Class of April 2015 Part 8
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by Incontrol15 
Peanut butter turns any frown upside down.
PB on an English muffin is my fave
PB on an English muffin is my fave
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by stargazer016
Have a great Wednesday everyone! It's my daughter's 10th birthday today and the first one that I will be sober for. I am probably more excited than she is!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
I had such a good day yesterday, and it was just a regular ordinary day. I had such a good sleep too, I'm not sure if it was the tylenol I took before bed for my achy bones, or the fact that I had a good day. Keep your chin up folks, if your going through a rough patch as some are. Just know that a good day is just around the corner!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Thanks Cauliflower. I've been a bit absent from the group recently because I'm a little negative at the moment and it seems like I only check in to vent about stuff. I was thinking about what you said about the moment that changed our lives. I don't know what made that moment THE moment but I know I wouldn't have made it without the support on here and a couple of lucky escapes (about to pour that drink and the phone rang, etc).
I also know that the moment has to come from within and that anyone can do it (though you have to want it more than anything). How do you make yourself want something that badly? We did it but I can't tell you how or why it worked.
The battle continues but the savage first onslaught has become a more entrenched long term venture with long periods of quiet coupled with danger when you least expect it (or sometimes do but can't avoid it). I think most of us still here will admit that the good vastly outweighs the bad.
I have learned that that moment when you say f**k it and give in to the first drink is the moment when you devalue yourself. You're really saying "I don't care about me or what happens to me or those around me". I think about that when I think about saying f**k it and I put the monster back in its box and walk away.
All respect and strength to you fellow travellers. 5 months coming soon or already been and gone for some. It's a real proper start! Let's keep it rolling!!!
I also know that the moment has to come from within and that anyone can do it (though you have to want it more than anything). How do you make yourself want something that badly? We did it but I can't tell you how or why it worked.
The battle continues but the savage first onslaught has become a more entrenched long term venture with long periods of quiet coupled with danger when you least expect it (or sometimes do but can't avoid it). I think most of us still here will admit that the good vastly outweighs the bad.
I have learned that that moment when you say f**k it and give in to the first drink is the moment when you devalue yourself. You're really saying "I don't care about me or what happens to me or those around me". I think about that when I think about saying f**k it and I put the monster back in its box and walk away.
All respect and strength to you fellow travellers. 5 months coming soon or already been and gone for some. It's a real proper start! Let's keep it rolling!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Amp, I totally get what you are saying. I choose not to de-value myself anymore. The other day my darling husband made a major faux pas. He scheduled a rather important AGM on our even more important, been looking forward too and talking about all year long, 10 year wedding anniversary! GRRRR. I was so upset and when I pointed out the date, he was like, oh shoot. And that was it. I withdrew from him for days, I was so angry at his lack of Feeling! But, I didn't drink. It actually made me realize that in the past, I would have drank up a storm in anger. I looked him across the dinner table the other night, imagining myself lopping his ear off with my steak knife, and thinking I used to "drink at you!". I have since cooled off, but yes, I used to drink at him, when in fact, I was devaluing myself. I have to take each day, each incident as it comes, and learn to deal with it. We are re-learning our coping skills and I sure hope one day it all clicks into place because some days are hard!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Hi all,
Fact is guys, we're all doing amazingly. Life is not a beach and will never be, so that's that. What we are doing is finding a better way to live, and that is what we all have to hold onto when it gets tough. That decision. Why we made it is ultimately personal. For me it was a realisation that it was now or never, that I was missing out on my kids and my family and many other things. And I was deeply ashamed. So something snapped. And the reason it's all worth it no matter how tough it gets is because you get to have days like being sober on your daughter's birthday. That is choosing life. And nothing will ever trump that.
The only wrinkle in our decision to choose life is that we have all been in many situations where we have for many years drunk for all the wrong reasons and caused all sorts of problems. So we are still used to that form of escaping or problem solving in our lives. But, when a tough day comes if we remind ourselves that if we had never had a drink we wouldn't think of alcohol to solve a problem, then we are already in a fundamentally better place. Bottom line, drinking never solved anything for us so why should it now? We don't need that sh&t anymore, and never did. We've been conned and paid our dues. Now let's choose to keep on living guys, through the rough and the smooth.
