Class of August 2015 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
BBF,
I hear you. A few yrs back I went on antidepressant medication. I had a doctor who was willing to keep up with if something was going wrong about a medicine, and I found that quite a few had no effect. Everyone's. Chemistry is different, and that makes a difference. My mother was textbook bipolar, but so many issues stemmed from it that she was treated for all sorts of mystery problems, her whole life. She's now 80 yrs old , in a nursing home, and more level and lucid than she'd been her whole life, I think. Took multiple suicide attempts and actually living with us for 3 yrs, to get the meds worked out ( nearly destroyed my family, and costed me multiple jobs), but in the end she's better.
Short version- the right medication really helped me, but everyone is different so pls don't get discouraged if something doesn't work for you at first. Ppl here have been through it, and hear you fully !
You haven't failed anything. Failing is quitting, and that ain't us !
I'm sure of it .
I hear you. A few yrs back I went on antidepressant medication. I had a doctor who was willing to keep up with if something was going wrong about a medicine, and I found that quite a few had no effect. Everyone's. Chemistry is different, and that makes a difference. My mother was textbook bipolar, but so many issues stemmed from it that she was treated for all sorts of mystery problems, her whole life. She's now 80 yrs old , in a nursing home, and more level and lucid than she'd been her whole life, I think. Took multiple suicide attempts and actually living with us for 3 yrs, to get the meds worked out ( nearly destroyed my family, and costed me multiple jobs), but in the end she's better.
Short version- the right medication really helped me, but everyone is different so pls don't get discouraged if something doesn't work for you at first. Ppl here have been through it, and hear you fully !
You haven't failed anything. Failing is quitting, and that ain't us !
I'm sure of it .
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Good morning all!
Got my kids off to school and am trying to figure out what I'm going to so for the next 7 hours. There is plenty to clean... but that doesn't sound like much fun at the moment! Lol. I sure wish I had another little one at home to love on right about now!
Got my kids off to school and am trying to figure out what I'm going to so for the next 7 hours. There is plenty to clean... but that doesn't sound like much fun at the moment! Lol. I sure wish I had another little one at home to love on right about now!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Haha ! Chick,
My wife called a little whole ago,from work telling me she saw an Asian child at my sons school and it broke her heart that we couldn't have anymore kids.(got 2 at home, 6 and 2 yrs old ). Says she wants to adopt an Asian child.
WHAT is in the WATER????!! Lol
My wife called a little whole ago,from work telling me she saw an Asian child at my sons school and it broke her heart that we couldn't have anymore kids.(got 2 at home, 6 and 2 yrs old ). Says she wants to adopt an Asian child.
WHAT is in the WATER????!! Lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by TroyW 
It's just the fact of basically buying a human is kinda rude, isn't it.
I will never buy into the premise that you can be too nice. It's the commandment that's tied with number one. I believe it is the root of happiness. BUT, you can be nice and still be aggressive. You can be nice and still be smart. You can be nice and still stand up for yourself and those you love. "Nice" is the way you treat people. If you charge $50 to cut a lawn, and the neighbor says he wants to pay you $25 instead, you kindly say no, I charge $50. If you already cut the grass, take the $25 and don't go back. If you own a business and have to fire someone, you do it with the most compassion you can muster. And when the person is out of your office, you pray for them.
I know we can't be nice at all times, and some situations don't allow for it.
Anyway, today is day 20 for this old lady.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Back to simpler plan that gave me most sober days in July... Counting days and posting, managing urges and AV. Mindful of HALT.
BBF hugs to you, and good for you to get to dr!
Day 3 today, back to withdrawals but not as bad as first detox. Just trying to remember this stuff gets better. Woke up with body screaming from old injuries pain again (so weird), morning anxiety. I know both will decrease in about a week. Did a meditation. No crazy dizzy spells or palpitations this time, whew.
. Determined to be sober until psych appt. next week and hopeful he will have answers as to why SSRIs don't work for me, I believe I know why but will see what he thinks. JL2014. Good advice that it may take few tries to get to right med. also pdocs here try to manage patients for issues that should be referred out to specialists.
Gjess, congrats on 5 days! Willow, Key, keep it up, can't wait to get a few weeks too. Hello militargh! Chick, yeah cleaning is not my best choice I envy those that enjoy it. Troy, not sure about that sitch and feeling taken advantage of again?
