Cbf123

Yup, totally. Well done on the next step. Let's go another :-)

KeyofC

Honestly with me I am alone probably by choice. Alone I mean I do t have many people close to me in my every day life. I don't let very many people in because they can cause problems. They can hurt you. They can disrupt your life. People haven't proven trust worthy in the past attempts which further confirms my beliefs to keep them outside the wall. My parents divorced when I was 4. My Mom dated and seemed to be "into" drunk guys that she wanted long relationships with. For a while a lived in a very unhealthy household til my Dad rescued me from there. At an early age I put up walls around my heart to keep people out. Never had a good relationship with my Mom. Honestly she never should've had a kid. Not Mom material.
I let you guys in but only as much as I want to. You can't hurt me here. It's safe. See the difference? Just a thought to ponder on. Yes I am working on this big hang up I have but I've had it all my life. I suspect it won't get better or disappear over night.
Day 30 for me!!!!!!
I feel like I've accomplished a little good out of all this bad!

DitzyDandelion

TS and BBB I understand guys. I feel pretty lonely too. I do actually have pretty good friends and an amazing family but there is still a huge amount of time spent alone. I love you guys too.

I understand when you have been hurt the need to set up walls Key. It's something I have tried to do in life at times but always fail. I seem to have an unquenchable trait of trusting and leaving myself open and vulnerable. I can be emotionally squashed and physically hurt and somehow I still give a touch of love and care and still see the point of view of those who hurt me. For some reason I also don't tend to carry that pain and apply it to others. Perhaps in my darkest moments I will be a touch messed up and insecure cause of it but I still shove my heart and soul out there to the world. It's a very painful way to live and sometimes I wish I could build walls and other times I am happy to be what I am. Sometimes such walls are needed to protect us especially when at a difficult time in life. I remember a lecturer at college telling me ' sure hold your heart out and share it with the world but stop giving it away.' He didn't just mean as in romantic love. Just my tendency to leave my heart and soul vulnerable to the world and everyone. I never learned how to take his advice. I think perhaps we'd both do best to learn to be somewhere in the middle. To have that right place on the scale of letting people in and knowing when to hold our hearts and trust safe. Believe it or not there isn't a huge gap between me on here and me talking to people outside of this community. Perhaps I tell a little less about the drinking out there as some stories they wouldn't relate to the same way. I am just as open though and often leave myself, warts and all, just as exposed.

Dee74

It's not easy being human TS but I really believe I handle it better now being sober...I cut myself off from so many of lifes experiences, good and bad, and opportunities for growth for so many years.

I feel a far more rounded person now - it was worth that difficult transition period of early recovery;

Hang in there

Congrats again Key
D

toadie54

Congratulations KeyofC, DD and everyone else who is holding strong in their sobriety.

You all have the power within you to do this, and do it for good!



Heading out on another RV trip, back on Saturday...will be watching and reading here on SR...

Free2B84

Only Child here too lol... Day 44 here & going strong with the not drinking. It hasn't bothered me near as much as it has in past "quits".

I've been on wellbutrin for going on 5 weeks now & can't tell if whether it's the meds or the pill or both that are making the change in me. My roommate says I'm a much nicer, patient person lol

It's good to see so many of us julyiers sticking together. I love reading your post & seeing so many things that we all Have in common throughout our days.

I also lost my dad at age 19(2003) & long for a male relationship. Not having my dad around much as a child & then him dieing so early left me with no connection to a male figure.(no uncles) I think that has a lot to do with me not being able to get into a serious relationship(gay). I'm hoping with a sober life things like that will change & I will one day be comfortable around men like I am with women.

Have a good wednesday!

KDBnSLC

Still going strong. Exercising has been the missing element for me in the past to quit for good. My walk/run routine is now equal time spent walking as much as running.
I hardly notice the arthritis now. When I drank, every joint in my body would scream just going up a flight of stairs! Thank you SR for giving me a place to come where I can be completely honest....mostly with myself. Much luck and success to everyone here!

