Class of August 2015 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. From the book Daily Reflections Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Seeing a lot of slips lately. This disease is so tough. I pray those of you who want it can finally get a plan in place and stick to it doing whatever it takes WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep you in the plan and not drink. It's the hardest thing we will ever do. Read this from the BB someone posted in another thread. It takes work everyday. You have to want sobriety and want it at all costs. There is beer in my fridge everyday. I don't drink it. My sobriety is important to me and nothing is going to interfere. I care about myself too much to screw up again.
Happy Friday! Make it another sober 24! Commit to it and do it!
((Hug)).
Seeing a lot of slips lately. This disease is so tough. I pray those of you who want it can finally get a plan in place and stick to it doing whatever it takes WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep you in the plan and not drink. It's the hardest thing we will ever do. Read this from the BB someone posted in another thread. It takes work everyday. You have to want sobriety and want it at all costs. There is beer in my fridge everyday. I don't drink it. My sobriety is important to me and nothing is going to interfere. I care about myself too much to screw up again.
Happy Friday! Make it another sober 24! Commit to it and do it!
((Hug)).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Stay M- ARGH,
Were all in it together. Keep posting !
Be sure and apologize to the missus too. I know I've drank and thought I had a grip on an issue or something I was talking about. For me, it turned out to be drunken BS, and I thought I had a good point.
- Key, your last post, brought up an idea, I'm really wrestling with. I am an alcoholic. I've owned up to it, over time. For some reason, though, I'm feeling like I should refuse to acknowledge "alcoholism" as "mine".
I don't know if this is something I read somewhere ( consumed a LOT of help literature), or what. I feel like I'm accepting something that will always have a personal spot in my life. I'm having a tough time explaining this...
I feel like that if I refuse to give alcoholism a presence in my thoughts, that it might be an active form of fighting it off, and choosing not to drink. I know for me, that counting days has been a constant personal defeat, but I've realized a very real issue.
Something drives my self medication by drinking. It may be that way for everyone, but I realized by reading and reading the posts on here, that smarter people than me state that underlying issues may have to be dealt with in order to completely abstain from drinking or drug abuse.
My point of this unclear post (grin), is thank you for constantly being real because you never know how your struggles may help another person.
By the way, I smelled a coworker , who's a bad drinker, the other day at work. Whew, there ain't NO hiding it, to a sober alcoholic ! I can snug the sauce across the room ! Lol
Were all in it together. Keep posting !
Be sure and apologize to the missus too. I know I've drank and thought I had a grip on an issue or something I was talking about. For me, it turned out to be drunken BS, and I thought I had a good point.
- Key, your last post, brought up an idea, I'm really wrestling with. I am an alcoholic. I've owned up to it, over time. For some reason, though, I'm feeling like I should refuse to acknowledge "alcoholism" as "mine".
I don't know if this is something I read somewhere ( consumed a LOT of help literature), or what. I feel like I'm accepting something that will always have a personal spot in my life. I'm having a tough time explaining this...
I feel like that if I refuse to give alcoholism a presence in my thoughts, that it might be an active form of fighting it off, and choosing not to drink. I know for me, that counting days has been a constant personal defeat, but I've realized a very real issue.
Something drives my self medication by drinking. It may be that way for everyone, but I realized by reading and reading the posts on here, that smarter people than me state that underlying issues may have to be dealt with in order to completely abstain from drinking or drug abuse.
My point of this unclear post (grin), is thank you for constantly being real because you never know how your struggles may help another person.
By the way, I smelled a coworker , who's a bad drinker, the other day at work. Whew, there ain't NO hiding it, to a sober alcoholic ! I can snug the sauce across the room ! Lol
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
JL I too am working every day on my recovery..let me just share with you some things I have come to know as truth as I am working and reading whatever I can and listening to people's advice here.
I knew I had a problem with alcohol and yes, of course it is my problem. Nobody else made me drink. Nobody could've even known me being an alcoholic was a problem we could possibly run into. It is my problem, but I am not alone in my problem. My problem has had an effect on every aspect of my life and has spilled over to everyone I have interacted with. AND I need help..I can’t do this alone.
I don't think I really owned my problem with alcohol until I realized I am powerless to alcohol and I had to really accept that I am powerless. I had to surrender to the idea of that whole sentence. When I finally got this concept, an awakening happened in my life and I began to open up to things never before had I been aware and I see things in a completely different way. I do hold myself accountable for everything I do. The way I act and react, the way I think, and applying it to my life, every day.
SR helps me and AA helps me and my HP help me. My family and friends help me. While it is my issue, it does require a lot of help. I am very open and honest with it because it holds me accountable. I have to want it. I have to work for it. I have to be open to everything it has to offer.
