Class of August 2015 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hi everyone. Had one of my worst days ever, sorry to say. It seems around the day 5 or 6 mark, I completely lose it due to not sleeping /anxiety and think one drink will help me sleep. Other times it HAS been just one or 2, not last night. I drank 1.5 bottles. Got smashed, woke up in a terror and realised anxiety meds gone and felt extreme fear. I was a Mess all day, walked, walked, took Valerian and theanine, tried to calm myself, loathed myself more than ever in the long book of loathing myself, and why??? had to talk me into why I like myself. Lot more to love than loathe really. Doesn't make sense where this self hating behaviour comes from, no drinkers in family, stable upbringing. I hope the psych can sort this stuff out, it's breaking me down. I feel so strong and then start to spin out from not sleeping, I can't put thoughts together. Awful withdrawal today...,Heart pounding , sweating, impending doom, all the crap, all day. im feeling defeated class. 
Going to ask about rehab at psych appt., inpatient. The IOP while working would freak me out, i need alone time every day. I almost made my go to rash dream a reality today.... quit the job. But it's me that's a mess, not my job. My Thinking was quit job, turn in my company car and don't buy another, means no getting wine, too far to walk. Only go to store with husband in his car. This seemed like a rational recovery program today, geez. 
.
So sorry class
I'm just gutted about this.
Going to ask about rehab at psych appt., inpatient. The IOP while working would freak me out, i need alone time every day. I almost made my go to rash dream a reality today.... quit the job. But it's me that's a mess, not my job. My Thinking was quit job, turn in my company car and don't buy another, means no getting wine, too far to walk. Only go to store with husband in his car. This seemed like a rational recovery program today, geez. . So sorry class
I'm just gutted about this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You can learn from what happened and get back on the right road Sadie. One skirmish is not the whole war lost.
I really REALLY encourage you to post here before you drink tho - don't think you're being a burden or a whiner - we want to help
D
I really REALLY encourage you to post here before you drink tho - don't think you're being a burden or a whiner - we want to help
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by Neverthought 
I know the feeling too well Rusty. It's like a great memory and punishing memory all in one.
Hey, I still have to get through day (1). I keep flip-flopping.....What's one more day. You think I would know what to do by now.
Anyway...keep up the good work everyone.!
Hey, I still have to get through day (1). I keep flip-flopping.....What's one more day. You think I would know what to do by now.
Anyway...keep up the good work everyone.!
Sorry to hear of your bad day, Sadie. No need to apologize to the class -- we've all screwed up more times than we can count. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Originally Posted by Sadie1
Got smashed, woke up in a terror and realised anxiety meds gone and felt extreme fear. I was a Mess all day, walked, walked, took Valerian and theanine, tried to calm myself, loathed myself more than ever in the long book of loathing myself, and why??? had to talk me into why I like myself. Lot more to love than loathe really. Doesn't make sense where this self hating behaviour comes from, no drinkers in family, stable upbringing. I hope the psych can sort this stuff out, it's breaking me down. I feel so strong and then start to spin out from not sleeping, I can't put thoughts together. Awful withdrawal today...,Heart pounding , sweating, impending doom, all the crap, all day. im feeling defeated class.
I almost made my go to rash dream a reality today.... quit the job. But it's me that's a mess, not my job. My Thinking was quit job, turn in my company car and don't buy another, means no getting wine, too far to walk. Only go to store with husband in his car. This seemed like a rational recovery program today, geez..
...
I almost made my go to rash dream a reality today.... quit the job. But it's me that's a mess, not my job. My Thinking was quit job, turn in my company car and don't buy another, means no getting wine, too far to walk. Only go to store with husband in his car. This seemed like a rational recovery program today, geez.
. That anxiety after drinking... whew. I am floored by it, because knowing that it's the booze that makes the horrible dark thoughts is humbling. I had it really bad and am now wrapping my head around the hard-to-believe jackpot lottery winning idea that I never have to feel that way again if I don't want to. You don't either.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Hi everyone, checking in today. Day 25, check!
This is getting up toward the longest run I've ever had sober, and it feels different. But, one day at a time.
Today was actually not an awesome day. It's weird, because I never, ever get sick for the most part. Flu season? Nope, never. Anyway, I had a doozy of a migraine today that took over my entire body. My vision was impaired. Was totally disoriented. I even wasn't stringing words together correctly. I went home from work very early and was reading SR with dark sunglasses on, and all the shades pulled in my house. Took a long nap. When I woke up my amazing girlfriend brought me chocolate mousse. It's subsided, I took some under the counter medication for it, but it's not totally gone still.
