Soberwolf

Yes I was really happy they fixed it in 2h

Goodnight Julyers

Croissant

That's good news about your little girl, Ladybug. Maybe she's getting into being the eldest "grown up" girl.

I'm glad you are enjoying being sober a bit more in your post. And hey, you aren't alone, remember we are all here doing sober weekends! Hehe. I actually can't believe how much I enjoy being sober now, so yes, you can break the cycle of hearing the pesky AV in your head! Or rather, just not bother so much with giving it more air time than it needs.

I found some old CDs in my clean out last weekend and was playing Burt Bacharach songs on the way to work yesterday. All those sentimental old songs. And stopped at the lights I thought of Snooz, and hoped she's ok. Facing our demons head on to break out of the chains we are locked in is so hard. I really felt for her and started to cry a bit. I think only another alcoholic can understand all the mental anguish we go through, the realisation of how gripped we become in this disease.

I'm so glad that darkness has gone. And the acceptance has come that it will be right back with me in a heartbeat if I ever drink again. Honestly Ladybug, I never thought I would feel like that - completely and honestly accept that I couldn't romanticise drinking anymore, but I have reached that place where I feel at peace with that. And If I can feel it, then it's definitely possible for you too, I'm sure!

Leshar

Wonderful post, thanks, Croissant.
I'm pretty immobilized here still. I guess I was ok with Rod around because he was a friend, a companion, we did fun things together, I laughed. And the attention was very satisfying. I don't do well on my own. I've done them but it's not the same. I get sad and mournful and envious when I see happy friends, or couples.
People like me are/ were very hard to treat!
When I was hi hospital, my brother and his wife very kindly suggested that I move from Ontario to Alberta to live with them. You know, I'm actually giving it some. Thought. I'm tired living alone. Who know if the offer may still be there, but I want to sell his house at least. It's become like a prison to me.
I don't know, I've been foolishly chasing men since Larry died and look howwell that turned out. The desire to be special to someone, it's enticing, but I think it's a time for a change from my current living arrangements. Sorry for the ramble!

Dee74

Y'know it might not be a bad idea, Leshar.

Would you have a 'granny flat' type deal? own entrance and stuff? or would you actually live with them?

I don;t agree you've been foolishly chasing men, either. Rod didn't work out because he wasn't the right guy for you.

Leshar

Thank you for the wonderful support, as ever, Dee!
Im interested that you think moving in with my brother and his wife mightn't be a bad idea. I have no idea what the living arrangements would be.
Thanks for making me feel better about not being a "man chaser" !
Have a great weekend!

Dee74

I just know from my experience when I was depressed I did better living with people than on my own. Less time to ponder 'stuff'.

Obviously there's a whole lot of other things to consider too - independence, privacy, moving...but if you're excited by the idea I think it's worth pursuing a little more

D

resolute50

This speaks volumes, Crois.
Well said. I honestly think we are on the same path with this.
When I worked the Field Day last weekend there was temptation everywhere.
But, my fear of falling back down the rabbit hole kept me from any thoughts of partaking. Oddly enough I felt responsible, grown up and in charge. Now I take pride in saying" I don't drink".

resolute50

Other things I've noticed.
I seem to be excelling at my new job. Things seem to be easy to understand and I remember everything I learn. Trust me, this is not bragging. Just being aware of being aware. It's as though my thought processes are on the fast track.
Like my brain has been defragged. lol

One of the reasons I'm loving sobriety.

Croissant

Oh God, Leshar, you aren't a man-chaser. Boy, you've been through a lot and you dipped your toe back in the water. I think you need to give yourself a lot of credit (and confidence) in the fact you DIDN'T drink and haven't drunk afterwards. That is huge.

I agree with Dee on all counts with this moving thing. I think as we get older we are particular and need our own space and privacy (and quiet!). But if you think living near your brother (or with), could be an option....even if it's a try it and see scenario?

I cannot even imagine what mixed feelings must go through your mind to sell your home that you shared with Larry. I know you said there were still many things to go through of his (I think) a while back. If you are ready, then even just beginning that process again might be a start?

My whole life has been packed up in storage for the past year, and it's not the worst thing I've ever done! It's quite liberating! You could always just pack it up and do something interim for 6 months until you are sure you want to sell the house. Perhaps rent it out?

You really have lots of options, I'd love to see you feel a bit relieved of feeling so isolated. A little step to give you confidence, and more will come,

Croissant

Haha....I must have been preparing my essay of a post, when you posted, Bob.

I agree with both your posts. The clarity of thought, the not looking over your shoulder, hoping someone won't notice you aren't on your game....even in when I was first sober, I still had huge memory probs. Something is clicking and working now. It's really great.

Croissant

P.s. Leshar...none of your posts are rants or rambles....and who cares....I'd say most of mine fit into that category!

I love seeing you post, vent, get it out!

Soberwolf

Good morning

letitgo

Ladybug2 time flies doesnt it. My daughter started kindergarten this year also. They get a lot of homework already no joke.
Checking in here. Hope everyone has a nice Saturday! I enjoy your posts and thoughts.

Gilmer

Leshar, I think the move to Alberta sounds like a very promising idea. Sometime a change of scene and routine really does a body good--plus, you'd be in the company of a family who loves you. It really encourages me to know that somebody cares.

Soberwolf

Have a great day guys il be bk in a few hours doing some Mrs sw shopping

resolute50

You're not kidding about time flying, I'm teaching my daughter to drive now.lol

Thinking of Wendy.

resolute50

I very much agree with this, Leshar.

Soberwolf

Popping In go say goodnight guys

Ladybug2

Evening all,

Had a nice day today - if was beautiful here and my in-laws & grandma-in-law came over for a cookout. Was a bit cranky earlier though and feeling tired tonight. Still having these mood swings - not sure what they are all about. I wasn't even close to drinking every day so I can't imagine it is withdrawal related?

Anyway, going to bed early tonight. Just wanted to check in and say hello. Hope you are all hsving a wonderful weekend. Been thinking about Snoozy too and looking forward to her return. Xx

Croissant

Ladybug, I think mood swings are natural in the first weeks and months. We still have to deal with stress and emotions with none of our usual crutches. Cut yourself some slack, because you've been battling this a while and just staying away from taking that first drink is your priority.

Just go read some of the threads in the newcomers forum and you can see it's not unusual to be snappy and sensitive early on. Give yourself a break, sweetie. It can be a bit baffling to figure out what on earth has really upset us.xx