Best wishes
OMD
Fact is guys, we're all doing amazingly. Life is not a beach and will never be, so that's that. What we are doing is finding a better way to live, and that is what we all have to hold onto when it gets tough. That decision. Why we made it is ultimately personal. For me it was a realisation that it was now or never, that I was missing out on my kids and my family and many other things. And I was deeply ashamed. So something snapped. And the reason it's all worth it no matter how tough it gets is because you get to have days like being sober on your daughter's birthday. That is choosing life. And nothing will ever trump that.
The only wrinkle in our decision to choose life is that we have all been in many situations where we have for many years drunk for all the wrong reasons and caused all sorts of problems. So we are still used to that form of escaping or problem solving in our lives. But, when a tough day comes if we remind ourselves that if we had never had a drink we wouldn't think of alcohol to solve a problem, then we are already in a fundamentally better place. Bottom line, drinking never solved anything for us so why should it now? We don't need that sh&t anymore, and never did. We've been conned and paid our dues. Now let's choose to keep on living guys, through the rough and the smooth.
Best wishes
OMD
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Ah yeah...I'm riding in a van heading off to a location 2.5hrs away for my PT job. We're going to a town that I used to have to visit frequently as a District Manager. I just realized how many times I would go and spend the night there. Not that i couldn't handle the drive back after a long days work. Any store that was that far, I was allowed to get a room.
I would jump in that frequently because that meant I could do what ever I wanted to do. And you guessed it, that meant eating out, drinking a lot, and playing poker online. I would go up the night before so I could be in the store at 7am.
Of course I would end up rolling in at 8:30 or 9 tired as hell.
It's no wonder I got fired from there. If they only knew the antics I pulled, I would have gotten fired years ago.
I would jump in that frequently because that meant I could do what ever I wanted to do. And you guessed it, that meant eating out, drinking a lot, and playing poker online. I would go up the night before so I could be in the store at 7am.
Of course I would end up rolling in at 8:30 or 9 tired as hell.
It's no wonder I got fired from there. If they only knew the antics I pulled, I would have gotten fired years ago.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I'm working in a Petsmart right behind one of my favorite watering holes. It's a steak place called Texas Lone Star. I'd always order a Long Island Iced Tea, then a steak. My first LIT would be long gone before the meal arrived. I'd have #2 with my meal, then #3 after. I liked it there because they made the drinks right with 5 shots per drink. I would have a minimum of 15 shots with that meal!!!
There were plenty of times when I would do that, then drive home for 2.5hrs. I would often pit stop along the way at small bars to keep the buzz going.
Truly unreal. I didn't think I had a problem. I just like drinking. Plain and simple. I was probably feeling bad and going through WD's when I wasn't drinking back then, but I didn't recognize it.
So glad to be free. It's sad to step back in time. A time full of "if only". If only I realized how bad my problem was then.
Oh well. I had to experience what I experienced I. Order to quit.
There were plenty of times when I would do that, then drive home for 2.5hrs. I would often pit stop along the way at small bars to keep the buzz going.
Truly unreal. I didn't think I had a problem. I just like drinking. Plain and simple. I was probably feeling bad and going through WD's when I wasn't drinking back then, but I didn't recognize it.
So glad to be free. It's sad to step back in time. A time full of "if only". If only I realized how bad my problem was then.
Oh well. I had to experience what I experienced I. Order to quit.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Just too many memories like that, aren't there, Inc?
I woke up this morning with a headache and sour taste in my mouth (which has faded now so think it'll be OK) and my mind suddenly jumped into "checklist mode". It must have felt like a red wine hangover headache because I automatically started thinking in a space of about a second:
A)how many glasses/bottles
B)What else did I drink before?
C)Who was I with?
D)Did anything bad or embarrassing happen?
E)where did I leave the empties?
When the answers came back in and I realized I was sober and hangover-free, the relief was palpable!
Very glad to be where I am just now!!!
I woke up this morning with a headache and sour taste in my mouth (which has faded now so think it'll be OK) and my mind suddenly jumped into "checklist mode". It must have felt like a red wine hangover headache because I automatically started thinking in a space of about a second:
A)how many glasses/bottles
B)What else did I drink before?