DitzyDandelion

I lost my Mum when I was 19 free. Perhaps not quite the same as she was very much in my life until then. No matter the differences in circumstances it is hard losing a parent at that age I think. It is the age the relationship matures into something different I think. Where often there is a shift to a more grown up type of bond than when you are a child. I have watched the shift in friends relationships with their mum's with interest and often wonder how we would have been, what we would have discussed, if she had still been around. Unlike many here I actually had a pretty stable childhood with both parents being good people and around in my life. I sometimes try to pin down where I went all a bit wrong but never find an answer that fits.

DitzyDandelion

I suppose to develop that thought there is one thought but it would place my drinking issues way way back before I would consider it an issue. Back to the days I could happily nurse one drink for hours and was mainly interested in the company offered at a bar and not the drink. It was the people that fascinated me. The conversation. The connection. Perhaps the wanting to be liked and part of something.

The usual casual story I have always told over the years is..

Once upon a time, in my early and mid teens, I was a straight A student and award winning playwright and performer but then I found the pub. The end.

Upwardspiral

I woke up this morning reflecting on that illusion of the pleasure in a drink.
My last couple of drinking dreams have been about that; I get the booze but then start arguing with myself about what I really expect to get out of it.
Pertinent theme for today, as it is my birthday and my day 30. I've been thinking back to the past few birthdays and how it got increasingly difficult to enjoy a special birthday drunk. Today I won't have to worry about executing the perfect binge.

KeyofC

I missed a few people..Congrats DD on 11!! and Congrats Up on your 30!!
Hope those having a hard day it gets better and hope those doing well keep on going..I know life will throw things our way, but I hope we all come together for support and fellowship and hash it out together..We are each others bond no matter what forum you're in, someone will help or be there!

PennyLane76

Yes, can relate TooShabby. My therapist has made me realize this too... and that realization didnt help me stay sober. Glad So many of you Julyers are doing well. Love you all! Has anyone felt therapy might be too overwhelming in early days, or just me ?

letitgo

Happy birthday and congrats on day 30 Upward!!

Tooshabby

Happy birthday and congratulations, Upwards!!!

Therapy definitely feels overwhelming to me. Yup. I don't want to open that can of worms, so to speak.

Have a great day/night everyone :-)

forabetterlife

30 day milestone on your birthday fantastic upward! Happy birthday

So much I want to post, share and chime in on but I'm just so darn tired. Huge cravings tonight and I'm realizing that they wear me out. I also feel like I need a good 9-10 hours of sleep these early days/ weeks which I get on the weekends but can't during the week and it catches up with me. Day 11. Oh and I lost 8 pounds.. Yay.

Checking in here throughout the day helps so much. I can relate so much to all of you. I'm so grateful, thank you

Dee74

Happy birthday and congrats on the 30 days upwardspiral

D

toadie54

Odd feelings today, probably the most I missed drinking yet...On these RV trips with my MIL they always involve a casino for her...I drop her off at the casino, go back to the campground, drink all day and listen to music, meet her back at the casino for dinner, then we both go back to the campground.

Was odd today to get back to the campground, sit around the motorhome and not have the drinks flowing.

Got through the day okay, just the first day I really had any thoughts about drinking.

I plan on staying strong!

toadie54

Odd feelings today, probably the most I missed drinking yet...On these RV trips with my MIL they always involve a casino for her...I drop her off at the casino, go back to the campground, drink all day and listen to music, meet her back at the casino for dinner, then we both go back to the campground. Repeat every day we are there.

Was odd today to get back to the campground, sit around the motorhome and not have the drinks flowing.

Got through the day okay, just the first day I really had any thoughts about drinking.

I plan on staying strong!

forabetterlife

Good job getting through it toadie. It's getting through those uncomfortable times, where it's so obvious that drinking is "missing", that makes us stronger.

Tooshabby

Yes - really well done, Toadie! You passed an acid test :-)