Class of August 2015 Pt 2
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Originally Posted by Applejack 
A quick visit to say I stayed sober and had a lovely evening chatting away with my husband about all sorts. The food was amazing and worth the drive.
Home now feeling pretty proud of myself
Thank you for the support class, you will never know how much you were with me this evening.
Stay Strong X
Home now feeling pretty proud of myself
Thank you for the support class, you will never know how much you were with me this evening.
Stay Strong X
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Great to see you are all doing well. Hi, James, don't worry about a long post I have made a few myself. Sometimes that is needed to get things off your chest and that is part of what we are all here for.
Still not sleeping great and now am a firm believe in the kindling effect. Still waiting for the general feeling of doom and grief to pass. I really hope it does soon. Other than that going great.
Still not sleeping great and now am a firm believe in the kindling effect. Still waiting for the general feeling of doom and grief to pass. I really hope it does soon. Other than that going great.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 78
Day 15. Still here sober. It's morning here and I'm feeling a bit down not sure why. Still have that head cold so that's not helping . House work never ending with 3 small kids. Feel I will never be on top of it. But happy I have stayed away from wine.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 508
Morning! Willow- the housework will get done eventually. Maybe you can pick a room each day to thoroughly clean and organize? I have to brag today. Day 15 and drinking relatives came for the weekend. No problem hanging out, socializing without drinking. I actually think it's more fun. I get to see others being silly, stupid. I told them I quit as it's not fitting in with my goals of health and finances. So - some new realizations. I hardly hear from AV anymore but looking back I now think that the "You can drink a little and moderate" thought was definitely AV!!! All the rationalization like "You're not as bad as that person, you don't drink all the time, etc etc" Just AV talking. And talking and talking. I finally feel free from that constant battle and chatter in my head. I wish that all can stay strong for however many days it takes you individually to get AV to SHUT UP so you can a chance to live a better life. I also keep telling myself - you can't do the same things every day and expect change. I'm the only energized, clear, ready to rock this day person on a house with 4 adults and I'm so happy!
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Good morning everyone. Day 14.
I did not sleep well last night, and had a strange dream -- but the dream was not as weird as the first few days, I slept better than I did when I was drinking, and I did not wake up with a headache. I call it progress.
It has finally cooled off a little here, so I think I will be able to do the gardening and housework I'd like to get done today.
I did not sleep well last night, and had a strange dream -- but the dream was not as weird as the first few days, I slept better than I did when I was drinking, and I did not wake up with a headache. I call it progress.
It has finally cooled off a little here, so I think I will be able to do the gardening and housework I'd like to get done today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Day 26
I try so hard to be positive and not let myself get pulled down by the muck people will throw at you. It started yesterday. I am starting to think weekends in general are a huge trigger for me (I do work a lot of Saturdays). Another one is my husband being out of town. Another one is my sister in law being an absolute horrible person in general...mean...nasty..unhappy with herself and it oozes out all over other people...GGGRRRR. Another is being alone. My kids are all young adults and I certainly don't expect them to sit at home with me.
I used to not mind being by myself but I also used to drink a 12 pack by myself and more. I am trying to learn to be by myself.
I don't expect everyone in the world to like me or think I'm the greatest thing in the world. How do I learn to quit putting myself in front of a bus going 80 mph with the same people who appear to get enjoyment out of crushing me? How do I make myself not care when they are mean and nasty and treat me like crap? She is my family. My husband and his brother are close and own a business together. They work together and I have to be around her all the time. We even go on vacations together. I am thinking since my husband and I split last year and got back together to work things out she simply does not like me. I know my alcoholism is a big part. I try so much to keep telling myself this. I am so angry. I am hurt too but angry more than that. I have to go to the hospital today and I will see her and God how I just don't want to deal with it. Sigh....ugh.
I try so hard to be positive and not let myself get pulled down by the muck people will throw at you. It started yesterday. I am starting to think weekends in general are a huge trigger for me (I do work a lot of Saturdays). Another one is my husband being out of town. Another one is my sister in law being an absolute horrible person in general...mean...nasty..unhappy with herself and it oozes out all over other people...GGGRRRR. Another is being alone. My kids are all young adults and I certainly don't expect them to sit at home with me.
I used to not mind being by myself but I also used to drink a 12 pack by myself and more. I am trying to learn to be by myself.
I don't expect everyone in the world to like me or think I'm the greatest thing in the world. How do I learn to quit putting myself in front of a bus going 80 mph with the same people who appear to get enjoyment out of crushing me? How do I make myself not care when they are mean and nasty and treat me like crap? She is my family. My husband and his brother are close and own a business together. They work together and I have to be around her all the time. We even go on vacations together. I am thinking since my husband and I split last year and got back together to work things out she simply does not like me. I know my alcoholism is a big part. I try so much to keep telling myself this. I am so angry. I am hurt too but angry more than that. I have to go to the hospital today and I will see her and God how I just don't want to deal with it. Sigh....ugh.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Originally Posted by Zufrieden
Hi All,
I read a lot about conflict with significant others on this site. I haven't had the same overt conflict (not often at least) but I have harbored resentment and anger and I have used this resentment as a reason to drink. The old "bear it in silence and drink fantasy"...
