Tooshabby

Toki....I think I may have missed something you've said before. What is the regret about? Regret is such an awful feeling. If you would rather not say, just ignore me.

On the 'healing brain' topic...I'm really hoping my memory improves. It's impossible to know how much is damage due to drinking, my age (nearly 50), or perimenopausal hormonal changes, but I know my memory isn't half what it used to be, which is a big problem at work. An unquantifiable (oh, come on that must be a word!) of black outs can't have helped :-/

Great posts everyone :-) xxx

P.S. The movie 'Amy' is nothing short of fantastic. What a study on addiction. So, so sad. Thank God she got to sing with Tony Bennett. He was so sweet to her ;-)

Tooshabby

That doesn't sound too pleasant, KeyofC. Maybe you are right to feel that way as well as your AV trying to make a go of the situation? I hope things improve for you. As cbf said, don't let your AV take advantage!

DitzyDandelion

Hugs all. Sorry to hear that Key hunny sometimes when AV is yelling things get magnified. Yay cbf hi there. I finally had a new stab at writing after many many years. Popped a couple of poems in a thread on the newcomers forum. Worried about my elder dog today. He kept falling off the path in the woods. He would not let me cary him, really howled if I tried and even snapped at me which he never does. It was halfhearted and more a tiny snap at the air miles from my arm but still. No sign once he rested that he is injured or in pain though. His hips have got worse I think and he is really clingy with me today which is never a good sign . I am giving him lots of love. He seems ok at the moment. Gradually getting more senile still.

BringingBackB

DD lots of love for your pooch and you. I hope he gets better soon. I was out on the bike today and I came across the oldest Beagle I have ever seen, he was dragging himself along the path the poor thing. I wanted to pick him up and carry him!

I've not seen the Amy film. Not sure if I want to! I watched Flight and thoroghly enjoyed it. Another film worth watching is called smashed. It's the story of a couple who start drinking together and their whole relationship then starts to revolve around booze. Then one tries to quit. I'm probably not doing it justice, but it's a very good portrayal of a relationship dependent on alcohol.

Bed time for me. Take care all

tokidoki

Hi Julyers,

Popping in again. I just had a bit of an epiphany, so thought I'd share. Today is my (late) Mom's birthday. Three years ago, she turned eighty and her friends gave her a rip-roaring party at her assisted-living home. She was always a social butterfly who loved hostessing and she was in her element. Mom had dementia, so I doubt if she remembered the next day but for a moment she was in her element.

A few days later, I got a call from her doctor that they had found a 'mass' on her pancreas and she died a few weeks later.

Bittersweet day today.

tokidoki

I wrote the above because just realized that this 'no pink cloud' thing is a probably a blessing. I am finally feeling stuff that I'd avoided.

And Shabby, thanks for your concern. The regret is about something else.

Wow, too many emotions.

DitzyDandelion

Been thinking of my mum lately. My brother is doing the bowl cancer charity event where your sponsored to grow a beard in December. But he has an double award winning beard that he is shaving off in order to participate and has been working off that to drum up more donations. Our mum passed from bowl cancer when I was 19. Reading his account of the story from his point of view that he submitted for the charity was really hard. Though out loud I just pointed out a few errors in his spelling and phrasing. Was over today and they had managed to get a copy of an old newspaper article of her that she participated in for an awareness campaign. A big deal as she hated her picture taken for anything let alone the papers. She has been on my mind a lot lately. She was only 50 when she passed away.

Upwardspiral

Wow, I've only used my smart phone to access SR until now, I didn't even realize how blank my posts must look without an avatar to represent me. So here I am, a fluffy kitten going ninja on a ball of yarn. Hope you are all well!

letitgo

Addicted to emojis

angd1978

Just caught up reading everyone's post. I hope you all are doing well tonight. I am having some tough moments here but I will not drink.

DitzyDandelion

Hugs angd. Sorry to hear your having a tough time but well done and staying off the drink.

