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Class of April 2015 Part 8

Old 09-05-2015, 10:42 PM
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Thank you all for the kind words. They mean a lot to me. I actually felt rather relaxed tonight (which I know is a result of the hangover wearing off) but now that I'm getting ready for bed I have some anxiety. Alcohol gives me anxiety. I journaled quite a bit about that over the last year. I just need to take things one day at a time.

Inc, I'm glad that you were able to get that paperwork done - must be a huge weight lifted off your chest. Congratulations! I'm glad everyone else seems to be well. You guys are awesome. I'm inspired by your strength and am honored to be your class member.
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Old 09-06-2015, 12:32 AM
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Hey Kim,
There's not much I can say that you don't already know or that others haven't said already. Just glad you're straight back here. You know where we are for whatever you need. Sending you much positivity!

Inc! Well done on the paperwork. You're going to feel so much better when you get all this behind you
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Old 09-06-2015, 05:47 AM
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Hi all,
Thanks for coming straight back Kim. One day at a time and just try to play the tape forward when things get tough. No regrets, just live today.

IC - awesome on the bankruptcy progress! I am sure you will feel like it's a weight lifted. I always used to put things off when I was drinking. I won't pretend I am perfect but I can promise that I am much better

Have a great Sunday!

Best wishes
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Angie247 View Post
I just watched this and it has helped so much.

Great video Angie!

Thanks for posting. No excuses for us now

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Old 09-06-2015, 06:34 AM
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Good morning.

Kim...thank you for staying in April. We're all in this together. We need you as much as you need us. ((Kim))

SG...That is amazing. Science is amazing. There's no doubt in my mind they'll find a cure. The funny thing is...I am sooo disgusted with what alcohol has done to me, and sooo sick of how it made me feel, I don't think I would drink even if I was promised I would never "want" or "need" a drink again.

It's simply has done too much to me. I've allowed it to do too much. Gave it too much power. Maybe the disgust will fade over time. But I am done.

I consider myself very lucky. Many still wish they could drink, or miss it. I'm lucky. I have have too much hatred. It's sad that I had to let it completely turn my life upside down first. But I guess that's how it had to go.
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Old 09-06-2015, 07:54 AM
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I agree Inc! For the first two months, I was both angry and depressed with the feeling that everybody else can drink but I can't. The thought of being able to drink moderately would have been a gift from heaven. Now, four plus months of not drinking later, I can honestly say that I no longer would consider drinking again, even if I "safely" could. Like you said, it has done too much damage over our lives.

Why open those wounds again?

On the other hand, it is fascinating to see that science is zeroing in on the causes of alcoholism and might one day help people much earlier in their lives than when we finally saw the light.
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:20 AM
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Thank you all for the support. Waking up without a hangover was amazing. We may head out for a hike today. Hope you all have a great day!
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:36 AM
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Ahhh...it's official. I pulled everything together for bankruptcy. Huge relief. Can't wait until I make the call to set an appointment. Can't wait until debtors are notified so I don't get anxious every time my phone rings.

One small step for mankind, I huge step for man.

The cool part is....
This would have triggered the need for a drink a month or two after I quit. Celebrating was one of the hardest triggers to overcome. I was always looking for some way else to celebrate. Instead, it turns out all I need to do is relish in the moment.
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Old 09-06-2015, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Incontrol15 View Post
Ahhh...it's official. I pulled everything together for bankruptcy. Huge relief. Can't wait until I make the call to set an appointment. Can't wait until debtors are notified so I don't get anxious every time my phone rings.

One small step for mankind, I huge step for man.

The cool part is....
This would have triggered the need for a drink a month or two after I quit. Celebrating was one of the hardest triggers to overcome. I was always looking for some way else to celebrate. Instead, it turns out all I need to do is relish in the moment.
Fantastic news! A major accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself today.

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Old 09-06-2015, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Incontrol15 View Post
Ahhh...it's official. I pulled everything together for bankruptcy. Huge relief. Can't wait until I make the call to set an appointment. Can't wait until debtors are notified so I don't get anxious every time my phone rings.

One small step for mankind, I huge step for man.

The cool part is....
This would have triggered the need for a drink a month or two after I quit. Celebrating was one of the hardest triggers to overcome. I was always looking for some way else to celebrate. Instead, it turns out all I need to do is relish in the moment.
Good going, mate! You're coming along in leaps and bounds!!
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Old 09-06-2015, 01:43 PM
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That's so awesome, incontrol! I filed for bankruptcy a few years back and it was a huge relief to get it done. The time in front of the judge took hardly no time at all and was a piece of cake. Very happy for you!
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Old 09-06-2015, 02:13 PM
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At a country club for a gathering. Huge beautiful bar. Huge wine bar too. First time I wanted to belly up in a while. Feeling good now. Was a shock at first.
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:34 PM
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Glad you got through the paperwork and the country club IC

D
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Old 09-06-2015, 08:18 PM
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Made it through the event without issue. Didn't crave as much as I missed being able to belly up to a sweet bar and get drunk. Just for a bit. I looked at the bar, saw all the money they were making (again...really nice place), and thought about all the money I wasted in places like that.