As I am working on myself and dealing with minor relapses (not as I type this) I have realized how angry I feel and that often my anger is manifested in "self-talk" that is very damaging.
I have been re-reading a book that I bought many moons ago when my wife suggested that I go to anger management (before we even married) and it is actually really profound. It is called "Taking the War out of Words" and it might be helpful to some of you, if anger and poor communication during times of interpersonal stress is part of your issue. I have come to realize that it is not just the words that I speak to others but also the words that I use to define my existence that are really unhelpful. Here is a snippet from the description on Amazon of the book:
This book provides verbal tools for healing conflict, enhancing self-esteem, becoming more open and strengthening relationships.
That is sort of a cheesy description but I have found so much in the book.
Okay... your significant other is being a #%#%#. It happens. How we respond both outwardly and inwardly, however, is up to us. I am coming to realize that drinking in retaliation is a losing battle and that coming in hard like you would in a street brawl is also not productive in the long run. We are not in relationships to win. Why do we keep score and use it to win....? with people we are meant to love and cherish...
I am subscribing to my own concept of dealing with others as fellow "struggling souls" rather than adversaries. I know my wife loves me. I know my parents love me. I know that most of us want to be kind and generous folks during the course of our lives. I look back at my life and realize that I have been extraordinarily violent (physically to men and mentally to those I love) in my interpretation of conflicts and misunderstanding. I am also aggressively hostile to myself and my shortcomings.
This is a ramble but I just wanted to share. How I address others and myself has dramatically affected my life in a negative way.
Part of my recovery is to move past that.
Happy weekend all. I'm heading home from the office for a mineral water and lemon juice
Jonathan
I read a lot about conflict with significant others on this site. I haven't had the same overt conflict (not often at least) but I have harbored resentment and anger and I have used this resentment as a reason to drink. The old "bear it in silence and drink fantasy"...
As I am working on myself and dealing with minor relapses (not as I type this) I have realized how angry I feel and that often my anger is manifested in "self-talk" that is very damaging.
I have been re-reading a book that I bought many moons ago when my wife suggested that I go to anger management (before we even married) and it is actually really profound. It is called "Taking the War out of Words" and it might be helpful to some of you, if anger and poor communication during times of interpersonal stress is part of your issue. I have come to realize that it is not just the words that I speak to others but also the words that I use to define my existence that are really unhelpful. Here is a snippet from the description on Amazon of the book:
This book provides verbal tools for healing conflict, enhancing self-esteem, becoming more open and strengthening relationships.
That is sort of a cheesy description but I have found so much in the book.
Okay... your significant other is being a #%#%#. It happens. How we respond both outwardly and inwardly, however, is up to us. I am coming to realize that drinking in retaliation is a losing battle and that coming in hard like you would in a street brawl is also not productive in the long run. We are not in relationships to win. Why do we keep score and use it to win....? with people we are meant to love and cherish...
I am subscribing to my own concept of dealing with others as fellow "struggling souls" rather than adversaries. I know my wife loves me. I know my parents love me. I know that most of us want to be kind and generous folks during the course of our lives. I look back at my life and realize that I have been extraordinarily violent (physically to men and mentally to those I love) in my interpretation of conflicts and misunderstanding. I am also aggressively hostile to myself and my shortcomings.
This is a ramble but I just wanted to share. How I address others and myself has dramatically affected my life in a negative way.
Part of my recovery is to move past that.
