One Year and Under Club Part 48
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Welcome Sportsfan and congratulations on 2 weeks. Like you I hid my problem well enough that most people just thought I drank a lot at weekends and get togethers. I found SR and knew that I had found somewhere I could be honest and get the support I needed. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't enough, I had to own my alcoholism and open up to my husband, otherwise I had no reason other than myself to be accountable. And AV could talk me around. Since I did that I have the face to face loving support I need and the understanding that only another addict can give.
Congratulations BLueFairy, and animals totally pick up on drunkeness, I believe it is because we can become erratic and clumsy over emotional ( hugging or shouting!) it can make some animals nervous around those smelling of alcohol. I totally feel my Molly is more settled at nights around me now I don't drink.
Have a good week all you Undies and keep on Keeping on. I am always reading and supporting so please feel free to PM me for anything. Xx
Congratulations BLueFairy, and animals totally pick up on drunkeness, I believe it is because we can become erratic and clumsy over emotional ( hugging or shouting!) it can make some animals nervous around those smelling of alcohol. I totally feel my Molly is more settled at nights around me now I don't drink.
Have a good week all you Undies and keep on Keeping on. I am always reading and supporting so please feel free to PM me for anything. Xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Originally Posted by gleefan 
WWS - How are you meeting those cravings? Booze had hold over my body and brain for a long time and it didn't go away without a fight. Today the obsession is gone. I attribute it to not just stopping drinking, but working every day on changing the thoughts and behaviors underlying it. I hope you're feeling more comfortable now!
I do feel much better today than yesterday. Thanks everybody for all of your support here!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Glad you're feeling better WWS. As I shared on the Overs, depression has been creeping in for me. Part of it may be the time of year - it's colder and getting dark earlier, and my kids are busy this time of year.
I've come to realize since getting sober that my own rigor in taking care of myself plays a significant role in my motivation and happiness.
Who knew that how I felt wasn't someone else's responsibility? Not this alcoholic! I'm taking active steps to feel well in spite of the cold dark weather and busy youth sport & homework schedule. I woke up a half hour early to take a walk this morning. I packed healthy food for work. It's a small step but exercise and eating right play a huge role for me in energy and motivation. I made a mental list of my gratitude list this morning on the drive to work. Staying in the now is a powerful tool.
I've come to realize since getting sober that my own rigor in taking care of myself plays a significant role in my motivation and happiness.
Who knew that how I felt wasn't someone else's responsibility? Not this alcoholic! I'm taking active steps to feel well in spite of the cold dark weather and busy youth sport & homework schedule. I woke up a half hour early to take a walk this morning. I packed healthy food for work. It's a small step but exercise and eating right play a huge role for me in energy and motivation. I made a mental list of my gratitude list this morning on the drive to work. Staying in the now is a powerful tool.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Originally Posted by BlueFairy
I know exactly what you mean. One of my girls would hang with me when I was at my lowest in my worst depression. I would call her my 'death' kitty like those cats at retirement homes who hang with the people who are about to die. she has in the last few years really started spraying around the house and now she just sees me as someone who yells at her a lot unfortunately. I need to realyl try to figure her out. this is what I mean when I say I've neglected things when I was drinking. I usually am able to Jackson Galaxy most of the cats --but why she sprays and how to stop her I haven't really figured out. I honestly think I need to spend more time with her and keep putting food in front of places she sprays--that always stops her. She also one to be found in the middle of most cat 'fights'. I do have another that I am extremely close to sleeps with me but that is constant. With Penny--she always knew when I was upset. I gave up volunteering years ago when I decided I had my own 'rescue' and needed to spend time with those I have. I volunteered when I was a kid at our local high kill shelter. Then I stared volunteering as an adult at the same place, another shelter, a TNR organization, and as a vet assistant at the city spay and neuter. Add to all this a husband who is tender hearted who works for a carpet company that frequently will carpet houses and apt. where cats are constantly abandoned and everyone knows you guys are the ones who will bottle feed and take other hopeless cases-- I have over 20 now. But the last few years have really put effort in to say no--direct people to other sources. Many of mine are seniors from the days I volunteered at the high kill shelters so are #'s are bound to be down in the next 5 years or so--a lot of heartbreak but they are worth it every one!
Thanks for your care of the kitties! And best to you with sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hello,
Just checking n to stay accountable and say hi to everyone. Loving the milestones from two weeks to ninety days to ten months.
I can't seem to shake this fatigue but am otherwise doing well on a conscious level. I am noticing that I am not thinking about drinking at all some days - if that makes sense.
On another level I am anxious still that this is all a guerrilla tactic by my AV to lower my guard so it can pounce and get me.
Home life is evidently better and business is improving - undoubtedly due to me being more present and balanced.