I never even worried about how much they charged for drinks. Never asked how much a Long Island iced tea was, or a double run and coke, just kept ordering.

The dinner held was to celebrate somebody's life who had died a month ago. Dinner was provided and they had an open bar. When that was announced, made me thankful I wasn't drinking. I would have a 2hr drive home drunk on a holiday weekend.

I entertained myself by watching everyone else drink. The couple next to me went through 3 beers in the time it took the rest to drink 1 glass of wine. There was one guy though....had a couple glasses of wine. We went back to his house real quick before driving back. He proceeded to make a mixed drink and offered to me. I kindly said no, I'm driving. I noticed he was working off a half gallon. Was almost empty.

I don't know if he had a problem or not. But nowadays anytime I see somebody with a half gallon of booze, I automatically think they do. No "normal" drinker would want or need that much.

Anyway...I was in shock at first. I should have prepared myself a little more. But was an easy win for me.

Days over. +1
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:09 PM
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"I don't know if he had a problem or not. But nowadays anytime I see somebody with a half gallon of booze, I automatically think they do. No "normal" drinker would want or need that much. "

I never really thought of it that way. I just got tired of going to the store all the time. The last time I was drinking double rum and cokes at a bar was at Logan airport in Boston, waiting for a flight out. I think I dropped fifty or sixty bucks including the tip. I could buy a half gallon of Calico Jack for the price of a bar drink.

Not our problem now.
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:26 PM
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Remember me. I'm back yet again. Will probably join a new class. Each time I quit quitting I drink more and more. The trajectory is clear. On Saturday I basically drank 3 bottles of wine, a new low for me.

Must say I'm a little jealous of all of your success. Keep on keeping on.
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:27 PM
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I don't know if it's just me or not, but it seems like I now can pick the problem drinkers out almost immediately when out socially. Who is quietly pounding drinks off in the corner, who is sneaking shots at the bar while grabbing drinks for their friends back at their table, who is finishing someone else's drink before leaving. It's the air of desperation that surrounds the problem drinker, who is always worried that he won't be able to get his drinking in while still trying to keep up appearances to the normalies around him.
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Old 09-06-2015, 10:15 PM
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Hey Midton, welcome back! I am glad you are here. We've got a great group of supportive folks and would love to have you a part of it. Don't let the AV plant thoughts of jealousy in your mind. I have struggled a lot over the past two months. Drank three times in the last month in a useless attempt to "self medicate" the negative feelings I was having. When I have to come back and post about my slip I always feel sheepish, but I know I could not achieve my goal of a sober life without these folks. I hope you stick around

Inc and Stargazer, I too feel like I can pick the problem-drinker out of the bunch. I'm glad I never have to have the anxiety surrounding worrying where/when my next drink will come. Yuck. I don't miss that.

I went on a three hour hike with my parents today. Got pretty cranky and bummed out in the middle of it - was tired of hiking! But snapped out of it eventually (like when the hike ended!) and had a relaxing evening. Hope you all are well.
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Old 09-06-2015, 10:33 PM
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Thanks Swim, maybe I'll hang around here too.

Over the last 2 months I've noticed something's in myself, that I'd read about, that scared me.

One was out drinking with 2 friends. One left for the train and the other, a light drinker, wanted to stay out longer. I told him I was drunk and had to go. In reality I just went to another bar myself. And another is the ever-increasing consumption over the years. Two weeks ago I almost got involved with a married woman and would have if we could have found a place. I've been married almost 20 years to a beautiful and truly wonderful woman, whom I love. I also have kids. The next morning I was aghast but it took her until the middle of the next week to stop texting me. My behaviour is becoming risky tinged with craziness.

It simply has to stop.
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Old 09-07-2015, 12:04 AM
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Hi Midton, it's really nice to hear from you. I hope you decide to stick around in this group as well as any others you join. I think those of us who are still going feel very sad when we see others fall by the way side but, at least in my case, I'm very clear on the fact that the only person who can help the alcoholic is the alcoholic. Everyone else can support but the drive must come from the inside. You need to be ready to never do it again.

That's one reason why I'm so glad to see you back. It's good to see that the fact that someone gets knocked does not mean that they won't get back up again.

I was reading an article that said that associations like AA have only a 5% success rate over the first year, but I don't think that that means that only 5% of people get out, I think it probably shows that it takes most people a lot of tries and it's easy to get knocked back.

So...the main thing is that you're here, right? All the best of luck to you! Don't be a stranger!!!

On another note, spotting problem drinkers? Yep. I can see them a mile off now. Not the case while I was drinking (I was in denial so being around other big drinker helped me think I was "normal"). Also, while many of my normie friends weren't that surprised when I gave up, a lot were, meaning that I must have carried off the " looking normal" thing to a certain degree. I guess it's only when you're here on the other side that you become really sensitive to other problem drinkers. Takes one to know one, I guess!

Anyway, hope you all have a great day!
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