Thank God I'm not hung over.
it's almost pleasant to be sick just because my body is sick, and not because I abused myself. Almost.
Relatively almost.
No, but really, it's part of real life, right? We get sick, and it's not shameful to go home from work because, you're sick! I think I'm used to feeling like I absolutely will SUFFER THROUGH because I did it to myself. But now, I'm sick, and it's really as simple as that. And maybe it's corny, but I'm thankful for that.
Anyway. Thanks everyone, for being here, and I hope you all have a great night.
xo-B
This is getting up toward the longest run I've ever had sober, and it feels different. But, one day at a time.
Today was actually not an awesome day. It's weird, because I never, ever get sick for the most part. Flu season? Nope, never. Anyway, I had a doozy of a migraine today that took over my entire body. My vision was impaired. Was totally disoriented. I even wasn't stringing words together correctly. I went home from work very early and was reading SR with dark sunglasses on, and all the shades pulled in my house. Took a long nap. When I woke up my amazing girlfriend brought me chocolate mousse. It's subsided, I took some under the counter medication for it, but it's not totally gone still.
Thank God I'm not hung over.
it's almost pleasant to be sick just because my body is sick, and not because I abused myself. Almost.
Relatively almost.
No, but really, it's part of real life, right? We get sick, and it's not shameful to go home from work because, you're sick! I think I'm used to feeling like I absolutely will SUFFER THROUGH because I did it to myself. But now, I'm sick, and it's really as simple as that. And maybe it's corny, but I'm thankful for that.
Anyway. Thanks everyone, for being here, and I hope you all have a great night.
xo-B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Sadie, sorry to hear about your rough day. Hope you manage to clear your mind of it, and get back on the wagon.
Checking in day 3 here. I'm still totally wiped at all times. Was feeling pretty good last night, then had a steak dinner, and phew... all my physical energy went out the window. It's 2pm here now after sleeping about 13 hours, I've only been up 20 mins, and already going back to bed. Hopefully this clears in the next day or two.
Checking in day 3 here. I'm still totally wiped at all times. Was feeling pretty good last night, then had a steak dinner, and phew... all my physical energy went out the window. It's 2pm here now after sleeping about 13 hours, I've only been up 20 mins, and already going back to bed. Hopefully this clears in the next day or two.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 78
Morning here. Had coffee and smoothie and feeling great. Visiting friend today who also has small kids. Looking forward to today.
It's day 26 for me and I have no doubt I'm keeping going with this. It's mostly fine with the odd imagining what a glass of wine might be like. But It's easy right now to shut that down.
It's becoming normal not to pick up the wine with the weekly shop. I don't even look at that aisle. Not getting complacent but I am enjoying this.
It's day 26 for me and I have no doubt I'm keeping going with this. It's mostly fine with the odd imagining what a glass of wine might be like. But It's easy right now to shut that down.
It's becoming normal not to pick up the wine with the weekly shop. I don't even look at that aisle. Not getting complacent but I am enjoying this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 78
Morning here. Had coffee and smoothie and feeling great. Visiting friend today who also has small kids. Looking forward to today.
It's day 26 for me and I have no doubt I'm keeping going with this. It's mostly fine with the odd imagining what a glass of wine might be like. But It's easy right now to shut that down.
It's becoming normal not to pick up the wine with the weekly shop. I don't even look at that aisle. Not getting complacent but I am enjoying this.
It's day 26 for me and I have no doubt I'm keeping going with this. It's mostly fine with the odd imagining what a glass of wine might be like. But It's easy right now to shut that down.
It's becoming normal not to pick up the wine with the weekly shop. I don't even look at that aisle. Not getting complacent but I am enjoying this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 508
Willow3 and Bexxed sounds like we are on the same days still. Day 26 here and not looking back. Even yesterday was a very long and frustrating day for me and I thought I used to drink on these days as a remedy. Wow, it really did nothing. The day was still long and frustrating, the next day still came.... What did drinking do? I did go way off my diet by ordering pizza because the whole family was tired and wanted it. Over ate because I barely had time to eat all day (long story and not usual day for me). Have a good day today everyone! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Cheering you on Bexxed and Willow.
Sadie you're doing awesome, just posting. Keep em coming.
I got crap going on,
Monday took 7yr old to doctor, 2 yr old got Immunizations.
2 days later ( this morning) , been up all night with screaming 2 yr old. High high fever, leg on fire- on of the immunization sites.. Rash there too. Fever keeps spiking.
Had to call in to work- BS. Coming from that.
This last 40 minutes before I can call dr for an appt is the dang WORST.