Happy weekend all. I'm heading home from the office for a mineral water and lemon juice
Jonathan
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
I could not move beyond the damage with the ex but then he did a lot of things and many worse than me and many of his were sober. Once I finally detangled the times where yes I was drunk and did wrong I realized none of it made what he had done ok. Very different situation I guess but for a long time I struggled with the guilt of the harm I had done and felt so helpless at hurts I couldnt fix.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
That's where I am at. I stopped drinking for me of course. We have always had a tumultuous relationship from day 1. The latter part of this was just over a month ago when he told me I was 75% of our problems. Well I am sorry but, No. I will not accept that burden. No matter what a relationship is 50/50. I do things terrible and wrong, but so does he. So with this said, I want to see from my sober side of me...what am I doing? I want to get well for myself so that I can consciously take a long look at my life and decide what the next step needs to be. I am scared to death that the more I don't drink and the more that he does drink (even though he can drink like a normal drinker he drinks a lot) I will decide I can't do that anymore. I've seen to many times one gets better the other stays the same and as hard as they try and as much as they love each other it just can't work out. I am trying to practice "brevity" and not freak out and keep my responses short and to the point. This feeling is so enraging and so draining. I feel like I loose and loose and loose. By God I want to WIN!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Hey Key, I'm sorry you are having such difficulties with your sister-in-law. She sounds like a miserable soul. My name , benice, came from a line I told my kids every day before they went to school: don't forget to be nice! Yep, I said it every day. And it's funny how well it works. So, try to detach yourself from her. Pity is a harsh word, but have pity on her. The things she says can't really hurt you without your permission. I have another line that I love, "Sometimes you have to forgive when forgiveness is neither sought nor warranted."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Really feel for you Key. For me that was so dead already when I left I could just walk. And of course I had someone to run to (who of course is now gone). I always wished I had ended it sooner. The amount of damage and abuse and being told it was all my fault that I accepted was eroding my sense of self every day. I hope your situation isn't as toxic as that one was for me but if it is please get out.Only you know if it is causing you more harm than good. I regret so much not going years ago when there was still more of me intact.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Good morning everyone! I posted on the main board last night about a close call... it really comes out of nowhere! Anyway, I am SO glad I didn't listen to the thoughts in my head that it would be just so nice to have dinner with wine (not wine with dinner, let's be honest about how it is here, ok?)
So my kitty woke me up by head butting my face and purring at 7:30, and I fed her and am playing with her now, and making coffee, and enjoying the morning and my clear head. It is so much better to be alive, than to have suffered through another bottle of wine.
Today is two weeks since my last hungover morning.
I hope you all have a great day!
So my kitty woke me up by head butting my face and purring at 7:30, and I fed her and am playing with her now, and making coffee, and enjoying the morning and my clear head. It is so much better to be alive, than to have suffered through another bottle of wine.
Today is two weeks since my last hungover morning.
I hope you all have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Originally Posted by benice
Hey Key, I'm sorry you are having such difficulties with your sister-in-law. She sounds like a miserable soul. My name , benice, came from a line I told my kids every day before they went to school: don't forget to be nice! Yep, I said it every day. And it's funny how well it works. So, try to detach yourself from her. Pity is a harsh word, but have pity on her. The things she says can't really hurt you without your permission. I have another line that I love, "Sometimes you have to forgive when forgiveness is neither sought nor warranted."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Good morning.
My alcoholism was reignited (abused it as a teenager too) as my coping mechanism to my lying cheating ex. It was a perfect way to numb out from all the negative feelings he was causing. (He was a liar cheater and all around negative and terrible person) I'm sure if I go back to my original posts in june 2011, it'll read something like, "I've got to get sober so I can leave" and then being sober opened up this other level of clarity, like I could see the whole relationship for what it really was. I am so much better off. If I hadn't drank away my emotions I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache.
I'll caution you dandelion, I fell off sobriety hard when I started to embrace the freedom and meet new people. I met my current future hubby in a drunken haze. He smiles too much and is better than I deserve. He is a normal drinker and could care less how much I drink. I'd say the only time it bugs him I'd when I wake up shaking and crying for succumbing to another binge. Then he's comforting and supportive. Lately he's been more supportive in my trying to quit.
So, now, even though I have nothing major to drink about... I do. It's just I get that itch and, then I scratch it raw.
Cinnamon rolls are done.
Hi james, hi troy!
My alcoholism was reignited (abused it as a teenager too) as my coping mechanism to my lying cheating ex. It was a perfect way to numb out from all the negative feelings he was causing. (He was a liar cheater and all around negative and terrible person) I'm sure if I go back to my original posts in june 2011, it'll read something like, "I've got to get sober so I can leave" and then being sober opened up this other level of clarity, like I could see the whole relationship for what it really was. I am so much better off. If I hadn't drank away my emotions I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache.
I'll caution you dandelion, I fell off sobriety hard when I started to embrace the freedom and meet new people. I met my current future hubby in a drunken haze. He smiles too much and is better than I deserve. He is a normal drinker and could care less how much I drink. I'd say the only time it bugs him I'd when I wake up shaking and crying for succumbing to another binge. Then he's comforting and supportive. Lately he's been more supportive in my trying to quit.
So, now, even though I have nothing major to drink about... I do. It's just I get that itch and, then I scratch it raw.
Cinnamon rolls are done.
Hi james, hi troy!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 24
Hi all...
I think I'm in the right place. I'm on day 7, and have had massive crying, emotional arguments with OH today. I'm guessing it's because of the fact we are arguing and usually I'd be focused on other things... Like having 'fun.' anyone else been through this?
My first full sober week in seven years. Blimey
Happy Saturday everyone
J33
I think I'm in the right place. I'm on day 7, and have had massive crying, emotional arguments with OH today. I'm guessing it's because of the fact we are arguing and usually I'd be focused on other things... Like having 'fun.' anyone else been through this?
My first full sober week in seven years. Blimey
Happy Saturday everyone
J33
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