zerothehero

Next Saturday makes two full years sober. That's a milestone, for sure. My wife and I did one year in the early 90's before we started drinking again, then she quit about seven years ago - we don't even remember when. She never did the recovery thing; she just quit and that was that. It took me another five years to make it stick. Quit lots of times, never thinking it would be the last until this last time. It will feel extra special to be in 2016 and able to say I quit in 2013 (though only a week before 2014). Still...lots of changes in a year. I was freakin' bonkers that first six months, then I stabilized and then, slam, I couldn't walk, had surgery, and had to deal with opioids. Then there's sugar. But hey, I can say I haven't drank in two years, though true recovery is feeling slow coming. The MBSR thing is keeping me focused. I'm still not comfortable coming out of the closet or attending small town AA meetings, but I'm getting there. I know it's nobody's business but my own, but in the interest of authenticity, I would like to feel comfortable telling people, say, at a bar or gig or dinner, that I don't drink because, well, I can't. And I really can't. Once in awhile I find myself trying to convince myself that I wasn't that bad, but when I take the time to remember, to REALLY remember, I WAS that bad. And a big part of it had to do with burying trauma and drowning pain (combined with my mom's genes). I've been

Dee74

Congrats Zero - you've really trekked that path

D

zerothehero

Thanks, man. I posted mid-sentence cuz I was interrupted, but I don't remember what I was about to say. No matter. Hope y'all are well. Some warm enough days, so the ice is melting in front of the house. Got tickets to some shows on January 1 and 2, so I'm looking forward to getting out of town...

Dee74

I thought you might be being Zen

'I've *been*'

jackrussell

Time's once again gotten away from me. A week today is Christmas, and we'll have aromatic food on the table, and a small collection of family and friends, maybe another bonfire. Was exercising the dog just before dark, throwing the ball, walking to get it, throwing again, running off energy, and I realized I was standing on a bare patch of grass that had held our little above ground pool this summer. We take it down each year and set it up again next. I thought: I set that up 6 months ago. Half a year ! Seems like a flash in time. And a flash from now, I'll be setting it up again, if all goes well. Little kids floating and splashing. Clock spinning very fast. I think it speeds up with age. All the best to you folks in the coming week. Anniversaries for some, of sobriety. Congratulations!
Liked the Archie Bunker bit on gun control. As the French say: plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

zerothehero

Dee, the Zen version would be, "I be."

zerothehero

Finished shopping and got everything shipped off. Family already confirming shipment. Amazing how a few small gifts can end up costing $100 to ship. I thought I was being cheap and ended up burning $500. Damn sisters and their babies!!!

LBrain

hey guys, hope all is well.
2 years zero - you've come a long way and worked hard through it,
my 2 years is before the new year also...

jr, maybe make a small ice rink where the pool stands? prolly more work than the pool... enjoy the holidays - sober of course

zerothehero

Here's to a second alcohol-free Christmas!

LBrain

hear hear!

interesting that this will be my third alcohol free xmas, but I had to get drunk after xmas to get into rehab according to my eap rep - true story...
they wouldn't accept me into rehab if I already quit drinking... but I was ordered to go, catch 22 big time...

zerothehero

Seems as good a reason to get drunk as any...

Dee74

yeah but that ruins the joke LOL

Happy Holidays to you all!

D

LBrain

wow, I just realized xmas is five days away... I better get shopping soon...
plus xmas eve is my bros birthday...

Enjoy your weekends.

Vet69

I was at the auto shop the other day and asked about a nice guy who had worked behind the counter and was always helpful to me.

He's dead. He had other health problems and drank to relieve them. They said he drank at least 30 beers a day - THIRTY - every day.. How is that possible?! His urine turned black and he died. I'm stunned that he could drink that much and couldn't or didn't get help. He was such a nice guy. It's a shame.

zerothehero

It is a shame. Lately, I've found that some people seem offended when I tell them I don't drink, or worse, they treat me with suspicion, like I'm gonna judge or tell on them or something. Why? To whom? Very odd. It's like, if I just say I don't drink without an explanation I'm suspect, but I don't feel obligated to explain, either. Wutevah...

LBrain

If there is one thing I don't do, it's preach to or judge people who still drink. One?
And if people are uncomfortable that I don't drink, their loss. I discovered I'm just as fun as ever since I quit drinking.

Vet, I'm not proud of the fact that I could drink 30 beers a day - not every day. But a case a day was not out of the question, plus shots... whoa!

I stopped in the 'state store' to pick up a bottle of wine for my sister. State store is where people in PA buy booze. Only place to get it here. Nothing but booze in this store. And I helped a lady pick out a bottle of wine she was getting for some friends. My knowledge of wine is still with me. Simply no urge or scary thoughts. Just a 'business' transaction is how I would describe it.
I would liken it to being a conscientious objector - for myself.

jackrussell

One of my wife's clients (she's in mental health support) has a pop addiction. Which sounds pleasantly benign compared to coke or booze. But it ain't. He's hugely obese, uses any ruse to get money to buy many many 2 liter containers of pop, which he guzzles, which often leads to incontinence, vomiting in his apartment, etc etc. He's incorrigible, and always finds a way of feeding the demon. He seems incapable of cleaning up after himself, or caring at all about hygiene. So: mental health challenge + addiction = very bad news. Captain Pop is an agreeable sit in for Mr. Booze when the call comes in. Dynamics of addiction, though, ring true in such a variety of human conditions.

Dee74

Like LB I could drink 30 a day - probably the only reason I didn't do that regularly was penury.

It's bizarre to me now...as bizarre as tragic as that pop story Vet.

zerothehero

You guys are stronger than I ever was. A twelve pack of light beer, maybe, or eight strong ales and a couple of whiskeys and I'd be worthless the next day. Even so, there was evidence of a struggling liver near the end. I had a dry patch on my forehead like a third eye, sometimes scabby. I was told repeatedly I should get my liver checked. When I quit drinking it disappeared and never returned. 30 beers? I'd have been dead.

And the pop thing. Scary. Diabetes kills more people than alcohol, I think. Still fighting the sugar demon, but my consumption is moderate compared to most people. Still, I don't feel good about it. Trying to moderate, and then after Christmas dinner and dessert I'm back to the serious cleanse.

LBrain

the sad thing about my ability to drink as much as I did is that because I decided to just quit, many told me I was never an alcoholic... ha I say...