Challenges will emerge in a few weeks from now when my in laws will move permanently nearby, followed by visits from my mother, then long lost brother from overseas. All are huge triggers previoulsy resulting in heavier than normal drinking. I feel ready to face this but am not looking forward to it.
I'm also petrified of relapsing and the consequences if I do. Even though I know I sm in control and nothing can make me pick up a drink if I don't wish to ( which - just for the sake of typing it out - I do not wish to do)
I think I need to get some extra help lined up and have been considering AA or counseling.
I'm not keen on the idea of AA as I don't have any religious beliefs whatsoever and it will be also be practically difficult for me to make any meetings on a regular basis ( I have checked out venues etc).
Counseling is more of an option but expensive and seems to me to be an unjustifiable luxury to explain to Mrs Fradley when cash is currently so tight.
To put the latter in context we could have three nights away on a farm with the kids fir the same price as two hours counseling.
And boy do we need a little holiday !
That said, I feel if I don't get help in some form, I may fall and never get up again, losing everything.
So in one sense I am totally sorted , 120 days sober and a much better man for it...
... But simultaneously I am still edging along a cliff trying not to look down, unsure of when the path may become safer.
SR is all I have ( and I am truly grateful to all of you for keeping me safe and true ) , but...
... But what ?
Am I paranoid and overthinking this? Or wisely preparing for a struggle?
Stay well everyone and thanks for listening
Fradley
Just checking n to stay accountable and say hi to everyone. Loving the milestones from two weeks to ninety days to ten months.
I can't seem to shake this fatigue but am otherwise doing well on a conscious level. I am noticing that I am not thinking about drinking at all some days - if that makes sense.
On another level I am anxious still that this is all a guerrilla tactic by my AV to lower my guard so it can pounce and get me.
Home life is evidently better and business is improving - undoubtedly due to me being more present and balanced.
Challenges will emerge in a few weeks from now when my in laws will move permanently nearby, followed by visits from my mother, then long lost brother from overseas. All are huge triggers previoulsy resulting in heavier than normal drinking. I feel ready to face this but am not looking forward to it.
I'm also petrified of relapsing and the consequences if I do. Even though I know I sm in control and nothing can make me pick up a drink if I don't wish to ( which - just for the sake of typing it out - I do not wish to do)
I think I need to get some extra help lined up and have been considering AA or counseling.
I'm not keen on the idea of AA as I don't have any religious beliefs whatsoever and it will be also be practically difficult for me to make any meetings on a regular basis ( I have checked out venues etc).
Counseling is more of an option but expensive and seems to me to be an unjustifiable luxury to explain to Mrs Fradley when cash is currently so tight.
To put the latter in context we could have three nights away on a farm with the kids fir the same price as two hours counseling.
And boy do we need a little holiday !
That said, I feel if I don't get help in some form, I may fall and never get up again, losing everything.
So in one sense I am totally sorted , 120 days sober and a much better man for it...
... But simultaneously I am still edging along a cliff trying not to look down, unsure of when the path may become safer.
SR is all I have ( and I am truly grateful to all of you for keeping me safe and true ) , but...
... But what ?
Am I paranoid and overthinking this? Or wisely preparing for a struggle?
Stay well everyone and thanks for listening
Fradley
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Fradley, IMHO you aren't overthinking this. You have worked hard to get here and knowing challenges are coming up is good to plan for. I have been to AA and although I don't push it, it did help me at difficult times. I am not religious but many AA members these days are not either. One of the good things is getting phone numbers from other AA members so you have people you can call in the event you are having a difficult time. There are also other non-religious groups though I don't know what's available in your area. Also, sometimes group counseling can be much less expensive.
Why don't you at least come here to post, vent and get more feedback for awhile?
Why don't you at least come here to post, vent and get more feedback for awhile?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hey Fradley,
I am in a bit of a rush but wanted to throw my 2 cents in on AA and religion. I have been very active in AA for the past 28 months. In fact, AA not only saved my life, but has shown me a life worth living.
AA can have as much or as little to do with religion as you want it to. Some say that it is not a religious base, but spiritually based. I tend to agree with that.
When I went to my first mtg this time around I was pretty broken down. The past had seen me reject AA for a variety of reasons...including for what I perceived as religion. I had one goal in attending that first meeting...and I use that same practice today. I no longer look for reasons that AA doesn't fit, I simply focus only on the aspects where I do align...and there are many.
I have found a variety of aspects that don't mesh over the 500 plus mtgs I've been to the past 28 months...I simply leave those aspects behind. Take what I need and leave the rest. In more than a few instances I have found aspects left behind at first are key to my current recovery. Assmosis at its finest.