I don't want a drink. I want a freakin Meth pipe !! ( whatever they look like) lol.
I used to think I was tough when I was younger. Whew, I was just stupid. I'm a wreck. My wife's thanking me for taking care of the little guy.
----24 hrs is all it takes to make a sober day
Everyone have a good day, please.
I'm having the sh---y one, so you don't have to ! (Grin)
Sadie you're doing awesome, just posting. Keep em coming.
I got crap going on,
Monday took 7yr old to doctor, 2 yr old got Immunizations.
2 days later ( this morning) , been up all night with screaming 2 yr old. High high fever, leg on fire- on of the immunization sites.. Rash there too. Fever keeps spiking.
Had to call in to work- BS. Coming from that.
This last 40 minutes before I can call dr for an appt is the dang WORST.
I don't want a drink. I want a freakin Meth pipe !! ( whatever they look like) lol.
I used to think I was tough when I was younger. Whew, I was just stupid. I'm a wreck. My wife's thanking me for taking care of the little guy.
----24 hrs is all it takes to make a sober day
Everyone have a good day, please.
I'm having the sh---y one, so you don't have to ! (Grin)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Just checking in,
Had to re-count..my concentration is still fuzzy. Today makes 38!
Am just working on feeling good and staying in the positive. Feeling like someone I had read the other day saying that I am doing good just concentrating on myself and my life right at this moment and the things that involves.
For those having a hard time, I am thinking of you. I also understand where you are coming from. We are all dealing with issues I guess.
For me, the not drinking part is a breeze. That's not what is bothering me so much. I feel for those who physically are having those moments. I don't have that issue. My issue is all the stuff on the inside, not the drinking.
Time will allow this to become better and I am working on letting myself have "time".
Had to re-count..my concentration is still fuzzy. Today makes 38!
Am just working on feeling good and staying in the positive. Feeling like someone I had read the other day saying that I am doing good just concentrating on myself and my life right at this moment and the things that involves.
For those having a hard time, I am thinking of you. I also understand where you are coming from. We are all dealing with issues I guess.
For me, the not drinking part is a breeze. That's not what is bothering me so much. I feel for those who physically are having those moments. I don't have that issue. My issue is all the stuff on the inside, not the drinking.
Time will allow this to become better and I am working on letting myself have "time".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Hello class! Hang in there Sadie! I had a hard time with the day 5 mark also. Get back at it and make it further this time. I struggle with bad anxiety and know drinking makes it worse. JL, I remember those sick, sleepless nights with small kids!! My kids caught influenza once and I was going mad with the fevers and screaming. Maybe you can take a nap together. I am feeling depressed at the moment so I am going to try different strategies to lift my funk😀. I have been waking up all through the night and eating. I have a low appetite all day and then can't sleep and pig out at 12, 1, 2:30am. Craziness!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
It's new territory for me. I don't feel like I have much to say or anything to offer. Maybe the old me is going away and the new me is waiting for me to discover it?! that's what I am hoping is going on.
Confusion, forgiveness, and understanding create the fear and anxiety for me. I keep telling myself "everything is ok...everything is fine..it's ok..why you freaking out..calm down."
This too shall pass...I am hoping.
I am doing better..if I can just lay this down. Think I need to turn it over...Let go.
Confusion, forgiveness, and understanding create the fear and anxiety for me. I keep telling myself "everything is ok...everything is fine..it's ok..why you freaking out..calm down."
This too shall pass...I am hoping.
I am doing better..if I can just lay this down. Think I need to turn it over...Let go.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Maybe try viewing it as if you're on a large hike through the mountains. You've pushed through going up some rough terrain, you've viewed some breath taking natural beauty and wildlife, you've fallen and slid down shale into a river, you got back up, kept pushing forward with your hike, and so on.
You've now come to this amazing, open field filled with beauty, mountains, natural springs and wildlife all around. Close your eyes, and imagine yourself there for a second. However, there's several different paths you can take to leave this field. Regardless of which path you choose, it will be different than the previous experiences on the hike you've already endured.
Which path will you choose? Those previous paths you chosen no longer matter. The path you choose now is what matters.
Ok, that's a little too sentimental. I'll go to bed now.
You've now come to this amazing, open field filled with beauty, mountains, natural springs and wildlife all around. Close your eyes, and imagine yourself there for a second. However, there's several different paths you can take to leave this field. Regardless of which path you choose, it will be different than the previous experiences on the hike you've already endured.
Which path will you choose? Those previous paths you chosen no longer matter. The path you choose now is what matters.
Ok, that's a little too sentimental. I'll go to bed now.
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