C)Who was I with?
D)Did anything bad or embarrassing happen?
E)where did I leave the empties?
When the answers came back in and I realized I was sober and hangover-free, the relief was palpable!
Very glad to be where I am just now!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Hi. I've been AWOL for a while. I posted a while back but I don't think it went through. Summer has been better. I didn't get done anywhere near what I was hoping to, but I did far more than I was doing before. Warm weather, even the 95 degree days treat me very well. I simply don't feel it. If I'm not dehydrated by booze the high heat is fantastic. I am well hydrated. I've had many day 1's and I won't give up, won't let it bother me.
I got on a mix of meds that seems to work pretty well. Not perfect, but I think the days of having a perfect med for my depression are over. I'll have to deal with being a bit amped up and some side effects. I am really happy to simply not be incredibly depressed and feeling horrible every day. It's like winning the lottery. Prozac+Wellbutrin is a winning combination. I dropped my benzo, (valium like) drug entirely.
I also had a miracle occur by finding the most awesome therapist in the entire world. It was utter luck, or divine intervention. My sister came after me for not having a regular therapist. So I went on Google and typed in 'therapist.' The results came up with Pysochology Today's listings of people in the area. I looked at it for a couple of minutes and clicked on this guy's profile. His little write-up about how he works and cares, struck a nerve. I scrolled down and looked at Insurance Accepted. State insurance was on there. I was ready to pay $$$, because no one worth dirt takes it for therapy. So I pressed the Call Now button on the page on my phone. I was in his office 5 days later. 100% covered, as much as I need to go. So I go every week for a full 60 minutes. The dude has been a godsend. I've never had a therapist like this in the 25 years of my issues. He's kind of New Age-y. I'm sure he meditates and all of that. I start the session by taking eucalyptus oil and rubbing it between my hands and putting my hands over my nose and inhaling for 1 minute. Clears my head and brings me right into the space. Present, in the moment, not off somewhere else like I always am. It's changing me. My last session was cathartic. He doesn't want to hear about daily activities, or this happened or that. He doesn't focus on alcohol. He just goes straight for my pain. That's the cause of my anger, regret, my outbursts, not taking responsibility, all of it. I just feel worthless and I'm in a lot of pain. He's cracking through it. I'll tell ya, it's not comfortable at all. I like it though. He's making me 'feel' things instead of just blocking them out. There is a therapy dog in the office with us. She's awesome. And he has all kinds of toys, a baseball bat, punching bag, etc. Pretty nice to yell and take that bat to the punching bag. Takes the **** and vinegar right out of ya.
The apartment is much better. I got more things out of here. It feels ok in here, but I still want to leave. End of Season clearance sale at Eastern Mountain Sports was good. I got a bunch of excellent gear.
I'm mobilizing! There's more, but I'm getting really sleepy and it's late.
I'll be back.
I got on a mix of meds that seems to work pretty well. Not perfect, but I think the days of having a perfect med for my depression are over. I'll have to deal with being a bit amped up and some side effects. I am really happy to simply not be incredibly depressed and feeling horrible every day. It's like winning the lottery. Prozac+Wellbutrin is a winning combination. I dropped my benzo, (valium like) drug entirely.
I also had a miracle occur by finding the most awesome therapist in the entire world. It was utter luck, or divine intervention. My sister came after me for not having a regular therapist. So I went on Google and typed in 'therapist.' The results came up with Pysochology Today's listings of people in the area. I looked at it for a couple of minutes and clicked on this guy's profile. His little write-up about how he works and cares, struck a nerve. I scrolled down and looked at Insurance Accepted. State insurance was on there. I was ready to pay $$$, because no one worth dirt takes it for therapy. So I pressed the Call Now button on the page on my phone. I was in his office 5 days later. 100% covered, as much as I need to go. So I go every week for a full 60 minutes. The dude has been a godsend. I've never had a therapist like this in the 25 years of my issues. He's kind of New Age-y. I'm sure he meditates and all of that. I start the session by taking eucalyptus oil and rubbing it between my hands and putting my hands over my nose and inhaling for 1 minute. Clears my head and brings me right into the space. Present, in the moment, not off somewhere else like I always am. It's changing me. My last session was cathartic. He doesn't want to hear about daily activities, or this happened or that. He doesn't focus on alcohol. He just goes straight for my pain. That's the cause of my anger, regret, my outbursts, not taking responsibility, all of it. I just feel worthless and I'm in a lot of pain. He's cracking through it. I'll tell ya, it's not comfortable at all. I like it though. He's making me 'feel' things instead of just blocking them out. There is a therapy dog in the office with us. She's awesome. And he has all kinds of toys, a baseball bat, punching bag, etc. Pretty nice to yell and take that bat to the punching bag. Takes the **** and vinegar right out of ya.