Here's to sober Friday or Saturday to all!
BBF hugs to you, and good for you to get to dr!
Day 3 today, back to withdrawals but not as bad as first detox. Just trying to remember this stuff gets better. Woke up with body screaming from old injuries pain again (so weird), morning anxiety. I know both will decrease in about a week. Did a meditation. No crazy dizzy spells or palpitations this time, whew.
. Determined to be sober until psych appt. next week and hopeful he will have answers as to why SSRIs don't work for me, I believe I know why but will see what he thinks. JL2014. Good advice that it may take few tries to get to right med. also pdocs here try to manage patients for issues that should be referred out to specialists.
Gjess, congrats on 5 days! Willow, Key, keep it up, can't wait to get a few weeks too. Hello militargh! Chick, yeah cleaning is not my best choice
I envy those that enjoy it. Troy, not sure about that sitch and feeling taken advantage of again? Here's to sober Friday or Saturday to all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Sadie,
I went through quite a few SSRI, but that turned out not to be my thing. When they hit on, I was like "hey", so this is what a little better than crap feels like ! I could tell the difference.
Hoping good stuff for you too !!
I went through quite a few SSRI, but that turned out not to be my thing. When they hit on, I was like "hey", so this is what a little better than crap feels like ! I could tell the difference.
Hoping good stuff for you too !!
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
JL, we have 4 kids, 14,11,9 and almost 7. Hubby got snipped after the last. I'm lucky to have as many as I do he would have stopped at 2. But I would gladly have more! Lol maybe I should tell him I need an Asian child also! I think the answer would be a big fat NO.
Lilac I'm glad you are back.
Benice congrats on 20 days! I love your user name. I also try to be kind to everyone and teach that to my children as well.
Lilac I'm glad you are back.
Benice congrats on 20 days! I love your user name. I also try to be kind to everyone and teach that to my children as well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Good morning! Today is three weeks for me. I woke up at 7 AM to my cat playing, and now she's curled up next to me on the couch while I drink coffee and look around here. I feel happy, centered, and rested.
Although I can't wait for work to calm down so I can have more time to myself.
I was reading through this a bit, and read about the mail order husband.
@Troy - I agree with Dee, do what makes you happy. I thought there was something I related to in there, though. I think that we can look for things to fill our void. I did it last night, honestly. I went out and spent over $150 on random things like new pillows for my couch and a tea kettle. I came in with like 4 bags. The other day I stopped myself from adopting a cat (I already have one). I recognize that this is what I'm doing when I do it and let myself in the case of last night because that's money I would have spent on booze and there's no harm that can come from pretty pillows and a new salad bowl set. I'm glad I didn't adopt the cat. It was not a decision that I gave a lot of thought to.
I think that buying and selling, acquiring, etc, allows us to not give a lot of thought if we don't want to. When the thing is alive (a pet, a person) it's not really a thing with finite definitions like a pillow. This person may want this now, and that later. It's a long term, life changing decision. No judgment, if you want to do it. But it may be more trouble than it's worth. You think you're just buying companionship, but you're buying all the drama that comes with it.
I was single for seven years until the beginning of this year when I met my GF. Single by choice, even though I was a lush. Companionship has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, for me, I think I would not have gotten sober had I not been dating her, because of the way the relationship allowed me to change the way I saw myself. On the other hand, it's hard when you are in a period of massive change and the other person is just, the same. And even if the relationship is just an understanding between two people who want very specific needs met, you know it bleeds over.
I'm sorry about your ex. That must have been devastating. Watching your partner go back in the closet and literally buy a straight partner is something I could not imagine. It's not the same as just being left for someone else, which is awful in and of itself. The level of rejection there is horrible, and the pain of doing that is awful. That story really blew a hole in my heart, actually, despite my chirpy morning mood. I see pieces of myself in it. Just pieces. That I don't want to remember.
There's really specific stuff, I think, in recovery, that queer people deal with. It's nice to have equality in the law and all, but it doesn't change the differences from working with and around your identity in a mostly straight world, especially when it comes to alcoholism and addiction.
Whatever you do, take care of you.
xo-B
Although I can't wait for work to calm down so I can have more time to myself.
I was reading through this a bit, and read about the mail order husband.
