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One Year and Under Club Part 48

Old 08-31-2015, 04:05 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Saskia,

I'm right with you there.

Facing life sober means I have more time and space to think.

Not so long ago I would have given anything for this freedom. Except the obvious. But now my AV is rumbled and on the run I'm back in charge .

Happy Mondays, Undies!

Last edited by nyala; 08-31-2015 at 04:06 AM. Reason: No need for that comma
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Old 08-31-2015, 06:23 AM
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Afternoon Undies.

Checking in on day 47. Had a good bank holiday weekend so far, good round of golf yesterday (I am slowly improving! ).

Hoping I will finally be back at work soon. My employer has been ignoring me for close to three weeks now since I stated I wanted to return, so not sure what exactly is going on there.

Other than that I have had no real urges, however I am very aware that I must keep up my efforts and not step off the gas in terms of working on my sobriety. Currently reading through the rational recovery literature, which seems to tie in quite nicely with the SMART tools I have been using.

Good sober day all
B
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:59 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Good morning, Undies!

It's quiet here again - I hope that means you are all plugging along in your better sober lives.
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Old 09-01-2015, 07:08 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Plugging along is about right, Saskia. Started back at work yesterday after a full month off so it's all go!

My old friend AV has stumbled upon a new tactic and is giving it a roll of the dice. A guy I know on here has recently said that he is still sober but has had a beer or two with colleagues recently. AV assures me I could do that too! I know I can't and have put AV back in his box. I think AV is always going to have a go but as long as you can see through it, that's OK!

None for me today because I am happy and finding peace with myself and those around me. Alcohol would mess that up!

Later!
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Old 09-01-2015, 07:10 AM
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You are wise, Amp.
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Old 09-01-2015, 08:34 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Amp, for sure you have your head screwed on right!
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Old 09-01-2015, 08:35 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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That AV is not an old friend, Amp. It's a drinking buddy, nothing more. It doesn't really care about you if you're not drinking with it. I have found I have a LOT of those in my life.

All is fine here. Day 117. Been a little sick for the last week but am hopefully on the mend. Off of work for the next three days. Hooray for that!
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Old 09-01-2015, 10:17 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Totally agree Casey! "Old friend" with a liberal splash of irony!!!
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:54 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi undies.
I have been drinking the past few days. Totally got sucked into it.
I did some research and found an addiction councilor who is heavily involved in recovery and have an appt tonight after work with him. I'm pretty nervous but I think it could really help
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:57 AM
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That's good, BFree. I'm glad you're taking outside action fast instead of stewing about it or wallowing. I hope the appointment tonight is fruitful! I'm glad you were able to get one so soon!
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Old 09-02-2015, 07:24 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Good on you for taking positive action immediately, BFree. No need to beat yourself up! Just get better and get wiser!!
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Old 09-02-2015, 08:22 AM
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That's a good step forward, BoozeFree. Let us know how it goes!
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Old 09-02-2015, 09:12 AM
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BFree, glad you have the appointment so quickly. I struggled long and hard to stay sober and needed all kinds of help. Sending your way!
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Old 09-02-2015, 09:25 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Hi Undies,

Dear BF, thank you for checking in. I have been thinking about you since your last post. While I do not post often, I do lurk. I am really happy to read about your finding an addiction therapist. Kudos, and my best with that. I too combined therapy, AA and SR as my recovery of choice. Each offering a different look and perspective on addiction.

On the AA front, I would "suggest" the following because I know it has worked for many. Consider doing a 90 in 90 days. In my case, I actually went for all but 17 days in my first 10 months. Relinquishing my driving privileges was all that slowed that process down.

It wasn't osmosis, but assmosis that helped me to better understand why it says in how it works...rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That foundation from repeated attendance has served me quite well...especially in the challenging times.

I remember so very much from those early days. Too much to bore you with...but here are a few:

1. We are only as sick as our secrets. Wow, that was my lesson #1. Once I made a commitment to stop fooling myself and others things started getting better.

2. Years of searching for answers on why I drank...a few hundred therapy session included were whipped out the 6th day when the man who became my first temp sponsor heard me belly aching about poor me while talking to another after a mtg. He stops, looks at me and says, "Do you want to know why you drink?" I said yes...and I did. He say it is because I am an alkie and that is what we do...we drink. Seems simple...almost too simple. I wanted to blame others, my environment, anything but plain and simple ME. That day I took ownership and this weight was lifted.

3. I would hear to stay till the miracle happens. No burning bush here...but I have had a half a dozen miracles happen since that day I heard that...minimum.

Again, just a few early promises that came to pass. Taking my "suggestions" further...consider getting a temporary sponsor and start doing the steps. Consider doing some service work...i.e. - a greeter, coffee maker. Go early - stay late.

