricia, I'm wondering what brings you happiness in life, & who or what is preventing you from enjoying that...certainly alcohol isn't making you happy anymore or else you wouldn't be here with us asking for help. You know the booze and the buzz are just a detrimental coping mechanism...amplifying all your worst feelings. You know why? Because the source isn't gone. You can't drink it away. My mom tried to drown her feelings and now she's buried in the worst addiction I've ever personally witnessed. She won't even help herself. But You are here because you want a better life. A sober life without fear. You most likely will never have that with someone you harbor resentment towards and who doesn't respect you or make you feel "good enough"... Seek a solid counsel -I have no certification. I'm just sharing my opinion since you are seeking help here. Love and light be with you, you will escape the darkness!
"if we don't change, we don't grow. if we don't grow, we aren't really living"~Gail Sheehy
"if we don't change, we don't grow. if we don't grow, we aren't really living"~Gail Sheehy
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Coleiope
Patricia, I'm wondering what brings you happiness in life, & who or what is preventing you from enjoying that...
Originally Posted by Coleiope
You are here because you want a better life. A sober life without fear. You most likely will never have that with someone you harbor resentment towards and who doesn't respect you or make you feel "good enough"
I know that people have their own insecurities and fears, they didn't mean to hurt me...I understand that and yet I can't stop being so resentful...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Patricia I have a bad problem of taking what someone says and twisting it around to be something completely different than what they meant. I'm a master manipulator even to myself. We are our own worst enemies! I'm sure they don't mean it they way you are perceiving it. Even If they are, this is where you come here and let us tell you NO you're NOT worthless and you are worthy of love being loved and showing love. You are worthy of having good things and people in your life. You are worthy to live a sober life. YES YOU ARE WORTHY! ((Squeeze!!))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Pull yourself up out of this! You are learning and growing every day! This is a journey. Not something that will magically be cured. It's a learning process every day. Certainly you don't think all of us are perfect?! We all have our struggles to. Come on, it all starts with you. Then you make things change. You have the power here Payricia, not them. You! You're listening to that AV and its lying to you.
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