On the subject of religion. AA does suggest a Higher Power...I used the FELLOWSHIP as my first HP. Over time, that HP has evolved and I am yet to be reborn into any religion.
Bottom line, it works just fine without a religion and leaving the few aspects that do not jive with me behind. My life is filled with gratitude, humility, acceptance, looking to give back so I keep the gift of sobriety. Most days are joyous, happy and free from the bondage of self and drink...filled with peace and serenity. I NEVER knew that I could live that way...if fact, didn't even know that way existed until AA showed me the path.
What started with faces to see and numbers to call has evolved into a way of life that is a thousand times better than anything I ever knew previously...and that includes a more than decade stint not drinking, but with no program.
Good luck to you in whatever decision you choose to strengthen your sober journey!
Carlos
I am in a bit of a rush but wanted to throw my 2 cents in on AA and religion. I have been very active in AA for the past 28 months. In fact, AA not only saved my life, but has shown me a life worth living.
AA can have as much or as little to do with religion as you want it to. Some say that it is not a religious base, but spiritually based. I tend to agree with that.
When I went to my first mtg this time around I was pretty broken down. The past had seen me reject AA for a variety of reasons...including for what I perceived as religion. I had one goal in attending that first meeting...and I use that same practice today. I no longer look for reasons that AA doesn't fit, I simply focus only on the aspects where I do align...and there are many.
I have found a variety of aspects that don't mesh over the 500 plus mtgs I've been to the past 28 months...I simply leave those aspects behind. Take what I need and leave the rest. In more than a few instances I have found aspects left behind at first are key to my current recovery. Assmosis at its finest.
On the subject of religion. AA does suggest a Higher Power...I used the FELLOWSHIP as my first HP. Over time, that HP has evolved and I am yet to be reborn into any religion.
Bottom line, it works just fine without a religion and leaving the few aspects that do not jive with me behind. My life is filled with gratitude, humility, acceptance, looking to give back so I keep the gift of sobriety. Most days are joyous, happy and free from the bondage of self and drink...filled with peace and serenity. I NEVER knew that I could live that way...if fact, didn't even know that way existed until AA showed me the path.
What started with faces to see and numbers to call has evolved into a way of life that is a thousand times better than anything I ever knew previously...and that includes a more than decade stint not drinking, but with no program.
Good luck to you in whatever decision you choose to strengthen your sober journey!
Carlos
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Fradley 
I used to freak out a bit about what ifs...in the end, I realised that as long as I don't raise the glass to my lips I'd be ok.
Have the inlaws move close and your family visits may be challenging but you've met challenges before, and bigger ones than this
You have what we all have - the power to stay sober, if we want - and I'm sure you want
D
I used to freak out a bit about what ifs...in the end, I realised that as long as I don't raise the glass to my lips I'd be ok.
Have the inlaws move close and your family visits may be challenging but you've met challenges before, and bigger ones than this
You have what we all have - the power to stay sober, if we want - and I'm sure you want
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Fradley - 120 days sober is a wonderful milestone. Congratulations. People have been known to get antsy around their milestones; if you're feeling antsy, then I think you're wise to reach out.
Like Saskia mentioned, there are lots of options for support for folks in recovery. I'm going to chime in here about my experience in AA. I had a pretty bad image of AA in my head from growing up with an uncle in the program. I also had preconceived ideas that folks were a sad and pathetic lot when I attended a mandatory meeting as part of an accelerated rehab following a DUI a few years prior.
When I went almost 20 months ago, I was scared for my life. Just stopping wasn't enough. I wasn't willing to become a religious fanatic or a Big Book thumper who spouted off platitudes, but I was willing to make some changes in order to stay sober.
I saw people who wanted to stay sober, too. Some folks' shares resonated more than others'; Like Carlos, I took what worked and left behind the rest. Generally speaking, meetings have a way of providing me with exactly the message I need, right when I need it.
I find so much comfort in the camaraderie I have with other alcoholics. Similarly, posting on SR, reading and responding to other alcoholics' triumphs and troubles, having a place that I can rely on, and where others can rely on me, is an important part of my recovery.
Have a good night Undies - BoozeFree, WWS, Sadie, BlueFairy, Amp, and Toots, Saskia and Carlos.
Like Saskia mentioned, there are lots of options for support for folks in recovery. I'm going to chime in here about my experience in AA. I had a pretty bad image of AA in my head from growing up with an uncle in the program. I also had preconceived ideas that folks were a sad and pathetic lot when I attended a mandatory meeting as part of an accelerated rehab following a DUI a few years prior.
When I went almost 20 months ago, I was scared for my life. Just stopping wasn't enough. I wasn't willing to become a religious fanatic or a Big Book thumper who spouted off platitudes, but I was willing to make some changes in order to stay sober.