@Troy - I agree with Dee, do what makes you happy. I thought there was something I related to in there, though. I think that we can look for things to fill our void. I did it last night, honestly. I went out and spent over $150 on random things like new pillows for my couch and a tea kettle. I came in with like 4 bags. The other day I stopped myself from adopting a cat (I already have one). I recognize that this is what I'm doing when I do it and let myself in the case of last night because that's money I would have spent on booze and there's no harm that can come from pretty pillows and a new salad bowl set. I'm glad I didn't adopt the cat. It was not a decision that I gave a lot of thought to.
I think that buying and selling, acquiring, etc, allows us to not give a lot of thought if we don't want to. When the thing is alive (a pet, a person) it's not really a thing with finite definitions like a pillow. This person may want this now, and that later. It's a long term, life changing decision. No judgment, if you want to do it. But it may be more trouble than it's worth. You think you're just buying companionship, but you're buying all the drama that comes with it.
I was single for seven years until the beginning of this year when I met my GF. Single by choice, even though I was a lush. Companionship has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, for me, I think I would not have gotten sober had I not been dating her, because of the way the relationship allowed me to change the way I saw myself. On the other hand, it's hard when you are in a period of massive change and the other person is just, the same. And even if the relationship is just an understanding between two people who want very specific needs met, you know it bleeds over.
I'm sorry about your ex. That must have been devastating. Watching your partner go back in the closet and literally buy a straight partner is something I could not imagine. It's not the same as just being left for someone else, which is awful in and of itself. The level of rejection there is horrible, and the pain of doing that is awful. That story really blew a hole in my heart, actually, despite my chirpy morning mood. I see pieces of myself in it. Just pieces. That I don't want to remember.
There's really specific stuff, I think, in recovery, that queer people deal with. It's nice to have equality in the law and all, but it doesn't change the differences from working with and around your identity in a mostly straight world, especially when it comes to alcoholism and addiction.
Whatever you do, take care of you.
xo-B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Originally Posted by benice
If you own a business and have to fire someone, you do it with the most compassion you can muster.
However, that's business. This on the other hand is personal, which is a different ball game. Basically, I'm looking for all the benefits of a relationship, without any of the headache, and am happy to pay a premium for it. Sounds crude, but it's the truth.
Just someone to cook dinner together with, cuddle in bed while we watch a movie together, go to a restaurant together, and so on. It's just I don't want any of the headaches, especially considering I always end up being the bread winner, so if we get to a point where he becomes dependent on me, then things go south, then things get really ugly really quickly. I'd prefer to avoid that, as it's not easy for either side to end a relationship once it reaches that level.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Wow. I forgot how tired I can be during early recovery. I was tired last week during my 5 days but I thought that was just being on vacation, staying up late and dealing with my inlaws. I think i will be gentle with myself and take a nap before the boys get home.
I beleive a lot in HALT, it's nice to identify one and deal with it early on before it's a huge issue and makes me want to run out for beer.
I beleive a lot in HALT, it's nice to identify one and deal with it early on before it's a huge issue and makes me want to run out for beer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3
Day 2
Thanks for the welcome! Happy to wake up today with no hangover! Pretty productive day so far. Though I am now sitting on the couch and getting sleepy. Need to get up and move. It's Friday but I will stay strong. Wish me luck come 5pm (ok, 4). Just need to make it to 8 and then I should be okay. I can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by TroyW
I'm sorry, but hardly. Business is business. I'm sorry, but if someone can't cut it, out the window they go. That's not me being a jerk -- that's just simply the way business goes. I'm doing this to make money, not friends. My clients expect the best quality available, so you better be able to cut it, otherwise out the door you go.
However, that's business. This on the other hand is personal, which is a different ball game. Basically, I'm looking for all the benefits of a relationship, without any of the headache, and am happy to pay a premium for it. Sounds crude, but it's the truth.
Just someone to cook dinner together with, cuddle in bed while we watch a movie together, go to a restaurant together, and so on. It's just I don't want any of the headaches, especially considering I always end up being the bread winner, so if we get to a point where he becomes dependent on me, then things go south, then things get really ugly really quickly. I'd prefer to avoid that, as it's not easy for either side to end a relationship once it reaches that level.
However, that's business. This on the other hand is personal, which is a different ball game. Basically, I'm looking for all the benefits of a relationship, without any of the headache, and am happy to pay a premium for it. Sounds crude, but it's the truth.
