LBrain

TL, the longer you can ignore that voice screaming in your head, the quieter it becomes... really!
get some rest and wake refreshed. and pick up some more celery...

Dee74

Have you ever looked through the links on this TL?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

TigerLili

LBrain today the menu is celery, cauliflower, carrot, with a topping of chard, baby spinach and rocket from the garden lol.

LBrain

sounds like a meal for meat, a shame to feed it to rabbits...
btw, I had a head of cauliflower in my hand yesterday. but there was no way I was gonna pay 5 dollars for a small head of cauliflower. Broccoli is cheaper and it goes with everything.

TL - have you looked into AVRT, just reading the crash course may help you.

TigerLili

I did the AVRT stuff when I first tried to quit. It's good information but it didn't really help me stop. I will look at it again.

TigerLili

Bunny Mama gets whatever is cheap or reduced at the veg shop. I can feed her a lot from my garden too. I've been sharing watermelon with her too. She eats the rind and all.

LBrain

haha, I meant a meal for me, but it is also a meal for meat...

The thing is, you have to want to quit. Regardless of whatever method you choose, unless you are ready, your chances are slim. I determined I was never going to drink again before I ever heard of AVRT. But after reading it, it helped me get through those times I was pining the drink.

zerothehero

Hang in there, TL.

TigerLili

Is anyone really ever ready to quit? If it was just a matter of being ready and then quitting, would we be alcoholics?

I want to quit more than I want to drink but the compulsion and obsession makes me batcrap crazy. I drink even though I don't want to. It's like being possessed. I am thinking of looking into a detox. I've never done detox or rehab. Maybe it will help.

jackrussell

No wisdom on the subject coming from this guy today.
The times I've successfully gotten off the wheel seem, hindsight-wise, to have been almost accidental. For whatever reason, the resolve to abstain would go unchallenged on a particular day, and would strengthen. I would be in the audience, applauding. My will would play a role, but some other forces at play would do the heavy lifting. I'm sure my psychological analysis of the dynamics of my addiction are pretty messed up. But that's been my experience of things.
You've been grounded in sobriety with resolve and strength in the past, TL. I've seen your thoughts and posts. I hope you can find your way back. One constant with you throughout has been your sense of humour. Which is an enormous ally, I think. (holy screaming toddlers, batman!)
I wish you all the best today.

LBrain

That's your AA talking. I heard/here the same thing. Sometimes it take a life changing event for us to 'see the light' so to speak.
So yeah, when you are "ready" just up and quit. Just like that.
IT AIN'T EASY - I KNOW. BUT IF YOU ARE DETERMINED AND WANT IT, IT'S QUITE SIMPLE.

zerothehero

I was ready to quit, but I was 52 years old with 20 years of getting sober for awhile and then falling back into the party life. You don't have to wait that long (for your own health and for your kids). If you think detox would get you there maybe it makes sense for you.

Some would say I never hit bottom, and truth be told my first few months of sobriety were a lower bottom than my last few months of drinking. It's a challenge. I wasn't entirely aware of the depth of that which I was running or escaping. Once I quit drinking I had to face my sense of inadequacy, past traumas I had been pretending never happened (or refused to face and process), and things I did (albeit out of ignorance or intoxication) for which I am not at all proud. I then had to shed the self-loathing and befriend myself through self-compassion and meditation practice. Basically, I had to sit and face the roots of the anxiety and disappointment that was causing my drinking. I replaced alcohol with mindfulness and meditation and it's working for me.

Just some things to consider, TL. For me, sobriety takes a warrior's courage.

When I think of the community I live in, I really have taken the road less traveled. It's lonely sometimes, and my wife doesn't get it, but she doesn't drink and she has commented that though the first year was rough, I am now better company. Still, people are suspicious. Many people believe the old stereotypes of the alcoholic as a homeless drunk passed out in the gutter.

Last week I was sitting with some folks at work, and they were talking about the administration at the building where I used to work (I changed positions and buildings about 18 months ago). They were talking about the turnover there and how no one wants to work there and why haven't the higher ups fired my old supervisors... I had mentioned that I worked under them for a decade, and I had a moment (or a slip) of bold honesty and stated that "I worked over there so long I had to quit drinking." Everyone at the table stopped talking and just stared at me, jaws dropped. I guess I didn't think my little joke would get that reaction because a lot of people now know I no longer drink. But that joke was somewhat true. I don't think I would have sunk as fast and hard as I did if I hadn't been so miserable in that job. It was the same pattern with my mom, and at about the same age. Alcohol was our friend until we became miserable; then it became our enemy.