I saw people who wanted to stay sober, too. Some folks' shares resonated more than others'; Like Carlos, I took what worked and left behind the rest. Generally speaking, meetings have a way of providing me with exactly the message I need, right when I need it.
I find so much comfort in the camaraderie I have with other alcoholics. Similarly, posting on SR, reading and responding to other alcoholics' triumphs and troubles, having a place that I can rely on, and where others can rely on me, is an important part of my recovery.
Have a good night Undies - BoozeFree, WWS, Sadie, BlueFairy, Amp, and Toots, Saskia and Carlos.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Morning unders!
I was involved in another thread and a question was asked that I can't seem to answer or shake, so I wanted to share here...
What brings you immense joy? Do you make time to do this? Do you think you should make this more of a priority?
Singing brought me immense joy. I quit singing a while back. I never drank when I performed. The day alcohol started spilling over into it, it took away my immense pleasure of performing. I am searching why did this happen and can I find something else to bring my joy. Everyone deserves something they do that brings them joy. Something got to me. I was me before I started taking on all these other roles as mom, wife, supervisor, etc. I'm giving this a lot of thought.
Day 78!
I am doing well here. Working on my recovery. Digging deep inside. I think it has made me a bit quiet. I've just not had my normal hyped out personality the last several days. Maybe I've exhausted myself..lol!
Hope everyone is doing well. Some days I'm doing well minding my little cup and my own spoon. Those struggling, hang in there and give yourself a chance! Believe in yourself it does get better! ((Hug))!!
I was involved in another thread and a question was asked that I can't seem to answer or shake, so I wanted to share here...
What brings you immense joy? Do you make time to do this? Do you think you should make this more of a priority?
Singing brought me immense joy. I quit singing a while back. I never drank when I performed. The day alcohol started spilling over into it, it took away my immense pleasure of performing. I am searching why did this happen and can I find something else to bring my joy. Everyone deserves something they do that brings them joy. Something got to me. I was me before I started taking on all these other roles as mom, wife, supervisor, etc. I'm giving this a lot of thought.
Day 78!
I am doing well here. Working on my recovery. Digging deep inside. I think it has made me a bit quiet. I've just not had my normal hyped out personality the last several days. Maybe I've exhausted myself..lol!
Hope everyone is doing well. Some days I'm doing well minding my little cup and my own spoon. Those struggling, hang in there and give yourself a chance! Believe in yourself it does get better! ((Hug))!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Hi Fradley, 120 days is great. I think I have gone through many of the things you have described. I do want to stay sober so bad and I think we all know all of the difficulties in recovery but it is worth it in reclaiming our lives from the scourge of alcohol.
Key what brings me joy? Wow I'm not even sure anymore. This is something I need to think about. Thanks for bring it up.
There were a lot of great posts yesterday! Thanks, I enjoyed reading them. Have a good day everyone!
Key what brings me joy? Wow I'm not even sure anymore. This is something I need to think about. Thanks for bring it up.
There were a lot of great posts yesterday! Thanks, I enjoyed reading them. Have a good day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'd say I chased joy a lot over the years. With friends, travel, career, marriage, parenthood - and eventually alcohol. I was the master and creator who made things happen.
The great paradox of my recovery in AA has been that when I stopped chasing the next great thing, and focused on doing the right things instead, I began to feel joy, along with peace, serenity and freedom.
With that comes clarity. I can be true to myself in a way I was not even capable before. It turns out some stuff I thought I liked, I didn't, and I found some new stuff I enjoyed.
I guess joy, for me, is an ongoing process of gently leaning into happiness rather than rushing at it full throttle, accepting my current circumstances, and feeling grateful for its blessings.
I'm far from able to perfectly adhere to these principles! So long as I keep pointed in that direction, though, I feel a peace, joy and freedom I've never thought possible.
WWS - It's ok that joy isn't on your radar just yet. You are doing all the right things and you are staying sober!!
The great paradox of my recovery in AA has been that when I stopped chasing the next great thing, and focused on doing the right things instead, I began to feel joy, along with peace, serenity and freedom.
With that comes clarity. I can be true to myself in a way I was not even capable before. It turns out some stuff I thought I liked, I didn't, and I found some new stuff I enjoyed.
I guess joy, for me, is an ongoing process of gently leaning into happiness rather than rushing at it full throttle, accepting my current circumstances, and feeling grateful for its blessings.
I'm far from able to perfectly adhere to these principles! So long as I keep pointed in that direction, though, I feel a peace, joy and freedom I've never thought possible.
WWS - It's ok that joy isn't on your radar just yet. You are doing all the right things and you are staying sober!!
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