Just someone to cook dinner together with, cuddle in bed while we watch a movie together, go to a restaurant together, and so on. It's just I don't want any of the headaches, especially considering I always end up being the bread winner, so if we get to a point where he becomes dependent on me, then things go south, then things get really ugly really quickly. I'd prefer to avoid that, as it's not easy for either side to end a relationship once it reaches that level.
Do what makes you happy. Loneliness can make you drink. Part of me wants to say don't do it- wait for real feelings -but the truth is, maybe a relationship break isn't a bad thing right now. Give yourself time to focus on you while still having some companionship. Better than stringing someone along because you are lonely. I think as long as you are both being honest about things, it's okay. Just my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ny
Posts: 739
Ok...hi all..
I have been logging on every day this week but not posting because I have been drinking..I'm sorry to say. I was feeling so good and it was in front of my face. My 22 year old daughter is away on a business trip and I went yo put away laundry in her closet. To my surprise ....I found 1/2 bottle of wine and 4beers. I would imagine she hides it in her closet because she knows she can't trust me.
Every day I have been waking up saying "not today" but I drink her stash then I wait til my hubby goes to work and I go out and refill it...plus a bit for myself.
This disease is soooo sick and controlling and I hate myself. I have been wanting to come clean with my august class but everyday is the same.
Today I refilled what I had to and want to be finished. My husband will be home for the weekend and she comes home on Tuesday. I drank a little bit today so I will start tomorrow.
Usually I come here begging because my family caught me drinking and I want to dig out and earn their forgiveness.
I hate this horrible feeling and I want it to go away. I am a teacher and I go back to work sept first. I love being home...I have so many hobbies but I let alcohol interfere this week.
I have had years sober in the past so I do not need to be sold on sobriety. I KNOW how wonderful it is BUT...I picked up that first drink...
I am having hot tea now and I have a hair appt in 1hour so the rest of the night should be okay. My family will be home and I can't sneak while they are here.
Sorry to rant but this sux!!!!!
I have been following you all and look forward to connecting again.
Troy...I am thinking of you...glad you are here and do what feels okay in your heart.
Regards. Xo....hoops
I have been logging on every day this week but not posting because I have been drinking..I'm sorry to say. I was feeling so good and it was in front of my face. My 22 year old daughter is away on a business trip and I went yo put away laundry in her closet. To my surprise ....I found 1/2 bottle of wine and 4beers. I would imagine she hides it in her closet because she knows she can't trust me.
Every day I have been waking up saying "not today" but I drink her stash then I wait til my hubby goes to work and I go out and refill it...plus a bit for myself.
This disease is soooo sick and controlling and I hate myself. I have been wanting to come clean with my august class but everyday is the same.
Today I refilled what I had to and want to be finished. My husband will be home for the weekend and she comes home on Tuesday. I drank a little bit today so I will start tomorrow.
Usually I come here begging because my family caught me drinking and I want to dig out and earn their forgiveness.
I hate this horrible feeling and I want it to go away. I am a teacher and I go back to work sept first. I love being home...I have so many hobbies but I let alcohol interfere this week.
I have had years sober in the past so I do not need to be sold on sobriety. I KNOW how wonderful it is BUT...I picked up that first drink...
I am having hot tea now and I have a hair appt in 1hour so the rest of the night should be okay. My family will be home and I can't sneak while they are here.
Sorry to rant but this sux!!!!!
I have been following you all and look forward to connecting again.
Troy...I am thinking of you...glad you are here and do what feels okay in your heart.
Regards. Xo....hoops
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 55
Hello ChickChick
Originally Posted by ChickChick
Wow. I forgot how tired I can be during early recovery. I was tired last week during my 5 days but I thought that was just being on vacation, staying up late and dealing with my inlaws. I think i will be gentle with myself and take a nap before the boys get home.
I beleive a lot in HALT, it's nice to identify one and deal with it early on before it's a huge issue and makes me want to run out for beer.
I beleive a lot in HALT, it's nice to identify one and deal with it early on before it's a huge issue and makes me want to run out for beer.
Today is my day 5, and completely understand about tiredness, exhaustion actually. Thought I was seeing double the past couple of days from being tired - and actually not from beer! I quit for about a month some time ago so do know it gets better, but wow! Congrats to you and here's to eventual rest!
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