I guess my point is the easy but eventually horrible path is to keep drinking. The challenging but totally worth it path is to get sober and begin the path of recovery.

Dee74

I drank myself to one leg in the grave status -the other choice was death, so that's not really a choice.

Even then, I still had to use my 'higher brain' and tell the primal bits of my psyche that weren't ready or too scared to quit that it was over and they needed to get into step.

For smarter folks than me, ones who got off the crazy train before the wreck, I think this proverb fits



D

Dee74

I hope thats a typo

D

jackrussell

Well -said, Dee. As ever.

TigerLili

thanks folks. I went to a midday meeting and now i'm counting the minutes until a 7.30 meeting.

the baby bunnies have graduated from the bathtub to the whole bathroom. They are 21 days old today and cute as buttons. i will cry when they go to their new homes.

jackrussell

My mantra today: "Best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.
Second best time is now."
I sense that it may not have any immediate dramatic influence on my day to day choices, but it will seep. It will definitely seep.
And this from someone who planted many many trees around our house 35 years ago. Barren fields are now little forests. And the dying hybrid poplars will have to be taken down. They are huge. Muchos $$ to remove. But too close to power lines and buildings for me, with my limited tree falling skills, to even think about it.
I like the idea in the tree quote about wiping the expectation slate clean and starting afresh with intention. Forget yesterday. Think today. Now.
I will let it seep.

Vet69

This is the most meaningful string of messages I've read in our group. I stop and I start over and over again. Glen Frey of The Eagles just died. He lived a fast life. All these guys my age are dying. I don't know where he was with alcohol but my bet is that it played a role.

Sometimes it's just time to either die or face your demons and live.

Dee74

He was in recovery as far as I know Vet.

D

zerothehero

That's kind of the scary thing. My mom, for example, quit drinking at 56 and died at 58. I'm a little younger then that now, but not by much. But she also smoked and did a lot of painkillers over many years. I was fortunate I quit tobacco in 8th grade, rarely smoked weed after my early 20's, and quit all the truly nasty tars and powders by age 30. The next couple of decades were about alcohol, a little weed, and the occasional trip out. Still, with the cardiovascular history in my family, those heavy drugs in my 20's likely took a toll, but maybe not. Men in my lineage tend to just drop dead suddenly, which isn't a horrible way to go, but it means that more than ever I need to appreciate each moment. I'm not always successful, but I'm getting better at it. Lucky I'm even here. It's bizarre to me that little more than two years ago I was hunkering down under a tarp with total strangers, smoking weed and sucking Happy Camper IPA at 2am while starting to come down after 48 hours of nibbling on a sheet of acid and trippin' balls at a blisteringly amazing music festival. That, my friends, was a glorious last hurrah to LSD, and within a couple of months I had taken my last toke and drank my last drop of alcohol.

The MBSR program I've been doing (Online MBSR (free)) has got me a few weeks into yoga. I like the yoga videos for the program because they are only 30 or 40 minutes and quite gentle. I'm still a stranger in a strange body, and not sure what I can do with it. Since my surgeries last year I have been hesitant to move, and when I do it is with hyper-awareness. I'm so tight it's unbelievable. The program takes discipline, but it's paying off. For example, the more I do yoga the less pain I have during sitting meditation, particularly in my back and hips. Thus, I'm meditating for over half an hour at a stretch whereas before it was a challenge to sit for much more than 15 or 20 minutes. And I'm just more content despite the fact that my life hasn't changed much. I've shared that sentiment before, but I just keep moving in a positive direction. Musical tastes have continued to lean toward the beautiful and inspirational, whereas in the past I listened to a lot of punk and angst and cacophony.

I just ordered Turning the Mind into an Ally Turning the Mind Into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists by Chogyam Trungpa's son. Actually, it's required reading for a Shambhala course in meditation I'm taking online. Kind of cool knowing Trungpa's son is keeping the lineage going, especially after the way his father went out (early death from alcohol). Such a paradox to be a Tibetan monk and meditation master with so much wisdom, and then basically just drink yourself to death.

Enough rambling about me and my adventures, though. TL, I'm glad you're making it to meetings. And to the boys, keep on keepin' on!