These are all things that I did and it is resulting in a life that is for the most part filled with peace and serenity...even happy, joyous and free often. That first 24 hour chip is white for a reason; to surrender to a new way of life. The color white signifies surrender. Haha, the paradox is that if you surrender you become free.

In other news...well, when I started in AA 28 months ago it was at the same time as two other men with similar stories. We became fast friends. Since then, one has moved due to a job promotion...still very active in AA. He has recaptured a relationship with his son and ex...well, I could go on. The promises have and continue to fill his life.

The other relapsed after 8 months. I ran into him two weeks after he relapsed. It was at a grocery store. He was weaving back and forth in an isle walking towards me. I was there to buy coffee and treats for the meeting I was about to chair that evening. I offered to drive him to the meeting and back to get his car...he declined, saying he would see me at the Thursday mtg...this was a Wednesday.

Well, in that short time, he had been in a bar fight and his weaving was due to a loss in equilibrium...in fact, he wasn't drunk at that moment. To cap this nice little run in like 10 days off, he had lost his job.

I never saw or heard from him since. Funny thing, I did inquire about him to someone else a couple weeks ago. Well, on Monday night, the fellow I asked about him with pulled out his cell and showed me a mug shot from the local newspaper from that day. It seems he was arrested this past weekend for attempted murder. Thankfully he must be a bad aim and/or no doubt drunk as he missed with 6 attempts at taking another mans life.

The man I knew in the program was so grateful for sobriety, his new job...his relationship repairs...etc - etc.

I am thoroughly convinced that if I ever drink again....the only outcome that awaits is jails, institutions or hopefully death.

In other brief news...I found out that another Undie friend that left to test controlled drinking is now hospitalized and very ill. The experiment failed!

I'm not always so negative...but there are just some days that this monster we battle pisses me off.

Carlos
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Old 09-02-2015, 12:04 PM
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Oh, Carlos--please tell the Undie that I say hi and am praying for him/her!
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Old 09-02-2015, 12:12 PM
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It's good to be reminded about how lucky we are to be happy and sober. Thanks Carlos. Thoughts are with those suffering and struggling.
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Old 09-02-2015, 01:41 PM
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Hello. Still plugging away here too. I've been super tired lately. Not sure if part of it is getting up so early everyday or working harder now that my brain is free to think about work 24/7. Anyway. Going to try to get to bed earlier and find some new activities to relax and be - without working.
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Old 09-02-2015, 03:24 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Prayers for anyone struggling

D
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Old 09-02-2015, 05:43 PM
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It's always so startling to hear about someone going back out because they think they can handle drinking in moderation. Alcoholism, AV, what ever you call it, is cunning, baffling and powerful, indeed.

Like Carlos, I stopped trying to figure out why I drank. I've got a slew of reasons up my sleeve, but all that really matters is that I'm an alcoholic.

I love the analogy of the pickle. Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never be a cucumber again no matter how much it wants to. Once we alcoholics have pickled our brains with alcoholism, there's no going back to moderation. As the alcoholics who've gone out and been lucky enough to come back will attest, their alcohol use progresses and deepens to a point worse than their previous low point - every time.

For that reason, I remain vigilant about my recovery. That doesn't mean I'm anxious and on edge or whiling away all my hours pondering recovery. On the contrary! I am happier, more peaceful, more relaxed, more grateful, and generally all around more comfortable in my skin. By vigilant I mean that I practice my recovery every day in some meaningful way. My goal is to prevent relapse, today.

It's not always an easy journey. That's why we support each other. Even my sponsor, with some 15 years of recovery, married to someone with strong recovery, has days that challenge her to the core. She reaches out to her mentors, friends, and yes even her sponsees. Together we alcoholics in recovery all support each other, pickles who cannot risk picking up.

BeFree - You have made a good life for yourself in sobriety. If you're picking up, you need to do more to protect yourself. You have too much to lose. Like others, I would encourage you to dig deeper into AA. For me, it's been the miracle that it promises itself to be; I went to stop killing myself with drinking and ended up with a life worth living. Good luck with the therapist, too. Let us know how it goes.

I'm so grateful to be able to practice sobriety with all of the Undies!
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Old 09-02-2015, 09:27 PM
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Hi undies.
My first coinciding session went great. I was really nervous but I left feeling really good about it. He did recommend in addition that I get into AA. He wants me to go to atleast one meeting before I see him next week and open up my big book and I said ok. I can't really afford it but I'm going to try and figure something out or use a credit card so I can make payments.

Carlos sorry to hear about the other undie not doing so well. I hope he or she will get better soon and find their way back here.
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