Long post, sorry..I hope any of this helps..I may have confused you more.
(Hug)! PS: I am going through the big book...combing through it. I am working every step (with help)...I googled on SR and found some work sheet type things that really help me. It brings me self awareness into my illness that I never have known on how to work at recovery and my attitude definitely has an affect on the outcome.
I knew I had a problem with alcohol and yes, of course it is my problem. Nobody else made me drink. Nobody could've even known me being an alcoholic was a problem we could possibly run into. It is my problem, but I am not alone in my problem. My problem has had an effect on every aspect of my life and has spilled over to everyone I have interacted with. AND I need help..I can’t do this alone.
I don't think I really owned my problem with alcohol until I realized I am powerless to alcohol and I had to really accept that I am powerless. I had to surrender to the idea of that whole sentence. When I finally got this concept, an awakening happened in my life and I began to open up to things never before had I been aware and I see things in a completely different way. I do hold myself accountable for everything I do. The way I act and react, the way I think, and applying it to my life, every day.
SR helps me and AA helps me and my HP help me. My family and friends help me. While it is my issue, it does require a lot of help. I am very open and honest with it because it holds me accountable. I have to want it. I have to work for it. I have to be open to everything it has to offer.
Long post, sorry..I hope any of this helps..I may have confused you more.
(Hug)! PS: I am going through the big book...combing through it. I am working every step (with help)...I googled on SR and found some work sheet type things that really help me. It brings me self awareness into my illness that I never have known on how to work at recovery and my attitude definitely has an affect on the outcome.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Really having hard time right now, got my feelings hurt badly by my only sibling..... hanging on minute by minute. I am thinking just a couple glasses wine will make me feel better.... but I know its always more than a couple glasses, unless I leave home and go to a bar, then I can have just one or two, and my AV is suggesting that Argh!!! Might take an emergency benzo... better than drinking, right?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Posted right away with strong urge , I did take emergency benzo and eat some yogurt. And you are right alcohol wouldn't help.. I would probably get smashed and make one of my infamous phone calls when no one realises I am drunk , but I don't remember what I said and have to recreate conversation in my head. Not gonna drink over it. Just have to accept my sis has no time for anyone other than being on call 24/7 for her grown children. Not my nieces or nephews fault, they were raised to not do a thing for themselves.
Well, the good news is my benzo use has decreased dramatically with no alcohol.
MILI Argh.... How you be today?
Well, the good news is my benzo use has decreased dramatically with no alcohol.
MILI Argh.... How you be today?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Well add my name to the list of those that slipped. I accepted a glass of champagne and wine at a colleagues place last night. Gave into peer pressure (& honestly my own AV.). Dumb.
I stopped at that (I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about stopping at the bar on my way home though.). I also started smoking again, will quit that this weekend too. Ugh.
I'm home tonight and sober. Guess I'll start my day count over. I had gotten to 30 and I'll do it again.
Disappointed in myself. Glad you guys know what it's like. I know I have it in me, why I let myself falter is beyond me....
I stopped at that (I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about stopping at the bar on my way home though.). I also started smoking again, will quit that this weekend too. Ugh.
I'm home tonight and sober. Guess I'll start my day count over. I had gotten to 30 and I'll do it again.
Disappointed in myself. Glad you guys know what it's like. I know I have it in me, why I let myself falter is beyond me....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Good question Dee. I need to stop thinking of my sobriety as a defect and see it as a positive. One way I can do that is letting others in on the fact that I don't drink - I've been keeping it to myself in some circles (work.). I don't think I'll ever start announcing I have an addiction, but no reason (other than my own pride and desire to keep drinking) why I can't say I've stopped drinking booze and I'll take an iced tea please. Last night I was just feeling weak, and I let myself down.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Kittycat, your sobriety is a godsend, not a defect , I promise !!!
Sadie , pls don't give up. Hel- , take 2 benzos if you need. Don't drink. If I was rich I'd fly to San Diego ( much as I don't care to) , just to hug you so you'd know we love you and not to do something to hurt yourself, from drinking.
I hear you. Siblings BLOW. I don't have but minimum contact with my own.
All my hugs tonight, sweetheart.
Please let the hurt go. Breathe it out and gone. I'm sorry it happened.
Sadie , pls don't give up. Hel- , take 2 benzos if you need. Don't drink. If I was rich I'd fly to San Diego ( much as I don't care to) , just to hug you so you'd know we love you and not to do something to hurt yourself, from drinking.
I hear you. Siblings BLOW. I don't have but minimum contact with my own.
All my hugs tonight, sweetheart.
Please let the hurt go. Breathe it out and gone. I'm sorry it happened.
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