Marcellina

Day 53 for me! Wow I cannot really believe it, and it really has not been so difficult, Trying to get sober for 10 years. Husband was told he can not drink due to liver damage and I cannot drink due to new meds so we are really doing this. But last night was the first day/night I really missed drinking. I was thinking how nice it was to come home from work and sit and have a drink on the deck. But it was never ever just 1. Turned into many and feeling like crap the next day. So I prevailed in sobriety but realizing I really need to come on here more often and not let myself "romanticize" drinking and realize it is poison to me! I am ready for summer to be over as that seems harder to stay sober then in cold, cold, winter. Catching up on posts and checking in. Glad to see so many are staying on the journey...

Dee74

Congrats marcellina

D

alreadyinuse

Well done Marcelina, that's great! The more we de romanticise the better.
Quick check in, finally escaped the four walls, gonna go to town and have lunch with son & get new school shoes!
The excitement! Lol
Have a lovely weekend all, x

alreadyinuse

UPS every time I upload a pic it's too big! Haven't the patience at the mo to do it! Will get around eventually!

BobBFree33

Hang in there angd, we are both on day 50 today. We can do this!

Congrats Marcellina!

It's a beautiful morning here in the Mid-Atlantic of the US. Not blazingly hot, so I'll be in the yard as much as I can stand it. I'll be running in the mountains during my danger zone, with the IAAF track and field champs on dvr to watch later.

I've had no AV nor cravings for a few days. I've been working to de-mythologize some of my drinking memories, to sort out the reality of the events. I'm uncovering some interesting truths about those events. It's not been hard to strip away the glamour and the false memory layers I laid down on some of those events. I've had to dig a little but in most cases where I've really delved into the memory, anything positive happened both before and after the drinking. Later....I associated the positives with the drinking when, in fact, the positives that happened, were IN SPITE of the drinking. In general we are so very easily brainwashed into believing any number of things.

Anyway, I digress; all I can say is my personal archaeological digs are uncovering some great non-drinking artifacts.

Have a great Saturday folks!

ClimbingOut1982

Going to the lake today for a family get together. It's the "sober" side of the family so it won't be hard to not drink, although AV is non-existent today so far. Ready to enjoy the boat and some sun. I hope everyone has a beautiful Saturday!!

KeyofC

Congrats to the sobriety dates! Sorry to hear some are struggling. I am trying to hang on to looking at this thing as a whole. Instead of focusing on each little issue. As a whole things are getting better. I don't know why my mind has reverted back to the fear, jealousy, and anxiety I was feeling before I quit drinking. It has and I am trying to get back to the positive feeling and just letting myself "be". It felt so good and I had it briefly in the begging of this journey. Maybe my HP is tugging on my shirt saying "pppssstttt..hey you! Yep you got some things you need to be working on. You got some emotional baggage we gotta clear up." I don't think I will be able to move past this unless I do. I don't know if I can clear this up on my own is the only thing. Does anyone do therapy? I feel like my problems are ingrained in me and I need to get this out or I will be just putting a bandaid on something that needs some surgery and stitches. Comments welcomed! (as if I thought you'd stay silent!) Lol Bring it on...my mind needs different views on this.

tokidoki

Checking in.

Angd- Thanks for posting. I've been thinking about you.

Marcellina, great job!

BobBFree- 50 days! I think that makes you, Andg, and I same-day sober buddies.

I am still struggling and my AV is yelling louder than it has in awhile. I am stirring things up and going to a kind of new-age 'music-for the soul' concert tonight. Need to pull out all stops....

I will not drink today.

Hang in there everyone!

PennyLane76

Hi Key! I tried therapy but felt it was overwhelming me with an overall life change too early on, so decided to go back to what I was doing when I had most sober days, and keep the focus on just not drinking. Everyone is different, but for me it was too many "tasks" and homework besides what I was doing in my own recovery. I did decide to take counsellor advice and check in with psych, and have appt next week. I think a lot of people do well with therapy, and I will continue again when I have more sober time. Anxiety is issue for me and the pressure of the things I was to do each week in therapy added to anxiety . Again, that is only my experience, many do well. I have issues to address, job, marriage, phase of life, but too much at once freaked me out, so I picked #1 to change for now and that should trickle to improve other issues, stop drinking. The rest I will deal with later and one by one most likely. I'm back to Day 4 Julyers, poo, but wont give in. Glad to see many of you into second month