The apartment is much better. I got more things out of here. It feels ok in here, but I still want to leave. End of Season clearance sale at Eastern Mountain Sports was good. I got a bunch of excellent gear.
I'm mobilizing! There's more, but I'm getting really sleepy and it's late.
I'll be back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Johnny!!!
Lots of good things happening for you. That's awesome buddy.
You inspired me to seek out a new therapist. I stopped going because the guy I was seeing was a wack-a-do. Half of each session was covering things he said last time. I don't have any health insurance, the place I went to was free for me. So needless to say, he's busy.
Keep on trucking!
Lots of good things happening for you. That's awesome buddy.
You inspired me to seek out a new therapist. I stopped going because the guy I was seeing was a wack-a-do. Half of each session was covering things he said last time. I don't have any health insurance, the place I went to was free for me. So needless to say, he's busy.
Keep on trucking!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
[QUOTE=OMD;5560067]Hi all,
Why we made it is ultimately personal. For me it was a realisation that it was now or never, that I was missing out on my kids and my family and many other things. And I was deeply ashamed. So something snapped.
OMD, this describes me and my thought process perfectly!
Why we made it is ultimately personal. For me it was a realisation that it was now or never, that I was missing out on my kids and my family and many other things. And I was deeply ashamed. So something snapped.
OMD, this describes me and my thought process perfectly!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
[QUOTE=Incontrol15;5560437]I'm working in a Petsmart right behind one of my favorite watering holes. It's a steak place called Texas Lone Star. I'd always order a Long Island Iced Tea, then a steak. My first LIT would be long gone before the meal arrived. I'd have #2 with my meal, then #3 after. I liked it there because they made the drinks right with 5 shots per drink. I would have a minimum of 15 shots with that meal!!!
You must have been like me, chewing antacids by the handfuls. My stomach was torn up from all the alcohol but it didn't stop me! Crazy none of us here didn't kill themselves or even someone else with our stellar drinking behavior. I am not an overly religious person by any means, but it almost seems like divine intervention kept us alive to live another day at times.
You must have been like me, chewing antacids by the handfuls. My stomach was torn up from all the alcohol but it didn't stop me! Crazy none of us here didn't kill themselves or even someone else with our stellar drinking behavior. I am not an overly religious person by any means, but it almost seems like divine intervention kept us alive to live another day at times.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Originally Posted by amp123
Just too many memories like that, aren't there, Inc?
I woke up this morning with a headache and sour taste in my mouth (which has faded now so think it'll be OK) and my mind suddenly jumped into "checklist mode". It must have felt like a red wine hangover headache because I automatically started thinking in a space of about a second:
A)how many glasses/bottles
B)What else did I drink before?
C)Who was I with?
D)Did anything bad or embarrassing happen?
E)where did I leave the empties?
When the answers came back in and I realized I was sober and hangover-free, the relief was palpable!
Very glad to be where I am just now!!!
I woke up this morning with a headache and sour taste in my mouth (which has faded now so think it'll be OK) and my mind suddenly jumped into "checklist mode". It must have felt like a red wine hangover headache because I automatically started thinking in a space of about a second:
A)how many glasses/bottles
B)What else did I drink before?
C)Who was I with?
D)Did anything bad or embarrassing happen?
E)where did I leave the empties?
When the answers came back in and I realized I was sober and hangover-free, the relief was palpable!
Very glad to be where I am just now!!!
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